i love this gay married man.

i have always known i would go back to school to get my phd someday.
i am INTRIGUED by social science.
as an undergraduate i had an amazing opportunity to do research on families with disabled children.
our study was one of the first studies to actually report on the BENEFITS that a child with a disability has on the family.
we interviewed siblings and parents and the disabled children themselves.
it was a beautiful study.
an important study-- because all the research up to that point was leading to the conclusion that children with disabilities should be ETHICALLY aborted or discarded for the betterment of society.
(this is not that far-fetched... have you heard of Hitler?  have you seen the orphanages in China?)

in our country, academic research really does shape legislation.
research studies are quoted as "truth"... it takes a careful eye to notice the weaknesses of certain studies.
it is so important that there are ethical researchers and that appropriate conclusions are made from the research that is presented.
OFTEN the loudest voices in the public media are those who do not share judeo-christian values.
your value system does impact your perspective and your interpretation of causality and application.
(take the example of the last article i referenced where a woman with a failed marriage concludes that government should make it illegal to marry young.  her value system shaped her experience and thus her application as it related to what government policy should be.)

because i am intrigued by social science and behavior i am intrigued by the current homosexual/lesbian conversation.
i have said before that i personally know those with a same-sex gender attraction.
i know families where the father is openly gay and happily married.
i know gay mormons, good, good people.
i believe it is both a GENETIC TENDENCY and a lifestyle choice.
i DO NOT think every gay person should marry against his or her sexual tendency.
i don't.
just like i don't think that every couple who is sleeping together should get married.
nope.
i do believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.
That children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony.
i don't believe it is a sin to BE gay.
i also believe that God has given us the law of chastity for our own happiness.
whether or not you are heterosexual or homosexual.
sex, outside of marriage, leads to unhappiness and heartbreak.
i do believe that true, eternal health and happiness will come as we bridle our passions and are filled with TRUE love.

Pornography, adultery, child abuse, anger, lust, greed, selfishness, gluttony, laziness...
We have MANY natural passions that will lead to unhappiness if we act upon them.
it is not a sin to feel anger.
you are not a sinner if you are inclined to addiction and struggle to stay free from the grasp of drugs or alcohol.
in fact, that struggle might actually make you stronger and more empathetic than someone who has never struggled.

we all have trials in life.
trials do not mean that you are weak or sinful.
BUT, it also doesn't mean that you don't have a choice.
you ALWAYS have a choice.
tendencies do not determine your actions.
agency is a gift of God and can not be taken away.
weaknesses can be overcome or at least subdued.
this process creates strength.
your weaknesses can become one of your greatest strengths.
i don't believe this life is about being what you are born...
it is about strengthening your goodness and become better than your natural tendency.

Even in a regular, heterosexual marriage, our lusts must be bridled for true happiness.
I do believe in God, I believe in prophets, I believe in absolute moral law...
But OH how my heart aches for those that struggle.
I KNOW that those that i have met with same-sex attraction have not CHOSEN that struggle (at least not in this lifetime).
But, just like those i know who battle addiction or eating disorder-- they do have a CHOICE.
They can choose and they have a Savior that can HELP them.
Not that they will have their trials taken away... but that they might have their backs made stronger so they can bear their difficulties with ease.
i know this is possible.

so, here are two articles that i have been intrigued by lately.
The first is a report of a behavioral science study about the children of Gay and Lesbian same-sex relationships.

aren't these results interesting?
this just makes SENSE to me.
(although i am surprised that 31% of children raised by lesbian mothers report being forced to have sex against their will.  sad...)
i love that this study compares INTACT biological families with lesbian mother families, step families and single parent families.
what an interesting study.

(do you want me to be honest with you?  i think the lack of moral absolutes that come from a lesbian mother are more damaging when raising a child than the fact that the child is raised by someone who sleeps with a woman.  in my opinion, teaching morality is essential in raising successful children.  there is right and wrong. there is good and evil. you can teach these truths to your children or have them learn for themselves the hard way.)

Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of marriage and to be raised by parents who honor their marital vows with complete fidelity.
For most of my life i was raised in a home without a father... i firmly believe that children deserve to be raised in a home with both a father and a mother.

I'm linking to TWO reports of this study...
I think both do a good job of reporting the study without making any broad implications from it.
They are just refuting the implications made from prior studies that suggest (by only comparing a limited group of same-sex couples to other poorer single families) that kids are BETTER of in same-sex families.

You can read the study here... from Fox News.  As reported by Dr. Keith Ablow.

You can also read the Deseret News report here (this is a Utah newspaper.)

But, if you only read one thing from this random post... READ THIS!!!!
i LOVE this essay and i LOVE this couple for having the courage to talk about it.

Club Unicorn: In Which I Come Out of the Closet on Our Ten Year Anniversary.

This is my favorite article EVER written by a happily married GAY man and his wife.
i love it.
i agree with it.
and, i think i should come out of the closet myself (again)...
i'm not sure i would get turned on if i saw a room of naked women or men.
if i based my relationship with todd on purely physical passion-- we would never have made it through the hormonal ups and downs of seven plus pregnancies and years of being physically exhausted.
marriage is more than hormones.
true love... true passion... is NOT just a result of our genetic hormones.
it is so much more than that.
i firmly believe this man.
and, i believe he CAN have a beautiful marriage.

both LOVE and morality are essential for a society to thrive.
if we keep the commandments we will prosper as a nation.
i just know it.