There is one thing that I find magical about pregnancy, and that is how well the last trimester prepares you for life with a newborn. As your belly grows, your body naturally slows down. You have less energy and thus begin to sit more, lay down in the afternoons, gravitate to bed when your children are sleeping...
Night time sleep is not what is once was. Being 8 months pregnant and tired, I am amazed again at how difficult it is for me to sleep. First of all, it's hard to find a comfortable position for too long. Second, I'm hot. Third, when I do find that perfect position, my mind seems to race with baby names or lists of things I need to do before the baby comes, or ways that I can apologize to my sweet older children for my cranky retorts of the day. I often find myself awake in the middle of the night staring at the clock... 1:07am, 4:12 am, 5:15am, etc.
The truth is, I LOVE this. Why? Because I KNOW it is all part of the plan. There is something perfect about a third trimester mother gently transitioning into slower days and less rest at night... a PERFECT preparation for the day when a newborn will nap throughout the day and graze throughout the night. Although it is difficult, it is preparatory. And, I think it's beautiful.
I really, really adore evening babies. There is something magical about waking up at 2am with a precious, wide-eyed baby. When the whole house is quiet aside from the occasional sleeping sound or laugh from another room. And, it's just me and my suckling baby and dreams of tomorrow. I LOVE night time babies.
I love waking up as I try to roll over with a 8 month belly, all tangled in my blankets. I love the quiet of the night-- with all my kids asleep and safe. My husband's funny night sounds-- he closes his lips just enough so that you can hear them flapping as he breathes in and out. I love how he always cuddles close to me if I reach out to him. I love the stillness of my spirit in the middle of the night, and how any time i think of my baby she will kick back at me.
There is something nice about that day when you wake up realizing that you have actually slept through the night-- a whole 8 hours, without any interruptions. (This takes awhile-- because even if my babies are good sleepers, I still sleep shallow enough to hear them if they do squirm in their sleep.) Sleep is good. But so are quiet nights, when you are alone amidst those you love... preparing for change.
The ironic thing about this post is that I have babies that quickly sleep through the night. Often, I find myself holding my sleeping baby, knowing that she would sleep well if I would just lay her down... and I do. But, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY love that time we get to spend together.
And, just FYI-- I do not sleep with my babies. I did this with my first four kids and I created children that could not sleep on their own. Our nights were horrible. Our intimate life suffered-- first, because we were always tired from not sleeping well and second, because we never really had time alone. Now, I have a small bed in my bedroom where my babies sleep for the first 3 months or so. I'm very good at waking up and caring for my baby and putting her back to sleep in her own bed, all swaddled and perfect. My babies sleep on their tummies. (Even the NICU nurses put my babies on their tummies-- this is the only way they will sleep for a long time.) And, I love the Baby Wise philosophy-- Eat- Awake- Sleep, Eat- Awake- Sleep. But, I think the BabyWise book is a bit extreme. Remember, I'm not good at extremes. And, I don't believe children are ruined by inconsistency. So, some days my kids snuggle in. Sometimes, my babies cry in their cribs. Sometimes, I hold them all night long and never lay them down. Sometimes, I rub their back until they fall asleep and MOST of the time, I swaddle them and lay them down awake so they can peacefully fall asleep and learn to fall asleep on their own. I'm also NOT a pacifier mother. When my babies are hungry, I feed them. When they are tired, I put them to sleep. I think most babies are fussy when they need something and content when they are taken care of. Saying that, I probably should have used a pacifier with some of my more fussy kids-- oh the hours I spent rocking those little stinks.
Have I told you how excited I am to meet this new little girl?
She'll probably have colic and cry all night long and I'll read back on this post and laugh at myself...
but, that's life!
Right now, I love to feel how we are making room for another... it's a growing process, but a really fun transition time.
hey jeni, question....do you swaddle them tightly AND put them on their stomach?
ReplyDeleteI either swaddle and put on their back, or I put them on their stomach unswaddled, but they always sleep fitfully with gas and straining, maybe I need to try swaddling AND stomach at the same time? Do you swaddle tight with arms at their side, if so? I need answers!
yup... i swaddle and put them on their tummy, face to the side.
ReplyDeleteseriously, even in the hospital, my babies were swaddled on their tummies. i asked the nurses and they said it was ok because they were on monitors-- but i laughed. because they knew what i knew-- my kids ALL have slept 100% better on their tummies. (It feels the same to them as when i carry them around on my tummy in a pack.)
I like the thermal, stretchy blankets or flannel blankets that can swaddle so tight, with arms down. Sometimes they fight against the swaddle, but that just makes them more tired. :)
My favorite sleep advice is, feed them when they WAKE UP, the next time they fuss, they are TIRED (not hungry). Wrap them, rock them for a few minutes and lay them on their tummies (awake). They will go right to sleep and learn quickly the pattern-- sleep, eat, awake. NOT sleep, eat, awake, eat, sleep. It is better when you don't FEED a tired baby.
(although sometimes you just do because it's easier and they do seem hungry, and that's fine too.) I think this pattern just helps you know WHY the baby is crying... hungry or tired. Most of the time babies cry because they are tired. And, when you follow that pattern, people think you are MAGIC. With your babies and their babies.
Good luck!!
ps. i'm sure there are people who will disagree with this advice. I did on demand nursing with my first four kids... they nursed off and on all day and all night, in bed with me.
ReplyDeletethe result- i nursed ALL day and ALL night and i had fussy kids who didn't sleep well. i thought they were more attached, but I think they just never learned how to fall asleep on their own. i spent HOURS trying to bounce and cuddle them to sleep.
my last two, i did sleep, eat, awake, sleep, eat awake... they were AMAZING sleepers and i LOVED every second of their life. i didn't EVER feel that frustrating "i'm feeding you all day" feeling, they quickly found a nice schedule, and were the happiest, content babies i've EVER had.
but, every baby is different. AND my first four kids are not ruined!! we'll see what this baby brings...
oh, and with my last two, i did NOT hold them until they were asleep and then try to transfer them quietly to bed without them knowing... i laid them in bed AWAKE and let them fall asleep on their own.
ReplyDeleteThey really learned quickly how to go to sleep and they were HAPPY, EASY sleepers.
one note-- my first four were easier to rock to sleep at church, because they were used to being held while sleeping. my second two, just laid down in their bed to take a nap, so they didn't rock to sleep at church very well. (I would just lay them in their car seat and cover the top with a blanket and they'd go right to sleep.)
note two-- there came a point with my first four where i had to let them CRY for hours through the night... it was usually when they were 2 or 3 or 4 and we had had enough of their horrible bedtime patterns. my last two kids cried a bit as babies when i'd lay them down awake (sometimes they fuss a little, but most of the time they just fall asleep). But, they never had the hour long screaming sessions that my older kids had once i finally couldn't stand the hour long bedtime routines.
does this make sense?
hah-- and one more comment for you laura--
ReplyDeleteit takes 3 months til life feels NORMAL with a new baby.
give yourself TIME!!
you're so sweet, thanks jeni. I have read a couple books recently, one being baby whisperer, and she does the same thing, Eat, Activity, Rest...put them to bed awake. I've been doing it but he still wakes up ALL the time with gas issues, all my babies have had GI issues.
ReplyDeleteI just put him to sleep about 45 minutes ago SWADDLED & ON STOMACH and he has stayed asleep...you may have saved me! I'll let you know.
Pacifiers saved me with my first colicky baby, second baby didn't take one and it was AWFUL, and this one is taking one and it really does help with his fussiness, we'll see.
I'm excited for you to meet your little one too, their is NOTHING like going to L&D and pushing baby out, the smell of the baby, the hospital meals you eat b/c you are SO famished, etc!
Hi Jenifer. I am a new "stalker" :) I usually never comment on the blogs I read just to read, but I thought I would let you know that I am really enjoying your view on parenting, birthing, and life in general. One of my favorite posts so far (now I am sounding REALLY stalkerish) is when you wrote about how the right thing for you is not the right thing for me. And that is okay. It was just what I needed to hear. Thanks for letting us strangers take a look at your personal life. I love how blogging allows strangers to inspire us! Take care and good luck with your (hopefully) natural birth of #7 :)
ReplyDeletethanks taryn-- i LOVE stalker comments... i see that lots of people read this blog and i always wonder who reads it and why.
ReplyDeleteso, nice to meet you... consider us friends and your little one is SO cute. (glad her surgery went well!)
I will remember this, and probably go back and reread this several more times when we have our next one! Oliver's always had a tough time sleeping and had pretty bad colic from months 2-4 1/2. I think the lady with 7 awesome, successful kids might know something I don't! :)
ReplyDeletemy first was a stinker too... it's nice that we can give them all the time they need! oliver is SO cute, and he'll be an awesome big kid too! Just watch.
ReplyDeletep.s.....you did save me! zane is sleeping great during the day, still not so much at night, but better! he's still majorly gassy and bloated, but sleeping much better swaddled on his stomach! thank you!
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