cute, funny, homemade valentine card ideas...

i like to make homemade valentines.

here are some ideas i found this year... i'll show you what we end up with!!

sisters on the sofa.

Mornings with little girls and baby dolls and messy hair.
Oh, the joy of a sister!!

(this picture kills me!!  don't you want to eat them?)

i LOVE these girls.

soooo much.

Some pictures from my bed.

blah blah blogging.

BLAH!!
I hate when I get out of the blogging habit.  When you don't blog often, you feel like you have to have something to say before you write a blog.
My favorite part of blogging is that it is just the everyday stuff, sometimes meaningful, sometimes mundane.
I'm out of sync and it's bugging me.

The REAL reason for my blogging lag has not been medical, it's been technical.
I got a new laptop for Christmas and {whispering} i don't love it.
I can't figure out pictures and I just HATE trying to manipulate blogger without a mouse.
Laptops are much more conducive to {whispering again} bed-ish rest.
But NOT if they make you more stressed out than just sitting up in a chair!
So... I'm writing this post from my actual computer and I FEEL GOOD!
ha!

How about some randomness just for old time sake?
OK...

1- HAIR-- I got my hair cut at a really nice Salon.  It's funky and fun and shorter and layerd.   I never know if I really like it better or not, but it's fun to have something different.  Want to see a picture?  Yeah... the only shots I have of myself are on my iphone and i'm not quite sure how to load them up... I'll try.

2- FACIALS-- I was GOING to get a one hour facial, because i thought i deserved one, cause I'm being a good, pregnant mom and all.  I decided at the last minute to cancel my appointment and just go for a consultation.  (I know nothing of facials.)  The sweet facial lady laid me down on the table and looked at my face under a microscope and gushed over me.  She kept saying what beautiful skin i had and that she didn't think I needed a facial at all.  She said I should avoid the chemicals.  She encouraged me to exfoliate by covering my face with plain yogurt for 20-30 minutes a couple times a week.  My "beauty routine" was perfect.  {Ha!  um, I use plain water at night and Clinique yellow moisturizer in the morning before I apply a small amount of makeup.}  Honestly, 20 minutes of her saying what perfect skin I had after I was prepared to hear her chastising me for years of facial neglect... SO NICE.  I like going to the Spa.

3- HUSBANDS-- Just have to say, I am married to a saintly man who is less than saintly at handling the normal mothering routine.  The less I do around the house, the more I get to SEE what I really add to our home.  First, I keep us sanitized by bringing the dirty kitchen rags to the laundry.  Second, I am the calm and peace of the day.  When I'm not in the middle of things, little things become big things and big guys and little guys all get cranky over easily re-routed little things.  Did ya get that?  Third, there is "picked up" and there is "picked up".  There is a house of order and there is a house of dad-order.  They are different.  Thus the words "I cleaned the house" means very different things depending on who says them.  And that, my friends, is what I'm learning from the couch.  Laying or standing, Mom is still the one who keeps the house running.

4- ATTITUDE-- Perspective is EVERYTHING!!!  Nobody is GOOD or BAD... everybody is both.  Some days I think my kids are rotten and ruined and contentious and lazy.  A few hours later I think my kids are adorable and kind and wonderful.  They don't change, I do.  I'm SOO thankful that most of the time I really, really think my kids are GREAT.  Because, they ARE great.  {They're rotten too, but we ALL have rotten in us.}  And, when I think of them as great, I treat them as great kids having a moment and then they act great.  Just so you know.

5- SMOOTHIES-- Um, green smoothies are really good when compared to eating one lb. of raw kale or beets alone each day.  But...  UGH.  They're killing me.  {I said it out loud.}  Every single day.  I'm trying friends, I'm trying... but some days I'd rather eat nothing than drink one more cup of green mush.  I know, I know.  I'm trying to vary my recipes and I just drink them semi-fast so I don't think about it.  I FEEL good drinking them... but, I don't love them.  I'm not someone that does well with repetition.  I like variety and change and I could eat 100 pieces of fresh fruit a day, but the spinach/kale is killing me.  {dramatically spoken- yes, i did drink my smoothie this morning.  it wasn't THAT bad.}

6- BED REST-- I'm not officially on bed rest, yet.  I'm on "take it easy" modified bed rest.  Because I was bleeding for a long time at the beginning of this pregnancy, I did go on official Bed Rest for some time.  Yes, it worked.  I stopped bleeding.  Can I tell you something that I've found?  Bed Rest HURTS!!  My body ACHES when I lay for too long.  My arms ache, my back aches, I started to get heartburn, my joints were sore, my tummy cramps.  BLAH!  You THINK it's going to be long and boring, but I never imagined that it would HURT!!  Oh, how I love to walk around, bend down and pick something up, carry a baby, VACUUM a floor!  Seriously, you don't realize how nice it is to move until someone tells you not to move as much.  Do me a favor?  Just pick up your baby and run downstairs with her in your arms?  It feels amazing, I promise.  {We are buying a reclining chair that I think will be better as my pregnancy progresses, but who knew that taking it easy could be so uncomfortable?} It's no wonder that less active people have so many aches and pains-- our bodies are not designed for rest, we are designed to stretch and move and work!  Sigh.

7- REST-- Rest does NOT come from wasting time.  Wow.  There is nothing like a marathon "Say Yes to the Dress" session to remind me that I crave goodness and intelligence and stimulation.  When I read a mindless yet harmless book, or watch mindless yet harmless TV, I feel hungry.  My soul feels low.  There is nothing like an inspiring book or an accomplished goal to lift my spirits and change my mood.  Rest is not the same as escape.  REST is not the same as ESCAPE!!  We need to seek more rest.

8- FOURTEEN-- Jakob turned 14 on Monday and got braces this morning.  {We've been waiting many years for his molars to fall out and grow in.}  He's adorable.  Pictures coming.

And, that is all I have to say this afternoon.
Life is good.
Hope all is well at your house!

creation.

This Sunday I am {hopefully} teaching a lesson to children about the creation of the earth.
Namely that Jesus Christ, under the direction of Heavenly Father, created the Earth.
I am using Genesis chapter one and discussing the six days of creation.
This is a gentle lesson that will take under 15 minutes to teach... and yet it involves doctrine and belief that have initiated some of the greatest debates in history.

Who are we?  Where do we come from?  Why are we here?

I remember seeking these answers as a young child.  Don't you?  Don't you remember looking at the great sky and asking if God was real?  I even remember reading Dr. Suess' Horton Hears a Who, and wondering if it were possible that there were other worlds out there.  Are we just a speck on the clover of the universe?

Did God create this Earth?  Really?  Can I really, 100% say that I believe in a divine creator?
What about evolution?  Six days?  Is God just a theory that man has created to explain something that we cannot explain?  Does it really matter?  Why does it matter?  How does this belief affect my daily actions?

First, it does matter. 
I thought of bringing with me some cookies wrapped in a box from Jillicious Desserts.  Jill, is a friend of mine from church, who bakes heavenly.  Would it make a difference if I told the kids they would each get one cookie made for them by Jillicious Desserts verses telling them that a few weeks ago I added some flour, some eggs, some vanilla in  bowl and had brought them the cookie that had simply formed?  Does it make a difference knowing that we have a creator that creates with a purpose?  That we are part of a Divine and Eternal plan and that this Earth is a gift to us, not just a happenstance?  YES!!  It makes a difference!!  It makes ALL the difference.  Creation means it was made with a purpose!

Evolution doesn't bother me-- AT ALL!  Someone could look at Jill's kitchen, who did not believe in a creator, and explain Jill's process of baking a cookie.  It might sound like "some flour and eggs and vanilla all came together and mixed in a big bowl, there was a great heat, and boom! cookies!!"  Imagine the theories of "evolution" that could be concocted if one looked through a bakery trashcan.  From oatmeal to cookies, from coconut to macaroons... amazing!  They can find "evidence" of HOW things happened, they could theorize what they think happened, but they can NEVER disprove a divine creator.  You can NOT prove or disprove God.  You can only come to know Him for yourself, or spend the rest of your life eating the great cookies He is placing at your feet without ever knowing how loved you are and never truly thanking the source of all that is good in your life. 

I don't believe the earth was created in six twenty four hour periods.  Ha!  God is very consistent in the fact that the way he tells time is not the way we tell time.  {Ask Abraham's Sarah about God's time table.}  I have no doubt that someday God will teach us how He created the Earth.  Actually, I think we were there.  We watched as Spirits and we were so excited to see the Earth that He was creating for us. 

I'm grateful that Genesis gives us the condensed version... Um, ask a scientist how to "create" a, let's say, heart, or prosthetic leg.  I bet their explanation alone would take BOOKS.  Imagine how heavy our Bibles would be if we had that to carry around.  I'm grateful for the "six days"... and yet I know that God did create every last blade of grass.  I believe that He is continually inspiring men and teaching them how to operate, how to repair, how to mend His creations.  God is the ultimate creator, scientist, inventor and Father.  Creation amazes me and inspires me.  I am so grateful. 

Years ago, I found an old book on the shelf in my in-laws home.  I read this section written by Elder Russell M. Nelson.  Let me tell you about this man.  First, he is a modern-day apostle in the LDS church, one of our 12 apostles.  Second, he used to be one of the most prominent heart surgeons in the world.  He helped to create one of the first machines that made open-heart surgery possible.  He actually operated on a former prophet's heart before he was an apostle.  In the LDS church, we have lay clergy.  Our leaders have all had other jobs, they have families, they do not seek to become pastors or apostles, they are called, by revelation.   I love that this man was a doctor... but he was a holy man.  He was inspired.  God taught him about the human heart and he was able to change the world... today he is a religious leader.  You see, when you know your Creator, you have access to His inspiration and wisdom and it blesses you in all aspects of your life.  I love Elder Nelson.

Sorry, can I tell you one more thing I love about Elder Nelson?  Ok.  One evening Elder Nelson and his wife were folding laundry together while they were watching a movie and Sister Nelson's heart stopped.  He did CPR, but it was no use.  She died, right there, in her husband's arms.  Can you imagine this?  Elder Nelson was a WORLD famous heart surgeon.  He saved many, many people... God blessed him with so many skills and much wisdom... and yet he was helpless to save the woman he loved most in the world.  What a great lesson he must have learned that night.  I imagine this was his Abrahamic trial.  He knew God was real, yet he also knew that God's plan is not always our plan.

I love these words that he wrote about creation.  He is talking about our body here... but, the creation of man is day six! {read one talk where he references this here- Thanks Be to God.}

Each organ of your body is a wondrous gift from God. Each eye has an autofocusing lens. Nerves and muscles control two eyes to make a single three-dimensional image. The eyes are connected to the brain, which records the sights seen.

 

Your heart is an incredible pump. It has four delicate valves that control the direction of blood flow. These valves open and close more than 100,000 times a day—36 million times a year. Yet, unless altered by disease, they are able to withstand such stress almost indefinitely.

Think of the body’s defense system. To protect it from harm, it perceives pain. In response to infection, it generates antibodies. The skin provides protection. It warns against injury that excessive heat or cold might cause.

 

The body renews its own outdated cells and regulates the levels of its own vital ingredients. The body heals its cuts, bruises, and broken bones. Its capacity for reproduction is another sacred gift from God.

 

Be we reminded that a perfect body is not required to achieve one’s divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail or imperfect bodies. Great spiritual strength is often developed by people with physical challenges, precisely because they are so challenged.

 

Anyone who studies the workings of the human body has surely “seen God moving in his majesty and power.”  Because the body is governed by divine law, any healing comes by obedience to the law upon which that blessing is predicated.

 

Yet some people erroneously think that these marvelous physical attributes happened by chance or resulted from a big bang somewhere. Ask yourself, “Could an explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?” The likelihood is most remote. But if so, it could never heal its own torn pages or reproduce its own newer editions!

 

If the body’s capacity for normal function, defense, repair, regulation, and regeneration were to prevail without limit, life here would continue in perpetuity. Yes, we would be stranded here on earth! Mercifully for us, our Creator provided for aging and other processes that would ultimately result in our physical death. Death, like birth, is part of life. Scripture teaches that “it was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death, for that would destroy the great plan of happiness.”  To return to God through the gateway we call death is a joy for those who love Him and are prepared to meet Him. Eventually the time will come when each “spirit and … body shall be reunited again in … perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame,” never to be separated again. For these physical gifts, thanks be to God!

Yes, I believe in a divine creator.
I believe the story of creation.

God is not just a story that makes me feel good.  He is my creator.  He heals me.  He comforts me.  He teaches me.  He knows me and I know Him.  I learn more about my Father in Heaven each day.  I feel His love.  I see His hand as I see His creations.  I feel God's majesty as I glance across the mightiest ocean and as I feel the soft kicks of the baby in my belly.  (He kicked just as I was typing this paragraph.  This baby in my womb, He knows it too.)  The idea that we are all just here by chance makes my head explode and my soul cringe.  I am not an accident.  I was born with a divine purpose.  My life is a gift and my life has meaning. 

We are not just here on Earth to survive or to find self pleasure... we are here to LEARN and to be TESTED.  We are here to prove to God that even when we can not see Him we will KNOW Him and trust Him and choose Good over Evil.  Someday we will see Him again.  We will remember how He created the Earth and we will remember His love for us.  We will remember every choice we made on this Earth and we will continue to learn from our experience.  We are eternal souls.

Sure, on Sunday I may teach a sweet, 15 minute, lesson on the creation. 
But, this lesson is not something I teach lightly.  It is the CORE of my belief.  It is WHY I live the life I live.  It makes a difference.  It makes a difference to children too.  They need to know who they are and where they come from.  They need to know that they are here by divine design to do a specific work on this Earth.  They need to know that this Earth, and their bodies, are gifts from God, to them. 

Children need to be taught to be grateful for the gifts they are given.  How can they be grateful when they don't recognize the giver?  We are not accidents.  Our choices MATTER!  God loves us and has told us how to be happy her on Earth.  He wants us to remember Him and feel His love.  This Earth is not an accident.  It is a cookie.  A cookie crafted by a master chef, and it is ours to enjoy and care for.  This Earth and this life are gifts.  We shouted for joy at the chance to come here and we can feel joy everyday as we feel God's love surround us.  He is in the Mighty and in the Meek.  He IS real. 

I've pondered this creation story often, in some of my most quiet and holy ponderings.
Why is the creation story so important for us to remember?  I believe it is not only important it is ESSENTIAL because God is calling to us from behind the veil of this life.  He is asking us to remember Him and to remember who we are.  The story of creation reminds us of our eternal purpose.  IF THERE IS A GOD, IF THERE IS A CREATOR THAN OUR CHOICES ON EARTH HAVE PURPOSE AND DIRECTION.  We will choose differently if we are just strolling through life than if we are sent onto a field with direction and purpose.  God wants us to remember WHY we are here and WHOSE we are.  It makes ALL the difference.

Have you seen young children on a soccer field in the middle of a game?  Some of them "get it"  they know they are playing a game, they know where the goal is, and they are at least running in the right direction.  Some kids are born knowing how to dribble and score points.  Some kids are distracted by the dandelions and butterflies.  I've been the mother on the sideline shouting, "Get the ball!  Run!  Look!  This is a soccer game!  You can do it!"  I think we have a Father on the sidelines too.  Sometimes we are distracted by weeds or running in the wrong direction and He is shouting to us, "Remember!!  Remember your GOAL!!"

There are moments when the veil is thin.  Death, birth, times of joy and times of sorrow.  Somehow being surrounded by nature reminds us of His power and our own nothingness.  And yet, in these moments we can feel shadows.  We can hear a voice from the sideline shouting softly to our soul-- I see you!  I know you!  I have a work for you to do!  You are KNOWN, you are MINE and you are ETERNAL.  You have felt this too, or you can if you ask.  He is real.

How grateful I am.  Humbly, eternally grateful.
I am humbled to teach this lesson to my young friends, and happy to believe it with you. 
It is a truth that many of the most intelligent among us do not comprehend.
Don't you just FEEL it?  Don't you just LOVE knowing this is true?
There is a God.  He is our creator.  I know it.
Life is good.

and it came to pass.

(I wrote this after Martin Luther King day.)
What did you do with your holiday weekend?
I got my whole house cleaned!!!  (All while laying or sitting.)
We watched a few girls' basketball games.
We drank green smoothies and ate homemade ice cream from our Vitamix.
Went with some friends to see the Hobbit.
Went to Costco-- my husband asked if I could drive the handicap mobile.
He said, "My wife is pregnant, can she ride that thing?"
The ladies smiled and said it was fine and later they must have laughed at what a wimp i appeared to be.
Ha!  Can you imagine some overprotective husband making his 15 week pregnant wife ride in the cart at Costco?  I told him he at least needed to say that I was ON BED REST.  silly fella.

On Sunday afternoon I scanned the internet to read other people's placenta accreta experiences.
AHHHH!
i totally freaked myself out.
i came to the conclusion that i'm never going to do that again.
honestly, this pregnancy and delivery and subsequent surgeries could be VERY tricky.
I get that.
i'm glad i know to expect issues, so that i'm not surprised and bitter if complications arise.
i'm just going to take one day at a time and focus more on my attitude than my circumstances.
God may not always make my path smooth and free of hurdles, but He WILL always lead me, guide me and walk beside me as I travel my journey.
I can have faith in that.
Of course I hope for the best... but, more importantly, I hope that i can have a good attitude even in less than ideal circumstances.
Isn't that funny?
My soul aches with desire to endure with joy and faith even if or especially if things go wrong.
I don't mean to sound all faithful.  Yesterday, I was scared to death.
Today, I am recommitted.
I know that this life is supposed to be tough.  Trials are part of God's plan for us so that we become all that God knows we can be.
I love the scripture "all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good." D&C 122:7-8
To God, our trials are but a small moment...  His moments are probably a bit longer than our moments.

Don't you think being a mother prepares you to endure trials?
We have to learn to expect a stinky blowout diaper just as we are heading out the door to an appointment.
We learn to smile in Wal-mart while our kids are fighting our crying for candy.
We learn to ignore an end of the day tantrum and smile and lovingly tuck a tired child into bed.
Being a mother teaches us to smile at the lady putting in our IV as she says, "This will only sting for a second."
Being pregnant teaches us to sacrifice our comfort for our children.  We learn these lessons every day in small ways, so that when we might be called upon to endure larger trials, we know how to do it.
I know how to do these next few months.  You do too.
"Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming."
Be witty if you can, be pretty if you are, be cheerful if it kills you.
Find the joy!!

Last night for scripture time we reviewed the story of Joseph of Egypt in the Old Testament.
That poor guy had many trials.  In the scriptures, a few years is one sentence.
Yeah, he got beaten and sold as a slave- but then he became the head servant of potipher's house.
Poor guy got falsely accused and sent to jail, but he became the best prisoner and interpreted some dreams.
Sure, the butler forgot about him once he was free, but only three years later he remembered Joseph and had him interpret the Pharoah's dream.
In only 15 years, Joseph became the second strongest leader in Egypt.
He was able to save his family... If Joseph had never been sold as a slave, he would have probably died in the famine.  Literally, Joseph's hard path WAS the path he needed to walk to save himself and his family.
Joseph might have had moments or days when he felt forsaken and burdened... but, now that his years are written in sentences, it is so easy to see God's hand in his life.
Sometimes hard times are all part of God's plan for us.
ALWAYS, God can use difficulties to work for His good.
I know it.

What would we do without an eternal perspective?
My 'scripture' will read.

And it came to pass that the Lord was with her, and she delivered a child and he grew and was a blessing to all who knew him.

I can do that!
I can do this.
this will come to pass... and I will be grateful for the experience.
i know it.

in a moment.

Sitting, or should I say, laying with my belly exposed and gooey in the office of genetics and fetal medicine, my life changed.

It was one moment, one sentence, one understanding and EVERYTHING looked different.

Do you have a moment like that?

After hearing that the baby looked perfect and active and that they were fairly certain of it's sex, the sonogramist (I think that was her title) said she needed to call in the doctor because my placenta didn't look quite right. 

Dr. Balderstron is a really tall, very happy and fun, doctor that I immediately trusted.  He looked and scanned and then began to explain-- they are fairly certain that I have central/complete placenta praevia with placenta accreta/increta.  I have an extra large placenta (common with multiples) that is covering my cervix and resting on the front of my uterus, right on top of my two previous C-section scars.  It looks like my placenta is actually growing into the wall of my uterus, not just attaching to the lining.  Which means, when I deliver, they will not be able to remove my placenta without removing my whole uterus.  There is a high risk of hemorrhaging and excessive blood loss throughout pregnancy.

In all likelihood, my doctor told me to expect modified activity the whole time, hospitalization starting at 25 week, a C-section/hysterectomy at 34 weeks, and a long recovery in the hospital afterword (for both me and the baby). 

The main issue with these conditions is maternal bleeding.  My main issued during pregnancy, even without additional bleeding, is low blood levels.  So, I'm planning that this will be quite a journey.  It is daunting, but I am not afraid.  Surprisingly, I am FULL of gratitude.

I have EIGHT children.  EIGHT!  And, that is if you don't count some angel children that I may or may not have up in heaven.  My uterus has served me well.  I feel SOO blessed.  I'm certain that this diagnosis would have been much more traumatic earlier in my life, although I would choose to keep my body intact, I feel so grateful to have made it this far. 

The MOMENT I heard this news, my heart swelled with LOVE for the family I already have.  This is IT.  I will NEVER, NEVER again carry a baby in my womb.  I will never feel little kicking flutters, I will never have another baby girl diaper to change.  Immediately, my perspective was long-term and I became more aware and grateful.

I remember hearing the story of a woman caring for her ill mother.  Suddenly, her mother passed away.  The daughter said that she didn't know if she'd be caring for her aged mother for years or months or weeks.  She said, "If I had known that I would only have to do it for one more week, it would have been different." 

We don't always get that glimpse in life.  But, I have.  Laying there in that hospital room, God showed me the end... and it made THESE middle moments so much more precious. 

Yes, having a large family is HARD.  It takes endurance and work.  This pregnancy is going to be pretty tough.  But, how blessed am I to have the BEST reason to do hard things.  I'm not fighting cancer (how my heart goes out to those of you who are or who are helping someone else through it), I am fighting for a BABY.  I can do that.  Somehow, I think anyone enduring health challenges is fighting to live for someone else.

I've told you on other pregnancies, but I'll say it again.  Hematology (blood doctors), where I spent a lot of time, is combined with Oncology (cancer doctors).  So, the whole time I am whining and pregnant at my appointments, I'm surrounded by bald, kind-eyed patients who are coming for chemo and radiation treatments.  They usually look at me with great concern, thinking I'm pregnant with cancer, and I usually look at them and thank God that I just need a little blood.  I'm just blood doping.  Ha!  I should have broke the story years ago about Lance.  He always sat next to me in the hospital. 

I'm so grateful that my quiver is full.  I have no regrets.  Thank goodness I had children while I was young (wow, I can't believe all the health risks that come with turning 35!). 

I'm not one to bore you with all my medical details... but, I thought you'd like to know what we're looking at here.  All is not rosy, this is hard.  Just saying, I feel grateful amidst my hard- eight times grateful.  Choosing to marry my dear husband and have eight children with him is the best decision I ever made.  I have no regrets. 

Everything seemed quite manageable-- 10 more weeks at home, then 10 weeks in the hospital, then baby and recovery.  Until, I counted 10 weeks... that two and a half months.  That's like from now to last HALLOWEEN!!  Ahh!  Can you imagine being away for your family that long?  My baby will be all grown up.  My kids will be ruined without me that long.  Ha!  Yeah, we'll see what happens and cross that bridge when and if it comes to that. 

TODAY I'm going to straighten up my basement toy room while sitting/laying down (I think I can).  I'm going to read my little girls lots of books.  I'm going to TALK to my big girls about every elementary school drama they want to tell me about.  I'm going to hug my boys and make sure they know how much I appreciate all they do for our family every day.  I'm going to kiss my husband for a long time... because I can't imagine the next 6 months with only kissing?!!!  And, because he is Superman.  He wants to take me to see the Hobbit.  I think he needs to get out of the house.  Oh, and I'm going to drink my green smoothies...

What are you going to do?

Thanks for listening.
ps.  i'm having a BOY!!!!!  Can you believe it?!!!!

You might also like-
The Pregnancy Journey...

Week 21
Week 20
Week 19
Week 18
Choosing Life

natural ways to improve health, blood, and energy.

Today, I just thought I'd share a few of the things that have been recommended to me during this and previous pregnancies.  If you're searching for something to help you feel better, something that has helped me might help you.

1. Floradix- this stuff is pretty strong tasting but has been recommended repeatedly to me by doctors, healthy friends and even Thalessemia (a blood condition I have) websites.  It is a natural way to add nutrients and iron into your diet in an easily digested form.  It is a pricey combination of fruit juices and nutrients.  I add it to my morning smoothies.

2. Sunwarrior Ormus Supergreens- better than carnation instant breakfast.  This is a quick way to get good things into your system.  I love having supergreens, I think it is a healthy coffee in the morning.  Drink it and you get a boost!  During my last pregnancy this stuff SAVED MY LIFE!  I don't think it tastes good, but honestly, neither does Coke.  This stuff tastes healthy.  It is my green shot drink when I need extra energy.

3. Chloropyll- this is a natural, green ointment that I add to my smoothie in the morning.  It is supposed to really help with blood production.  I can't say I notice what it does-- but it's cool.

4. ProBiotiks Bio-35- I love these vitamins.  I've taken them for years.  Honestly, I don't know much about vitamins, but these were recommended to me by friends who are super healthy.  I love them and feel healthier because I take them (even when I'm not pregnant).  They will send you a free two week trial if you want one. 

5.  D-3, calcium/mag, B-6- I take these extra vitamins just because my doctor suggested I add them.  My D is liquid that I bought at Costco, the Calcium and B-6 I just bought at a grocery store.  I think Cal/Mag was to help me absorb iron (?) and the B-6 was an extra boost because I was super nauseated.  It did help.

6. Folate- We have all heard that Folic acid is essential early in pregnancy.  This particular folic acid is supposed to be the best absorbed.  B vitamins are also essential for mental health.  It is rumored that thalassemia adds to difficulty absorbing B's and that lack of folic acid contributes to increased risk of miscarriage.  Many people told me about this super-duper vitamin.  Hopefully it is helping.

7.  Vitamix 5200s- My sister in law has done green smoothies and super healthy vegan-like eating for some time.  I called her after my last hospital stay and asked her what she knows about blood.  She said that her son had just got his blood drawn and the nurse was saying what thick, red blood he had.  The nurse kept asking what they ate.  My SIL explained that you cannot eat enough spinach in a salad-- it is way easier to drink your nutrients.  This time, it just clicked.

I decided that it was time I invested in a good blender and lots of veggies.  (I'm not a trend follower, so I have been dragging my feet on this for a long time.)  We got our mixer from Costco, because I wanted it the day I decided to buy it.  It does not fit under the counter assembled.  I use mine so often that I leave the base attached and leave the top upside-down on a drying towel.  I LOVE it.  (I had a really good blender, but this is way different.  I shouldn't have waited so long.)

I drink at least a quart smoothie every morning, alternating between spinach and kale (Todd picked up some other random green things and I usually throw in a stalk of something else with it.)
I have to drink mine in the big plastic cup with a lid and thick straw, that I got from the hospital.  It holds a quart, so I know how much I'm drinking. Every morning I eat at least a pound of greens- it tastes good and feels so healthy.  I've made some with fruit or some with chocolate almond milk, cashews and bananas.  I also love Green Smoothie Girl's Hot Pink Smoothie.  I looked up the Green Smoothie Girl on Youtube and loved to watch her videos.  She's great, especially her earlier stuff.

My kids love smoothies.  They drink the extra from mine and often I make them a separate one.  This was one big change for me.  I don't make a family smoothie-- I make MYSELF a smoothie and give them the leftovers.  If I decide to feed them smoothie for breakfast, it is separate.  This allows me to add whatever I want to mine and not worry about pickier eaters.  Green smoothies have really helped me to feel better.

8. Salad with Flax Oil-  I usually eat a big salad for lunch.  I have been using Flax Oil for my salad dressing.  My body craves that stuff.  I also add good fat stuff to my salad, like a cut up avocado, a handful of cashews or a can of rinsed black beans.  Mmmm.  I've tried to eat healthy before, but I just felt hungry.  Now, I'm really healthy but I don't feel starving and I think it's because I'm getting the nutrients from my green smoothie in the morning.  (This week, Todd has grilled me a steak every night.  He thinks I need the calories and the protein.  Sweet guy.)

Pioneer Woman turned me on to cooked kale.  I can't get enough of it.  I love it just barely cooked in butter and garlic, and I love kale chips.  SOO good and healthy.  Even my kids fight over it.  I do peel the leaves from the stems if I'm eating it, but I leave the stems on in my smoothies.

Recently, we've learned some things about this pregnancy that suggest I'm headed for a long hospital stay both before and after the baby is born.  I told Todd, I'm taking my blender an a cooler full of kale with me.  Ha!

9.  Water with crushed ice- when I'm not drinking smoothie, my cup is full of water.  Sometimes I cut up a lemon and stick it in, but most of the time I just like plain, cold water.  This helps me avoid headaches.

10.  BodyTalk with Ellen Hall-  A few times in my life I have visited with natural doctors that have used Eastern medicine to help heal things that traditional doctors were baffled by. I tend to be wary of natural medicine because it is sometimes weird and I don't want to devote my life trying to learn about it.  I also can't deny that the few time I have really needed answers, I have found my answer in alternative medicine.

For what it's worth, here are my guideposts.  1) I will only see someone that someone I really trust, really trusts.  2) I tend to be wary of any doctor that insists on repeated, continual visits.  3) I trust my gut, or the Holy Ghost, to tell me when something is truth and when it is not for me.  Usually, good natural doctors confirm what good traditional doctors say and explain it is little more.  I'm not one to think traditional doctors are evil or lying or out to hurt me.  I like "both" instead of "either/or". 

This pregnancy I was recommended, by a good friend, to Ellen Hall.  She lives around Provo, Utah but is visiting the Boise area this week.  I met with her once, over Skype, and felt an unmistakable peace.  (I hesitate to tell you this, in case you call her, but she didn't charge me anything.  I'm certain I will call her again during this pregnancy and I will happily pay her.)  When you are pregnant, or trying to heal, fear and worry really make things worse.  I do believe in modern medicine but, the Chinese have a lot to add. 

All this woman did was Skype with me and feel my energy and talk a little with me.  I could feel my fear and worry released and peace and joy returning.  She knew things about my body that confirmed what doctors suggested but were unable to prove.  She confirmed to me things that I felt my whole pregnancy.  Maybe it was all foolishness-- but after visiting with her I stopped worrying and more importantly, I stopped bleeding.  She explained to me vanishing twin syndrome and helped me recognize the feelings of grief that I was experiencing with this pregnancy. 

All of my tests and traditional doctors suggested the loss of a twin as a possibility that they were not able to confirm, she confirmed this to me and helped me to understand the internal emotion surrounding it- for me and the baby that I'm still carrying.  Again, this is probably TMI, but it was a blessing to me so I'm passing on the recommendation.  Ellen works a lot with emotions that may be buried early on in life and releasing them.  It is so interesting to me even as it baffles me. 

Yesterday, we went up to Eugene to visit with more genetic and fetal medicine doctors.  (I love these traditional doctors as much as I loved that BodyTalk woman, so if you live near me and want a great high-risk OB, let me know and I'll pass on the contact info!)  Although the baby looks great, this is going to be a difficult pregnancy, risky delivery, and long recovery.  I have so much to say on this topic, but my time is up and my afternoon is full of more doctor appointments.  Love that!!  I will say one thing, however.  Life is full of hard things.  Some have cancer, some struggle with relationships or money, some appear to have a life of ease- but theirs will come.  Today, my trial is pregnancy.  It is my sorrow and my strength-- my trial and my greatest gift. 

I know one thing for sure-- God is good.  We are never alone.  He cares when our children loose their pennies and he wants us to feel happy and healthy.  He is with me and He is with you.  He is guiding us to that truth that will bless our lives and will bless our children.  Whatever mountain you are climbing right now, trust Him to lead you up it the best way.  Trust that He will lead you.  This is a perfect process. 

I know that YOU are entitled to the highest access to revelation for your health and for your children.  YOU are.  God will lead you to doctors or books or friends.  It is a journey, but it is a guided journey.  I also believe that we were prepared before we came here for our greatest challenges.  So, in a way, we are not always finding the best ways, we are just remembering them.  When we connect with answers or doctors things will feel peaceful and familiar.  Even as doctors are saying hard things, you will feel an unexplained peace and comfort.  God is good.  Life is good.  We are so blessed to live here, in this day and age, when we have so much knowledge and truth on the Earth.
Today, I am grateful. 
Enjoy your journey!

healing.

hello friends.
i've missed you.

This post is hard for me to write.  I have 856 pictures not yet downloaded from my camera with dozens of happy, holiday posts to write.  I have 100 Christmas cards with smiling and silly faces sitting on my desk that have never been mailed and a Christmas letter that has been forming in my mind for weeks.
We won't discuss the laundry that is sitting nearby in piles or the horrific girls' room that I will have to tackle someday.

There are times in life when your body tells you to stop and listen.  I'm not very good at that.  I tend to push on, endure and ignore.  That's how I survive.  I'm learning beautiful lessons about health and rest.  How grateful I am for this experience.

I am a little over 3 months pregnant.  I was pregnant with twins, and I miscarried one.  My uterus has a small tear that is healing.  I am in bed resting, hoping that I will be able to keep the other baby in my womb.

Those of you who have known me for years, know that I have a blood condition that leaves me very anemic during pregnancy.  This, paired with 3 months of pretty heavy bleeding, left me with hemoglobin levels that were quite low.  My general care doctor said she had never seen anyone living with levels that low.  (I'm certain my hematologist was not so alarmed.)

I'm used to blood transfusions during pregnancy, but never this early.  They admitted me to the hospital right after my last OB appointment.  In the hospital I realized just how awful I have been feeling.  I was directed to some wonderful specialists that I had been avoiding, hematologist  geneticists, and high-risk OB doctors.  I sought out some natural doctors and got advice from healthy friends.

I decided to let the doctors do what they can, and at the same time to do everything I can to improve my health and rest here at home.  I didn't bleed at all the day I was in the hospital.  The day I came home, carrying eve down for her nap, I gushed blood again.  I just decided to give myself a little time in bed and see if I could stop the bleeding.  I think it is working.

I bought a vita-mix and have been inhaling spinach and kale and beet smoothies.  I'm taking mega-vitamins and chlorophyll and hoping that as I rest, my body will be able to make some strong, healthy blood.  My husband and children have been SAINTS.  I'm blessed with great friends at church that have taken to kidnapping my children or making arrangements with my husband.  I have family that has listened to hours of my worries and offered to help however they can.  Many have sent virtual messages of encouragement and congratulations.  THANK YOU.

I still do not feel good.  I suppose the weirdest thing for me is realizing that even while I am laying down, I am still exhausted.  I sleep a lot, battle a constant headache, and feel my uterus continually cramping up.  I'm so hopeful that in time, my body will heal itself and I will have a healthy pregnancy.  But, i have learned an important lesson-- i need to LISTEN better to my body.  I need to care for my health.
A healthy mother is a healthy family.  Sometimes, we need a smack in the face to stop and take notice.

Todd and I have both mourned the loss of our twin.  We would have LOVED to have twins, I have always wanted twin boys.  I'm not someone that has ever really mourned a miscarriage like a death before.  But, I feel this loss.  I feel so blessed to still have a healthy little baby inside my womb.  My ob calls this baby our "bionic baby".  It is possible to feel sorrow and joy at the same time.  And, we are SO excited for the baby that I am still carrying.  I am hopeful that the next six months will go well.

Thank you for listening to the wanderings of a hormonal mother.
Thank you for reading my blog.
I will try to update when I can, but for now I am resting and really focusing on the basics.
I hope your 2013 has started out well and that you are full of joy!

Life is so good!!  I wish I could pour into your soul the great feeling of gratitude that I feel for my Father in Heaven and for His great, individual plan for each of us.  I know this experience was not some great thing.  Many of you are going through much worse.  But, i just know that we needed this.  I needed to learn to listen and feel my body again.  I needed to remember to be healthy and grateful and full of joy.
Today I feel so blessed.  I am so blessed.