I walked past a pile of blocks on the floor and ached to be able to bend over and pick them up real fast.
I dropped a glass bowl and it shattered. It's tricky trying to maneuver kitchen rugs, my walker, and a bowl for the homemade mac n cheese I was trying to sneak while my mom was putting eve down for a nap. I had to walk away and leave the mess for my mom to clean up.
She serves me constantly with a smile. I can't think of a better caretaker. Seriously, my mom takes 24 hour really great care of me. My soul is grateful for everyone who helps me on a daily, hourly basis.
I have 3 things I'm still working on...
1. My stomach wound-- it is open and is getting better, but is still pretty sluff filled. I think it will take at least a month to heal. I pray daily for my belly.
2. My aching legs/blood clots- my legs feel like they have tourniquets wrapped around them with tiny tourniquets around my toes. Although my feet are not that swollen anymore, they are hurting numb and it feels like I'm walking on super swollen feet. Weird. Jakob and my nurse Adrienne are the only two people that can take away the pain by their massage. Hopefully this pain will go away as my feet continue to heal. There is a chance, however, that the pain may linger. Blah.
Part of the pain is from the arteries that they had to cauterize and part is the blood clots that I have. The main reason I couldn't fly to NY this week was blood clot related.
I still have a filter in a vein near my heart that needs to be removed in the next five weeks. I am completely dreading that procedure-- as in I'm absolutely terrified out of my mind if I think about it... So I try not to think about it. Sigh. I do not love blood clots.
3. My bladder- oh sweet, tiny bladder of mine. My bladder is the size of a baby's. It has fistulas coming off the top that we are hoping will heal on their own if given another month of rest.
I'm having major catheter issues- as in my catheters aren't working so my bladder is getting too full and spasming. I have urine everywhere half of the time. We don't really know why, it could be the new shape of my bladder has pockets where urine can hide out away from the catheter? It could be a user malfunction- like I'm kinking the line somewhere. Or, there could be something wrong. I'm on antibiotics for a bladder infection.
My bladder worries me. I do know that I will have long-term bladder issues. Just don't know exactly what those will be.
I guess I let myself write this long list of problems because I KNOW that these trials are temporary.
Today-- I'm a bit stressed about finding a great house in NY and learning to walk again without pain.
But, these won't always be my issues.
God will bless us, my body will heal and time will make things better.
Next week I'll have different issues and still, life will be good.
Today I hurt. I cried a bit this morning, frustrated.
But, my good outweighs the bad.
Little Ben was due for a poopy diaper. He was gassy and just needed to be held last night. Guess what?! I can hold a baby! I can swaddle him and cuddle him and spend all day in my chair lovin my little guy.
I'm a bit useless when it comes to picking up blocks or cleaning up dinner, but I'm a great match for a tiny preemie who needs a little bit of love. Being able to mother makes all my aches and pains inconsequential. Oh how I LOVE being a mother.
Hope you're enjoying your Sunday.
I love being a mom!
And, I loved these...