Happy Mother's Day, Schatz!

I do not write like Jen.  But, I still love her bunches.  So, I'm hijacking her blog to let her know that I love her and I feel so blessed to have her as the joyful mother of our children.  There, that's all.  Love you Schatz!

the act of marriage.

{Spoiler alert written by the professor:  this post contains many uplifting, and some tastefully humorous, thoughts on marital intimacy.  If you believe that this topic is inappropriate for public blog posts, feel free to click “Back” now.}

When my mother scheduled my first OB appointment just weeks before my marriage, she told them that I was a virgin and that I was getting married.

You can imagine that I was a bit of a celebrity in that Washington, DC office.

I will never forget the Indian women’s instructions complete with a demonstration using her fist and pointer finger.  “If he go slow” she explained, “you’ll be just fine.”

Todd read the book, “The Act of Marriage” twice before our honeymoon.

On our wedding night I told him to shut up and kiss me.

I did not want to know anything from a book.

I wanted our intimate life to be exactly what it was...

New, experimental, innocent and perfect.

I figured if God thought we could figure it out on our own I wanted to enjoy the process.

We did!

there are things that good mormon girls don’t talk about.

Your sex life is one of them.

I do believe that your intimate life is between you, your spouse and the Lord.

It is sacred and private.

And, it should be.

But, I have learned much from wise friends who have answered questions I’ve had... and, I’ve felt prompted to be open about intimacy with others.

I hope you feel that I’m open without being irreverent or immodest.

I have some advice about intimacy.

I was even asked to teach a class on marital intimacy once.

This was my advice...

You know when you’re young and your arm brushes against a boy’s arm that you are crushing on?

Your whole body tingles.

And then you start dating and you hold hands or kiss for the first time.

It’s magical.

And after awhile, holding hands looses the tingles... but kissing is magical.

My advice is... ENJOY THE PROCESS.

Can you imagine if the five year old who kisses a boy for the first time behind the swing set bursting into tears because her kiss wasn’t like the ecstatic woman on tv?

Enjoy the tingles that come from brushing arms!

Enjoy kissing, enjoy being near each other... enjoy learning together!

Enjoy what it is even as it is becoming what it can be.

My wedding night was beautiful and perfect.

We have learned a lot since then.

Our intimacy is different, but no more real or perfect.

There have been many stages to our intimacy.

There have been times when I thought we had it all figured out.

There have been times when I have sobbed because I thought we were the only couple in the world that couldn’t figure things out.

There have been nights when I’ve pushed todd away from me thinking he was the most selfish man ever.

There have been nights when I’ve begged him to want me more.

There have been many nights where I’ve laid in his arms knowing that I am the luckiest girl in the world.

When we couldn’t get pregnant for over a year I thought we were broken.

When I had many babies and couldn’t enjoy much with intimacy I thought I was broken.

We’ve read books, we’ve thrown books away.

We’ve shared our bed with too many kids, we’ve been too tired, too lazy, too stressed.

I’ve had my fair share of head aches.

We’ve tried too hard, we haven’t tried enough.

I’ve thought, sixteen year old girls in the back of a car can figure this out better than we can?

And I’ve thought, nobody has it better than this.

We don’t schedule intimacy... we tend to cluster.

Really great and close—a bit distracted and distant.

Like everything good in life... intimacy takes continual work.

It’s an ebb and flow.

Intimacy in marriage isn’t just something that stays great.

It’s like a testimony...

if you are not continually working at strengthening your marriage, your marriage relationship will naturally dissipate.

Everyone has to work at it.

And, maybe there are couples out there that have never had to work out anything about their intimacy.

Guess what?  They have something else they’re working on.

Trust me.

better yet, don't trust me- just ask them. 

say, "it seems like you have the perfect marriage."

and, unless they are still wearing their wedding dress they will probably laugh.

Satan whispers for us to hide when we are naked.

God commands us to cleave unto our spouse in our nakedness.

We live in a day and age when people spend a lot of money and effort trying to make naked perfect.

I don’t want a spouse that can only find joy in me when I have the body of a 19 year old magazine cover.

I want a man that will love me when I’m old and saggy and wrinkled.

And, guess what?

He wants a woman that will let him love her even when she doesn’t feel like a 19 year old magazine cover.

There is great joy that comes from not being ashamed to be naked in front of your spouse or your God.

Not just physically.

To have one person that sees your strengths and weaknesses and loves you completely is what marriage is all about.

To be able to love someone else.

To love and to be loved—warts and all.

It’s a journey, a becoming, a process, a miraculous dance that you create together.

And, the road is uphill with divine views.

I once was studying the law of chastity.

We believe the law of chastity is that you have no sexual relations before marriage and that you are completely faithful to your spouse inside of marriage.

I thought much about how I could be “completely faithful” to my spouse.

About what it means to have FAITH in him.

Faith is the evidence of things NOT SEEN.

Or, in other words, seeing his potential.

Loving him completely for what he can become- not just what he is today.

Oh, how I have loved learning to love that man completely.

i'm someone that people talk to about their problems- it's in my nature.

my heart aches for those who struggle.

i know that everyone struggles with something.

i have friends who struggle with a spouse who has been unfaithful.

i have friends who struggle with issues from before their marriage that affect their intimate life together.

i have friends who struggle with a spouse addicted to pornography.

i have friends who struggle to feel anything at all during intimacy.

i have friends with husbands who never want to be intimate.

i have friends who complain because their husbands are too attentive and caring too much about making sure they enjoy intimacy all the time.

i have friends with really, really great intimate lives.

i have friends who have taught me much about loving.

We have struggled, like many people do.

People who struggle seem to think they are the only ones... that it’s not fair, that they shouldn’t have to work on their marriage.

People are always surprised when I tell them what I think—

The commandment to BE ONE with your spouse is like the commandment to BE ONE with your God.

It takes daily, weekly, hourly effort.

And NO ONE is exempt from that effort.

i once heard of a Sunday school lesson on chastity where the teacher licked the icing from the middle of the oreo and put the cookies together.

She asked if anyone in the class would want to eat the licked oreo?

She repeated the phrase to the girls, “save yourself for marriage, don’t be a licked oreo.”

The teacher had no way of knowing that another one of the leaders in that room had just found out her husband was a “licked oreo”.

They were struggling in their own marriage.

Can you imagine how painful that lesson would have been for her?

Can you imagine if one of those young girls happened to slip up, to make dumb choices young in life that would bring her pain?

Can you hear Satan whispering to her, “you can never go back now, you’re the licked oreo?”

We have to be SO CAREFUL with what we teach and what we say and what we believe.

God is greater than Nabisco.

our intimate natures are not one time, make it or break it, cookies.

his atonement heals, forgives, changes, purifies, teaches, and fill us with the potential for complete JOY.

he is justice and mercy, divine grace and infinite forgiveness.

if we don't believe this, we do not know Him.

Deep within each of us is the potential for joy that is greater than oreos.

Intimacy is a divine gift from God.

Passion is one of God’s greatest gifts.

It is not a coincidence that he pairs Passion with Creation.

Both are divine.

It is not a coincidence that Satan loves the bedroom.

God is love.  Satan is doubt, fear, trickery, deceit.

Satan does not tempt us or our husbands because we are weak and evil.

He tempts us because he knows we have a GREAT potential for good.

We are commanded to bridle our passions that we may be filled with love.

It is not the weak horses that have a hard time with their bridles... it is the gallant Stallions.

God is not the condemning parent that Satan wants us to believe He is.

God is the wise teacher who is continually leading us to eternal JOY.

You can try to separate physical intimacy from emotional intimacy, but your joy will be shallow.

You can try to enjoy a symbol of commitment with no level of commitment and you will ache for more.

You can drive your “marriage buggy” with one wheel over the edge of the cliff and think you won’t get hurt.

Be careful of Satan’s cliffs.

Excessive physical unity can’t compensate for emotional unity.

You can be content living in a relationship where you are casual people living parallel lives.

but oh how you are missing out!

Nothing compares with pure, unified, marital intimacy.

It is divine and holy and beautiful.

And so fun!

It is worth the wait.  It is worth the effort.

A wise man once told me, intimacy is how adults play.

I think we should play more, talk more, enjoy life together more.

If this whole blog hasn’t already been TMI... here’s the final TMI.

I once got a hemorrhoid.

Not from childbirth, from weightlifting, I think.

I was burning and aching and I dreaded going to the bathroom.

It was horrible and I was cranky.

Nobody knew the real reason why.

(well, except that I always say too much and so I told too many people.)

The whole time I was dealing with my situation I kept thinking about cranky ladies at the grocery store.

I kept thinking, “I bet they have a hemorrhoid and we just don’t know.”

I think that intimacy problems are sometimes hemorrhoids in our marriage.

We may not talk about them, but they still affect everything we do.

Intimacy is the glue that holds everything together.

The rose colored glasses.

the sprinkles on our cupcake.

For me, the true sacrament of intimacy is that 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2.

1 + 1 = 200

The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

When todd and I are unified we are more kind, more patient, we work harder, we laugh more, we wake up early, we floss. :)

There is beauty all around, when there’s love at home.

I have learned that intimacy is better than sleep when I am tired.

Intimacy is better than words when we are making up from an argument.

A weekly stay home night is more important for us than a weekly date night.

My real life, imperfect man is better than Stephanie Meyer’s glowing vampire.

Todd and I, we don’t have a perfect marriage.

But, we’re perfect together.

I love him more than I ever imagined possible.

And, he loves me even when I feel unlovable.

And, we want to love each other better.

I still get tingles when he rubs my arm.

I still love to kiss him in the car.

My favorite time to cuddle is in the morning when he’s all dressed for work and I’m a distraction.

I love when pulls me close to him in the middle of the night.

We have travelled a long journey together (almost 15 years)...

and we have many miles yet to travel (1500 years)...

and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather make the trip with.

{This was one of those posts that got me up in the middle of the night- I had to write it so I could go back to bed.  Todd whispered sleepily, “what were you doing?” I whispered back, “writing a post on our sex life.”  He woke up.  hah!  I assured him that I had the draft waiting for him to approve before I pushed POST.  he hopped right out of bed to read my draft, wondering why I had picked this topic.  I assured him, I didn’t... it just wouldn’t go away.  As he climbed back in bed he was thoughtful.  he isn’t the talkative woman that I sometimes wish he was.  “it’s not bad, I fixed some typos,” he said.  “I want to read it again in the morning.”  I wondered if he thought I made our relationship seem too hard.  He said he didn’t think so.  I asked if he thought I made our relationship seem too good?  He laughed and said,  “You could never do that.”  I wondered why and he said that I’m just too real... I asked about hemorrhoids and he laughed, “that’s not too bad, I think everyone has had a hemorrhoid once in their life.”  He liked the part where I said I liked being his distraction on his way to work and he said he should let himself be distracted more often.  wink, wink...  And then he thought we should stop talking and start enjoying our process a little bit more.  As he rubbed his hand down my side he whispered, “Can you feel that? hourglass.”  We have an ongoing debate about my body-type.  He is convinced I have an hourglass figure and I’m pretty certain I’m an apple, or pear, or celery.  I sure love that guy and please don’t tell him that he is not married to an hourglass, thanks.}

Life is good.

Marriage is good.

It is worth it.

This is not a post about my intimate life.

It is a post where I testify that marital intimacy is SO IMPORTANT.

a good intimate life is possible and worth it!!

I know it is.

like beans and cornbread.

i'm five months pregnant with eve (my seventh) in this picture- just so you know.
most pictures you see of me, i'm pregnant with someone :)

todd's family is vanilla.
my family is rocky road.

we met at church while we were attending byu.
i shared my testimony one Sunday and had 8 dates the next week.
they called todd "Mr. Mom".
he baked bread, he kept his apartment clean, he never skipped class, he knew all the answers in sunday school class, and he left parties early so he could get to bed on time.
i was a convert to mormonism.
my mother met mormon missionaries around the time she was separating from my first father.
todd's ancestors were mormon pioneers.
even though i was teaching seminary (an lds religion class) i was intimidated to read scriptures with todd because he knew the hebrew root words and i pronounced the words incorrectly.
i cried because my jello didn't get hard.
(fyi- you can not be a good mormon wife if you don't know how to make jello.)
i thought marriage was everything hard in life.
todd thought marriage would be bliss.
we were both in for a surprise.
todd's parents rarely disagree.
i come from a family that fights big and loves big.
todd had never seen people drunk until he came to my first family reunion.
i had never known a family that wasn't affectionate until i hugged todd's uncles and kissed them on the cheek and got a look of complete alarm... these were farming folk who were not the huggy, kissing type.
i'm still embarrassed by my immersion into todd's family.
i was an outspoken girl from the east visiting a small western town.
i didn't know who john wayne was and i thought they were kidding when they said they could never go to Provo, Utah for school because the town was too big.
i remember being reprimanded because i was too rowdy.
it was explained to me that visiting cousins was formal, like visiting teaching.
when todd came to my family it was like My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
he said to me in awe one evening, "I just never realized that non-mormon families loved each other this much."

do you ever wish you could go back and re-live a certain part of your life?
i know i could do a bang up job of high school a second time around, but for sure i would relive this engagement time of my life.
i would be less insecure.
i'd spend less time trying to get them to think i'm great and spend more time trying to show them how great i thought their son was.
because, even though we were from different parts of the country... we had a LOT of similarities.
we both have big hearts and kind souls.
we love easily and forgive quickly.
we both LOVE children and family.
we both try really hard to do what is right.
we are both committed to our faith and our God.
we love to learn, we love to be together, we're funny and have so much fun together.
and, we really, really love each other.
we really wanted to make things work... and we knew we would.

because i'm peanut butter and he is jelly... and we're so good together on our little piece of bread.
{pardon the random song that i had to type because it has been running through my mind as i type this post.}

i often reflect back on these early days.
we were both so young.  i was 19 and he was 23.
for months we spent every free moment together talking and making out in the front seat of his car.
i still imagine i can hear the ticking of his grandfather's watch by my ear when he kisses me.
i felt todd's wisdom and his innocence... he felt my raw goodness.
and soon, we just knew that we had found someone we wanted to share forever with.

i'm not sure that many people were super excited about our decision to get married.
but we knew.
for todd it was a dream, for me it was the quiet whisper of the Spirit and an image embedded in my mind.
i could see todd pushing my future daughter on a swing.  they were both smiling and so happy.
i knew that this was the man i would choose as the father of my kids.
i knew this was the man God had led me too.
my life is forever blessed because of this one, good choice.
i like to tell my young self-- you might have muddled up a bunch of things in that marriage transition, but you did a heck of a job picking a man!
and, i'd pick him again today if i had the choice.

oh, it is so good to be home!!

on forgiveness in marriage.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote-


O man, forgive thy mortal foe,
Nor ever strike him blow for blow.
For all the souls on earth that live,
To be forgiven, must forgive.
Forgive him seventy times and seven;
For all the blessed souls in Heaven
Are both FORGIVERS and FORGIVEN.


todd and i were asked to speak to couples about "forgiveness in marriage."
we were part of a small marriage seminar with two other speakers, "love in marriage" and "trust in marriage".
i laughed that we were asked to talk about forgiveness... hmmm?!


Before we were asked to speak, I had been browsing our library and found the book, "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by President Spencer W. Kimball.  (It has seriously become one of my favorite books ever.)
i picked it out and started reading.  i had the thought, "I really want to read this, but i feel a bit stupid because i don't have any huge sins i'm trying to repent of."
i am SO glad that i didn't stop... and so glad that i got a call a few days later asking us to speak.
we have learned so much as we've studied FORGIVENESS together.
truly, forgiveness is a beautiful concept-- and, repentance and forgiveness are ESSENTIAL for a good marriage.


When Todd and i were first married, we lived in the basement of his parents' house for a summer.
Shortly after returning from our honeymoon, we got into an argument about whose job it was to take out our trash (his, of course).
i remember being rather dramatic and emphatic.
he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands and said, OUT LOUD, with a sigh, "Oh man.  WHAT have i gotten myself into?!"
hah!  i knew i would never forget those words. that was officially the END of the honeymoon and the beginning of real life together.


i don't believe that LOVING a spouse is something that just comes naturally.
Like parenting, it takes much to learn the art of being a good wife.
Perhaps I feel this way because I was not raised in a home with good husband/wife examples... but, i have a feeling all of us go through a learning curve when it comes to marriage.
I have been drawn to this scripture OFTEN.
Titus 2:4
TEACH THE YOUNG WOMEN to be sober, TO LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste KEEPERS AT HOME.
i am continually learning how to love my God, to love my husband, to love my children, to love my neighbor, and to be a keeper at home.
it is a process and a becoming...  it is my quest.


i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this quote by Brigham Young.
“Were I a woman possessed of great powers of mind, filled with wisdom, and, upon the whole, a magnanimous woman, and had been privileged with my choice, and had married a man, and found myself DECEIVED, he not answering my expectations, and I being sorry that I had made such a choice.  Let me show my wisdom BY NOT COMPLAINING about it.  A woman’s wisdom and judgment has failed her once in the choice of a husband, and it may again, if she is not very careful.  By seeking to cast off her husband—by withdrawing her confidence and good will from him, she casts a dark shade upon his path, when by pursuing a proper course of love, obedience, and encouragement, he might attain to that perfection she had anticipated in him.”


As i've thought about HUSBANDS, i have come to realize that wives have much power in shaping and encouraging.  It is so important that we learn to love our husbands, to have FAITH in their potential, to SEE them the way God sees them


All of us are IMPERFECT, WEAK, and at times SINFUL.
Even a really great marriage is REALLY hard.
Even a really great marriage NEEDS forgiveness.
Even AFTER you divorce, not forgiving can ROB you of PEACE.


Forgiveness is LOVING AN IMPERFECT PERSON.
Forgiveness is turning your spouse over to God and letting God replace your stony heart with a heart full of love for your spouse.
Much of forgiveness is the WORDS we speak.
As you share your testimony with others, your testimony is strengthened.
The same is true of LOVE.
If you gripe and complain and rehash the weakness and sins of your spouse... you will become increasingly discontent.
you will see his glaring weakness and love will fade.
if, you choose to forgive, encourage, hope for, and love your spouse... your love will grow.

“A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.”  Ezek. 36:25-26

a letter from the first presidency says we should say, “let God judge between me and thee. But as for me, I will forgive.” Latter-day saints who harbor a feeling of unforgiveness in their souls are more censurable than the one who has sinned against them... dismiss the feeling of unforgiveness and cultivate in your souls that spirit of Christ who cried out upon the cross, Father forgive them for they know not what they do.


It is a commandment to forgive all men, whether or not they have repented.


todd talked about the importance of confession in marriage.
he told of a time early in our marriage when he got a parking ticket.
he had paid the ticket and not told me about it, because he was embarrassed.
during an interview with one of his church leaders, he was reminded NEVER to keep things from his spouse.
dishonesty and hiding is just the first step to greater sins.
{i hope i was kind when he finally did tell me about that ticket.}
when you have a relationship of love and trust in your marriage-- confession will be a regular, unifying communication.
todd has always been a kind, nurturing husband-- i have always found strength and support when i turn to him and confess my sins/weaknesses.
how important it is for us to be completely honest with our spouse.


Forgiveness is the greatest gift of God- both to be forgiven and to forgive.
“Dr. Sidney Simon, a recognized authority on values realization, has provided an excellent definition of forgiveness as it applies to human relationships:
“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.”


Matt 7:34
Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and behold, a beam is in thine own eye.”


NOTE--  I wondered about the MOTE and the BEAMS...  I wondered, what if you DO have the mote and he has the beam.  I was taught-- WHEN YOU DON'T FORGIVE, you ALWAYS HAVE THE BEAM.  always.  No matter what your spouse has done.  Unforgiveness is ALWAYS a beam in your eye-- a beam that will hurt you and make SEEING others very difficult.

Ye ought to forgive one another.  For he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord.  For their remaineth in him the greater sin.



Don't you love the story of Corrie Ten Boom, a holocaust survivor and speaker?
After speaking to a large group one day, she met a man who was a former Nazi guard whom she remembered from her camp.  She said,


“I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.

“ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.
“ ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’
“And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
“For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’
“I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.
"And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’
“And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
“ ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’
“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then”


Don't you LOVE Corrie Ten Boom?  I have felt that forgiving, loving current MANY times as i have prayed with full energy of heart- Father, HELP ME TO LOVE THIS MAN or THIS CHILD or THIS WOMAN.  Help me to forgive, and fill me with YOUR love.
Charity is the pure love of Christ... and it is a gift bestowed upon all those who are believers.
i love "forgiveness is not an emotion, it is an ACT OF WILL that can function regardless of the temperature of the heart." 
we provide the ACT, and He provides the HEART.
love it!!


Elder Faust says, “Forgiveness is not always instantaneous... Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.”


i thought a lot about SIN and SINNERS.
i have learned that Satan does not work hard on us or our spouse because we are weak and evil.
He works hard on us because we are SO GOOD.
Satan knows who we are and what we can become.
He works hardest on the BEST.
You can HATE him.  Hate Satan, HATE sin.  Recognize that SIN hurts and is wrong.
And, at the same time you can LOVE your spouse.
Love imperfect people who are sometimes weak.
Forgive by understanding that none of us can overcome without Christ's atoning power.


i have thought about the Law of Chastity.
we are often taught how we can BREAK it, but not often how we can LIVE it.
Law of Chastity—do not have any sexual relations before marriage and be completely FAITHFUL to your spouse after marriage.  Perhaps, being faithful is more than just a reference to physical intimacy. 
Perhaps, being faithful to your spouse is a state of mind.
Faith = hope for things which are NOT SEEN which are true.
FAITH—have faith in GOD’s ability to be GOD. He is a perfect judge and a perfect teacher. GOD loves you and your spouse. God KNOWS you and your spouse. God will teach HIM and God will teach YOU. He can help you LOVE an imperfect person by showing you their goodness.
As I strive to live the law of chastity with my whole heart and soul, I am drawn closer to my spouse physically, mentally and emotionally.  I love him for who he is AND who he can become.


He can help you forgive others and forgive yourself by replacing your heart with HIS.
Forgiveness sometimes needs WORDS.
Write down the SIN!! Write down your anger and your hate and your hurt. Acknowledge the wrong and the sin. Speak it if you need to.
Then, GIVE THE LIST TO GOD.


Say the words, I FORGIVE YOU FOR... THIS IS WRONG, and I forgive you for being weak. Forgive YOURSELF for sins and weakness. I forgive myself for... I am weak and I am getting better. I forgive myself that I am not perfect today.
PRAY WITH ALL ENERGY OF HEART THAT YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH THIS LOVE.
You are NOT stupid if you LOVE an imperfect person.
YOU ARE NOT.


Forgiveness is a CHOICE we must make- for peace in this life and salvation in the life to come.
Forgiveness is LOVING an imperfect person. Loving a weak person, not loving Satan or sin.
Forgiveness is Praying with all energy of heart, Speaking kind words, Remembering that we are also imperfect, Loving the person while hating their sin, Desiring empathy, Desiring more love, RECOGNIZING AND REPENTING of OUR sins.
Repenting and Forgiving go HAND IN HAND.


NOTE-- I am CHEWING this concept currently...  Finding fault in other people is a SIGN that YOU HAVE UNREPENTANT SINS.  When you properly REPENT of your sins and weaknesses, you will NATURALLY be more forgiving of other people's sins and weaknesses.


We talked about the difference between sins and weakness.
I noticed this in my own life...
Sometimes, I am heading back from a shopping trip.
My stomach is tight and in knots.  I know that I have spent too much money, been gone too long and probably bought things that i do not need.
I feel sick and, if i continue on my way home, my tendency is to enter my house cranky and immediately be defensive, sensitive, and cranky with my spouse.
i have learned to talk to myself, out loud.
(Yes, you can laugh at me.)
I say things like, "Jen, it's ok that you were weak at the store.  I forgive you for not being perfect yet.  I know that you had good intentions.  It is hard to be a good steward.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  You did not sin, you are just weak.  I forgive you for being weak.  Next time you can do better." 
When I give myself permission to be imperfect, I am more forgiving of my imperfect spouse. 
Even if I AM sinning, I can do the same thing.  Recognize my sin.  Accept that I am imperfect and begin the steps to repentance.


1. Godly Sorrow For Sin
2. Abandonment of Sin
3. Confession of Sin
4. Restitution for Sin
5. Obedience to God’s Law.


Satan wants us to HIDE when we see our NAKEDNESS.
in marriage we are to CLEAVE unto one another-- in our NAKEDNESS.
we don't always get spiritual implants.
sometimes our spouse has to see us how we really are- in our natural, imperfect state- and love us still.
Forgiveness is loving an imperfect person, and allowing an imperfect person to love you back.


The solution to the problems of life require understanding and forgiveness...
If the spirit of kindly, tenderhearted forgiveness of one another could be carried into every home, selfishness and distrust and bitterness which break so many homes and families disappear and men would live in peace.



i have learned much not only from studying forgiveness in marriage but from practicing it.
i can honestly say that my marriage is STRONGER because of the opportunities i have had to forgive and be forgiven.
perhaps, it is easier to love an imperfect person than a person with no flaws because the ACT OF FORGIVING SINS glues your hearts together through the atonement of Christ.
perhaps, i am tied tight to my Savior and redeemer because of my many sins and weaknesses that He has forgiven for me.

i'm sorry that this post is just a modge-podge of ideas.

because of the professor, we were much more organized in our presentation than i have been writing this post.

hope you love these thoughts as much as i have.

“And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Ephesians 4:32

Happy Veteran's Day!