ode to disclosure...

as i sit down to post about my magical evening i think, only a handful of you know of the difficult week we've been through. [i don't know how to share my joy without sharing some of my heartache.] this morning i was back at the doctors (thank you to the sweet few who have saved me by loving my kiddos-jennifer, breanne, ashley, and ellie!!). i am pregnant. about 7 weeks. we are very excited about this pregnancy. but, it's not looking good. there is a 10% chance that everything will be miraculously ok. there is a 90% chance that the baby my body thinks i am carrying is not forming... growing, but not forming. the hard part is, they don't know for sure. for sure, i wouldn't end a pregnancy that may be fine. i'm grateful to be here in lubbock where they are very careful... i believe in a God of creation. i believe that He could heal and form and create within me this time like he has six times before. but, i also believe that we are here on earth to experience sickness and sorrow so that we appreciate health and joy. today, i am so grateful for the 6 amazing, beautiful, spunky, healthy children that i have been blessed with. today i am grateful for the joy that todd and i felt when we found out i was expecting again. this baby was todd's. he spent a week with the kids when i was out of town and when i came home he told me how much he loved watching them at the park, hearing them play in their room, feeding them, putting them to bed. He said, "Honey, let's have another baby." and so we did. and we will. it may be that our baby will have to wait for a healthier fetus... that's what we doing right now... just waiting. life is good. we are blessed. i am grateful for the journey. and, although the day was tough... my night was magical. thanks for sharing our life with us... and, if you think about it, mention us in your prayers.