thou shalt not covet.

1. the professor finds beauty...

i take pictures all the time.  it is rare for the professor to exclaim, "quick, get me the camera."
today, he found beauty.

2. did i tell you, I LOVE WATER COLORS!!??

3. cute, sick boy.

ps.  i HATE doctors who make me take each kid in... when THREE KIDS in a family have strep, and another one comes home from school with a sore throat, chances are, IT'S STREP.  please.  just call in a damn prescription.  HATE it.
4.  note to self-- Lily doesn't like V8

and... some more random deep thoughts.
5.  my hardest commandment... THOU SHALT NOT COVET.
it's hard for me.  i have this slippery slope.
life is good...
     i'm grateful for...
            i'm content...
                  i'm wanting...
                         someday i'll have...
                                i'm coveting...
                                     and, my life stinks.
it's hard not to covet.  it's hard to be content.  and, it's hard to remember to be grateful.
but when i slip into the i wants...  everything sucks.  there is no relief.
i can spend $500 at target and there is no relief... it's a hunger that spreads quickly... from one thing to the next... you finish one project only to list out 10 more that you want...  coveting is an unsatiable hunger.
gratitude, on the other hand, is filling.  no matter how much is on your plate, it seems like more.  life is enough.  your cup runneth over.  with a grateful heart you are full on less and happy.  less is more.

there are times when i feel very, very poor.  i do a very good barefoot and pregnant mormon martyr impression.  these days i envision myself "holding on to the iron rod"  walking towards the tree of life, the love of God... many are pressing forward nobley, and me... writhing on the ground, crying, saying "but it's just so hard"  over and over.  finally, some dear friend may glance at my self-pity tantrum and say, "Jen, why don't you just stand up and walk... it's really not that bad without all the drama."  a lightbulb moment.  i rise and walk, and it's not that bad.  till a few days later when i forget and lapse into my "it's just so hard to fold laundry pity party."  there are times when i can't stand my children, my husband, my life. i want to escape forever in an expensive, clean, italian villa with just ME, alone, with lots of books, fancy clothes.  maybe meet a rich, graduated Mr. Darcy?  (ps.  i would just love him and leave him.  because i've NEVER tried the bad girl role.  and, everyone needs a few bad girl stories in their repetoire') 

but, there are days when i feel rich.  honestly, richer than queens and kings.  (i've NEVER coveted the life of Princess Diana.)  never.  there are days when i hold my chubby babies, cuddle with my girls, laugh with my boys, just be with my prince... and i am eternally content.  not just content, grateful.  there are moments when i look around at the kid art framed on my walls, the girls coloring at my counter, the girly love notes hidden under my pillow, the piano music overflowing it's basket near my garage sale $200 piano... and i KNOW that my life is EXACTLY what i always wanted.  there are moments (like this) when i LOVE laundry.  i am a joyful mother of children.  i have a great man beside me... i have NEVER met one i adore more.  a beautiful home.  we are blessed.  i am rich.


today i shall not covet.  i shall give thanks.
and, count my many blessings.
and pray for a content heart.
i will enjoy my todays, not spend today dreaming of somedays...

today.  i will be grateful and full.

ps.  as i was feeding my brood lunch, putting the babies down for naps, and picking up the toys scattered throughout my living room, i thought of another thing i'll do today...
today.  i will enjoy being YOUNG and not wish i was ALL GROWN UP.
i imagine that many of my desires today will be realized tomorrow...
the trick for me... be patient, be grateful and enjoy the moments.
i love what i am today.
and, i'm patient to see what i'll be when i'm all grown up.
and, i love what we all are today... my kids, my husband, my friends...  how fun to see what we all become as we grow up.