15 years.

if i had to start over- i'd pick him again.

i'd have seven children.

i'd spend weeks in the hospital learning pain and healing.

i'd go- michigan, texas, oregon.

i'd fight and make up.

i'd choose the climb over the sun tan.

i'd choose this life- again.

yesterday i bit the bullet and uploaded some of my favorite songs onto my phone.

(i know, i'm late on the itunes bandwagon.)

when i was a little girl i loved the song by the Judds called--

Grandpa, tell me bout the good ol' days.

the chorus says...

did lovers really fall in love to stay?

did families really bow their head to pray?

did daddies really never go away?

was a promise really something people kept- not just something that they would say.

who-oa grandpa... tell me bout the good ol' days. 
(i'm sure those words aren't quite right... i never remember the words exactly right.)

today that song makes me cry.

i feel myself as a little girl and i know the power of my dreams for my future family.

today, i have more than i ever dreamed possible.

once, when a friend i had dated seriously was leaving to go on a mission, he said to me,

"Jen, date other people while i'm gone.  I don't know if you are the one that i will marry.  I don't know if i love you enough for forever.  But, you make me WANT to love someone that much."

yes, that was hard for me to hear.

i was young and terrified of rejection.

but, as i was thinking of what to write about 15 years with this man of mine, those words echoed in my mind.

Todd is so good, he makes me want to love him more.

every day.

i want to serve him more.

i want to lay in bed and snuggle beside him more.

i want to sneak out for date nights with him more.

i want to talk on the phone with him more.

i want to be more kind and more selfless and more beautiful for him.

i want him to feel how good he is and to help him feel how much i adore him.

i really, really like this imperfect man of mine.

i have never understood people who had a hard time adjusting to being empty nesters.

i love being a mother.

but i am SOOOOOOO excited for my youngest to leave the house.

todd and i are going to have so much fun together!!

he has been my best friend from the day we met.

marriage is harder than i thought it would be.

and better than i ever imagined it could be.

i choose every day to love this man of mine.

my life is blessed every day by his kindness and his diligence.

my kids are blessed to have him as a father.

he is a GREAT dad.

i'm amazed at the strength of our relationship-- 

and that it is possible to stay so close even with the many day to day stresses that pull you apart.

sometimes i feel like shouting to the world-- happiness in married life IS POSSIBLE!

it is.

i love you todd.

a lot.

{more today than 15 years ago.}

happy anniversary!

thank you for being a constant in my inconsistent life.

you are my greatest blessing.

15 down, 15 million to go!!