The weekend before thanksgiving...

Grr-- five hours of sharp pain put me back into the ER.

My husband was out of the country, so I left my eight and asked my friend's husband to drive me through the snow storm to the hospital.

I had organization piles spread throughout my house and a packed list of things to do that did not include two days of IV antibiotics.

Doctors have no idea what to do with me.  I am not about to let them cut into my quilty belly when they can't even agree if the problem is my kidney, bladder, bowels, ovaries, or aorta.  My friend says she wants me with her the next time she's in the hospital because I'm the nicest persnickety patient she's seen.  Ha!! 

No worries.  I'm just fine and so grateful to be alive.

I made it home to see Anna perform in the middle school play.  She was amazing!  I love her poise and confidence.

My mother and siblings have arrived from Vermont and Florida.  It has been over four years since I've seen my brothers and younges sister (they've been living in Germany) and it is SO good to be together again.

Ellie is annoyed that Leah and Lily follow my 16 year old sister around.  I laugh.  Anna and Ellie were the SAME way when they were younger.

My brothers look so European.  It's cute.

Drew is working hard building robots and caring for cows.

Leah is the most excited pilgrim ever.

Lily is creating Thanksgiving pictures all around the house (I've got to snap some pictures.)

Ben is into everything- literally.

Eve is my best helper.

Ellie is taking 100 selfies that look like this.

Or this.

She is also busy in select choir and as the lion in the school play.

Jakob is sick with a dumb cough that hasn't gone away.  I should have taken him to the doctors sooner.

And, I'm absolutely content with leaving my to do list for another day.

I love Thanksgiving!

I'm grateful to be sharing it with my mom and my "little" brothers and sister.

Life is good!! 

Hope you are enjoying your holidays!

Go Forth!!

I showered.

As I showered, Eve let Rocco in from the snow.

I found him laying on top of the laundry piles I stayed up late folding last night as I watched The Pioneer Woman on Netflix.

A dirty dog, a bowl of dog food, and a bone-- on top of my clean laundry!!!

Ben and Eve are covered in marker.  Eve says Ben did it, but I'm not sure how he colored on the back of his neck.

Sigh.  Toddlers.

Do you know I have had toddlers for almost 16 years?!

I just got off the phone with a friend whose youngest is 12.  She's going to the mall, Christmas shopping, ALONE.

How... Boring.  ;)

"I believe when we determine within our hearts that by and with the blessings of God our Heavenly Father we will accomplish a certain labor, God gives the ability to accomplish that labor; but when we lay down, when we become discouraged, when we look at the top of the mountain and say it is impossible to climb to the summit, while we never make an effort it will never be accomplished."  Heber J. Grant, from Daughters in My Kingdom p 179.

I am determined.

I am climbing.

I am laughing at dumb dogs and enjoying these temporary toddler days.

I had the best scripture study as I used my online search tools to study "Go Forth" in the scriptures.

Most days, I just choose to go forth.  

My best days, I shine forth.

30 But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all...

(Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, D&C 138)

As the holidays approach, I have shared with my sweet husband, my favorite  quote of mine from President Hinckley (a prophet).  

"People wonder what we do for our women. I'll tell you what we do. We get out of their way and look with wonder at what they're accomplishing." 

—National Press Club appearance, March 8, 2000

Today-- I will move mountains (of laundry), I will feed the 5000 (or 10), I will clothe the naked (buy shoes and a coat for my own orphan children), and I will prepare a place that many shall come and dwell with us for Thanksgiving.  I will also talk with Him as I travel along many roads, and serve as I sort shirt and spirit sleeve orders at the elementary school...

Ben and Eve will be my very helpful companions as I climb.

I may be shining forth or just going forth-- but I am pressing onward.

Someday I will be Christmas shopping alone.  I will appreciate every second of it.  Trust me.

I don't believe I will miss these days, because I've taken a pretty big helping of toddlers that should carry me through to grandmothering years. Ha!  

I can't tell you the peace I feel as I raise this last baby of mine.  That underlying itch that I always had, just knowing that my family wasn't complete-- that is gone.  I am at peace and my life is full.  I have loved this stage of child bearing, and I am really excited to try just plain child rearing.    

Oh toddlers.  Laundry.  Trips to the store. A house to clean.  Christmas to think about.  A list way too long and never, ever complete. 

Eight is great!

Todd's texts from Germany make me smile.

Life is good!!

Go Forth!!!

Still trying.

I took some time this afternoon to read journals from 16 years ago.  I read of my first pregnancy and the early days of mothering one and then two little boys.

I would have guessed that I was young and immature back then.  I would have told you that I have learned much since that time.  I almost laugh at how naive I was in those early mothering days.

But, guess what?  I really haven't changed that much.  It was funny reading of the joy I felt in pregnancy, birth, and night time feedings.  I loved those little ones.  I have far too many pages of self-doubt, pages of goal setting, hours of heartfelt yearning to be better.  I feel my desires and my strength.  I was a mother who desired goodness, tried, succeeded, and failed, I still am.

My goals are exactly the same.

I knew what to do then-- and I'm still trying to be as good as I wish I were.

Then and now, I lament my selfishness, my lack of self-discipline, my tendency towards distracting time wasting.  I always wish my house were cleaner, my home nicer, my time more productively spent.  I wish I were a better homemaker, cook, wife, mother, daughter, and student of scripture.  I want to serve others better.  I hate when I'm mean or dumb.  I worry about my furniture, our budget, Christmas, my extended family...

My struggles (for 16 years) have not changed!!

Maybe I'm just really slow.  Maybe we're just extra behind because we had so many kids and stayed in school so long.  Maybe this is just life.  

Maybe I will ALWAYS yearn to be better.  And, if that's true, maybe it's about time that I stop hurting because of my normal-ness.

My life is and always has been absolutely unmanageable.

I couldn't perfectly parent one child, never-mind eight.

I can't do it.

I don't have the energy, patience, or ability to do the 5,000 things that my soul yearns to do.

And, I just know that it's OK.

Christ is grateful for my effort.

He is grace.  His grace makes up the difference.

I watched a beautiful video of Christ feeding the 5,000.  

I watched it as I was avoiding making dinner for my own smaller crowd.  I was out of meat, my house was a mess, my kids were happily making creative messes, and I felt unprepared for a busy weekend.  I felt condemned and cranky that I wasn't better.  To be honest, I was having a moment of complete defeat.  I was sobbing in my feelings of not being enough...  

In the video, Christ takes the five loaves and two fishes.  He prays, "Father, thank thee for thy bounty."  There was no condemnation or judgement in His voice. None. He just blessed what they had and it was enough.

Oh how those words sank deep into my soul.

15 ¶And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals. 

16 But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat. 

17 And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes. 

18 He said, Bring them hither to me. 

19 And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. 

20 And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full. (New Testament, Matthew, Matthew 14)

Sometimes, I have fragments. Sometimes, I have a Passover meal prepared and waiting for him to use.

And, always, He takes what I have and uses it for good.

I'm the drummer boy of servants.  I give what I have even if all I have is five loaves and two fishes that need to fill 5,000.

Thank thee Father, for thy bounty.

Today, I feel filled.

I may very well spend my whole life trying to be more scheduled with my time.

I may never be perfectly kind.

I may always say things that I cringe at after the fact.  

I may always have days where I cry and wish I had one child and a housekeeper.

And-- I'm OK with that.

I'm thankful for His bounty.

So thankful and FILLED.

Life is good.

Strong-Willed and Sore

Todd is out of town and Ben had his surgery scheduled for today.

As a preemie, he was not circumcised at birth.  We have pushed it back twice now and just feel it is time.

I know circumcision is a personal and controversial decision.

My husband had a strong opinion on the subject, and I actually did too.

I know much of the Old Testament is dated, but I just don't think God would have men randomly cut themselves there if there wasn't some benefit from doing it.

We have circumcised all of our boys.

Obviously, Ben is the oldest and most difficult.  His surgery required general anesthesia.

I just KNEW that he'd be a bit of a beast coming out of surgery.  A couple of my kids had their tonsils removed and I seem to remember some gnashing and wailing.

Ben went to sleep angelically.

He drove a car-stroller into the operating room and laid on the bed happily while they put sleepy gas in a mask for him to breathe.

Sweet, sweet boy.

But oh, he woke up a BEAST!!

I could hear him from the hallway.

They called me back quickly and he was mad.

He did not want the pulse-ox on his toe, the cords on his belly, the IV in his hand.

He was loopy (they gave him twice the drugs they normally give) and ticked off.

I'm certain there was some pain mixed in with his emotion, but he sounded mad not sad.

I'm a weird mom who really appreciates the passion in my children (most of the time).  Ben's attitude made me smile.  He was assaulted as he slept, in a way, and he was not happy about it.  Oh, he was mad and not easily distracted (and I'm good at distraction).

This boy of mine is alive today because he has a fighting spirit.  (Those poor kids awaiting surgery who got to hear a bit of Ben's fighting spirit.)

For some reason, the nurse who was helping us asked if Ben was a twin.

I went to say no, but remembered, "Yes, he was a twin.  I lost his brother (I just know it was a boy) but he held on."

Ben fought for over an hour in the recovery room, he cried off and on the whole way home, and I rocked him (he's a tummy sleeper so sleeping is a bit hard) while he napped.  Tears came to my eyes at times with genuine gratitude and admiration for his strength.  I hate that he is ever in pain, but I love his grit.  

I love strong-willed children.  I love them. My children are Captains not followers.  I love that.  Ben is 17 months old, with an even older, wiser soul.  

I love busy, smart children.

I am SO grateful to be alive.  To be HIS mother.

I'm so grateful that I have older boys who have taught me it's ok to laugh at these tantrums because he will grow out of them.  You can be strong and kind, brave and good.

I have a feeling the next couple of days will be fun, for both of us.

I adore this last little boy of mine.

Don't you love being a mother?

Don't you love feeling the strength of your children's passion?

Ha!  Oh Ben-- he's a big Spirit.

I really do like them big and spunky.

I'm ready.

Life (even with a sore diaper and a cranky fella) is good!!

(These are all before pictures- trust me, there was no time for selfies after!  Ha!)

Do you have a feisty kid (or three)?

Aren't they fun?!!  

(You may have to wait a few years for the stories to gain their humor...)

Boy-- all boy.

I love.

As a newlywed I wondered why God created men and women so differently.  I thought intimacy was a bit unfair.  I felt like men got the better, easier part of creation.  It didn't make sense to me.

I spent years trying to understand why God created us the way he did.  I pondered over intimacy, exhaustion, hormones, pregnancy...  The physical sacrifice a women makes to create another human is awe inspiring.  Why?!!

Oh, how I have learned.

The world LIES to us.

The world paints men as animals with selfish lusts and desires.  Women are seen as servants or objects being used for his pleasure

The idea that men are wanting intimacy and women "have a headache" is so prevalent.  The headache mother stands next to images of Beyoncé, Brittany Spears, or a twerking Miley Cirus.  

Oh women-- we are Queens, Priestesses, holy women and divine creators.  I see so many who try to imitate holy things.  But, the counterfeit is hollow and lacking.  No imitation can compare with the real thing.  

13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: 

14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. 

15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. 

16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. 

(New Testament, John, John 4)

I have learned that physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy is divine and holy.  Intimacy is MY gift, not my sacrifice.  How grateful I am for the hormones that inspire my husband to serve me, to be close to me, to want me, to need me.  Hormones that help me to express the stress or emotion that sometimes gets bottled up inside me.  

Not everyone has someone that wants them.  It is a beautiful thing to feel loved and wanted.  Women-- be SO grateful for a husband with passion.  Love him.

My emotional sensitivity has taught my husband to be aware and to be kind.  He is a better man because he has learned to listen, to encourage, and to soothe.  He has learned to love me as I have learned to love him.  We are still learning together-- there is no other imperfect man that I'd rather learn with.  Often tears come to my eyes as I think of how lucky I am to have this man beside me.

I believe that no matter who you have picked to be with for eternity, God can help you know and love them as He loves them.  Love transforms.  I believe healing, change, and growth is possible.  I believe that charity never faileth.  I have spent 17 years of marriage praying to love my man better-- my capacity to love has multiplied.

I feel honored that I know small ways to serve and love Todd.  He spends his whole life serving our family.  There are little things I can do to serve him back.  I love finding his things-- he likes a bit of chocolate in the freezer to snack on.  He feels peace when the table is set when he comes home from work.  He is happiest when I turn towards him instead of turning away.  He is romantic.  He loves to sneak affection throughout the day.  He is a words person and appreciates little texts or love notes.  I love loving that man.

I learned early on that the more we were intimate the less-cranky my husband was.  It is absolutely magical-- intimacy takes the snippiness away from our interactions.  It took me too long to realize, that the more often we were intimate the less-cranky I am.  I need him just as much as he needs me.  That knot of stress, worry, and intense emotion just melts away when we're completely united.  Amazing!!

The best thing I can do for the spirit of my home and family is GO TO BED and enjoy it.

Intimacy is a gift.

Intimacy heals my MIND.  If we are united physically, my hormones feel balanced, my emotions are leveled out, I am happy. 

Who wouldn't want this healing, uniting every single night?!  We need to make MORE time for each other.

I absolutely know and believe this.  And STILL I have to talk myself into intimacy most of the time.  I am SO dumb.

Sometimes, almost all the time, I don't feel like cuddling.  I push past those feelings because I love him.  And, I know my mood will change.  Intimacy doesn't take too long.  It's a perfect end to a long day, or a perfect start to a new day.  ;)  I choose to govern my actions and direct my passions instead of allowing my fickle, tired, hormonal body determine what I am or am not in the mood for.  There is power in choosing to love... and feelings follow actions.

I have in my mind an image of a husband and wife kissing as they reunite.  (Something like a soldier returning from war and his wife running to him and jumping into his arms.)  He is holding her, literally.  She has her arms wrapped around his head and her legs wrapped around his waist as they kiss.  I want my husband to feel that I love him like that.  I want him to feel cherished, missed, and adored.  I absolutely feel that Todd loves me like that.  His love and security is my greatest gift.

Aside from the holy covenants we have made to each other, there is NOTHING-- not one thing, that we have done for our marriage that has blessed us more than figuring out our intimate life.

He pulls us close physically, I pull us close emotionally.  Both are essential.  Both are gifts.  God designed us perfectly.

Intimacy changes as your life changes-- it is worth the effort!!

I believe that every single successful marriage is a result of time and effort in the bedroom.  As our relationship, our lives, and our bodies change, intimacy changes.  There are good times and not so good times.  

 

It has taken us effort to figure out intimacy.  Our life together has always been good, but honestly, I'm surprised at how much effort it takes to stay united.  It's a constant worldly current that pulls us apart and we have to push through the waves to be one.

We should fight for unity. It is hard, it takes TIME, it takes communication, it takes intense vulnerability.  Unity takes healing, learning, forgiving, and sometimes even therapy.  The effort we invest into our sexual relationship just makes our time together even more sacred.

Intimacy is the BEST, BEST hard thing we've figured out together.  Intimacy has been both a huge hurdle for us to overcome and it the greatest of all acts of healing.  Amazing.

I believe in marital intimacy.

I love it.

I know that sex within the bounds of marriage IS divine.

An intimate night at home is our best date night.

It is the most holy communion we can experience in this life.

Intimacy is so fun, so unifying, so energizing, so beautiful.

If you don't know this-- you haven't experienced it yet.

Keep working at it!! 

I do not believe that all intimacy is created equal.

Anyone can eat bread and water, but it takes authority and worthiness to create a sacramental experience.

Many, many people in the world experiment with the powers of procreation.  But very few feel the holy, sacramental bond that intimacy was designed to ignite.

Oh how Satan loves the bedroom.  Keep him out.  Do not let him come between you and your spouse.  Grab hold of your spouse and don't let anything come between you.  You can do this!  

Forgive again and again and LOVE that imperfect person.  

Be pure.  

Avoid pornography.  

Forgive yourself and let yourself be loved in your nakedness, chubbiness, scars, and wrinkles.  Love loving!!

I am amazed at all our human bodies are designed to experience.  For too many years, I thought men had it better.  I was SO wrong.  

Women, we are blessed.  Our bodies are amazing, holy tabernacles.  We create life!  We are beautiful and we give pleasure!  We are programmed to feel incredible joy.  Our emotions are great gifts that help us to love deeply.  And, we are created to love and be loved.

Pure marital intimacy is beautiful and holy.

My advice to fighting couples-- go to bed!!

I told you before, the stupidest advice we ever give newlyweds is "Never go to bed angry."

Dumb.

Go to bed!!  Stop fighting and start learning how to love!!

Love changes everything and is the perfect way to end any silly argument.

Good marriage is NOT about finding or creating a perfect spouse.

Good marriage is about learning to love the imperfect spouse you have.

Start in the bedroom.

Love that man.  

Let him love you.  

Learn together.  

Serve each other.  

Have fun!!

Your unity will trump every other area of your life.  

Women-- your headaches are only hurting you!!  Honestly, 20 minutes well spent!

The worldly, raunchy, crass sexual images you see on TV will create a cheap thrill while missing the depth of intimate, loving relationships.

Help him love you.

Don't give up on this aspect of your life.

Intimacy takes time, effort, and priority-- it is worth it!!

Loose yourself and you shall find yourself.

Give a crust, you'll get a loaf.

We are designed by a divine Creator who allows trials and stretching, but has ultimately created us to feel JOY.  

Sometimes sickness or disabilities, sin or past issues keep us from experiencing this joy fully.

This is so hard.  Maybe the hardest.

We ache because we are created to love!!

Don't give up.  Go forward with hope and faith.  Someday all will be made right and we will all be blessed with healing and happiness.

The best marriages I have known have been carved from soul wrenching healing.  A difficult beginning, a steep climb, illness, divorce, sin, abuse, deep chasms to cross-- these obstacles just make the view from the top better and sweeter.  No marriage is immune from difficulty. The BEST things in life are worth fighting for.  I know it.

[Every time I lay awake typing a blog about our intimate relationship, Todd and I discuss it at length.  

Am I ok with my children reading this?  Yes, I am.  I love that my kids can read what I absolutely believe to be truth.  Am I ok with Grandma reading?  She's been there, learned that.  Strangers?  Friends from work?  Weirdos?  You know-- this world is FULL of lies and sexual corruption.  I like being a voice in the other direction.

I really am not telling you details of my intimate life, I'm telling you my testimony of marital intimacy.  Because it IS so, so, so good and important.  I tell you as your sister and friend.

I had been married a few weeks and I was in burning pain.  One afternoon, I cried to a new friend.  She told me that I probably had an infection, encouraged me to drink cranberry juice, visit a doctor, and empty my bladder before intimacy.  She helped me heal.

Years later a couple I absolutely admired said that they had been through couples therapy together.  I gasped.  Their example inspired me.

I'm sorry if this blog seems in any way irreverent or inappropriate.  This is not my intent.  My intent is to be one more positive voice in favor of pure, good intimacy.  Heaven knows every raunchy magazine at the grocery store is telling you what not to do.

I can't share with you my family, without sharing with you the very best, and hardest thing I have ever learned about creating a happy home.]

I love!!!

We need to work on our intimate lives- this is time well spent.  It's an investment that cannot be counterfeit. 

Yes, I talk way too much about what I believe.  When I try to edit it down, I just make things longer trying to say things better.  Ha!  I will never be louder than the voices that are wrong-- but I can be one small voice that is telling you or shouting with you. Cleave unto your spouse.  Be one!  Pure, unifying, marital intimacy is the best and we know it!!

Loving and learning together is so fun!

Let us go with our husband to the feet of our God.  Let us let Him fill us such that we will never thirst.

What a gift.

I do love him.

Amen.

I create.

The healthier I get, the more I create.

My soul yearns to make things.

Of all the ways I spend my time, creating beautiful things is my most selfish.

I can't justify the time I spend making a wall-hanging.

Creating is some magical equation where 1+1 equals more than 2.  

I don't know what it is.  There is holiness in splendor.  (Holiness and evil...)

There are SO many dumb crafts out there.  So many people spending too much time and too much money on things and appearances.  There is so much wealth and worldliness.  I try to tell myself it doesn't matter what your house or your clothes looks like.  I gag at materialism and feel conflicted by disparity- million dollar homes and starving children.

I'm ok just being a normal family in an average home.  I don't even apologize for sharpie stains on my couches.

And yet, my soul craves a house that reflects my level of care.  I care about my home.  I want to invite people into my home and feel proud.  Something happens in my soul when I create a beautiful space.  A jar of flowers or a pile of squash, makes my spirit happy.  

I took this picture the other night right after dinner.  Isn't that a happy mess?  If I had the dining room of my dreams, it would look different, but just a few happy pumpkins are enough for me today.  

Most of the time, creating things costs more money than buying things, and it definitely costs more time.  

Oh, the joy that comes from making!

Don't you love a home with a mother's touch?

I have resumed my long ago habit of creating at bedtime.  Around 8 pm, when my home is tidy and my younger children are nestled all snug in their beds, I push play on my free library audio book (we just finished listening to Cinder, my big girls and I).  I have been cross-stitching these days, but this is how I used to quilt.  8 to 10 or 11 is a long time to create.  When Todd is in town, he reads while I stitch.  Since he's been gone, my girls create with me.  So, so fun!!

I just think creating and homemaking is such a perfect fit.

So much of homemaking is cyclical.  A clean kitchen is dirty again in moments.  Just holding something that you've made, that can be finished, oh it is good for the soul.

I don't know why my soul craves a beautiful home?  My sharpie couches are fine.  But, wouldn't this couch be so fun?

I'm sorry my pictures are ridiculous.

You can follow me on Pinterest (I have two accounts, look for my newer one) if you want to see the things I dream of and the sources.

Today, I'm just saying that, it's good to dream!  It's good to make things beautiful.

I believe creating the house of your dreams is a somewhat unattainable mirage.  I consider myself content and hopeful.  :)

We don't have much extra money these days.  But, a sprig of rosemary or a twig of pine tree costs so little and just brings a smile.

I bought 12 more white plates at Savers (like Goodwill) the other day for $12.  I know we can eat Thanksgiving on paper plates.  But, I'm so excited to serve on ceramic.  It's ok that I don't have beautiful china (maybe someday), I can use what I can afford and make it beautiful.

I love these curtains.

Any ideas how I can get 25 yards of linen type fabric for cheap?  And, I need curtain rods cheap.  And, I want to line them so they seam full and lovely.

This is my next project.

After curtains, my dad is going to help me build two long tables and two benches.

(I want 2 long tables-- one 120x48 and one 120x24.  I'll keep the long, skinny one behind my couch like a sofa table where my kids can color and do homework, and then use that for a kids table when we have company.)

I might never get the curtains I'm dreaming of.  Probably, Christmas will take priority.  My folding tables work fine for extra seating.  You can even get pretty cute paper plates for Thanksgiving.

For me, I know that my life will never be as beautiful as it appears in my dreams.

I know I create spiritually 100 times faster than I create physically.

But, I think it's good to hope, to dream, to have a goal, to work towards something.

I think it's good to make beauty with the things around you.

A stake president once told my husband the sweetest compliment about me.  He said, "Whatever she touches turns to gold."  I love that idea.  I can't tell you how often I've thought of those kind words as I've left my touch on the world around me.  

There is something holy in making things beautiful.  I don't quite understand it yet, but I know it.  

You know, even as I lay for months in my hospital bed, I found healing in creating.  I felt the power of doing something while my ability to do was severely limited.

I did family picture books for all the years since we've taken digital pictures.  I still can't afford to print them out (let me know if minted ever has a big sale), but I know they're there.  Finished and waiting.  That feels so good.

I started my cross-stitch.  It is symbolic to me of the first "family" project I could make knowing my family was absolutely complete.  As I stitched a little boy onto my sampler, I knew that this boy might not live.  I knew I might never finish this sampler, and yet I stitched day after day while I watched BBC.  (Holy moly, I had no idea how long this huge cross-stitch would take!!)

I love it.

I love creating.

I think that is one reason why I blog.  In a sense, I'm creating everytime I post.  In my dreams, I could write beautiful, inspiring, well-edited posts, on a computer savy, updated site that has sponsors and makes me extra money to pay copays on my kids doctor appointments and helps us go on family vacations.  But, I'm not there.  I'm here.  I'm parenting eight, young, beautiful children.  I am married to a hard-working man.  We have a beautiful home and lovely yard to care for.  (It's a lot of work if you can't afford gardeners, pool guys, lawn mowers, snow plowers, driveway refinishers, house cleaners, etc.)

I type my blogs on my phone while my babies eat 6 string cheeses each.

My time is up.  My mind is flowing and inspired to fill my blessed Thursday with a little more beauty.  

As I typed that, I glanced at my bed and noticed a chocolate drool stain on my white pillowcase.  I think I'll start by washing my bedding.  Don't you love climbing into bed with freshly washed sheets?

I believe in making things beautiful.

I believe creating is more important than having, that dreaming and planning and hoping is a good thing.

I believe that it is ok to want.  I believe that as we create things first spiritually, we will be blessed with all the desires of our heart.  In time.

We are blessed to do that which we desire.  We can create that which we dream, but we must be patient with the process.  Creating takes years not moments.

How grateful I am for these years!

(I had my six month check-up with my surgeon yesterday and he pronounced me "healed and normal".  There were times I wondered if I would ever feel that way again.  I think sometimes even God's creation takes time.)

Life is beautiful and good!

(Want to come over and make a fall wreath with me?)

Happy Halloween 2014!

I love this gangly bunch!

Halloween was lovely this year.

School parties, beautiful crisp fall weather, a sweet festive town, just the right amount of candy, and a town reanactment of Thriller to top the night off.

Hope you had a spooky day!!

This Life is good!!!!!!!!