February 10, 2011

the crossroads.

i've been a casual mother lately.
meaning, i'm more focused on resting than mothering.
my sweet husband has stepped in and has really been a superstar parent-- especially at bedtime!
i think these ebbs and flows are normal in life... especially when one in incubating.
and, i think it is GOOD for my kids and my husband to have some time experiencing life without a wonder woman mother...
BUT, i'm feeling the call from the wild.
children let you know when they need more, if you listen.
my kids, are tellin me, they need me more.

the answer that came to me in the still of the night was "Be there for the transition times."
Gratefully, my life is peaceful.
There are times of quiet-- like all afternoon while my little girls are napping. 
And, times of transition-- morning, naps, after school, dinner, bed.

Smooth transition times are ESSENTIAL to a peaceful home.
And, these are the times when I tend to want to lay on the couch or stay in bed just 5 more minutes so i don't have to make the effort. 
My resolve today--  Just tough it out through the transitions.
Get up and add my loving touch to hair and breakfast.
Yes, my kids can pour their own cereal, but I like to add a bowl of fresh fruit,a green smoothie, a healthy snack, a braid in their hair, a hug and a kiss out the door...
After school chores have been morphing into evening whines... because little kids turn on the tv and the kids kind of half-heartedly do everything...  no more. 
TV off.  Concentrated parenting at the after school cross-roads... and then free-time.
a little effort during transition actually leads to much peace.
Bedtime... it's the same deal.
If I go quickly... dishes, baths, in bed with books... my life is SO MUCH better than if i just lazily wade through my evening till the point where I'm frustrated and just wanting my kids to magically tuck themselves in for the night.
Yup, all i need is a bit more concentrated parenting during the transition times of my life.

i LOVE being a mother.
i'm grateful for the little reminders i get.
last night-- i was reminded--  WATCH THE CROSSROADS.
today-- i woke up 10 minutes earlier.
and, my kids went to school with a touch more mothering and smiles on their faces...
life is good.

Here are some of the great quotes from the talk that inspired me...
You'll LOVE them!!

President David O. McKay, a prophet, wrote the following about mothers:
"Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, (1) the power to bear, (2) the ability to rear, (3) the gift to love. . . This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, . . . deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God." (Gospel Ideals, pp. 453-54.)


10 Ways to Be a Better Mother...
by President Benson  from "to the Mothers in Zion" here

"With love in my heart for the mothers in Zion, I would now like to suggest ten specific ways our mothers may spend effective time with their children.
1.  First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going--when they leave and return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read: "A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15). Among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses unsupervised by working parents.
2.  Second, mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.
3.  Third, mothers, take time to read to your children. Starting from the cradle, read to your sons and daughters. Remember what the poet said, "You may have tangible wealth untold; Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be--I had a mother who read to me" (Strickland Gillilan, "The Reading Mother"). You will plant a love for good literature and a real love for the scriptures if you will read to your children regularly.
4.  Fourth, take time to pray with your children. Family prayers, under the direction of the father, should be held morning and night. Have your children feel of your faith as you call down the blessings of heaven upon them. Paraphrasing the word of James: "The . . . fervent prayer of a righteous [mother ] availeth much" (James 5: 16 ). Have your children participate in family and personal prayers and rejoice in their sweet utterances to their Father in Heaven.
5.  Fifth, take time to have a meaningful weekly home evening. With your husband presiding, participate in a spiritual and an uplifting home evening each week. Have your children actively involved. Teach them correct principles. Make this one of your great family traditions. Remember the marvelous promise made by President Joseph F. Smith when home evenings were first introduced to the Church: "If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influences and temptations which beset them." This wonderful promise is still in effect today.
6.  Sixth, take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible. This is a challenge as the children get older and lives get busier. But happy conversation, sharing of the day's plans and activities, and special teaching moments occur at mealtime because mothers and fathers and children work at it.
7.  Seventh, take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family. Individual scripture reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital. Reading the Book of Mormon together as a family will especially bring increased spirituality into your home and will give both parents and children the power to resist temptation and to have the Holy Ghost as their constant companion. I promise you that the Book of Mormon will change the lives of your family.
8.  Eighth, take time to do things together as a family. Make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders. Whenever possible, attend as a family, events where one of the family members is involved, such as a school play, a ball game, a talk, a recital. Attend Church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can. Mothers who help families pray and play together will stay together and will bless children's lives forever.
9.  Ninth, mothers, take time to teach your children. Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day--at mealtime, in casual settings, or at special sit-down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children's best teacher. Don't shift this precious responsibility to day-care centers or babysitters. A mother's love and prayerful concern for her children are her most important ingredients in teaching her own.
Teach children gospel principles. Teach them it pays to be good. Teach them there is no safety in sin. Teach them a love for the gospel of Jesus Christ and a testimony of its divinity.
Teach your sons and daughters modesty and teach them to respect manhood and womanhood. Teach your children sexual purity, proper dating standards, temple marriage, missionary service, and the importance of accepting and magnifying Church callings.
Teach them a love for work and the value of a good education.
Teach them the importance of the right kind of entertainment, including appropriate movies, and videos, and music, and books, and magazines. Discuss the evils of pornography and drugs and teach them the value of living the clean life.
Yes, mothers, teach your children the gospel in your own home, at your own fireside. This is the most effective teaching that your children will ever receive. This is the Lord's way of teaching. The Church cannot teach like you can. The school cannot. The day-care center cannot. But you can, and the Lord will sustain you. Your children will remember your teachings forever, and when they are old, they will not depart from them. They will call you blessed--their truly angel mother.
Mothers, this kind of heavenly, motherly teaching takes time--lots of time. It cannot be done effectively part time. It must be done all the time in order to save and exalt your children. This is your divine calling.
10.  Tenth and finally, mothers, take the time to truly love your children. A mother's unqualified love approaches Christlike love.
Here is a beautiful tribute by a son to his mother: "I don't remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet, and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children. She was always hugging me. . . . And I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this, I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plans, realizes what an almighty factor she is in shaping of her child for weal or woe? I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child's life."
3259766, Getty Images /Hulton Archive
i'm going to imagine this guy walking around beside me...
hopefully he'll blow his whistle when i'm missing a crossroad!!

4 comments:

Amy said...

Pregnancy becomes you - you are glowingly beautiful!

Starr said...

Love the thought of being deliberate about the "transition times". So great. For pregnancy or just for "those days" when you really just wanna sit on the couch. :)

Rebekah said...

that right.
I guess that means I should go and give of myself at this just-before-dinner-time, instead of writing a post on your blog, eh?
I was choosing to ingnore the four loud, wrestle-attack, yelling boys who need someone to help them while they wait for daddy to get home so we can eat dinner--not the right solution.
Next trasition I promise to do better.
true.

Katie Olthoff said...

Great post. I really need to make more of an effort at mealtimes. We eat in front of the TV way too often, and it's often a hodge-podge of cereal for me, hot dogs for hubby, and whatever we can convince our son to eat.

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