the art of waiting.

nope- not me. i'm bigger. without fake nails.

i feel like i'm in a twilight zone.
it's peaceful.
and exciting.
and scary (if i let myself go there).

my body is doing things beyond my control.
i feel great forces at work-- like the rumblings of a volcano about to erupt.
sometimes i cry at odd times (just quiet tears coming out my eyes)
sometimes i find myself walking in circles. (not panic, just restless)
sometimes i need to talk through my strong emotional waves.
my rumblings are not external-- they are very internal.
a quiet intensity i can feel in my veins.
i know, something is happening.

i'm intrigued by sleep.
i have slept better the past two nights then i have my whole pregnancy.
dead- rejuvenating sleep.
and slept at weird times.
i'll be up and happy and this tired fog will come upon me quickly.
i smile to my sweet husband and say with blurred speech- i think i'm going to lay down.
an hour or two later i wake up... in awe.
napping is not something i have been able to do this pregnancy.
the past two days i have felt my body preparing.

on Friday, my OB said I was 3cm dilated and 60% effaced.
the baby's head is engaged but still high.
he scheduled an appointment for next Friday, but said,
"I'm pretty sure I'll see you before then.  Do you have my cell phone number?"
hmm...

i know what "contractions" feel like.
those are the things that come at night when i'm watching tv.
it's like the blowing up of a balloon...
i feel my tummy tightening, tingling and becoming hard.
after a few minutes, it relaxes and deflates.
i know that feeling.
i'm not feeling that these days...

i feel very crampy-- tummy ache cramps.
solid pressure, movement, heaviness.
sometimes, it takes my breath away.
sometimes, my tummy is contracted.
i imagine if i was in the hospital, hooked up to monitors, they would be telling me "you're having a contraction, can you feel that?"
but, i'm still not feeling the tightening and loosening that i know as "contractions."

i believe this is phase one.
and, i've never been here before.
i'm certain that i will know when things get moving.
i think things will move quickly.
until then, i am enjoying the rumbling...
and the mental preparation.

i held a 5 week old little girl at church yesterday
i melted.
i can't believe i'm having a baby.
someday.

today, i'm waiting... and experiencing... and enjoying my other six distractions
and reading Fablehaven (my boys passed in on with high recommendations)
and resting.
and cleaning, again.
and experiencing this leg of the journey.
 we'll see where I go from here.

ps.
it's spring break.
the professor and i compiled a list of fun/free things we can do with our kids each day...
need some ideas?
here's our list... (it is NOT profound)
make cookies
paint a picture
get out the play-doh and have the whole family play
do a big puzzle
play board games, or card games, or farkle
leave the house once a day
go on a family bike ride
go to the park
bring fishing poles, and corn and go fishing in the lake by the park
fly a kite
visit a pet store
go to the mall, let the little girls play at the play place and give the big kids $5 to spend (in pairs)
have a picnic
go play tennis
throw a Frisbee
set up some targets in the back yard and let the kids shoot arrows at it
go on a hike
make ice cream sundaes or home-made blizzards
have a paper airplane throwing contest
paint fingernails
go to the library
play with friends
go swimming at the gym
i believe i'll be doing more of the nail painting and the professor will be doing more of the bike riding...
although, a little bike ride might be just what my body needs...  :)
what's on your list?