life, politics, and homemade dog treats.

 1.VERY, VERY, VERY BAD-- i saw this unfinished email on my computer when i sat down this morning...

Dear Bandera,

This is very, very, very, bad. My sister(Leah) ate a penny!!!!!! She is in the emergency room. she was going to bed, and then she came up and my mom told her to go back down then in like 20 sec. she came back up crying, then said” mom, I swalloed a coin.”

it is true.

leah swallowed a dime last night.

we were going to the ER but ended up at the fire station... she had fallen asleep in the car.

the chief told me she was just fine if she could scream and talk.

she was up a lot last night but is sleeping now.  

we'll see what this day brings.  

she won't willingly take a bite of pasta with spaghetti sauce on it, but i guess coins are different?

2.THE BACHELOR PRIMARIES--  i have the same feeling when i watch the republican debates that i do when i watch the Bachelor.  Sick to my stomach.  Politics remind me of Soap Operas or reality TV shows.  Is this really what our country has come to?

3. I'M MITT-- as i go throughout my day, i ask myself who i am more like?  am i more newt/obama-- very good at convincing people with my words?  not afraid to be blunt?  bold even if i'm wrong?  people like someone who has guts.  sometimes i'm like that.  sometimes i'm not afraid to voice radically different ideas (like Ron Paul) or radically conservative ideas (like Santorum).  But, most of the time i feel like Mitt-- trying to be political and more moderate.  Trying to keep the democrats happy and the republicans happy and really not doing a great job with either side.  hmm.

 

4.  HEALTHY SNACK--  Try these Roasted Garbonzo Beans.

Spicy Crunchy Chickpeas
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon allspice (I didn't have so left out)
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
I added 1/2-3/4 t chili powder 
2 15 1/2-oz. cans chickpeas, rinsed, drained, thoroughly patted dry

Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a large rimmed baking sheet with foil. In a large bowl, combine olive oil, cinnamon, cumin, allspice, salt and pepper. Add chickpeas and toss to coat thoroughly. Turn chickpeas out onto baking sheet and roast, stirring or shaking baking sheet often, until chickpeas are browned and crunchy, 45 to 50 minutes (start checking them around 35 minutes...that's all mine took). Transfer to a bowl and let cool before serving, stirring occasionally.

i got the recipe off a blog on my sidebar... and i'm going fast today so i'm not going to find that link.  

(i will tomorrow.)   

i like the concept of this snack.

i'm excited to try it with other things...  like CORN for homemade CORN NUTS.

i also think it would be good with some sugar on it-- my kids would like it better that way.

leah said, "mom, i DO like these.  I think Jesus helped me like them.  They are my very own doggie treats."

5.  LOOSING BUDDHA-- Buddha didn't have seven kids.  i'm going crazy trying to be slower.  (if truth be told.)  i miss my lists.  i miss my fast mornings where i get lots done.  i set a goal to be in bed by 10 and up by 6.  and, last night i rebelled.  i watched a movie till 1:30am.  then leah woke up, then eve woke up- four times.  i took three cleansing breaths and was still tired...  today i have a houseful of friends coming over to make quilts for humanitarian aids.  i'm excited... but have to go straighten up REAL fast.

have a great day.  

eat more Garbonzo Beans.

watch less politics.

take three cleansing breaths.

just say what you think even if you end up offending half the world.

i really LOVED this article on Callista Gingrich.  It's from the New Yorker.  (read to the end- it actually helped me to understand Newt better)

this part made me laugh--

Though Callista is central to Gingrich’s life, her public role in his campaign has been largely ornamental. She accompanies him on the trail, smiling behind him at events; in December, she appeared with him in a Christmas video to ask, “Is there anything more inspiring than American towns and neighborhoods brightly lit for the holidays?” But she does not have a stump speech, and though she’s happy to exchange pleasantries with reporters, she has not been granting interviews, with the exception of a brief on-camera conversation with the Christian Broadcasting Network. The resulting story, which also included interviews with Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, and Jon Huntsman’s wife, Mary Kaye, was called “A Tale of Three Wives.” Until recently, the title appeared on the home page of Gingrich’s campaign Web site, leading many visitors to wonder if they could click through to an explanation of the candidate’s complicated marital history. (hah!)

 

life is good.  

thinking... again.

:: THINKERS::  i once heard a talk radio host receive a compliment.  he responded with a comment where he said something like, "don't think that i have it all together, i am really a tormented soul who is continually mulling over the world's problems.  i am haunted by all that i see that is in disarray.  talking on the radio is a form of therapy to me."  i related to that man.  i am a thinker and an analyzer.  most of the time my mental energy leads to goodness and growth.  sometimes, it leaves me thinking up at night trying to shut it off.  it is who i am... and i can relate to that poor tormented radio host.  :)

::  DREW::  drew is 10.  i love that kid.  the other day he was getting dressed and put on a pair of khaki cargo pants, i thought he had worn the same pants the day before.  i encouraged him to change and he said, "No Mom, i have two pair and they just look the same."  I said, "Drew, even if they're clean people will think you're wearing the same clothes."  He put on his corduroy jacket, buttoned it up and said confidently, "Mom, don't worry.  This is my STYLE!!"  Tonight at dinner he said, "When i grow up i'm going to do survival shows as my hobby."  (He loves man vs. wild and things like that.)  Today my kids spent the whole day coming up with their own languages.  It's cute.  Drew kept saying 'Drew Rocks' in his language.  (Todd doesn't like when the boys say arrogant things so he said if he heard them saying they were awesome they would have to clean my floor.)  i said in pig latin, "Drew Rocks at cleaning my floor."  The kids laughed.  i LOVE being a mom.

:: LILY::  we got new down comforters for the girls.  last night lily woke up all sweaty.  she came upstairs and said, "mom, my jammies are all wet because i was sleeping too long."  she's so cute.  this was her first week in primary with me... she has graduated from nursery to the 3 year old class.  the whole time she kept waving at me with her pointer finger.  love, love her.

:: WISE WORDS::  went to a friend's house tonight.  they are GREAT parents with great kids.  at the end of the night we were talking and the father said to me that if he had to do it over again he would love more and not sweat the small things.  he remembers fighting with a teenage son about shaving and keeping his hair short.  it was a big deal.  today he says, it shouldn't have been a big deal.  oh how my soul loved hearing that advice.  i really want to love more.  the relationship really is the most important.  thanks for the great reminder!!  i LOVE wise people.

:: REST::  last night i was exhausted.  i thought it was due to a baby that doesn't sleep, full holiday days, and lots of kids.  i put all my kids to bed early (by 6pm-- it is pitch black here by 5pm, and the older kids could read in their beds).  I straightened up and then spent the evening reading scriptures and inspirational talks.  I was planning a lesson for church this morning and i just felt so FED.  My note pad was overflowing with inspiration and ideas.  I have lots of ideas for blogs i want to write and goals i want to set and things i'm going to do different in my family.  My soul was filled.  And, I didn't get to bed early, my baby still woke up four times last night, but i felt RESTED.  oh, why do i forget that HE will give me rest.  Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and i shall give you rest... always.  He gives me rest.  i am grateful. 

:: HELLO FRIENDS!::  follow me here...  tonight, we went to our friend's house.  and, their Aunt Amy was visiting.  Amy said she has a friend in Canada who reads my blog.  Isn't that fun?!!  So, HELLO to Amy's friend in Canada!!  Nice to meet you.  Amy is amazing, huh?!  (She's a superstar artist.)  And, her brother's family-- i love them.  i want to be like them.  i would give them one of my children to raise for a few years.  seriously.  Amy said her Canadian friend has a large family and lives in a small town.  I loved learning that.  Isn't it fun having friends that you don't even know about?

:: COMMENTS::  i always wonder who reads my blog (besides grandma).  i'm sure there is a way to figure it out but i'm not technically savvy like that.  so, if you read and you want to say Hi and let me know how you found this blog, feel free.  i LOVE reading comments.  is it bad to admit that sometimes when i write a blog that i really care about i have to check back every few minutes to see if anyone else understands what i'm trying to say.  even though i like reading comments and meeting people who read this blog, i feel a bit lame admitting it. 

:: ONE MORE DAY::  my kids go back to school on Tuesday.  i had great plans to CLEAN UP Christmas tomorrow with everyone's help.  tonight after family prayer we were just laughing and talking and i was still mulling over the wise advice i had received and i knew...  i have one more day.  one more day to love them up.  to be a fun mom.  to build the relationship.  tomorrow, maybe we'll put away Christmas.  maybe, i'll do my month grocery trip.  but maybe, maybe i'll spend the day just enjoying them and loving them and playing with them and letting them know that one person in this world thinks they are great.  we'll see.

:: GIRLS CAMP::  i've been a leader of youth for years.  Cub Scouts, Seminary, Young Women and now Primary.  I'm really good at teaching and leading and having fun with kids.  I'm positive and funny and can keep things in perspective.  at home, sometimes i am the strict, nagging, disciplinary mother.  sometimes i am two different people-- the fun girls camp, seminary teacher and the strict, disappointed mother.  i want to be the GIRLS CAMP leader mother.  is that possible?  i want to be fun and funny and inspiring and cool-- with MY kids, not just other people's kids.  just saying.

:: FOOLISH::  today i was teaching about the wise man and the foolish man.  we talked about how you build your house on a rock and how you build on the sand.  you know when you teach something that you don't know and you're like, "Wow, that's really neat."  And you know that you were inspired.  Well, that happened to me.  I said something like, "Nobody ever WANTS to build their house on sand.  Building on the sand happens when we don't look for the rock.  When we aren't purposefully trying to build on the rock, our house ends up being built on the sand."  We talked about how you can build your day on the sand... when you wake up and get dressed and start your day.  You have to consciously CHOOSE to build on the ROCK by starting your day with prayer and scriptures.  i LOVE that idea.  BUILDING ON THE ROCK takes deliberate CHOICE.  You don't have to choose to build on sand.

:: PRAYER::  i heard a great talk on prayer today.  i specifically liked two quotes.  1.  don't pray like you are ordering a pizza.  2.  When i pray, i imagine that i am climbing a marble staircase and kneeling before my Maker.  loved those images.  tonight i'm going to pray better.  AND, todd and i have gotten lazy in our night time couple prayer.  tonight we're going to be better.

::  KINDNESS::  in another talk, a sweet sister told of her aunt that was in a coma for a few weeks.  just prior to her death she was conscious enough to talk for a short time.  while her family was around her she spoke of seeing her husband, who had passed on before.  she said, "BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, EVEN MORE THAN YOU ARE NOW."  Shortly after that she passed away.  i love that thought.  i want it stitched across my forehead.

::  THANK YOU!!::  my sweet, bloggy friend, Heather sent me the quote-- "TIE ON YOUR BONNET, SISTER. WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT TO ZION!"  I have it in my kitchen and smile every time i read it.  Thanks Heather (if you even made it through this random post).  i love heading to Zion with all of you!

:: HOME::  my mother in law told me that she used to have a quote hanging in her kitchen that said, "Home- where you grumble the most and are treated the best."  i want that hanging in my kitchen too...  and i HOPE it is true.  i hope my kids are treated the best at home. 

that's all my ramblings. 
i'm committing myself to a more refined blog this year.
more editing.
more thoughtful entries.
less complaining.
less rambling.

it's January first and i'm only one post behind.  :)
tomorrow i'll be more refined in my posting. 
promise.  i hope.
happy new year!!

sacred pumpkin- EDITED.

i feel sorry for pumpkins.
they are a good squash, that has gotten materialized.
today, so many use pumpkins just as decoration- then throw them away.
(they are a symbol of Halloween and thanksgiving- not of Christmas.)
i have done this for years.
to me, the pumpkin is a symbol of WASTE in America.
a country that has so much, we use food as decoration and then trash them by the thousands.
we throw away thousands, if not hundreds of thousands... and yet COMPLAIN when we can't even BUY canned pumpkin at Wal-Mart.
what is wrong with this picture?
(hah!  some people are passionate about health care-- i am passionate about pumpkins!  not pumpkins really, WASTE.  i feel the gluttony of our American waste.  The things we throw away makes me sad.)

my husband is working with people in 3rd world countries.
people who would be grateful for a pumpkin to eat.

i've kept my perfectly healthy, happy, round pumpkins on my fireplace, because i felt guilty throwing them away.
yesterday i gutted them.
i had my little girls help me pick out the seeds (much more fun than watching Diego, again).
i roasted the seeds with a little salt in the oven at 170* for the afternoon.
they taste great.

i BUY pumpkin seeds every month to put in my granola... and yet i throw away my Halloween pumpkins?!

seriously.

i stuck my halved pumpkins on a cookie sheet and roasted them in my other oven at 350* while i did laundry and straightened up. 

they cooked for about an hour, until my house started to smell like pumpkin pie.

i scraped the pulp and put it in the fridge.

this morning i blended it in the blender, got some jars out and scooped the guts inside.

i'm steaming them in the canner as i type.

(frozen pumpkin works great for pies and bread and is currently the most recommended form of pumpkin storage.)

i like mine for baby food-- and so i'm canning it in smaller jelly jars.

i keep thinking.

we throw these away-- and then we pay $1 for a half a cup of baby food squash.

we are a weird people.

and, as i de-gutted my pumpkin i looked at it like a killed deer.

i felt that the food we are given is sacred.

that i can be a better steward.

i thought of the pilgrims and the Indians, and i vowed to be more grateful.
we have so much.

today, i found holiness in a pumpkin.

EDIT--
We got a text from my SUPER-CANNING husband's cousin's wife...
she informed me that pumpkin needs to be canned with a pressure canner-- which i didn't do.
so, if i don't want my baby to die from botulism, i better freeze it or re-can it.
can you even do that?
anyway... like most of my GOOD INTENTIONS... this may end up down the drain after all.
dumb pumpkin.

planning...

this is me today.
i'm planning.
my kids are NOT on a great system.
did you know that moving changes systems?
chores, piano practicing, dish days, putting away laundry--- blah we are all mismatched, wishy washy.
I know, it's been too long.
It's hard to say, "Go put your backpack where it belongs", when you really don't have a designated spot for backpacks.
Or, go practice your piano, when i haven't bought the new books they need.
Today-- I'm going to hammer down my life.
Having a good PLAN saves SO MUCH energy and time.

Today, i'm re-planning.
Tonight, i'm re-assigning.
This week, i'm reminding and being consistent...
Next week, my life should be structured again.
Oh, i can almost taste the sweetness of an ordered after school routine.

Guess what??!!!
We got a PAYCHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
our FIRST REAL paycheck in 5 years!!!!!
(yes, we did underestimate taxes by $1000... but still-- real, live money!)
i feel like the sweet grandmother at the store that opens up her handkerchief to pay with her saved nickels.
everything i purchase is precious and planned.
oh, how budgets are hard for me.
i love to come up with a plan, but i'm not great at sticking to them.
this year I WILL BE MORE CONSISTENT.
even if it kills me.
oh, life is good and getting better...

made me smile.

1. this morning drew could only find one cleat for his after school football practice.  the professor was a bit stressed out.  drew said, "dad, it's ok.  mom will find it before she picks me up."  the professor, teaching an important lesson, "drew, you can't leave everything for mom to find."  the kids in the car are all anxious to get to school...  i come out of the bathroom into the heat of the professor explaining, "DREW CAN'T FIND HIS CLEAT... I FOUND ONE IN HIS SHOE BASKET, BUT I CAN'T FIND THE OTHER ONE."  i smile and tell him, while i'm looking in the shoe closet, "Just take the kids to school and I'll find it and bring it up when I meet drew after school."  He huffs and explains to me, "Drew needs to find his own things."  I explain to him, "I'd rather have him go to school feeling peaceful than get him all stressed out over a silly cleat."  Then I hand him the cleat that was just behind drew's shoe box... not far from exactly where it should have been.  As they drove out the driveway i just smiled... children need two parents.  And this is exactly why!! 

2.  we had a busy day yesterday.  i was in charge of a 2 hour practice for the children's program at church, then i had a presidency meeting, then my husband was gone for 2 hours while i prepared for company to come over for dinner, then we had a family with 6 older boys over-- that was 17 people total for dinner.  We played the thimble game and Mafia/Werewolves.  Then, I was EXHAUSTED.  I took care of the baby, and the professor put ALL the kids to bed and did ALL the dishes with the boys.   He sent me to bed while he finished up.  Nice huh?!!!

3.  i'm studying "Preach My Gospel" for my personal scripture time and i LOVE it.  LOVE. LOVE. LOVE it.  I've started a composition notebook of THINGS TO TEACH MY KIDS.  Thinking about ways I teach principles gives PURPOSE to my scripture study.  I write a different lesson on top of each page and when i read a good scripture or hear a good quote or get a great idea, i jot it down.  I'm surprised at how many things i've already used in teaching my kids.  i'm a full-time teacher by the way.   actually, preacher... that's what i would say my job is.  Mother/Preacher.  :)

4.  anna took this picture of me...  my kids think it's so funny to make my face funny.  Ellie said, "Mom, you should put that picture on your blog and then write... I'm getting old!"  Nice...

I'm getting old...

5.  we were out at the soccer fields the other day (don't you know we live on the soccer fields)?  I told the girls that I would race them to the car.  And, i won.  Anna said, "mom, i didn't even know you knew how to run?"  hah!  nice...

6.Want to do one great thing today?  Just one thing that WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE??  watch this... It's a talk from an apostle of God about 5 things that we shouldn't forget.  it's so good. Here's a snipet...

 

7.  Want to do one more great thing?  Watch this... my sister showed it to me.  It's darling.  And, we all need a little dark side!

ps.  i think i have pink eye?! and... need some make-up.

Have a GREAT Monday!!

nordic ware.

i bought these plates n stuff at target.
i love them.
they're plastic-y, and microwave safe, and dishwasher friendly.
we couldn't have another large family over for dinner without using paper plates.
i love these so much better than plastic plates.
and, they look nicer than my old ikea plates/bowls/cups.
at target, i think they were around $1.50 each... they are much more expensive at Amazon.
and, they do come in colors- i just wanted white!
love them.

blah.

i stink at thank you cards.

i worry about them ALL the time.

i wish i was better.

i'm afraid that i'll miss someone and offend.

i sometimes send the same person two.
i often write notes and find them unmailed a year later.
i feel VERY grateful for every kind thing someone does for me...
i spend time shopping for cards, writing lists of the thank you cards i need to write, and writing long notes that hopefully express my true gratitude.
and then, i put them in a pile until i have time to find an address...
or, i spend an afternoon finding addresses and can't find any stamps...
and then, i find the pile a month later, unmailed.
i stink at thank you cards.
and, i'm going to get better at this before i die.
and, i'm going to teach my kids to be better at this than i am... they stink at thank you cards too.
blah.

and another thing.
i made strawberry "jam" on Saturday.

but, i doubled the batch and forgot to add two sure-jell packets.

so now I have strawberry syrup.

which was still good on our waffles sunday night-- but NOT what i had intended.

blah.

here's to a week of improvement!!

five for friday- becoming weird-ER.

1- i really like grapefruit. i think i eat one every day. i read somewhere that grapefruit makes you feel full.
and, i love it.
2-yesterday was GREAT.  oh the power of the brain.  i'm back on the organization train and i'm CHUGGIN'
guess what i watched on netflix while i organized my craft room?  HOARDERS!!
isn't that great?!  oh what a motivation to PURGE...

3- i had an OB appointment today.  i LOVE my doctor.  love him.  he is admittedly "OLD FASHIONED" (he says please don't forget the word fashioned)... he doesn't think i'm weird when i'm weird.
he sits in a chair to really talk to me each visit.  he is the HEAD obgyn at Texas Tech right now and has very few patients (i thought i was his ONLY patient).  turns out he has another woman-- pregnant with her 7th baby and trying to VBA2C's... isn't that funny?!  she's due before me.  i'm so excited to hear how her birth goes.  Dr. Yeoman's said, "You both are very similar.  And you both are the nicest people in the world.  That is my favorite part about being a doctor-- connecting with good people."  See, isn't he great?!  I love when doctors aren't afraid to tell me about other patients.  Dr. Yeoman's told me that before i got to the hospital this morning (my appointment was 8am) there was a mother whose ultra sound showed her baby had no brain.  He said he's seen everything... and it's sad, but all part of life.  He also told me that there was a mother of twins who was 36 weeks and demanding a c-section.  Both her babies were head down.  He wanted her to wait and try to labor vaginally.  He said, "I just wonder if right now she THINKS she wants surgical intervention but later she will regret it."  Did i tell you he is great?

4-i'm turning weird.  maybe i should say, weird-ER.  i've been reading  A LOT about birth.  and, i've been thinking A LOT about birth.  i told my doctor, i REALLY had 6 beautiful births.  i LOVED my doctors, i trusted my doctors, and i felt that they worked miracles to save my babies.  BUT, i asked my current doctor what he thought.  My last c-section was a VERY prolapsed cord.  i wondered if he thought that could have happened because my doctor ruptured the sack, instead of letting the water break naturally.  he said, "ABSOLUTELY."  i am very against artificial rupturing of the membranes.  I believe they are there for a reason and will rupture when they are supposed to.  WHAT?!  i've never heard a doctor say that before.  I also asked him about my first birth.  I tried to labor naturally for 12 hours-- on Pitocin.  I never dilated past 4cm.  When I got my epidural i went from a 4 to a 10 in 15 minutes and the baby came 5 minutes later.  Seriously... epidural = baby in my mind.  But lately, i've wondered if 1)i wasn't dilating because i was 2 weeks before my due date and my body wasn't ready to deliver my baby.  or 2)i could have gone from a 4 to a 10 in 15 minutes even without the epidural... i just needed to wait 15 more minutes.  or 3)after i got my epidural, they hiked up the pitocin and that's what dilated me.  Again, Dr Yeoman's said I could be right.  He said doing the VBA2C (vaginal delivery after 2 c-sections) he is most concerned about me going into labor.  He said if we get to the pushing part he isn't concerned at all.  He's not worried about delivering a baby-- even if her hand is up by her head, or her cord is around her neck.  But, he is a little concerned about me going into spontaneous labor.  OH!!  I REALLY, really, really want to go into labor on my own.  And, here is a good thing.  I think my due date is TWO WEEKS earlier than he thinks my due date is.  PLUS, he'll let me go TWO WEEKS after what he thinks my due date is... so my chances of going into labor on my own are pretty good...  good thing all my babies have been small-ish.  I think i should be most worried about delivering a 12 pounder-- my mom had TWO 12 pound babies.  AHHH!

NOTE--  i REALLY am a grounded weird person.  I had 4 BEAUTIFUL epidural births and 2 MIRACULOUS c-sections.  I'm VERY pro-doctor.  I trust them.  I believe that ALL the doctors i have known have CARED and done their best to make my births safe and healthy.  But this time, I really WANT to experience natural child birth.  I just want too.  I know most natural  birth woman have really negative feelings about doctors or hospitals or epidurals... that's not me.  Honestly, I can't even say, "As long as the baby is healthy."  I know that whatever happens during the course of this baby will be OK.
-c-section-- i can handle this.
-epidural-- i honestly think no birth could be more beautiful than a properly handled epidural birth-- they are just beautiful and happy and peaceful and AMAZING-- you get to meet your BABY!!
-birth defects--  hard, but i KNOW i can do hard things
-death-- i believe in Heaven, with angel grandmothers, and God, and... there are worse things in the world than death.
-kidnapped at age 6-- yeah, this would be pretty dang hard.
i'm not even idealistic enough to say that a natural birth is best.  honestly, i just want to TRY one.
i want my water to break.
i want to feel small contractions leading up to bigger contractions.
i want to FEEL a baby being born.
i want it to be hard, and then really hard, and then finished.
will that make my baby smarter?  NO! 
will it make my recovery better?  i'm dubious... i REALLY recover great from labor.
will it be an AMAZING experience?  i think so.
some people bungee jump.  some people travel the world.  some people spend years in school researching other people's scholarship.
me, i create life.  i create a home.  i learn from people and personalities and from nature. 
i love listening to my body and FEELING life.
i LOVE babies and children and teaching and learning and experiencing life's moments.
i LOVE it.
birth is something i REALLY want to experience fully.
and, NOW i understand home births. 
i never, NEVER understood them before. 
i could never do a home birth (i've experienced scary and i'm pro-doctor). 
honestly, i'm not someone that would want my other kids around... i don't even want them around when i clean a closet.
but, i like the idea of letting your body do what your body was created to do.
(squatting on a rice field, a little push, then you're back to work.)
if you don't have an AMAZING doctor... this is very hard to do at a hospital.
i get it.  and, i appreciate it. 
and... in my dreams... i live in a cabin with the professor, and we birth our baby while water boils on our wood stove and our horses neigh in the barn.
weird-ER.  yup.

5-i kinda want to cut my hair SHORT.  i do this EVERY TIME!  fatter face=shorter hair.  the professor says, don't do it...  but, isn't this haircut cute??

that's all.

Any ideas?

Any ideas what this is?

My leah always has red around her mouth.

I've tried taking her to the doctors... but it comes and goes, and the doctors haven't thought it was a big deal.
I just don't like that I don't know what it is...
First, I thought it was a food allergy.

Then, I thought it was just dry skin.

But today, I am perplexed.

What do you think?

changing my header...

from this...

to this...

just because.

birth- singing.

i've been reading a lot about natural births lately.
i could never have a home birth.
but, i am hoping for a VBAC after 2 emergency c-sections.
and, i want to labor without being induced (i have NEVER gone into labor)
and, i want to labor without an epidural
and... i want to sing.  :)  if only i married a guitar player... and could sing.

something about this video makes me cry...
you can just feel the spirit of the room as she sings.
i want my baby's birth to feel like this.
love it.

christmas shopping. [updated]

Are you thinking about Chirstmas?
I am.
It is always hard for me...  I'm philisophical about much of life and Christmas is no different.
There are things that my kids need.  But I don't want them to wake up to excess Christmas morning.
I always feel like I need to get them one big thing... but I don't really like big things.
Last year we bought Band Hero... dumb.  My kids have played it twice.
My kids get more excited about their stocking stuffers anyway. 

Plus, we don't have a lot of money... so I have to be creative.
Want some ideas? 
Here are some things that I love...

1.  Marble Run...

We bought Lily a wooden marble run off ebay for her 2nd birthday.
I love it.  They love it.  Every kid who comes to our house loves it.
One negative, it uses marbles.  So, we often have marbles on our floor... if you are at an age where you don't panic with small things I say-- it's one of my favorite toddler toys in the whole world.

2.  Plastic Animals & mythical creatures...

You can buy the animals we love at Target or Michaels or Amazon.  Schleich brand...  They are expensive, but they are my favorite toy in the world.  I believe my kids have played with animals everyday since they were young.  My big boys play intricate pretend games and my little girls play family and make animal trains on my coffee table.  If possible, you should be sure to get a mother, father and baby...  i LOVE these animals.  I think for Christmas I'm branching into the fantasy creatures.  I think I'm going to get my big kids each a flying horse with a fairy on it (they have boys and girls) and a mythical bad guy.  They have cool 3 headed dragons and Menotaurs or other Percy Jacksonish bad guys. 

3.  Games...

I love family games.  Barnes and Nobles has buy one get one 50% off... They have lots of fun games, like Settlers.  I want to buy my kids Quirkle and the card game Bang.  I also saw a new United States Settlers game that looked cool.

4.  PJs...

I'm a big Christmas Eve PJ person.  I have sewed pajamas and bought pajamas...  This year I found a great deal on darling pajamas from Crazy 8s.  Have you been to Crazy 8s?  It's the same company as Gymboree only cheaper.  I thought they had really good deals.  I got cute red and white polka dot pjs and green and white striped pjs for $7 a pair.  I also got new jeans for $10 a pair and great quality boy long sleave shirts for $5.  First, I bought my big boys pjs here, but I found some plaid flannel pants at Target for only $3 and thought they'd like flannel pjs better than the cotton stretchy ones any way.  Target had a lot of great boy clearance stuff... check it out.

5.  Coats...
Old Navy has 50% off winter coats.  I think I'm going to get one for Ellie.  She needs a new coat.

6.  Dresses...

I like to get my kids one dress that they wear every Sunday.  I'm weird like that.  I would rather them have one new dress than 10 older dresses.  I've been looking around for dresses... and it's hard.  I'm picky.  I'm not a Hannah Montana dress fan.  I like classic little girls that look like little girls.  And, I like matching or coordinating outfits.  I can find dresses I love, they are just too expensive for my college budget.  At Dillards, I found Bonnie Jean dresses.  They have baby, toddler and girl coordinating sizes and dresses.  They are classic.  And, they were reasonably priced.  Then, I found Bonnie Jean dresses on sale for 50% off at JC Penney.  The same dresses I liked at Dillards.  They also have them at Kohls.  I haven't decided if I'm going to buy new dresses yet.  But, if I do, I'm going to start at Penneys.  If they don't have the sizes I need in the styles I like, I'm going to head to Kohls.  Just saying. 
[update-- i went to Burlington and they had all these dresses for the same price as Penneys... turns out i didn't like them.  they looked cheap to me.  i'm trying to stay around $20 per girl... i think my best bet is going to be skirts and sweaters at Target...]

7.  Advent...

And, I REALLY want to get this Lego City Advent Calendar.  I love it.  We got it one year and it was my favorite.  They have the cutest figures that you open each day.  Ugh.  It's expensive for me... but since Lego guys are what my kids play with, I love the neat guys that they get in the advent calandar.  I also have been wanting to buy the Lego Community Workers set for them each year.  It costs around $50 but seems so cool.  I love legos.  (Oh, and so do my kids.)

So, you can see that I'm ready to buy stuff... but I can't buy till I have a plan.  A philosophy.  And, I haven't figured out what we are doing for Christmas yet.  It's funny that this year I am more excited about boy stuff than girl stuff... that never happens.  I think it's because the girls room is always messy with Barbies and American Girls and I hate the thought of getting them anything else.  I think we will limit our buying to 3 gifts... but that takes planning and I have to plan soon because "if you fail to plan you plan to fail."
So, hope you enjoyed my random shopping thoughts today.

Have I told you how much I love shopping.
Really, I do.  I love thinking of my kids and what will make their eyes shine.  I love giving gifts and finding deals.  I'd be thrifty even if I didn't have to be thrifty.
But, I'm pretty sure my favorite thing is spending someone elses money.
So, want to send me some money and I'll buy all your stocking stuffers?
For sure!  wouldn't that be fun?!!

What are you doing for Christmas?

30's.

This is random.
But, I just keep thinking... by the age of 33 I should already have a hair style that looks best on me.
You know...  the thing I ask for every time I go to the salon.
I'm definitely grown up, but I still feel like a kid when I do my hair.

I have layers now... it feels like a mullet.
Not cute.  Fine, but not cute.
I'm tempted to cut it off to a bob... but, I do this every pregnancy.
My body gets fatter and I start cutting off my hair.

I'm 33.
I should have this down by now.

And, I should be able to carry a purse.
But, I can't.  I hate it.
I just carry a little wallet.
You know why I hate purses?

reason 1-
When I carry one, my kids cry for candy all the time.  They always think I have something in the bag.
And, usually I do.  So, they turn into whiney brats until I give them gum.
I hate that

reason 2-
it bugs me that they are so big, just one more thing to keep track of.

reason 3-
i'm picky about a black bag with brown shoes, and i don't have time to change my purse all the time.
i keep thinking that one day i'll find the perfect purse that i love...
till that day, I don't carry a purse.

Really, purses and hair bug me.  I feel like they are signs of adulthood.  Signs that I'm not quite the mature woman I wish I was.

Maybe by 40 I'll figure out my ideal hair style and my ideal purse.
What do you think?
I know you are all styled, purse carrying women.
I just know it.

ps- i'm sorry to those of you who actually read this blog.
Sometimes I wonder why anyone would read it... especially when I'm pregnant.
Feel free to pause on me for the next 5 months and then check back.
Promise, I'll be more sane, and happy, and crafty, in April.
Consider yourself warned.

before the dance.

do you remember the week before the dance?
planning, shopping, imagining what it was going to be like.
sometimes you were just going with girl friends, sometimes with a boy you were madly in love with, most of the time with the service project boy you had to say yes to.
always there were nervous butterflies, and for me, a break down moment when i knew it would be horrible and i would look ugly and i was scared.

this is my before the dance time of life.
and, i'm nervous, excited and breaking down.

i HATE, HATE, HATE change.
(yes, i wrote a blog titled i LOVE change.  it was a JOKE title.)
but, more than hating change, i HATE the unknown. 
i HATE, HATE, HATE surprises.
now, a true surprise i can handle, but a "i got you something today but i'm not going to tell you what it is."
i HATE that.
we're all going to act weird around you and pretend that we don't remember it's your birthday so we can surprise you later, i hate that.

you are moving sometime, somewhere, and hopefully selling your house shortly after giving birth to a child, and paying for your move and your new home somehow... 
this makes me insane.
most of the time i can control my emotions... i know everything is going to be fine.
but today... i'm a little crazy.

even though i try not to think about it and worry about it... it's not working very well.
you see, i'm smarter than my brain. 
i TRY to convince myself not to worry, but really, i know that i have a lot to be worried about. 
change is going to be difficult for me and for my family.

once, at christmas time, the professor said, "honey, don't worry.  I NEVER worry about Christmas and it is always magical." 
HA!!  that is my point.  if i didn't plan and worry than it wouldn't be magical. 

no, i'm not taking any mental medication.
if i drank, i'm sure a glass of wine would help...
yes, i'm a bit anxious.  which is funny and odd for me, because i am usually the opposite of anxious. 
i go depressed, calm and mild and carefree. 
do you know, i can't even nap.
i'm pregnant and i can't sleep.
WHAT?!!  this is not like me.

so, please remind me that the dance is always great.  always.
God gives us what we need when we need it.
I have to believe that He has a place for us, where we will be able to provide for our family and serve others and be happy.
I can feel peace and trust and faith.
We will sell our house, our baby will come and it will be calm and right, our move will be smooth and we will see the hand of God helping us through this transition time. 
i hope.

thanks for listening to my therapy post.
this is a big weekend for me, we are presenting the big Stake Nativity (that i am in charge of) to all Mormon congregations in Lubbock, and we are taking the kids on a road trip to visit Stillwater, OK and Wichita, KS...  and, although todd has had 3 fly back interviews he still doesn't have any official offers... so all our dreaming might be in vain. 

i say to God... I'll go where you want me to go... just tell me WHERE.  please.  i hate choosing. 
i know this isn't good.  He wants us to choose.  He believes in agency.
i just hate agency sometime.
i hate choosing and waiting and worrying.

but, i LOVE to dance.
and soon, we'll be dancing.

hormonal.

i bought this book for 25 cents at goodwill.
(you can buy it for 25 cents on amazon...)  
i love regency romances...
where there is a rich duke, a strong-willed heroine,
and they kiss on the last page.

easy reading, fun banter, happy endings.
i can handle that, even pregnant.
or so i thought.

during naptime this afternoon, i started reading...
and i found myself SOBBING.
like 4 times.
for real.
wiping tears from my face.
both from the desperate plight of this regency heroine,
and from the complete joy as her and the man she loved shared their first real kiss together.

REAL TEARS.
oh my... 
hormones are flying around these parts.
beware. 

five (or six) for friday.

nothing cuter than a diaper changing husband...

1. for the past 11 years (since my oldest was born) i have used huggies diapers.  my babies have sensitive bums, and they are allergic to pampers...  lily was leaking out of her huggies EVERY night.  we ran at of money at the beginning of the school year, so we bought a small pack of TARGET brand diapers.  NO LEAKING.  ever.
i love them.  and now, i switched.  from huggies to target.  just thought you'd like to know.

2. i have an ultrasound today... i'm kinda nervous, because i REALLY want twins and i only have one morning left to hope.  i know, i'm so silly.

3.  i decided NOT to worry so much about what my kids looked like... to try and NOT spend money on new clothes.  they're kids and it's ok that they look hand-me-down-ish sometimes.  right?  so, last week i brought my girls to a friend's house.  when i went to pick them up, my friends was laughing at how "daddy got them dressed."  i laughed too, and said that he HAD dressed them that morning.  i lied.  and, that afternoon, i went to the store.  i bought a few new shirts and a couple carters leggings at Burlington.  not too expensive.  and, i realized, i DO care what my kids look like.  i'm just not that mom who can pull off the orphan look.

4.  i really want to paint a wall in my girls room like this.  (their walls are already purple, everyday i hold myself back from making a template, tracing with a pencil, and using a bottle of craft paint to trellis.)  we are moving in the spring... what do you think?  should i just go for it?  or should i put it in my folder of "next house" ideas?

5.  today, after school, we are having a friend day.  The professor is taking the boys + friends to the park, and i am making hair things with the girls + friends.  Here is my inspiration sheet... 
(I'm sure they won't be that lovely, but it will be fun!)

6.  i just bought a new duvet cover from target... i saw it online for $89, and my angel shoppers inspired me to call our local stores... it was on clearance for $34.99.  i had to explain to my husband that this was indeed a case of divine intervention, we were meant to have this cover... i just know it.  :)