it's cute, but i'm not sure that i LOVE it...
but, it was something to do, to keep me from organizing...
i just recycled my peppermint wreath- i didn't think the peppermints would store well.
oh, i had a great revelation this morning... while i was laying in bed in that sweet place between asleep and awake.
i wrote my post from start to finish in my head and it was great.
only, it's not as profound or clear as i sit down to write.
you see, the past two weeks i've been an organizing machine.
energetic, excited... a pregnant girl on a mission.
this week, i'm slow and overwhelmed and i would rather take a nap than do anything.
i've been trying to figure out what has changed.
and this morning, i figured it out.
my husband.
(it's always his 'fault' somehow.)
the past couple weeks he's been telling me, not is actual words... but, you know, in his thoughts...
that he thought i was CRAZY.
i was doing too much. our house was fine.
for sure, to him house organization was something i SHOULDN'T be doing in my condition.
and i, was on a mission to prove him wrong.
to prove the whole world wrong.
OH YEAH WORLD!!
You just watch a pregnant woman, with no oxygen in her brain, do AMAZING things.
i kept telling myself that i was doing great! and, i was.
Determination really is a great motivator.
I was a bit ticked off as i worked-- but work i did.
On Saturday, my ever-so-humble man woke up a different person.
He actually started organizing his closet before i was even out of bed.
He kept saying stuff like, "Honey, this house looks great. You were right. We can finish this."
what?!
all of a sudden, house organization became something i SHOULD do.
and, i did what every good housewife does when a goal becomes an obligation... i REBELLED.
i'm tired.
i don't feel good.
i'm hungry.
all i do is clean the house.
i'm never going to finish.
i can't have a baby and sell our house.
blah.
the more i whined, the more the professor started doing.
and the more he "HELPED", the worse i felt.
i've slept in the past few mornings while he got the kids ready for school and fed them breakfast.
he even came home early to pick them up from school a couple days.
i haven't made dinner. i haven't exercised.
i'm withering. and, i hate it.
the less i do, the worse i feel.
and, i'm FINISHED feeling yucky.
in our church, we do not have paid clergy. we believe that the Lord calls us to help out through revelation. we are invited to serve in different areas of our church and we are invited to pray about it and accept or decline the calling.
almost every time i am pregnant or have a new baby, God asks me to do hard things.
ALWAYS people around me tell me i'm doing too much.
ALWAYS i feel better and powerful while i'm serving.
God knows that deep down, i'm a WARRIOR.
i need to keep busy or i melt.
(i LOVE to be asked to bring someone else dinner when i'm very busy... because i turn into Superwoman... oh yeah, just because i have 3 doctors appointments, and soccer practice, and 2 sick kids at home, that doesn't mean i can't make dinner for someone else... i have to eat anyway--- watch me FLY!!!)
i KNOW i'm mental. i can't help it.
somehow, in my early morning brain, this was all linked to Belle... and the beast.
how, when she was locked in the dungeon she fought against him (this is me- feeling like i 'should' be cleaning.)
but, when she was released from her dungeon and someone else said, "He's a beast, he's got claws, razor sharp ones!"
what happened? all of a sudden she was like, "No, he's nice really."
And she realized she LOVED the beast.
Is it just me, or in general is it always easier to prove someone wrong than live up to expectations?
So today, i'm going to PROVE myself wrong.
I'm going to CONQUER the impossible!!
I'm going to completely finish my bedroom.
FINISH the craft room.
do my laundry (even if i have to stay up late watching late night television while i fold.)
i'm going to start with a clean house and WORK HARD all day- loving my BEAST of a house.
i do LOVE to organize.
i am a WARRIOR for order (and a dork, just so you know.)
and tomorrow...
i'm going to give myself permission to take a day off.
i'm going to READ on the couch, ALL DAY.
with no rebellion and no guilt.
just tell me i can't do it.
tell me i'm asking too much of myself.
tell me i SHOULD be laying down, all day, every day.
tell me i SHOULDN'T exercise in my condition.
tell me i SHOULDN'T worry about what i eat.
tell me, it's my 7th pregnancy, i need to be taking it easy and rejoicing in fatness.
please, just tell me that- so i can prove you wrong.
cause dang it, my sweet husband is HELPING and SUPPORTIVE of my projects and he's just taken away all my adrenaline.
(i mean, what would have happened if Gaston was like, "Belle, I think you should give the beast a chance. He might be a nice guy after all." or her father, what if her dad was like, "Belle, you have to go back there, the beast is kind under all that saliva." yeah, you know what i'm talking about Belle would have run the other direction. Probably watched some junk TV, kissed Gaston, and left the beast a beast forever. this is my half-dream thinking again.)
maybe, you can join me.
Do you have something you really SHOULD NOT be doing today?
Something you CAN'T do because you are much too busy, or sick, or....
Just do it. And prove to yourself... that beast really isn't as bad as everyone else thinks he is.
1 comment:
That was a purely awesome post. Loved it. Maybe I need some reverse psychology to kick me into shape, too.
Post a Comment