perspective.

{picture of Lily Faith from www.mydelayedfairytale.blogspot.com}

i'm crying in my closet.
for real.
NOT because my house is hard to clean.
nope.
i'm crying because i am SO BLESSED.
and crying because i was once again reminded- life is beautiful.
everyone has hard stuff.
and, i'd pick my hard.
but- that doesn't mean my heart doesn't reach out to others who have hard.

i have a new rule :)
i keep the computer OFF all day, until my kids are in bed.
because it calls to me and whispers lies-- like, oh, just check real quick...
and then i'm sucked in.
so, i didn't check my computer, just my ipad.
real quick.
and i read this post by Ruth Schultz, who i LOVE.
{Ruth has a daughter that was born with special needs... she is featured here on the blog of another mom of a special needs little girl.}
and i scrolled back a few months to read the sketches of other moms with special needs...
and, i decided a few things--
if i ever have a special needs kid, i'm going to name them some cool name-
like london, or davey, or lamp, or piper...
so cute.

then, i clicked onto one mother's blog-- "my delayed fairytale".
Kym didn't get married until later in life and had her first baby, Lily Faith, at age 41.
Lily has severe disabilities with muscle control.
she looks DARLING, but has a hard time moving and doesn't talk.
i read this post-- right here.
where Kym is trying to decide what she would choose- for her daughter to WALK or TALK.
first she chooses walk-- because lily is getting bigger and walking would give her so many opportunities.
and then she changes her mind-- she chooses TALK because then she could KNOW her better.
my heart ACHED for that sweet mother.
ached for her and admired her and prayed for her.
and i sobbed.
i'm still crying as i type this.

another mom talked about how hard it is that her daughter can't hold a sippy cup.
she has to take time each day to feed her and give her drinks.
she says so many moms just take it for granted that they can hand their baby a drink.

kym mentioned that when she holds a tiny baby and they push up on their legs with their little muscles, her heart aches.
she says she is jealous of a 3 month old.

today, i am grateful for the perspective.
i don't mean to say that because my children are healthy i am more blessed than these mothers who have special needs children,
because i don't believe that is true.
we each have our own trials-- and, i actually believe there is more equality in the testing than we know.
BUT,
today i am grateful that my baby holds a sippy cup.
i'm grateful that my children TALK-- i know them.
i know what they want.
i know they like pink.
i'm grateful that leah and lily hide behind the couch and sneak string cheese and carrot sticks.
i'm grateful that my baby pulls out all the Tupperware in the drawer.
i'm grateful that my "i can't get anything done besides children" is a happy, playful, exploring, everything i ever dreamed of, hard.
thank you for the perspective!!
Kym, your life is beautiful... thank you for sharing your perspective to help me see my life a bit more clearly.

now BACK TO THE CLOSETS!!
cheerio mates!
no more computer cheats-- i promise.