Almost Wordless Wednesday

(It's gold.  Glitter.  Absolutely uneven and annoying paint.  My girls LOVE it.)

Not pictured- a friend came over, a trip to the church for youth night, BK ice cream cones, and a beloved bedtime!!

Missing my boys.  Grateful I'm NOT a single mother of eight.

Life is good.

What do you do when your kids fight?

My kids fight.  

They have a love/annoyed relationship which I feel is not ideal, but natural.

I'm 36 years old and it's hard for me to not get annoyed by a house full of kids sometimes.

Obviously, the best way to handle fighting kids is to keep them busy and distracted.  A trip to the library calms my home.

Swimming, playing at the park, taking a walk outside-- busy kids are happy kids.

I'm also a firm believer in the sorry seat.  (Sending both kids to a bench until they calm down, say what they did that was wrong, how they'll change next time, tell each other that they love each other, and hug.)

I believe that despite your best efforts, your kids will fight.  And, like mine, they might call each other naughty words.  Eve's current cuss of choice is "Poopoodiarrheaface."  Lovely.  My bigger kids lean towards saying "I hate her" to me as they are tattling and trying to ensure I severely punish their offending sibling.

I'm not a big fan of punishment.  I prefer teaching.  

When my children speak naughty, I prefer a shocked gasp from mother to any angry rebuke.  I TRY not to fight fighting with fighting.  It's so easy for us to be so hypocritical as mothers as we scream at our kids telling them not to scream at each other.  It isn't hard for me to stay calm, most of the time it's hard for me not to laugh.  

We have the understanding that it IS hard to control your emotions.  Sometimes when you are angry you say things you regret later.  It is ok to be upset, but not ok to say unkind words like "I hate you" and "Poopoodiarrheaface".  

If one of my kids calls someone a bad name, I have them write 20 things they love about that same person...

For the younger kids, 20 just means a lot.  I don't count things-- I look for a change of heart.

I firmly believe that we should be abundantly forgiving.  I also believe that when children DO wrong, they need to DO right to make things better.  Kids are smart- they learn quickly to control their tongue when they know they will have to work later to make up for it.

Having them write a letter also gives them something to do that isn't fighting.  Win-win.  The key to teaching, not punishing, is a mother's attitude.  Which is hard to explain in a blog. 

When Lily said she hated Leah I looked at her and smiled.  "Oh No!" I said.  She knew what her words meant she had to do.  I had announced the plan very seriously at dinner a few days prior. 

I gave her some time to cool down.  Maybe separated them, hugged them, let my calmness seep into their souls.  Then, I happily got out some paper and a pencil and acted like this was a fun project.  "Hurry and write your 20 things and you can all go play."  Or, "Write quickly, it's almost time for Popsicles."

I love these love notes.

Love them.

"I love Leah because she loves me."

You might not want to take my advice, because my children are still naughty.

But, it feels good.  It feels right.

I think my children do love each other- even if there are moments that they really do act like little poopy heads.

Life, with children, is good.

From Bull to Steer

If you are invited to my home on a Sunday evening, and happen to have military or medical or vet or mechanic experience, or if you have a darling English accent, you may be asked to castrate my bulls.  Seriously (and thank you).  Sometimes you just need a group of friends to give you the courage to man up-- or man down in this case.

What are friends for?

Yes, this was our Sunday evening fun.  My friend explained that maybe the Ox was in the mire.  :)

Two (actually three) green elastic bands, one castration elastic band stretcher tool,  two sweet baby bulls who had no idea what was coming, seven helpful adults, and fouteen inquisitive children-- led to one educational evening.  

Another friend of mine is a cow vet and he assured me that banding these bulls would be "easy".  That's what they all say.   I'm certain his whole family laughed at my panicked answering machine messages-- "What if the bull's man stuff isn't there?!  Um, what if we accidentally missed a part, or only got one of two parts?  Is castrating two bulls the night before my husband and older boys leave for a week a bad idea?  Call me back!  Thanks."  I actually think they're out of town.  

Todd and I watched "Alaska the Last Frontier" so we knew exactly what we were doing.  Plus- we all referred to a "how to castrate baby bulls" You Tube video. Haha.  My life just makes me laugh!

Poor little Chuck and T-bone.

They really did handle things so well.

Chuck, well, he might just end up half bull and half steer.  We had a small problem with his manhood.  Ahem.  But the all knowing You Tube sources assure us that half a bull is almost as good as no bull at all.  

Now that I've witnessed the rubber banding of my very own (son's) calves, I feel that I am officially a farm-girl.  The fact that I was wearing a skirt and sandles and didn't get my hands dirty shouldn't disqualify me, should it?

I did pet their sweet little faces.

And, to my new friend Ken- it was nice to meet you.

I'm sorry my cow pooed on your jeans.

Please come back soon.

Life is good. 

Moo.

(I have a video of the affair on Instagram and Facebook.  You don't want to miss this...) haha.

Wow.  What a lovely post to follow my feminist rant.

A Day For the Women

Todd is taking the boys on a week-long backpacking, canoe trip.  They've been packing their packs and gathering supplies.  I'm so excited for them.  Excited, and a wee bit jealous.

So, I decided to make this week a fun Girl's Week.  We kicked it off with a Saturday getaway with just me and my oldest girls.  A Saturday full of selfies.  :)

We headed out to the Seneca Falls Women's Rights National Historic Park.  We got there just in time to hear Ms Harriet Tubman herself...

I was SO excited to share this little piece of history with my daughters.  I read the walls hopefully at first waiting to feel the power of women!  I know that power.  I re-read cautiously the second time around, and absolutely disgusted the third time through.

To be honest- this "Women's Rights" museum was the most anti-woman place I have EVER been in.  I drove an hour and a half hoping to give my daughters a feeling of their potential and ability to lead in this world-- and what I found were constant, ridiculous charges that women were "unequal" and "repressed" if they chose to be a wife and mother, or a teacher, or any of the historically "female" life roles.  Heaven these displays even suggested little girls were repressed if they played with dolls, wore dresses or makeup, or wanted to be a teacher when they grew up.  Put your face here, they said, you can be a fireman someday.

You do not need to demean women's choices as you open the door for women's opportunity to choose.

I heard Seneca Falls was a place choosen to represent Women's Rights because it is where an American Indian Tribe dwelt that had women sit in leadership councils.  That was a cool story that I never found in the "Historic Park"-- it must have been hidden behind blaring signs like this...

Yes- this says "Myth- Mother's are Special".

(This picture swings open, which I found the second time through, and quotes a domestic violence statistic.  But this display is NOT anti-domestic violence.  It is anti-motherhood.)

The whole exhibit was like this.

These quotes are meant to mock and degrade the "traditional role" of women.

These quotes were examples of the repressive history that the Women's Movement saved us from.

Men, in this building, were painted as oppressors.  Comments scrawled on the "What does Women's Rights mean to you?" board ranged from "Men are scum" to "the right to be treated by men the way men treat other men".  I'm sorry- this is just not my cup of tea.  I proudly wrote my two cents-- "Men do not need to be degraded inorder for women to be valued."

I do believe in "Women's Rights".

I don't believe "Women will never be equal until they hold their own purse."

I don't believe MOST of the propaganda I read on the walls at the museum I was hoping to feel valued and empowered in.

Perhaps I'm STILL missing something- but feminism seems to me to be the most anti-motherhood, anti-choice, anti-man ideals that I have ever encountered.

I am a strong, intelligent, powerful woman.  I'm thankful I can vote.  I have chosen the "traditional" role of wife and mother because I believe it is the BEST use of my life.  I do not earn money- but I am of value.  

I believe we each have different life missions.  Perhaps another women would be living her fullest life by working and earning an income.  

(I am actually FOR equal rights for women.  I did not see women's rights being talked about, I saw a war on women's roles.)

Perhaps some women will never be given the opportunity or will not choose to be a wife or mother.  I do not condemn these women in their choice at all-- and I demand equal respect in mine.

Feminism- as I saw it in the Seneca Falls Women's Rights Museum, was not pro-women's rights.  It was pro-male sameness.  It didn't promote the equal treatment of women, it promoted the SAME employment for women.  It touted loudly "Women's Rights" while it's walls were covered with the most anti-woman rhetoric I have ever encountered! This place came highly recommended to me, from many sources.  I was caught off gaurd, surprised by what I saw, and sorely disappointed.

Really women?  Really?  We can't create a place that celebrates womanhood and highlights the influence of great women throughout history without demeaning the greatest power we have?  This is a NATIONAL historic park.  Women are better than this.  Maybe they needed a few traditional mothers on their design committee- I'm certain we could have spent taxpayer money to create a better exhibit.

Mothers ARE special.  Traditional mothers, who choose not to work and are cared for by men who cherish them, not only feel equal- we feel honored in our role.

I didn't expect a Women's Museum to particularly herald stay at home mothers- but I was not prepared to feel like these "women" were SO wrong.  They are trading true value for things that are of very little worth.  

In an effort to save women from abuse and tyranny, they fight against "traditional womanhood".  Um, no.  Perhaps we should fight against abuse and tyranny.  

Perhaps instead of fighting womanhood or feminity itself, instead of fighting against marriage and motherhood, we can fight abuse, evil, and immorality.  This is the only Women's Rights movement I would support.  We don't need to trade inequality for deception.

I did buy a book of famous historical feminist writings-- I will read it TRYING again to see the good in this ever so popular movement.  So far, feminism continues to disappoint me.  Women-- we are better than this.  

We can be equal without divisiveness.  We have power as women without demeaning men.  We don't need to fight all that is true as we fight evil.  We can be a voice for goodness, fair treatment, and equality without being a voice of enmity, male-bashing, and anti-motherhood.

Blah.

I brought my daughters here hoping to inspire them, we left uninspired although we were all a little wiser.

We followed up with a trip to the Peter Whitmer farm where the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints was organized and much of the Book of Mormon was translated.

This place was full of beauty, love and inspiration.  We toured old farm houses and watched videos on family life that rang true to my soul.

I believe with my soul-- not because I am oppressed, not because I am unable to get a high-paying job, not because I am deceived into Mormon indoctrination-- my whole soul tells me that being a woman, a wife, and a mother is a great work.  

I believe homes are sacred.

I believe families (not pay checks) are eternal.

I believe that even when laws or nations are corrupt and unequal, we can create a home of love, equality, and goodness.

Small acts of bravery and charity at home, in your community, and in your nations- make a difference.

I felt inspired at this simple farm house, where a woman, quietly serving her family and friends, was given an angelic vision.

My girls felt it too- they felt inspired and happy.

As we journeyed home we stopped at some fun thrift stores and big estate sales, picking up items to decorate their room this week.

We bought gold paint to add some stripes to their walls... and, we've got fun plans for our week without the boys.

(We may build ourselves a dog house.)

We ended with the most delicious meal in Skeneatles.  Good food, good conversation, and beloved time with my best friends.

What a lovely day.

I love being a mother.

I love being a motherly, beautiful, feminine, traditional woman.

There is nothing I'd rather spend all my time and energy doing well.

I feel lucky to be home with my kids.

I feel blessed to be able to spend the money Todd earns.

I hope women everywhere feel as valued and empowered as I do.

I hope, whatever my daughters choose to do with their life, they choose with wisdom, power, and truth.

Women-- we have the potential to do a great work.

We are powerful.  

We are equal.  

Our role is holy and divine.

Our life can be so good.

I know it.

Go Fourth!

The fun thing about having older kids is that they become your momentum.

You create the magic when they are young and they help create magic as they get older.

(When I find 20 selfies on my phone- I know that my little ladies are feeling good about themselves.  Some girl bonding lifts spirits and inspires confidence.)

This year, my girls advocated for 4th of July outfits, hair, and nails.

So fun.

I love this family of mine.

While our younger kids partied with friends of ours, Todd and I took the two older boys to a dance with LDS youth from Syracuse, Palmyra and Rhode Island.  

I loved dancing with Todd.  He's fun to dance with- and it's so nice feeling strong enough to move!

We really enjoyed watching our boys.  We've been chaperones for years and can hardly believe we are old enough to have kids this old.

I don't feel like I'm bragging when I talk about them, perhaps it's because I have always felt so humbly blessed to be their mom.

I watched Drew include an cute, incredibly shy boy.  It was adorable watching him teach him the "lawn mower", "shopping cart", and "sprinkler" dance moves.  I'm pretty certain he learned those from Jakob who learned them from me.  Haha.

Honestly, I got teary at the end of the night when Jakob asked an adorable physically disabled girl to dance the last dance.  He looks down when he dances with me these days.  The girl he danced with was tiny.  I saw him treat her with the same respect and tender gentleness that he treats his little sisters.  My boys will be great men someday.  How grateful I am to be their mother.

Jakob isn't always sweet- we had a humdinger of an argument about screens the other day.  He's not perfect- but he is really, really good.  What a fun time of life- being a mother of teenagers.

I love living in America.

Life is so good.

Happy Weekend!