3 days till Christmas... it's a wonderful life.

this Christmas has been wonderful...

it has also been VERY tight.

our Christmas budget was $250- for 6 kids PLUS my brothers and sister who will be here on Christmas morning.

plus, any gifts we send to family, teachers gifts, christmas cards... it all came out of our meager budget.

i don't know how we did it.

our in laws did send money for us to buy gifts from them... they doubled our budget.

for the past 2 weeks we haven't had much in our checking accounts.

(we've since come into a little bit of spending money...)

it's humerous when we are asked to send $5 per child for the end of the year pizza party... or to pick up breakfast pizza for another party, and we know it's not happening.

um.  do you mind if i MAKE a pizza for the class.

the teachers think i'm all fancy... the truth is... i'm just broke.

guess what-- if you spent Christmas with us, you would never know this is our meager christmas.

you wouldn't.

because our life is full.

honestly, we will never forget this time in our lives.

life is good.

my tree is brimming with Christmas goodness.

our suburban started flashing the message "battery not charging"

we drove on- hoping to make it till January.
last night, as we were secret santa-ing... it died.
we got a jump.
it died again... and remained dead.

i kept thinking...how, even with these funny stories, it's still a wonderful life.

we get student loans at the beginning of the new year.

here is our list of things "to do" with our loans when they come

-fill a cavity

-get a crown

-pay for an alternator/new battery

(i was prepared to wait to fix our Suburban... using our small car and just taking two trips wherever we had to go... but, the professor spoke to our mechanic and he agreed to fix now and accept a check dated January 1st.)

-get a new fuel pump-- we've been putting off this expense

-pay back for the lent Christmas spending money

-sign the boys up for basketball

-the professor and i had promised to buy each other a Christmas present- after we get our loans

- buy an iron (ours broke at the nativity)

-buy a blender (ours broke last week-- no fruit smoothies for me... it's killing me!)

yup, our whole student loan will be spent by January 10th!!

financial concerns affect my husband more than they do me.
he feels like a failure when our cars break down.
i know this is temporary and i think it's funny... most of the time.
most of the time, i am so grateful for our journey together and i just keep thinking... someday this will be a great story.
always, things work out.  we are so blessed.

yesterday, i had a long phone chat with my aunt.
she told me of a conversation she had with one of my cousins...
she asked my cousin what the number one quality was that she was looking for in a spouse.
my cousin answered, "Well Traveled."
the importance of seeing lots of different places so that your perspective is broadened.
i smiled at that response.
but, i've been thinking about it.

before i got engaged, i had planned to do study abroad in Jerusalem
i met todd, fell in love, and chose to get married... forgoing my study abroad.
we had been married for a year and had a friend who invited us to visit him in Jerusalem.
we saved up... and i got pregnant.  Jakob was my second trip to Jerusalem.
Although the professor did live 2 years in Germany, and almost married a girl from England who spoke 3 languages... i'm glad he picked me.  A VERY untraveled girl whose first airplane ride was out to BYU at age 18.  I thought Hawaii was under Florida until my freshman year of college.  It's true.  And, I was in HONORS.  (I was actually looking at a globe on a date and I saw Hawaii off the coast of California... I said "Oh, I never knew that."  And, got teased the rest of the night.) 
Well traveled-- no. 
(Although I do have a passport with one stamp in it.)

But, my professor and i, we have TRAVELLED our journey together.
We started out young and full of dreams.
We've had money and been poor.
We have grand dreams for our future.

Our perspective has been broadened as we've worked together... toiled side by side doing the hardest job in the world... raising children.

We've learn to love,
we've learned to empathize,
we've learned to serve and endure and find joy in moments.
together.
Someday, we will travel the world with our children.
This is one of the reasons that we came back to school-- we want to make a difference in 3rd world countries.

And, we will.

My professor HATES Disney world.

Yup.  He would rather take our kids to see the world than spend the money on a theme park.

(I want to do both.)

But honestly, I don't believe we will learn more as we travel the world than we have as we've endured the past 5 years of a PhD program with 6 kids.

i'm not sure what quality i would choose as the number one attribute i looked for in a spouse.

i LOVE this man i am married to.

i LOVE the life we are living together.

i LOVED Christmas shopping on a budget.

i LOVE the true joy of Christmas that i have felt when sweet friends and neighbors drop off treats and well-wishes.

i LOVE that my kids are happy and content with what they have.

They ask for "two dog bones" for Christmas so they can play pretend with their sister.

We are healthy. 

We spend our nights serving others, and reading together and singing Christmas carols.

Our cars are falling apart.

Our bank accounts are VERY meager.

But NOTHING could buy what we have.

I'm certain that our financial situation will improve with graduation this summer.

Honestly, i don't think money will make our life better.

I'm not sure that better comes from easier... just like i'm not certain that "well-travelled" comes from spending a weekend in France.

today i am grateful for my life.

Truly this is one of my favorite Christmases ever.

It's our wonderful life.

and i am so grateful.

[thanks for the fun pictures melissa!]

NOTE-- i did hesitate to write this post...
i did NOT write it so you would all send me money.
we are REALLY doing fine.  HONEST. 
I wrote it because this is our life, at this time.  And, we won't be here forever.  And, i want to remember just how it felt.  And, i want to remember that it really wasn't that bad.  In fact, it was wonderful.
And, i wanted you to remember... money isn't everything.
because really, no matter how much money you do have, everyone feels the pinch at Christmas time.
and really... life is wonderful. 
life isn't about what you make, it's about the life you create with what you have. 
and so, this year, we are RICH.
and, we only have a few months left till graduation... we can do anything for a few months.

and someday, we'll tell our grandchildren these stories.

and, i wanted you to know that i REALLY love my "well-travelled" man. 
really.