Monday, April 4, 2011
I was 42 weeks and 3 days overdue with my seventh child. I had been dilating and having random contractions (not more than one an hour) for the past 3 weeks. I really, really wanted to go into labor without being induced-- so I was not excited on my trip to the hospital. I had been induced on my previous six births. The first four I delivered vaginally with an epidural, and my last two were emergency c-sections. I had a wonderful doctor who was willing to attempt a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 c-sections)... and I was hopeful, but nervous. I knew that my best chance for avoiding another c-section was to not be induced, and to not have an epidural. In preparation for a natural childbirth, Todd and I had ordered hypnobabies home study kit around Christmas time. We were pretty good at studying together and I listened to a hypnosis track almost every night in the months leading up to this day. I was never fully converted to hypnobabies-- I'm not a big "light switch" fan and I had a hard time feeling that any of my visualization techniques were really helping. I was very hesitant to tell people that we were planning on using hypnosis during birth. I discussed things casually with my doctor but was hesitant to present him with my birthing plan because I didn't want to be offensive to him. And, I was NOT going to post a sign on my labor and delivery door announcing a hypnobabies birth. But, listening to the tracks was very relaxing and interesting to me and I really did do my hypnobabies homework. I would say I was a hopeful, hypnobabies sceptic. My husband on the other hand LOVED hypnobabies. He would often listen to the relax track to fall asleep at night. He was a firm believer and told anyone who would listen about the program.
7:15 am-- We arrived at the hospital. I still wanted to change my mind about being induced and go home. At the nursing station I told them I wanted to go natural and asked for a nurse that liked natural births. The two nurses I got were very young. One said she had only seen one other natural birth and that she thought it was neat. I also had a student nurse ask if I minded if she watched. She had never seen a live birth before. I changed into my hospital gown and they hooked me up to an IV. My doctor explained that because of my previous c-sections they were going to start out the pitosin very slowly.
8:30 am-- They started dripping 1 mL/hour of pitocin into my arm. I began having regular contractions about one every 10 minutes-- very light, but regular contractions. After 30 minutes, he upped the pitocin to 2 mL/hour. The nurse told me that for a VBAC they would not go over 20 mL/hour... for a regular induction they may go to as high as 30 mL/hour. My doctor continued to up the pitocin one mL every half an hour. He had a meeting at 11:30am and predicted that my baby would be born before then. Everything was progressing so nice and slowly I told him I thought he would be able to go to his meeting. Both my doctor and the nurses asked what I was listening to on my ipod. I let them hear my "birthing day affirmation" track and Todd explained a little bit about hypnobabies. My attitude was still, what can it hurt?
11 am-- This is the first time I was checked. I was 6 cm dilated and 80% effaced. They were dripping 6 mL/h of pitocin into my arm and I was having regular contractions. I was listening to easy first stage hypnobabies track on my ipod. And, this is where I sound weird. I can honestly say that not only did my contractions NOT HURT, they felt good. For real. I had been wanting contractions so badly for the past month, that when I finally felt my body contracting I was so excited. Before every contraction, I would feel this sensation wash over my body. It was almost like getting the tingles-- and it felt good. I knew I was about to have a contraction and I could prepare myself for the approaching tightening. If I focused on breathing with my belly, I was able to alleviate any discomfort in my abdomen during the contraction. And, the contractions were so regular that I always had time to rest and laugh with my husband and the nurses before I would feel another one coming on. I kept thinking of my hypnobabies birthing day affirmations and laughing at myself "after each pressure wave ends you smile knowing you are closer to meeting your baby." For real, that is how I felt.
12:15 pm-- My doctor was at a meeting and an on call doctor came in to check me. On the monitor he could see that my baby's heartbeat was dipping low with each contraction. I was 9 cm dilated and fully effaced. They had stopped increasing the pitocin and I was receiving 8 mL/hour. This doctor felt that I was probably ready to deliver. He said it was the fastest labor her had ever seen. I felt like I still had some time. Up to this point I was still REALLY enjoying my birthing experience. I kept waiting for it to get hard. The contractions were getting harder to manage. I really had to concentrate on what I was doing to be sure they didn't hurt. I wish I could remember more of what I was thinking, but I can say I never hit "transition" where I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. It really wasn't even that hard yet. But I will say, it was around this time that I announced, "Do you remember those other labors when I said my epidural didn't work? I lied." I knew that the pressure I was experiencing was something that I had never felt in any of my previous births. I kept listening to my ipod and breathing through the contractions. I was waiting to feel my body telling me it was time to push... that never came.
My doctor came quickly from his meeting and checked me. He said that I was very dilated and that the water sac was between my baby's head and my cervix. I had no pressure on my cervix. He was hesitant to break my bag of waters because he could not gauruntee that the cord wouldn't prolapse. Because the baby's heartbeat was dipping with each contraction and she was still not engaged in my pelvic bone, he was pretty certain that she was tangled in her cord. He told me it was time for me to push.
This was the only time that I went a little anxious. I really had to pee. I kept trying to get my doctor to let me go to the bathroom. He told me to just pee, but that I couldn't get up because I had no cervix to hold my baby inside of me. He wanted me to push and I was certain that I would be able to push better if he would let me sit on the toilet. He was not so excited about delivering a baby on the toilet. I also remember asking to take off my dumb blood pressure cuff. He said that was fine, considering my blood pressure was so low. And, I took off the oxygen monitor that was on my finger. I really needed to concentrate with every contraction. My student nurse had a friend that also wanted to watch my delivery. I told them I didn't mind if they came in, but they could not talk at all. My husband was very present, but very much an observer. Once he tried the hypnobabies cue-- putting his hand on my shoulder and saying the word "Relax". I started laughing, right in the middle of a contraction. I just told him, "Thanks, but not so helpful." We laughed together for a minute.
Many people say that they loved the pushing stage. Not me. It was by far the hardest part of labor for me, even though it only lasted about 30 minutes. I had no pressure on my cervix, because of the big, bag of waters that was between my baby's head and my cervix. Also, because I was laying down I really had no pressure at all on my cervix and no feeling to push. My contractions were really strong and long and intense. I felt nervous and confused. My doctor told me to push and I did. My husband said he could see the bag of water start to come out. It really helped me to have him tell me what was going on. My doctor said, "Jen, you really need to push now." He was worried about the baby's dipping heart rate. I pushed a few times and was really grunting as I pushed. After I would grunt, I would apologize for being loud. Everyone was laughing at me telling me not to apologize. In between contractions I was worried that another laboring mother would hear me and be scared. My doctor said, "Oh Jen, we put you far away from any other mother." I think he was joking. Another contraction and another push. My doctor said, "Stop trying to breathe out the baby and just give me a big push." I pushed big and the water came out. Later my husband told me it looked like a baseball-sized, latex glove that was full of water that protruded out from my cervix. The bag pushed out and then burst, in the next couple of minutes the head came out and my doctor said, "Slow down your pushing." I remember just pushing hard and thinking, this does feel like a big poop. I really didn't know what was going on so I appreciated my husband's narration-- "The head is right there. Now the head is out. Wow Jen, you did it." I just pushed really hard. When my doctor told me to go slow I thought, "Yeah right." I pushed the water, and the head, and the body all in one push-- I didn't stop when the contraction ended.
1:22 pm-- Baby eve was born. I just wanted to see her so bad. They were untangling her from her cord and I could hear her cry. They handed her to me and I just remember thinking how darling she was, and how I couldn't believe I had just given birth to her. I really did it-- I was induced and didn't have an epidural. As I held her I didn't feel this amazing great feeling that many people describe. But, I just felt normal. I didn't feel like I just had a baby, I felt normal and that was surprising to me.
Delivering the placenta and getting my one stitch was probably worse than my whole labor. It just hurt and I wanted to be left alone with my baby. Eve was bright eyed and she nursed for 15 minutes on each side right after birth. I was able to get up and go to the bathroom. I stood by her when they weighed her and bathed her, and I felt good. My husband was so excited. He kept commenting about how amazing the birth was and how quickly I was up and at it. The nurses said they had never seen a birth as calm as mine. My doctor said, "You really have a high pain tolerance." That made me laugh, because I don't.
I couldn't believe that it was over. I had given birth vaginally after 2 emergency c-sections without an epidural. And, it wasn't even hard. I think I was in shock. I kept waiting for natural childbirth to be the excruciating pain that everyone talked about, and for me, it just wasn't that bad. Pushing was frustrating but not horrible. Later, my doctor told me that if he had broken my water I would have had to have another emergency c-section. Eve was wrapped all up in cord, it was around her neck and her body. Because the water was intact until miniutes before her birth, she was never laying directly on her cord cutting off her blood and oxygen supply. Both of my previous c-sections were due to cord issues. And, prolapsed cords due to artificial rupturing of my membranes. My doctor said, "If you have another baby, do NOT let them rupture your membranes." I am so grateful for a wise doctor who induced me slowly, and let me labor as naturally as possible.
I also have to give credit to hypnobabies. My birthing experience was beautiful. I'm certain that hypnobabies played a huge role in alleviating my fears, keeping me calm, teaching me how to handle each pressure wave and re-programming my mind to feel joy not fear with each contraction. Although sometimes I felt silly practicing my self-hypnosis, I really used each of the techniques I had learned about sometime during my birth experience (even the light switch). I was grateful to have ideas of how to stay calm. And, because I was induced and hooked to an iv, all of my laboring was done in a hospital bed. Even though I was unable to move around, I was able to avoid pain by keeping my body calm and relaxed. Today I would say my birthing experience was pain free. But, I do remember thinking while I was laboring, "this is pain".
How grateful I am for my birthing experience.
It was miraculous.
I gave birth vaginally after two emergency c-sections.
I was induced and still delivered without an epidural.
I never lost contol.
I experience natural childbirth and enjoyed it.
I learned that childbirth is a beautiful, natural, gift.
My baby is perfect and I thank God every minute for her.
This is our story, and it is only the beginning.
Eve Antonina
7 lbs. 8 oz. 20 inches
