March 24, 2009

i'm already missing our row...

This is me-- 8 and a half months pregnant, moving from Michigan to Texas. We had tons of help from friends and family, but it was still hard, and scary and exciting... we still miss our good friends, our ward, our neighbors, our house... but, we've moved on. we've made new friends, learned to love a new ward, new neighbors and a different house... And, our family has grown... we now have 2 boys from Provo, 2 girls from Michigan, and two cowgirls from Lubbock... we have grown in size, and in experience... we love it here just like we loved it there...i don't think i'll ever be as close to other moms as i was in Michigan... life changes as your kids get older... i think it was Shana who said, "You never get invited over to dinner with six kids." And, maybe Maria who smiled and swore that she USED to be as social as me when her kids were younger... now, i'm her. my kids are older and busy, and i cherish my time at home with my little girls and the quiet, peaceful, time for order. i don't crave social interaction like i used to. so, my texas friends are more phone, pta and church friends...
but, i love it here. i'm more involved in the school and community than i've ever been. we have sweet neighbors and coaches and a row at church that is reserved for us-- even if we're late. (Yes, we worked hard for that row... if any other family sat in our 2nd row reserved seats, we threatened to put a dead cat in their mailbox for Family Night... we've only killed a few cats and the bench is ours...) and, the best thing about having a bench in church is that we know our neighbors... In Michigan, we were surrounded by "family"... sweet church pew neighbors who smiled at the flying cars, funny kids and ground in cheerios... friends who loved my kids and whispered little, "They'll be great teenagers..." or, "We just love your kids..." when days got tough... It took me a whole year before i stopped looking for the Seitz, Davidsons, Herring and Laws families at church... and now i'm going to miss the Perez, Hardins, Speeds, and Hanna families... who can i whisper to grab Leah as she heads backwards under the chair during the sacrament? Who will give me a sympathetic look as Jakob scoots down the bench, far away from me with his Sunday morning grumpies? Who will be there when Jakob goes into young men's... who can say, I knew Jakob when he stripped down during the Christmas devotional at age 2 and i saw him win the pinewood derby... who will remember when Drew climbed to the top of the gym on a huge ladder for his talent, or remember the time during sacrament when the bishop got down off the stage to get Anna who was performing on the stage at the back of the gym-- we had no idea until church was over!! who will know our moments? Who will be able to look at Lily and say, "She's getting so big. She looks just like her sisters did at that age."
Todd should be finished his dissertation by DECEMBER. We'll probably be here till next summer, but his professor has already been showing him some job opportunities... it has put me in a funk.
i hate goodbyes. never mind one year of goodbye. i hate transitions. i hate the unknown.
me. i'm not a surprise-type person, i'm a 2nd row on the right type person.
i KNOW that we'll be fine. i KNOW that we will end up loving wherever we move and that we will be loved... but.
but. I hate this time. The goodbyes, the nice to meet you times. The "don't paint your walls, you're moving" time... the, is she a good mom or a bad mom evaluations... it's nice to be settled and comfortable and have a place.
we have a year to enjoy Lubbock 3rd Ward- 2nd row, on the right... and, hopefully, somewhere in the grand ole USA, there is a row just waiting for our smashed cheerios...
am i really going to spend one year saying good bye?
poo.

10 comments:

  1. Oh, lady... I HEAR YOU!!! (Sing it to me, sister!)

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  2. Jen, you almost had me in tears. I feel the same way about the MI ward. That was a very good time in my life, and I haven't been able to be nearly as social since. Apparently here in UT people don't invite you over for dinner once you have 3 kids....forget it if you add more to your family.

    We're saying goodbye to our ward here after 3 years and moving on to another house just a few miles away, but since this is UT it's in another ward/stake, of course.

    But I have to admit, this time isn't nearly as hard as MI was. I don't feel like I'm leaving "family." I'm hoping our new ward will be more like a family than this one has. I guess we'll see.

    Good luck over the next year....I hope the goodbyes aren't too hard on you.

    ps Congratulations to Todd on his dissertation! That's awesome!

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  3. thank you so much for posting this
    I *feel* ya sista!

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  4. Jen, from someone who has picked up and moved across an ocean, I empathize with your worries/sadness/optimism/excitement/resignation. But good friends stay close no matter where you are. Hopefully you will finally be able to settle somewhere for the longer term with this next move. I wouldn't spend a year saying goodbye however, there are a lot of hellos that can happen in 12 months too. Love you.

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  5. Amen...

    We sit on the second row on the right too! When we came here the first four rows were completely empty. We don't have a lot of competition.

    loves

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  6. aww Jen... that is so sad to me because I'm feeling that exact same way right now... we're in that place right now... the waiting place I think dr. seuss called it. Not knowing where we'll end up, whether we're moving this summer or not, or where to, and not wanting to go anywhere. Or sell our house! I'm not good with change either... I would rather just build a house somewhere and stay there till i die. In michigan? I dunno... but I love our ward, and I don't think we will ever have a ward family this wonderful... it's a gem. A peach.
    I love you and miss you guys...

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  7. I can completely relate. We've been here in Lubbock and I still miss my friends and neighbors in Boise. It makes me sad to think about it but I am making the most of being here and trying to make some new friends as hard as that can be sometimes. I appreciate you being a friend and the things that to talked to me about today. I hope that I can gain your perspective about those crazy days as a mom. We're ok, though, right? We'll miss seeing you on the second row on the right if/when you leave.

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  8. Seems like a lot of us are in that "transition" stage. It was really hard to move here, and yet this morning I was practically in tears thinking about moving in a few months!We've known since last August that we would be moving to Pampa, TX this upcoming August and it has been a little hard to be here but know we won't be for long. I guess we just enjoy the time here while we can and take the future as it comes!

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  9. it's crazy huh! Life seems to be full of comings and goings. your post makes me kinda giggle since i have this weird feeling that i am going to be filling (though not as completely) your bench at church and someone else will move in to st. louis to fill the one my family leaves behind. I tried calling the other day - we are going to be in Lubbock april 9,10,and 11. we will talk...

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  10. I don't think anyone in my new UT ward knows me as the person I was in MI. For a lot of reasons. Trying to be good about "change" and always hold to hope - we certainly know life is an adventure! You're always great at putting things into words. I need to just start posting on my blog "what Jen said..." :)

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