Journaling The Home Stretch

I got pretty sick last week. There was an afternoon I thought I had the mumps (it is going around SU). I don't have mumps and I'm finally feeling better! Yay!!

I made these posters for our interfaith Christmas Festival of Nativities. It was really hard for me to do, I'm using programs I've never used before. But, I'm learning and remembering skills I used to have. It feels good and stretching.

Eve begged to come to the band concert with Todd and me. She hugged Drew the moment she saw him. What would it have been like at age six to have a brother who is a Senior? 

They love him. 

We all love him. 

Oh, how we will miss him.

I LOVE school because I could NEVER give my children all that they get by the good people they are continually surrounded by.

Bad picture, lovely girls.

Eve just didn't make it all the way through the concert. (She is an angel.)

Neither did Todd.

Statistics is HARD. It is also surprisingly addicting and fun. This problem is wrong.  I divided by a standard deviation of 10 but the SD was something like 4.063 or something. I can't remember but I fixed it. My life is blessed because I have good friends that FaceTime me and help me with my homework. 

CONFESSION: My mom, my husband, and my little kids cleaned my barn ALL DAY Saturday and I did homework ALL DAY. I barely left my bedroom. I did not allow myself to feel guilty about this, I just focused, and it felt SO good to feel prepared for this next week. 

Anna and Ellie both had parties they wanted to go to on Saturday night. I told them they could not go unless they were completely caught up on their seminary lessons. Ellie was 30 lessons behind (or something like that.) They are doing online seminary. Worked well for my boys who woke up at 5 a.m. every day. Doesn't work so well for my girls who wake up at 7a.m. to leave by 7:30 a.m.

Yes, I let Ellie stay home sick on Friday to catch-up. I think I did the right thing. She feels so much happier with seminary completed and with a clean room. They both had fun at their parties Saturday night.

Things I take from my kids during church sacrament meeting...

Love those letters.

Leah sneaks and folds her program into origami planes, cootie catchers, and whatever else she thinks of. I don't really mind, but she IS eleven years old. I always ask her to stop if I see her, I think this helps her keep her folding small and unnoticeable. 

Guests were sitting right in front of us in our small church meeting today.

When I tried to take the chicken Leah was flinging around, she didn't want to give it to me. I insisted. I whispered, "Give it to me now, please. That's one. Two. Three." She was still arguing. I laughed at myself saying "Three. I said three. I'm serious now." 

She said "fine!" Too loud. And gave it to me. Really, I didn't think these little things were too distracting. But, we spend enough time arguing about dumb small toys and I never have to worry about big distractions. I guess my church philosophy is that if I draw my line ahead of what I really do think is too loud for church, they never get there. 

My kids are pretty good during church. We have no toys or books, but I do give them a piece of gum or a mint halfway through. Sometimes I give Eve or Ben a pen and a program. The teenagers are harder than toddlers because they tease the toddlers and make them scream. 

We take a whole row at church. I ALWAYS wanted that.

I love sitting with my kids and watching Todd on the stand.

Today I taught all the 12-18 youth second hour and then taught 12+ third hour (a Stake PA Just Serve presentation).

A mom from Midvale texted me this picture of Jakob and his companion at church today. Her daughter, Sister Johnson (pictured on the plaque), is serving here in the Utica, NY mission. I can't wait to see her and text a picture back to her mom! 

Isn't he adorable?

Man, I miss his face.

I miss his JOY. He brings joy. 

Oh, I love that kid. 

Can you believe TWO moms from Midvale texted me pictures this week?

He doesn't feel that far away when I see pictures. Look at those good, good young men. God bless them. 

Be kind to the missionaries you see.

Listen to the message they have to share.

I thought this was a funny costume for Todd and I to wear at a couples party. 😂

Kidding.

But, I'm NOT kidding that Halloween is on Tuesday and I still do not have costumes for my kids. I'm thinking 

Not too hard.

I have already decided that all black will work if I can't find black and white stripes at Walmart tomorrow. 

I've got this.

Oh friends. We went to a fireside tonight about journaling and I am committed to journaling again. I do write a private journal at times. But I think I miss this space, to think and record.

I almost sent Ben to bed early tonight because he was running laps in my living room, I sent him to count to ten on the bench, and he did not listen. I dressed him in is green and white pjs and he stood with his hands on his hips pleading not to go to bed. "Please Mom," he said in his calm, sweetest voice, "I will count for you. How many? One? Two? Three? I will do that. No problem mom." I said twenty. He said. "Okay, that's fine mom," and he went down to the bench. Ellie was beside me cracking up. 

I love that my kids love little kids.

My mom has been staying with us. I can't even tell you how nice it is to have her folding my laundry, caring for my kids when I'm gone, cooking dinner, and working in my yard. She amazes me. She does so much. There is nobody in the world that tries harder.

It has been such a blessing to have her here. And, it has been hard having her here too. I'm snotty sometimes. I'm also protective and defensive. Her ways are often different than mine. 

Honestly, I want to figure out how to live with my mom. I want to learn how to listen without feeling defensive and how to speak without being offensive. 

It is good to learn these lessons. 

Grad school, grandma, Halloween, missions-- I guess the theme of my life right now is that life is good, even as it stretches us.

I'm not quite sure why I am someone who is always stretching. I do know that there is joy in the journey.

Thanks for listening to my deep thoughts on a Sunday evening. 

Good night. 

Civil Societies Change the World for the Better

Have you ever heard the term civil society?
Are you a member of an organization that was started by citizens to help make the world a better place?
How much of your time is spent volunteering?
How much money do you devote to philanthropic causes?

These are questions we should all as ourselves as we consider the applied role that citizenship and religion should play in our lives.

Active community service is not only central to my belief as a Christian generally and a member of the Mormon Church specifically, but participation in society is incumbent upon us as citizens of a democracy.

“Western societies are not held together primarily by the overall enforcement of laws, which would be impractical, but most importantly by citizens who voluntarily obey the unenforceable because of their internal norms of correct behavior. For many, it is religious belief in right and wrong and anticipated accountability to a Higher Power that produces such voluntary self-regulation.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Read the transcript of his talk The Complementary Functions of Religion and Government in a Global Setting here.



One of my favorite things about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the humanitarian aide work that we are involved in. LDS Charities is an example of a faith-based organization (FBO) that is an active part of our Civil Society.

There are many different definitions of civil society, in general this refers to a third-sector of society, separate from both government and business. Civil society usually refers to nonprofit organizations formally and any charitable group informally that is focused on philanthropy, volunteerism, and contributing to the overall good society in the world.

This year, I am in graduate school full-time completing a one-year Masters in Public Administration program with a certificate of advanced studies in Civil Society Organizations from the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs.

Prior to returning to school, I was a civil society junkie without ever knowing the term civil society. I have been actively involved as a member, teacher, leader and Public Affairs representative for the Mormon Church. I have been a National Face of Accreta and president of the New York chapter of Hope for Accreta,  a Red Cross Spokesperson, MOPS member, a PTA and PTO member in 4 different states, a PTA board member, President, and district board member. I helped to design the Finding Common Ground 6 week interfaith dialogue course with the El-Hindi Center for Dialogue at Interfaith Works of CNY. I was a sponsor and planner for Dinner Dialogues, World Harmony Day, the Duck Race to End Racism, Refugee Ambassador Program, and The Spirit of America. I'm currently serving as the National Communications Chair on the board for American Mothers, Inc. Additionally, I have been part of many informal, socially involved groups including my Tully Mother Cluckers book group, various quilting clubs, mom preschool and play groups, and as a member of many online Facebook or blog groups. I love civil society.

For twenty years, I was a full-time, stay at home mother and homemaker who rarely stayed at home. One of my favorite parts of not having a 'career' was the fact that I could choose how I spent my time and efforts. Early on, I realized that my family and community were equally blessed as I served outside my home. My eight children have grown up sitting quietly beside me as I attended community meetings, helping me to set-up and clean-up from community events, interacting with friends in our communities who were physically, ethnically, and religiously diverse. My children have developed a natural ease and confidence, they are quick to help, they aren't afraid to plan large events, suggest large projects, or to lead large or small groups of people. Because we were always involved in our communities, my home had to function smoothly and orderly. Civil society has blessed my family.

Civil society or charitable efforts have brought about great changes in societies around the world. As we work together to find peace, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, respond to disaster, rescue, teach, heal, and love each other, our world is becoming a better place. Goodness begins with citizens.

I believe in civil society.

Loving Your Neighbors

He was a French teacher and she has the happiest laugh and the sweetest daughters.  They are from Mozambique and spent 10 years in a refugee camp before coming to America. I learned in a storytelling class that I participated in, that we need to be very careful telling other people's stories.  I honestly can't tell you their story, but I can tell you mine.

I was scared of refugees when I was first asked to pick up a large Muslim family who was arriving from the Middle East. I got the call from my friend, Daryl, who works with Interfaith Works in CNY who works along with Catholic Charities to settle refugees in Syracuse. She called because it was a large family and they needed my 15 passenger van to get them from the airport to their new home.  She mentioned that they usually provided a meal but due to the late notice, they didn't have a meal planned. I was sitting in library story time and withing 5 minutes all of my fellow story time moms had agreed to make part of a meal that I could bring with me later that night.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that being there, at that airport that night, was a transformative moment for me. I was born-again, again. I saw a family walk nervously through the halls of the Syracuse International Airport and stop, unsure how to proceed through the revolving doors that separated us.  Their clothing surprised me because it was very American.  The parents wore colorful, native outfits, but the children were dressed in shirts with NFL team logos or funny American "drink milk" slogans. They wore shoes awkwardly, flip flops really, and were obviously cold but had no jackets. All of their belongings were packed in a few zippered, plastic bags, similar to the recyclable bags you can buy to bring your groceries home in.

It is hard to describe the people, because they had a depth in their eyes that is hard to describe. I saw pain, hope, exhaustion, excitement, fear, love, worry, and gratitude. My soul immediately loved them and I yearned to ease their concern and welcome them to their new land. I have NEVER felt more proud to be an American then I did in that moment.  In that moment, I felt like the statue of liberty, representing America to these people.

Emma Lazarus' poem was etched into my soul with a strength and love that will ever remain.

The New Colossus

BY EMMA LAZARUS

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, 

With conquering limbs astride from land to land; 

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand 

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame 

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name 

Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand 

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command 

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. 

“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she 

With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor, 

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, 

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. 

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, 

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” 

Give ME your tired, your poor, your HUDDLED MASSES YEARNING TO BREATHE FREE, THE WRETCHED REFUSE OF YOUR TEEMING SHORE. SEND THESE, THE HOMELESS, TEMPEST-TOST TO ME". (I love this inspired poem.  I love the image of a brass warrior, a Greek giant who guards against intruders who has been by a welcoming MOTHER holding a torch in her hand to guide weary travelers safely to our doors. Yes! Let us welcome. Let us hold our torches high! Not just to welcome kings, but to welcome the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to BREATHE free.  We breathe free my friends. Can we not share this great gift? Isn't there always room for one more at our table?)

I remember the sign-language, charade style introductions.  My husband helping with bags and logistics and me, trying to catch the mother's eye to smile deep into her soul.  Instantly I was drawn to the children. The teenagers had eyes that held secrets no teenager should have to carry, but the young children still twinkled with mischief and joy. As I buckled these sweet children into my van, into my own children's car seats and boosters, I literally felt my heart attach to theirs. I knew then, as I know now, that these families need our help. They are not 'foreigners' or even terrorists.  They are my brothers, my sisters, my sons, my daughters, and not only did my conscience demand that I help them, I knew that my religion meant NOTHING if I did not love and serve His children who were seeking refuge.

And, since that day, I have shared my conversion story with many people.  I have helped to initiate some beautiful efforts to help refugees in our area.  But, there is so much more I wish I could do.

I get overwhelmed when I think of all the world problems.  I frankly get overwhelmed when I try to write a To Do List of all that I have to do for my own family each day.  But, I have learned an eternal and essential lesson.  Our families are BLESSED as we  SERVE with them. Perhaps I should say SERVING others is actually BLESSING your family.

Jesus taught the parable of the loaves and the fishes.  Share all that you have and He will multiply it. He makes 5 loaves and 3 fishes enough to feed 5000.  I believe in miracles because I have SEEN miracles. I have watched me teenagers become holy, kind, loving young adults BECAUSE they serve others.

I don't feel sorry for refugees. God holds them in his hand and His light shines in their eyes.
The reason I believe in a loving God even when I see tragedy around me is two fold.

First, I believe trials refine and purify our souls. I believe suffering is temporary and holy.  One of our main purposes in coming to Earth (indeed even one of our Savior's main purposes in coming to Earth) is to descend below all things. As we ache, we are able to feel comforted. As we yearn, we recognize answers. As we want, we feel true gratitude. As we are filled with sorrow, we have room for a fullness of joy.  Suffering highlights all that is real and true in life.

Second, I believe in a God of Compensatory blessings. He compensates when times are hard by sending angels round about us. He blesses us with gifts and understanding, compassion, empathy, eternal perspective, community, and peace. In the midst of great suffering, He sends true healing.

Perhaps this is why I love refugees so much. I feel within them a refined soul. I feel their nearness to God. I feel their humility and their pure gratitude.  Having watched naturalization ceremonies where refugees have become American citizens, and having sat with them as these new Americans talk about what they love about our country, I have felt renewed in my love for democracy, and citizenship in this land that strives for freedom and justice for all.

I am not bragging about the service that I have done. In all honesty, I have done VERY little. My heart is bigger than my capacity to serve at times.

I'm sharing with you my deep, heartfelt conviction that we can and should love our neighbors more.
We should start with a desire and try to do something, even if it is a small thing.

We should invite people into our homes who are different religions, different colors, different nationalities. We should love their children and share the gifts God has blessed us with. As we do this, our families will be blessed.  Not just blessed by God because they are doing some noble service.  Blessed by the people we THINK we are serving because really, it is an honor to serve people who are refined.

Matthew 25
34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

If it has been demonstrated that I have been willing to die for a "Mormon," I am bold to declare before Heaven that I am just as ready to die in defending the rights of a Presbyterian, a Baptist, or a good man of any denomination; for the same principle which would trample upon the rights of the Latter-day Saints would trample upon the rights of the Roman Catholics, or of any other denomination who may be unpopular and too weak to defend themselves. It is a love of liberty which inspires my soul — civil and religious liberty to the whole of the human race.

—Joseph Smith, 1843

Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Do you want to help refugees in your area? Click here to read 40 Ways To Help Refugees in Your Community.

❤️

As He Grows From Boy To Man

We give our children roots and wings.

We want them to leave us, to learn, to grow, to serve.

And yet, as they progress to the next momentous stage of life we know they are leaving behind a stage that we love. We will mourn the loss of boy even as we love the new man.

Jakob has caused me my fair share of heartaches.  But oh how I love that kid.

We were out running errands and had lunch at some big taco joint.  I told him I really wasn't sad that he was leaving.  I'm SO happy for him and I really don't want him at home watching dumb TV for the rest of his life.  He looked into my eyes with his twinkling half smile and said.  "Ok mom.  So you won't cry when you don't see my coat hanging on the kitchen chair."  I cried just thinking about that.

I can't help it.

I love that child SO much. 

I LOVE having my kids all together, playing in the pool, singing in the car, squabbling at the dinner table, teasing in the church pew, laughing, sleeping, working, just being together.

THIS stage of togetherness has ended.

That hurts.

But, every single sunset in my life has been followed by a beautiful sunrise.  

I bawled when Jakob left for kindergarten.  Bawled.

And then, he came home happy and told me all the wonderful things he had learned.  And, my ache was less.

He was scared of the mean lunch ladies and didn't know what a "single smile line" was, but he figured things out.  

We both did.

When Drew left home the next year it was still hard (for me and him) but not as hard because Jakob had led the way, with a smile and a wave and the assurance that he would be fine.

God sent me Jakob first because He knew I would need his strength and confidence.

Oh my dear, dear boy.

Know every second of your life that you are loved.  Know that God is real, that He hears your prayers, that Heaven is near, and that you have angels on your right hand and on your left.

Serve with your heart, might, mind, and strength.

Love like your mom taught you how to.

Believe.

And take lots of pictures.

We will miss you and celebrate all that you are.

Two years.  A life tithe.  

Oh, what a beautiful plan.  

I think I'm going to love this new stage.

Life is good.

This is the best kind of hard.

Huffington Post-UK Shows My MUMBOD

So, an article I wrote was published in the Huffington Post-UK for a column they are doing celebrating "MUMBODS".  My aunt read a similar article and sent me a note encouraging me to tell my story. I say down for an hour, typed up a small email, and sent it off.  They wrote back asking me to make it longer and wanting to include pictures and then I got an email saying I was published and on the front page.

I loved that my article was right next to an article about the benefits to sleeping naked.  Perhaps we could have linked MUM BODS to naked sleeping in some way?

Anyway, here is the link if you would like to read it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jenifer-moss/my-eight-children-are-constant-reminders-of-how-wonderful-my-mumbod-is_b_17403044.html

I'm certain there are still some people in the world who haven't seen my cute, scarred tummy.

I hope you are well, my long lost blog friends.

I miss you.

I miss blogging.

I am in graduate school full-time and I am loving it.

Life is good!

ACT because you LOVE!

Have you heard the saying- "Don't exercise because you HATE your body, exercise because you LOVE it."

I love that.

Acting because we love is powerful!

I believe old Scratch fills our mind with numbing, paralyzing, feelings of self-doubt and GUILT.  Because he knows that acting out of guilt or fear will rob us of the JOY that naturally comes from acting. 

If you fix food that is healthy because you're fat, unhealthy, and sacrificing the REALLY AMAZING UNHEALTHY FOOD you can't have, you probably will feel miserable and guilty the whole time you're ACTING healthy.  

If you choose to eat healthy food because you LOVE colorful nourishment, and because you're WISE enough to know what your body needs, and because you're CREATIVE enough to plan good, delicious food for your body-- you will feel powerful and amazing!!  

This principle applies to almost every aspect of our lives!

Clean, because you LOVE a clean house and don't feel angry or guilty that you haven't cleaned yet or that your house is messy.  Embrace your actions and heighten your motivations, and in doing this you will feel a fullness of joy.

Can you have political conversations with people without feeling angry?  

Yes!

We know how to really care about issues without being mean, fearful, or angry.

Talk about what you LOVE and VALUE, not what you fear and hate.

Some people mistakingly believe that if you focus on the positive you are giving the darkness more power.

I don't agree.

I believe you give darkness power when you feel contentious, angry, afraid, or tense.

I believe that anyone who acts in love will feel bright, free, powerful, happy, and joyful!  

I am not the coach that motivates his team with threats and demeaning slurs.

But I am the mother that looks right into the eyes of a child scared to jump off a diving board as I say-- "YOU CAN DO THIS!!  Keep trying!  You are not a wimp because you're scared.  You're brave because you jump anyway!"

When you are watching your child learn to tie their shoes you tell them they are doing a great job!  Because they're trying!  Can you imagine a mom leaning over her child whispering, "How old are you?  You still haven't figured this out?  Geesh, that loop is too long.  Everyone else figured this out so much faster than you did."  No!  This child would hate shoe tying, hate herself, and hate her mother.

What if you went to tuck your child into bed at night and every night told them everything that you saw in them that was wrong.  You would be wrong and hurtful. Your child would be paralyzed.

Protect your children.

Protect yourself!

It does not threaten our religious liberty to allow others to choose a different way of life.  And, we can live our religion without pointing out to everyone how different we are from them.  

We can ACT differently even as we LOVE.

Was it Elder Ballard that used to drink milk at executive socials?  He drank milk, because he wanted to!  He didn't argue with every liqueur drinking associate.  He didn't hold up a poster of a child with FASD or feel defensive every time someone mentioned his drink was different.

Today I want to be a mother who is better at discerning LOVE and HATE.  I am going to guard my own thoughts better.

Can't you see what I'm seeing?

We need to fiercely defend against the flaxen chords that are weaving themselves into our thoughts and our words.

Place cherubim and a flaming sword to guard your mind and your mouth!  

Be filled with VIRTUE and feel power in acting even as we are all still becoming.

We can do this!!!

Discern!!

Guard!!

ACT with power.  

Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself.

Onward Mother Soldiers!  💗💗

March Because You Love!

I'm still marching through my thoughts these days.  

This was a Facebook post I wrote last week:

I have been very vocal lately in my support of the Women's March and my concern with Trump's refugee policy.  Is this hypocritical of me- a Pro Life Conservative?  I just don't see the world as polarized as most people do.  I'm very moderate.  I see good virtues in both parties and I feel great danger in the constant fight between us.  

When you honestly feel that your views are RIGHT and another large group of people are WRONG then you start shouting at each other and stop listening to each other.  

I hear a lot of people who want more goodness in the world and a lot of people who are really angry at the evil in the world.  I don't think we have to fight.  

Is killing too many black children less wrong than killing too many cops?  No.  They are both wrong and there is a solution that is right and will save lives on both sides.  

Do we have to make abortion illegal to save lives and promote life?  No.  We can preach morality, ethics, birth control, respect for life even if women keep the choice.  

Let's try to get more women to choose life and I'm pretty sure half the people we've been fighting would fight with us!  

Can we legitimize people even if we don't embrace their lifestyle choices?  Yes!  Of course we can.  

I have no problem teaching my children that smoking is not healthy even as I teach them that smokers should be able to order wedding cakes, pee in the stall next to me, come to my home as beloved friends and family, and act as my teacher and mentor in so many ways.  

We CAN absolutely legitimize and believe that people who live lives different from our own ideal life deserve safety, respect, and protection under the law.  

I believe that people are good.  I believe that we are more alike then we are different.  I'm not deceived, I'm charitable.  

I'm not a Democrat but if I have to choose to be liberal with my pride or liberal with my love-- I will choose to be liberal with my love.  Charity never faileth.

Mormon Women March

I woke up yesterday morning and the strength of womanhood pulsed through my soul.  In truth, as a caring conservative Mormon woman I was wracked with conflict.  I yearned to March with Women everywhere and I worried that I was wrong for what I was feeling.

At home with 4 of my 8 children exercising my body and soul through Saturday morning chores, my mind was envisioning millions of women across the world marching together for love, unity, and kindness.  I wanted to feel what that Women's March would feel like!  My soul felt so tired of standing apart and I just yearned to march forward together.  

I wanted my five daughters to know that we can be different from the world and still be unified with our sisters in the world.

I wanted to shout to all who would listen, "They that are with us are MORE than they that are against us."

The motto "Charity NEVER Faileth" echoed with strength and power through my mind and I finished our laundry with determination and precision.

As I was tidying rooms I glanced one of my daughter's Young Women necklaces laying on a nightstand and I put it on.  I knew that my symbol of power that day would not come from the hat that I wore but from the power of virtues that I held high, virtue that I embodied, and virtue that would light the way as I marched forward into an unknown future.

And, at that moment I KNEW that my desire to March with my sisters was not wrong- it was foreordained.  

My friends and neighbors marched together in nearby towns and around the world.  They were showing support for their gay brothers, their Palestinian mothers, the dignity of women, their fear of tyranny and oppression.  And, my heart marched beside them even when I wasn't completely with them. 

I found myself sweeping up stray Legos while chanting "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and "Neither do I condemn thee," over and over in my mind.

While so many I know felt called upon to highlight how we are different from the world, I knew that every fiber of being was shouting how I am the same.

We are SISTERS.

We come from the same eternal Father and Heavenly Mother.

Our hearts yearn for charity, compassion, and love.

We are all MOTHERS who love our children and His children.

We can stand for truth and righteousness all the days of our lives AND we can join with our sisters to march forward in unity, seeking peace, seeking love, recognizing our power, and responding to the clarion call that was issued in premortal realms.  Daughters, you were born to lead and to govern.  Arise and shine forth!

I learned a lesson years ago as a mother. One of my children was fighting and contentious.  His Spirit was angry and his words were harsh.  My initial response was to call him out, push him away, send him to his room, and feel self-righteous in labeling the wrong within him.  In that moment, I was taught by Heaven.  I knew that I could not fight anger with my own "righteous anger".  I looked at this child and saw my son, who I loved, in his own personal struggle.  I recognized my struggle at that very moment was not so different from his.  

Instead of moving away from him, I moved closer, lovingly touching his arm.  In my own mind, I powerfully cast hate and anger out and I willed my heart to swell with my greatest most powerful love.  

In that moment I absolutely felt our ability to recognize sin separate from soul and I felt the command to LOVE more.  I knew that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (New Testament, Ephesians 6:12)."  

"But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. (New Testament, Luke 15:20)."

"And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them. (New Testament, Luke 15:2)."  And even as we read this scripture we might miss the fact that it is not showing Christ's mercy, it is showing our own pharisitical blindness and pride.  EVERY single meal he ate was with sinners because we all are.  He TOUCHED the lepers.  He healed them and he loved them.  THEY are not the lepers- WE are.  WE are not marching with THEM.  HE marches with US.  

My soul naturally swells with compassion, mercy, charity, and hope.  I am grateful that my husband has a nature that guards, protects, and warns against danger.  I feel great safety in his care even as my natural tendencies are so different.  To deny the nurturing, loving, embracing part of my soul is to deny my very womanhood and my greatest strength.

Today, I will raise my torch high!  

Today, my voice will sing His praise.  

I will stand and I will MARCH with my family, with my mothers, with my sisters, with my brothers.  

I'm not always sure where I will march forth or how I will march forth but I do know why.

  

I will MARCH because my soul knows that LOVE NEVER FAILS.  NEVER!

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. (New Testament, John 13:34-35)."

Marching forward I can SEE mists of darkness all around us.  There is great confusion, deception, and danger on the right-hand and on the left.  

We CAN press forward, united, as we hold tightly to the word of God and look towards the light, the great tree of life, symbolic of the LOVE of God.  We do not need to stand alone, and we do not need to be ashamed.   We can only be with our families for eternity if we gather in His Love.  

We are not fighting our family or even standing against our sisters.  We are pressing forward TOGETHER towards love, through darkness.  We are on the same team, and because we have  a torch we must lead the way.

Oh women of God, shall we not go forth in so great a cause?  

My mother taught me a great lesson.  Trust your gut.  

Listen, learn, hold to the rod, and then go forth with faith!

March on!  

We are filled with the love of God and we will feel His power pushing us to love and serve His children.  We don't need to suppress our generous thoughts, feel ashamed by our compassion, or shy away from mercy.  We can know truth and love freely.

Mormon women, we CAN, we SHOULD, and we ARE marching forward with our sisters.  We are doing this everyday by how we talk, how we act, and how we serve.  HOLD tightly to truth!  Press forward through mists WITH your families, neighbors, and friends.

We can hold our heads high, raise our torches, and let the love in our hearts pour into our homes, our streets, our neighborhoods, and our world!

Charity Never Faileth! 

What Shall We Give in Return for so Much?

Jakob was ordained as the First Assistant in his Priest Quorum on Sunday.

I am ALIVE and healthy!  I can walk and my bladder and bowels function!  I can cross country ski!! 

I know God.  He speaks to me, cleanses me, comforts me, and strengthens me.

I am married to my best friend.  He loves me.  We have created 8 fabulous children together.

We are so blessed with a loving, generous, supportive extended family.  Having moved many times throughout our marriage, our life is so full of good friends and examples.

I feel blessed to live here in the United States of America!  I love this beautiful land!  I love our democracy and our freedoms.  

A man I love, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, gave a talk, "The Great the Plan of Our God!"  In it he said, 

"Recently I had the opportunity to travel to Belfast, Northern Ireland. While there, I noticed the Belfast Coat of Arms, which includes the motto “Pro tanto quid retribuamus,” or “What shall we give in return for so much?""

As I read these words today I felt that question echo in my soul.

Pro tango quid retribuamus.

What shall we give in return for so much?

And so, I'll tell you.

I will give him my CONFIDENCE.

My Heavenly Father has never let me down before and I will trust Him forever.

I will REMEMBER the miracles I've seen and the lessons I've learned.

No matter how large and daunting the trial in front of me appears, I will remember the mountains I have already climbed.  I will remember that after every hard thing I have endured I have felt the price I had to pay was worth the person I became.  

I will choose GRATITUDE over fear.

Looking for His presence instead of worrying IF He'll be there.

I will WALK ON.  When my ability to do seems insignificant when compared with my desire to do, I will just continue onward.  One step at a time.  I will pour my last drop of water and watch for His wine. 

I will give him my WORDS.  Even when my heart is heavy and my soul is tired, I will give thanks, testify, worship, pray, and forgive.

I will SHARE my blessings, I will LOVE Him and love His children,  I will WAIT PATIENTLY for His continued mercy.

I've been a bratty teenager lately.

I see it now.

I'm fighting with my best friend.

I've been telling God that He asks too much of me instead of telling Him how grateful I am for all He has given me.  

As a woman blessed with GREAT faith, I can tell you something I know.

Faith is a CHOICE.

Feelings follow focus.

If you focus on how blessed you are, you will FEEL blessed.

If you focus the hard things in life, life will feel harder.

If you trust God loves you, know He is guiding you, and look for His tender mercies in your life- you will see them.

If you cuss, pout, and give up, you will feel forlorn and abandoned.  

Let's choose faith together!

In return for SO MUCH, let's give him our heart.

Oh, the Lord is good to me.

Life is good.

Bust the Move 2017!

Ok- I'm READY.

If I felt that I lost my "give a damn" last year, I found it again this year.  

I'm turning 40 and as we used to say in the good ol' days, it's time to bust the move.

FIND MY EXERCISE GROOVE--

One thing I've realized lately is-- exercise needs to be social for me.  I'm lonely living out here in the country.  I'm also not athletic, I'm competitive and completely out of shape.

The best I've ever done with exercise was when Todd and I joined a gym together in Texas.  We exercised every morning before we woke the kids up.  The gym was only a few minutes from my house.  We did fitness for life intervals- 3 days of interval running and 2 days of weights.  It was scheduled and I was always trying to show Todd how tough I am, so I got into shape quickly.  My other favorite was working out with a personal trainer.

Todd exercises up at his school gym now, for free.  There is a local gym here, but I don't want to go by myself.  I have friends in town who 1) exercise beach body at home, 2) go twice a week to a dance/aerobics class, or 3) go to an early morning kick-butt workout class.  There is also a local yoga class or a larger YMCA gym with daycare that is 20 minutes away.  Because it's beautiful here, I keep telling myself that just going outside everyday is the answer.  But, it's cold and snowy and lonely outside.  I'm pretty much a complete extrovert!  I tend to be casual friends with a lot of people instead of really choosing my tribe.

I'm also scared of my body.  It's hard to push yourself when you're afraid of dying.  It's time to let go of that!  

I need to find my groove- this year!

(I'm going cross-country skiing for the second time this week with a group of friends.  That's a start!)

STICK WITH IT SCRIPTURE STUDY--

I feel so flighty lately with my scripture study.  I read inspirational talks one day, plan my Sunday School lesson the next, read actual scriptures the next.  I'm tired of being flighty.  I started a Book of Mormon commentary and I'm going to read it EVERY morning, first.  If I read something else that day, it's bonus.  I need some consistency.  I'm also going to kneel and pray every morning and night.  No excuses, no laziness, no pray on the go.

GET SMART MASTERS--

I'm studying right now for the GRE and applying to Grad School for School Psychology.  I have no idea if I'll get accepted, I only know I really want to try.  It feels SO good to study for the GRE.  It feels like my brain is waking up after a 20 year snooze.  When I tried to do a sample test a few weeks ago, I couldn't even do ONE problem on the quantitative side.  Not one!  My teenage kids are helping me study and it's been painful and fun!  We have laughed more together over math questions this month than any other thing.  And, lest I deceive you, the qualitative vocabulary questions are equally ridiculous.  Honestly.  They use words nobody has ever heard of (like HEGEMONY).  

As a side note: studying for the GRE has not been good for my marriage.  Because nobody knows what HEGEMONY means except the Professor.  He knows everything and it's really annoying.  He also is a more impatient teacher than one would expect from a professor.  His quick explanations are harder for me to understand than the questions themselves.  So, YouTube, Anna, Jakob, and Drew are my preferred tutors.  

EXTREME MONEY MAKEOVER--

Todd traded me chores for finances.  Ha! He actually begged me to takeover finances promising he'd plan and cook all the meals, clean the bathrooms, and do the laundry if I would do the money.  I decided if he would plan and execute family chores I would call it a fair trade.

And, I LIKE doing the money.  I've always been frugal and I love seeing how much we can save.  I'm a severe realist compared to Todd's optimism and I have no problem saying "We can't afford that."  

We honestly should have made this trade years ago, but I had a really hard time with the idea of doing the finances when I am married to a business professor.  

This year, I want to really, really live within our means with padding!  I want savings I top of a padded budget.  Which means if our car breaks, I don't want to use savings to pay for it.  I want a CAR BUDGET in addition to savings.  I want our savings to just go up, not up and down.  And, because I'm allocating our money more specifically, we won't look in our checking account in January and think we have extra and look again in December and not have enough.  I'm trying to plan better.  That's my goal.  

We also paid off our van and our credit card.  I hope we never have another credit card balance or car payment.  Ever. 

HAVE FUN WITH MY KIDS!!--

There are so many things that I want to do with my kids that I never do because I'm always doing things that I need to do with them.  I'm so sick of that!  I don't want my interaction with my family to constantly be about putting away their laundry and picking up their backpack!  

I want more mom-dates this year.  My kids are really fun and so am I-- we need more positive, bonding, joyful time together!  I don't want to watch them play sports, I want to play with them.  I don't want to just hear about some fun thing they did while I'm washing dishes, I want to live life with them.  I'm tired of running to the store for them when they're at school, I'm going to wait and take them with me more.

We brought Anna on our date night last night and it was really fun.  We need to do that often!

2017-- I'm ready for you!

Let's do this.