born again... again.

this is my lunch... i'm eating it right now... mmmm. this is my week. i've made lots and lots o' lists... this is my closet... doesn't it look nice?
and SIMPLE. my HOME is going on another diet. life is better every time i knot a garbage bag and write "pants size 6/8 $3"
yes. i think another garage sale may be in our future.
actually, my whole life is going on a diet.
well, it's not a diet, it's a LIFESTYLE. right?
Drew said to me last night. "Mom, I really don't want to play this game anymore."
Nope. This isn't a game... it's a plan. a GREAT plan of happiness.
i have many good friends who are Baptist, and i love them.
i remember a conversation i had with a sweet, sweet wife of a baptist minister in Michigan about being born again.
one thing i just don't agree with is that you are "saved" or "born again" just once...
for me, i am saved again and again... as i grow and learn and progress...
i can feel my Savior strengthening me and cleansing me and teaching me and saving me.
the first time i remember knowing without a doubt that God was real and that He loved me was when i was 8...
I was laying on my bed with my bunny, and i was singing "I am a Child of God"...
i felt a warm wash over me...
tingles from my head to my toes...
i felt a sweet hug from above and the thoughts... "I am here, you are not alone. I am your Father, I love you and I will always guide you."
That was real. and, it changed me.

but, there have been many times since then that i have been born again...
and, last week, i was born again... again.

i am a new person.
i feel healed and cleansed and saved.
i took some time to reconnect, to hear God tell me that I'm not alone, that He loves me and that He will guide my steps... and, it has changed me.
Like Martha, I had become "careful and troubled about many things" and i was reminded that only "one thing is needful." (Luke 10:38-41)
i love the scripture in Psalms 37:23 "The steps of a good [woman] are ordered by the Lord: and [she] delighteth in his way."
and, "The Lord shall increase you more and more, you and your children." Psalms 115:14
and, this sweet prayer, "Order my steps in thy word: and let not iniquity have dominion over me... Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes." Psalms 119:133, 135
i came home focused on holy ORDER...
God's ORDER.
I love that word- order.
It's easier to achieve ORDER than perfection...
i just need to know one step ahead, and i can have faith that even when what i am doing is not enough, HE will compensate.
He will turn my water into wine.
I know that we are saved by GRACE after all that we can do.
actually, i think we are saved by GRACE while we are doing...
So, I'm doing stuff... just one day at a time, one thing at a time, one step at a time... and, it's working.
I'm happy.
My home is orderly.
My life is orderly... and it's only been ONE WEEK.
i can't believe it.
specifically, here are some things i'm focusing on...

- Early to bed, early to rise ( i know!! can you believe it? i USED to be SUCH a night owl)

-First things first-- each morning i start by taking time for myself to pray, read, ponder and write an ORDER for my day (on a blank index card.) it is NOT a service to our children if we loose ourselves in their care. we serve them better when we are whole. (Note- someday I'll include exercise here... but, i haven't really figured this one out yet.)

-NEVER forget the ARMOUR... seriously. we are living in a world that is HARD. we need to protect ourselves and our children, to teach them right from wrong and to teach them where to look for knowledge... family prayer, family scripture study, service, forgiveness, work, exercise, etc... these things really do strengthen us and protect our family.

- Put away the laundry while it's warm (totally changed my life- i do wash every morning, just a couple loads and it is my PRIORITY-- i stop whatever I'm doing, fold it and put it away. do you know it only takes 4.5 minutes to put away a load of laundry... i spent longer than that feeling sick everytime i saw a clean load sitting in a laundry basket... just DO IT!)

- HEALTHY fuel for my body and for my family... grains, fruits, vegetables... you know, healthy stuff not chemicals and unhealthy stuff. when i think about NOURISHING my kids not just FEEDING my kids, i actually love mealtime. Do you know it costs over $100 a month for many anti-depressant medications? I would much rather spend my money on healthy, nourishing food and vitamins for my family.

-Morning maintenance... (my house had gotten so bad that i had to start a room at a time... so, monday i did the entryway, living room and kitchen. tuesday, i did morning maintenance of the entryway, living room and kitchen then good clean of my bedroom. wednesday, maintenance of entry, living, kitchen, master bed and good clean of girls bedroom... get it? seriously ONE WEEK and it's getting there.)

-FINISHi've been trying for awhile to figure this out and finally it "CLICKED"

-Make one big project 3 smaller projects... i do this by storing big messes to work on later. (for example, because our house is small and we don't have a play room, cleaning the kids' room is awful. i usually spend all day making hundreds of piles... shirts, pants, socks, dress-ups, dirty clothes, kid books, baby books, paperback books, hairbands, barbie shoes, doll clothes, etc.... i don't really finish before the kids get home then they mess my piles and i feel completely frustrated. this time i just threw all the toys in a big pile... to sort later. my objective at first was just to ORDER the room... even if a pile of toys didn't seem clean, it became the place i put toys so it was orderly... i felt finished in a short time and the next day i could go back and do "toys" as a job.) same with closets... you take everything out of the closet. you have one bag labeled "Goodwill" one labeled "Trash" a basket of "stuff that goes somewhere else" and a basket of "stuff i want to put back into the closet." so. In ten minutes i could be "DONE" with a closet. I stick the basket of stuff to go into the closet, into the closet and shut the door. Tie a knot on the Goodwill bag and stick it in the trunk of my car, put the trash in the trash pile for the boys to take out when they get home and put the basket of stuff to put away... away. IF i have time, i might decide to actually organize the closet I just sorted. IF the kids are almost home, i can still have an orderly home and do that smaller project another day. Get it? seriously... changed my LIFE.

-FORGIVE!! i LOVE this one. One way we can forgive is through our words... speaking is using our agency and our faith... kind, forgiving words can change our heart and help us to get rid of negative emotions that consume us... anger, hurt, fear, frustration, guilt. SAY IT. Say, out loud... "I forgive myself for spending too much money at that store." or "I forgive Ellie for being sassy this morning." Get it? Even if you have to say it over and over for the same negative feelings... and remember, you don't forgive for the other person, we forgive to change OUR heart. It's a great way to get rid of negativity. seriously. i've tried to forgive before but, i didn't know how. i really think there is healing in WORDS. now, i make my kids say it. along with I'm sorry they say, "I forgive you Mom for getting rid of my play shoes." and, it changes their heart. LOVE THIS!!

-Write it down so you can think instead of remember... seriously. do you know how many things i can think of at the same time? A LOT! but, i don't need to. i cleaned off my little desk. i put a calendar there and started some permanent lists... to buy, to do, to make... as i cleaned out the kids' closet i took a minute to write down a list of what each kid needs... as i got rid of my favorite pink shirt with a stain on it, or my favorite black dresses that are just a bit too short, i wrote down a list of "things i want..." when i write these things down in an orderly place, my brain is free to think about other things. and... i don't just have random lists floating around... it's orderly and simple and i love it.

-Be STILL so you can hear. although this is last, it was actually first. we checked the INPUT around our home and decided it was too much. We needed more time to think and BE. So, we turned off the TV, banned movies, gameboys, computer games, etc. It's just a 30 day fast. a cleansing. i'm afraid that my children have forgotten how to play outside or ride their bikes or be creative... too much input... too little living... i don't miss it. even when i'm trying to clean and leah cries to watch a movie... do you know it is just as easy to sit her at the table with a place-mat and a container of play-doh, or a coloring book and a bowl of crayons, or on the couch with a stack of books, or turn on a Wee Sing tape and let her dance. seriously. she can entertain herself with those things just as long as she did watching a movie. Is Dora bad? nope. but for us, this month, it's just not best. my life is calmer, i can feel more and breathe easier without all the noise. love it. so, these are the things I'm working on today. life is good. now, i'm going to take a nap. then, i'm going to make bread and pizza dough for our Family Game Night tonight (it's replacing Family Movie Night.) Have a GREAT weekend!(sorry for the book... you knew i was just waiting to spew forth everything going on in my brain!)

wish i was paintin'...

don't you want a chalkboard pantry door?? i do!! i need one.

Melissa at 320 sycamore is having a paint party... there are lots of links to people sharing their favorite paint colors.

IT'S FUN!!

My pictures are all from Country Living...

I just want to show you that i REALLY, REALLY want to paint everyting in my house WHITE.

yup. beds, cabinets, armoires... EVERYTHING. i do HATE painting and furniture is way worse than walls. AND, we're moving in a year-- so i feel like i'd be dumb to paint my cabinets.

But, i LOVE, LOVE white.

I like white because you can pick a fun accent color and it really POPS when everything else is white. PLUS, everything looks happy and clean and cheery... well, clean UNTIL my kids wipe their dirty hands all over them... ohhhhh. i want to paint stuff white today.

FIRST, i'm going to finish putting my laundry away.

THEN, i'm going to clean up my whirlwind of a craft room.

and, maybe on MONDAY... (when Todd is back from his trip...)

I'll PAINT.

ok.

monday.

just wait till then.

ok.

i can do it...

trail ride, not bull ride...

the professor would LOVE for me to start painting cabinets while he is gone...

i mean, at least it's not buying anything living? right?

climb mt fuji

little snail

but, slowly, slowly.

monday.?

IT KILLS ME TO CLEAN WITHOUT REDECORATING!!!

i think i'm dying because i haven't made ANYTHING in a very, very long time.

my right-brain is dying...

i NEED to paint.

ok. monday. ;) (maybe...)

and then... i'll make this quilt from red pepper quilts

won't this look good in my mostly white living room???

cause we all need a little cowgirl lovin'

My sweet cowgirl cousin Shelley wrote me this comment. I just had to pass it on!

Way to go JEN!!! I think you and I have the same problem! But I learned a valuable lesson and I can't remember if I shared it with you already...so I will just share it again. I really apply's to all aspects of life. So hear it is:

Jen, don't should on yourself! :D April 22, 2009 6:05 PM

thanks shelley!!!

and thanks netty for the GREAT cowgirl bracelets... i LOVE, love em.

taneil- thanks for spurs, and encouragement...

and thanks to all of you who have listened or read my LONG, self-focused blogs not really about house cleaning-- it really is a great motivator for me to follow through...

i hardly know what to do with myself today. it's a "choose your own assigment" day...

My goal is- PTA. cause i have a meeting this afternoon.

i would like to vacuum, cause it thrills my heart

and, perhaps, paint the BATHROOM.

:) I'll try hard not to SHOULD on myself.

Day 6- Laundry...

gathered.

washed.

dried.

folded.

PUT AWAY...

(do you know i have almost as many pictures of my dirty laundry on this blog as i do of my kids...)

i see a mountain!

UPDATE:: it is 5:27 pm... i just returned from dropping the kids off at piano and violin... i'm on to dinner, then boys have scouts.... anyway. I had to tell y'all...

I FINISHED MY LAUNDRY!! (oh, i'm such a dork) but, seriously. EVERYTHING!! washed, dried and PUT AWAY. i had to write quick before bathtime... you know how these things go, i only get a few minutes of absolute accomplishment. YEE HAW!!

It's not really about the trail ride...

Things I'm learning...

Guess what?

This whole 21 day trail ride...

it has NOTHING to do with bulls or cleaning my house.

It's about me.

It's a journey of self discovery not arrival...

Finding a way to keep progressing while at the same time feeling like i'm good enough.

Understanding the hidden cords that bind me.

Like riding bull, it's harder than it looks.

Confessions #4

I LIKE to be mad at others for "expecting too much of me" so that i don't have to see that it is really me who expects too much of me.

Confession #5

Can I help you with that saddle? I am HORRIBLE at finishing things. IT KILLS ME. I have many ways to escape task completion. (Note: I am NOT horrible at starting things. I'm great at starting... it's the finishing that kills me... instead of FINISHING one thing, i just START something else- or start 5 other things.) Guess what? Yup. The professor finishes things for me. lots. he's a great finisher. i cook dinner and then he comes home and serves it all while i crash. it has worked for us, he doesn't mind, but i'm missing out on that ahhhhhhh.... i'm finished feeling. i get lots of mileage out of "i can do this"... i want the ahhhhhhhh, i did it. Can't you just see me in a barn with 50 horses all well-groomed and saddled up??? Or worse... half a mile down the trail. stop. run back and get the next horse. i've got horses saddled up all over the dumb hill. the professor comes home, rounds em up and delivers them quietly into their stalls while i'm limping home. sounds joyous no?

Confession #6-

Too Many Horses, Too Many Trails, it's just TOO hard. One of my favorite self deception tactics is taking on too many things so that i can look at my life and say "No one could do everything that i'm trying to do." I usually prefer to say this statement while i am laying on the couch numb to the ten unfinished tasks around me. It's the "I can't JUST give a mouse a cookie syndrome." and. It's a lie. when the mouse asks for a drink of milk, say NO. or, Choose to give him a stupid glass a milk. You don't have to give him a bubble bath just cause you decided to give him a cookie. duh. i can't believe i fall for this.

I can defeat this mentality by picking ONE goal and sticking to it. Pick and Stick... my kids are really good at this (especially on the wall near their bed). :) I mean, it's even fine if i allow myself to pick one goal and two side trails, but at the end of the day, i need to end up at the barn, not laying on a hill somewhere saying it's just too hard.

EXAMPLE... Lily's clothes. Remember I sorted Lily's clothes and put the ones that were too small in a laundry basket on Sunday. Monday, i needed to vacuum so i moved the basket onto my bed and vacuumed. At the end of the day yesterday my cowboy MIL asked me how i felt. i told her good, but my house was still a mess. Why? she asked. cause i still have stuff. what stuff? um. well, lily's laundry basket. why don't you just put that stuff away? here it comes... "um. it's too hard..." because, i don't have a place for it, i'll need to go into leah's closet and sort through all the Tupperware in there of her too small stuff and pile it on, and it's just too much. Her sage advice, "Jen, just do it. Put it in a box, label it and stick it up in the attic. It will take you five minutes and you'll feel good about yourself."

Confession #7-

My horse is broken. When my "it's tooo hard" whining doesn't work, i resort to "i don't know how." I'm defective. I didn't learn it when i was little. I like to look around at everyone else and think that i'm missing something... it's easier for them because they know how. I doubt my original goal. I go back to square one and seek for someone to teach me, or tell me what to do, because i don't know the right way. Guess what. NO ONE KNOWS THE RIGHT WAY. cause, there isn't a right way. there are just a lot of people out there who are having fun doing things their way. everyone has a broken horse. just get on and start riding.

EXAMPLE: i still haven't put away lily's clothes. i talked to taneil today and tried out my second tactic-- she's on to me. i tried the "It's just too hard" whine and she got me with her spurs. Jen. Just get out a dumb garbage bag and stick the clothes in the attic. Then i tried, "Ok, so tell me how you do your kids' clothes?" I could feel myself walking victoriously towards the couch where i could honestly lay in a heap of defeat... i just don't do it right... my whole system is flawed. only, taneil, she knows that i have read just as many house organization books as she has. she knows that she has spent years talking to me about how she organizes clothes... it isn't the system... it is the FEAR of committing that i need to work through. JUST DO IT already. as of right now, lily's clothes are still in a laundry basket on my floor. but, i'm about to discover the tactic i try next...

So. Today.

I had a goal.

Bathrooms.

I took one big, side trail...

I painted my dining room.

I almost stopped (about 100 times).

But.

I didn't.

I even cleaned up.

EVERYTHING.

and then,

I CLEANED MY BATHROOMS.

just because that was the trail i CHOOSE for today.

no. they weren't that dirty. but who cares.

it's not about the house.

i organized my bathroom cupboard, which was a minor side trail.

but i choose it. and, i finished it.

and then. i stopped. and i told myself good job. just now.

good job jen.

thanks.

OK-- so how does this relate to y'all?

Only ONE THING is needful. and. that one thing changes all the time.

we only get into trouble if we're careful and troubled about many things.

it's simple.

you're not broken.

Pick ONE THING that you need to work on.

It's not really a thing, it's more a way of being...

i don't know what mine is called... consistent, regular, scheduled, grounded...

maybe you want to be more uplifting, kind, creative, encouraging... the possibilities are eternal. :)

Then pick ONE GOAL for today.

just one.

small one.

and.

do it.

then,

say "Good Job."

and think it and feel it, cause you are great.

and, tomorrow you can pick one more thing to work on.

that's why this is a 21 day trail ride... nice and easy

and after 21 days people will say things like,

"Did you see that cowgirl?"

And, they'll be talking about you.

Trail Ride- Day 5

yesterday, Day 4- wonderful. i feel true joy in a vacuumed floor. i think i'd feel joy if i vacuumed every day. yup. all the rug lines in the same directions- joy. (i even moved the couches and vacuumed). in the girls room i couldn't help myself from singing "little bunny poo poo" (it sounds a little like Little Bunny Foo Foo...) gross, i know. No more bunnies in the house, even on bull-riding days. i did notice myself start to soar when my vacuuming was finished... now, I can Paint my bathroom and my dining room and... (actually, Grey's coming over to paint with me today... i'm HOPE i can maintain my trail ride.)

my problems are mental not physical. i create such a HUGE mental list of I SHOULD that I end up with a big ole' headache... lots of starts and not many finishes...

TODAY- Day 5- Clean the Bathrooms. see ya later!

Trail Ride- Day 4

Honestly. I woke up draggin' my feet. Mornings are hard. Especially Monday mornings. Especially Monday mornings after a whole day of the Professor herding the children into a back bedroom so that I can ride some house-work bull.

It's hard to transition from a mind-set of accomplishing tasks to dealing with children. Especially six, strong-willed, sassy at times, little brats.

(to be fair, the score this morning was... 2 brats, 2 tolerable and 2 enjoyable... if you add in todd and i, the score would have been 3 brats, 3 tolerable and 2 enjoyable.)

Day 3- so, lest i have given you the wrong impression (cause i may have forgotten myself)... riding bull isn't fun. it's hard and painful. i HATED much of my time yesterday, but i forced myself to push through it so i could enjoy the end result. the end makes me happy. so... here's what i finished.

**ALL of the laundry. from two weeks ago that was folded and not put away. from last week that was not folded or put away. and from throw-up. (i do have a couple loads of bedding that i'm still working on- it's the just-laid-on-with-germs bedding, and i'm washing toothbrushes- i always forget that.) anyway. Laundry. wash, dried and put away. it was my marathon.

**My closet. purged, sorted and in order. (not lovely, just not a mess-- todd's closet is always clean)

**Lily's clothes. purged, sorted and in order. (i still have a laundry basket full of too small that i need to put in Tupperware... poo to organization...)

**The girl's room and half of their closet. (i still need to sort and purge it- again. it is a constant To Do in my life.)

**Girls' Hair bows- yup. i went through the whole house and organized hair things. i hung all the bows on a cute little hanger thing that i bought. (it still needs to be hung up.)

**Cleaned my kitchen junk drawer.

**Straightened everything.

**added to my "things to clean list" and created a "things to buy list" and "things to make list"...

**Finished my Libba Bray books (The Gemma Doyle Trilogy). Um. Not so good. Sorry, but i can't stand the horror movie feeling... "NO! Don't DO that..." it makes me sick and cranky. And, i NEED happy endings. not just maybe happy endings-- seriously happy endings. or, at least a happy epilogue. i NEED to stick with sweet, Christian fiction, or Georgette Heyer... she knows just the perfect amount of conflict for my emotional soul and she can let me fall asleep at midnight to sweet dreams and one perfect kiss. Not so Libba Bray. (I'm afraid this is the real reason i woke up crabby.) TODAY- Day 4-- My Goal-- Vacuum. That's it. (Right Taneil?!)

I may sneak in some putting away, and I may carry around my trusty, Anti-bacterial Windex... but those are all extras.

My secondary goal-- Easter in the attic. It's just about gathered, i just need to risk the wrath of drew and delve into his hidden treasures to remove his basket and plastic eggs. He won't be mad, if i don't throw away all of his well-hoarded candy. but, it's so hard not to. when i see it sitting there, nasty, just wanting to rot his teeth slowly...

i also have a pta luncheon and FHE.

Side Note- for scripture time we are reading the kids illustrated Book of Mormon, and one section from For the Strength of Youth... love it. (we used to do this when the boys were little, but have been in the real Bible and Book of Mormon since the boys have been old enough to read... we decided to head back to the illustrated version so the little girls can learn the stories easier.) This morning I read the section on Families... Jakob was having a minor tantrum as he sat on the bench, Ellie was complaining that I said no white church shoes to school, and I was reading "Being part of a family is a great blessing. Your family can provide you with companionship and happiness, help you learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and help you prepare for eternal life. Not all families are the same, but each is important in Heavenly Father's plan. Do your part to build a happy home. Be cheerful, helpful, and considerate of others. Many problems in the home are created because family members speak and act selfishly or unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight, and quarrel. Remember that the family is the most sacred unit of the church. Honor your parents by showing love and respect for them and by being obedient. Be willing to help in the home with chores that need to be done. Participate in family activities and traditions, including family prayer, family home evenings, and family scripture reading. These traditions strengthen and unify families. Set a good example for other family members..." It was EXACTLY what i needed to hear and remember... and EXACTLY what i wanted my kids to hear and remember. love it!!

Anyway, what i was going to tell you about is our little index-card goals. Jakob named them Treat Worthy Tasks. On Monday we set family goals and individual goals. We pray for each other morning and night, by name (looking at the card if we need to) and there are little boxes to mark off if we complete our goal.

Examples... my goal is to read my scriptures everyday. Anna's goal is perfect bedtimes. Ellie's goal is to say Yes Ma'm and Yes Sir... Drew's goal is to sing a song every time he wants to be mean or sassy. :) The kids decided that we should all take a trip to the grocery store to pick-out their favorite candy, for Family Night next week if we meet our goals. Sounds good to me!! We've been doing this for a few weeks now, and it's not MAGIC. But, it does teach self-improvement, it helps with family unity, and it reminds me when Anna gets out of bed ten time a night, that at least she knows what she should be doing and she's trying. Hey, I'm not perfect either.

Family Goals- they're GREAT!

ok- computer off.

Trail Ride- Day 2 and 3

Day 1-- Look at that CLEAN floor!! no picture of laundry, folded and put away... cause it's not done.

Confessions of a Bull-Rider...

When I ride bull, I just hold on and ignore everything else. I'm not stressed because I don't think about anything except the bull I'm riding. Example: On Wednesday night Jakob started throwing up... it was bad, miss the bowl, nasty. (I'll spare you the details from the other end.) All my grand plans for Wednesday and Thursday went out the window... I just put my "to do" list in a numb, coma-like state and focused on my sweet, sick boy. It was a bull-ride. Not a planned adventure, but we came through smiling. Thursday night I ran to a friend's house and Todd called me panicked... there was a bull ride, i mean hail storm coming. He didn't want his car to get pummeled so he asked me to drive to sonic (it's like McD's with a covered parking lot). So, I sat in the car... eating tater tots and drinking Sprite for an hour or more... watching the rain. Todd finally called and said he thought the storm had passed and it was ok for me to drive home. Nope. On the way home i thought i was going to die. I couldn't see, it sounded like rocks were smashing into me, and i was scared... but I put on my bull-rider mentality... called Todd to let him hear what i was driving through... laughed and made it home without major incident. So much for my Thursday evening. This is a real picture from Lubbock-- Hail.

Friday-day 1, trying to clean my floors, it almost killed me. I was tormented with 100 things i should be doing. Even when i tried to focus on my job of cleaning i had to stop myself 1000 times from cleaning the doors, walls, refrigerator, pantry, cabinets, etc... my mind swirls and fills with all the things i need to do and i get overwhelmed and distracted... i crave my numb-happy place where i'm just floating without any goals. Anyway, what i learned was... I need to pretend that I'm riding bull... the only difference is, I get to pick my horse. I choose to clean my floors-- pretend that is a throwing up kid or an anxious husband. Focus on the task at hand and ignore everything else that needs to be done. I do this with my kids. When they are miss-behaving in public, instead of loosing it with them, i simply add to a mental list of "things i need to teach my children..." It totally works. I feel peace knowing that they aren't finished yet, i still have time to teach them everything i wish they would know. I can love them in an un-finished state. On Monday night, when we have Family Night, I mentally re-read my "things i need to teach my children" list and pick something. Teaching during un-stressed times is 100% more effective. Applying this to my housework, i started a list of "things i need to clean sometime..." I'm a bit worried that I'll NEVER get to that list, but i have hope that someday I'll find 10 minutes to attack the woodwork in my kitchen.

Taneil and I remembered this Covey image... you can read all about it here...

I have renamed the firefighting-quadrant 1, Bull Riding and quality time-quadrant 2, Trail Riding. I spend my life doing things that are either Urgent and Important or Urgent and Not Important. I wish that I did more things that were Important but Not Urgent.

Saturday- day 2, I got sick... really bad puking and stuff. And, so did Anna and Ellie. Bad. Puking in the bathtub bad. Puking over 30 times in 10 hours bad. It stunk. (literally.) Taneil and I wrote up a nice, trial riding plan for next week and I'm already 2 days behind. So, I called my cowgirl MIL to get permission and decided that I was going to RIDE THE BULL all day today. Yup. Sunday. I'm feeling better and I'm going to clean my house like I'm in a rodeo. I HAVE to. I can not start Monday with puke sheets everywhere and all my laundry from last week half-folded on my family room floor. It's bad ladies, real bad. My sweet husband did a great job of comforting and cleaning the little girls while i was indisposed... most of the nasty stuff is washed and dried and sitting on my laundry room floor. He tried, but he's not the bull-rider that I am. I think I can maintain life doing one simple job a day, but I can't recover from a throw-up fest. Forgive me, but I'm REALLY EXCITED to ride the bull today.

Sunday-day 3, Yee HAW!! I'm riding the BULL!!! I'm cleaning like a mad woman. I'm so excited. Even the most seasoned trail rider has to deal with a bucking bronco every now and then, right?! Nope. I'm not even going to church {gasp...} Seriously. If you were my church pew neighbor you would thank me for staying home. This little bug we got was NASTY. And, I still have 3 kids left- leah, drew and todd- who haven't puked their guts out. please, not today Lord. I'm so excited to ride my house cleaning bull.

Sweet Moments from Day 1--

Todd and I had a fun lunch date-- although egg plant Parmesan is NASTY coming out your nose.

Leah helped me clean the mega-pixi-stick spill off the kitchen floor...

I LOVED hopping sidewalk lines with Leah on the way to the car. I love pure 2 year old joy over little things.

Anna and I wrote out a chore schedule for her... she has a hard time getting her chores done because, like her mother, she is a perfectionist. She can't put away her laundry without re-folding everything in her drawers. Sharing a room with her un-perfectionistic sister creates tears of frustration on a daily basis. I loved teaching her about "daily quick cleans" and "saturday good cleans"... it was a complete AHA moment for her as she ran into her room and straightened-up making a mental list of "things i will clean on saturday..." She finished with a smile. Imagine if she can learn at 7 the things that I'm learning at 31?!

Ellie- about 100 times... it's from some movie... "Oh, that's AWESOME. It's beyond awesome, It's BE-AWESOME!!"

Drew- "Oh, so you think you can spell, try spelling Mississippi bisher-basher-bisher-basher-bisher-basher-boo.... Oh, that's what I thought. You can't spell."

while i was puking... look at these cute kids.

Join me on a TRAIL RIDE- day 1- edited

OK. Seriously. Remember this?

I'm a bull rider dreaming of a trail ride.

I had a few, major AHA! moments this week and I think I maybe can do this... with help.

Confession #1- I do a lot, but I am a 100% bull rider... do tons then crash, do tons then crash... My house is also a bull ride... clean for 8 hours, crash-- huge mess.

Confession #2- My coping mechanism is to numb out. It works well, sometimes. It doesn't help me deal with my perfectionistic expectations... I just ignore them.

Confession #3- I am a complete and total perfectionist. I want 12 perfectly well-mannered, well-groomed, well-educated, well-rounded kids, a perfectly clean and organized home, a large savings account, a day full of serving others, homemade clothes, quilts and bread, a husband that's happy and enamered with me on a daily basis, well-balance, home-cooked meals every night, daily communion with God for me and my family, and funny, creative, daily blog posts. :) I wouldn't mind... a small, thriving home business, an award winning PTA, a rock-solid totally excercisable body, a cute, trendy style and a cute trendy house, perhaps some politcal influence or a book on my shelf that I wrote, and many items on my shelf from our family's world travels. When my kids are teenagers I, for sure, want to take them to build a school house and dig a well in South America. :) That's all.

My GOAL-- A 21 day TRAIL RIDE. I want to change my bull-riding habits. I want to be more intentional with my plans and especially my home. I want to be able to maintain my carefree, fun-loving attitude with my children while at the same time completing small goals each day around my house. I want to FEEL a sense of accomplishment each day by completing my homemaking goals, instead of going to sleep each night with a huge mental list of everything I didn't accomplish.

My PARTNERS-- Yay!! My mother-in-law is going to help me!! She's going to call me once each day to help me set achievable goals and help me feel accomplishment. And, my super-planner friend Taniel is on-board. (Right Taneil?!) Taneil's been my mental coach for 10 years now. I tend to surround myself with super-planners-- (right Corrie?)... I try to soak in their skill without loosing my skill of riding bull with a smile. Grey- she's a dear friend, but also a super-bull-rider... i'm pretty sure she's laughing at me right now and would tell me to STOP fighting and just keep riding. Maybe most of you think that. Oh well. Poo to you, because I think I can get more balance and I don't think there is anything wrong with me trying. So, want to be my blog partners? OK... Feel free to set your own 21 day challange (I've heard it takes 21 days to make a habit...) This is mine... you can watch silently, cheer me on, or ignore these posts. I hope you will set your own 21 day challenge and let me know about it so I can cheer you on... That's one of the bad things about trail rides-- no cheers from the crowd. People think I'm AMAZING when I ride bull, but there are not many cheers at the end of the trail... Don't you want to join me on a trail ride? I'm here for you... :)

DAY ONE-

OK- my goal today is to clean my floors.

AHH... it's killing me. Cause I already cleaned out my bunny cage, it was a mess when i went to feed them this morning. Yes. this is Anna's job and she didn't do it for the past 2 days and i just couldn't wait another day. ok. baby steps, baby steps.

and... i have loads of laundry... some from last week that still need to be put away, some from yesterday that need to be folded and some that still need to be washed and dried. so. IF i finish my goal-- to clean the floors THAN i may fold some loads of laundry...

ok. one more thing. Todd really wants to take me out to lunch. fun. yes. but that means i need to get the little girls cute and dressed and not wear my "cleaning the floor" clothes for the day...

i know it's silly that i'm writing this blog instead of cleaning my floors, but i HAVE to. it's part of my therapy... :)

Am I riding bull if I have 3 goals (i mean 5)?

-2. bunny cage (cause i already did this)

-1. blog (cause i'm already doing this right now)

1. floors

2. lunch with todd

3. laundry

and, my REAL goal today was to stick all my kids' important papers into page protectors and put them into their scrap binders... but that is for another day. (and, i'm reading this crazy addictive series by Libba Bray... It's calling to me... READ ME... READ ME...) First. my goals.

NOT thinking about this Amy Butler fabric that i want to buy off etsy...

NOT going to check my blog again in 5 minutes to see if you left me a comment. NOT going to read another person's blog until tonight... all day long I'm going to turn off my computer... ok. go. Yee Haw!! [edit--Grey... i love you. yes, i know that everyone wants a trail ride. we don't CHOOSE to become bull-riders. we CHOOSE to become mothers. mothers of a large, bucking family. because we are mothers, because we love, because we serve, because we are at the mercy of many, bucking, needing, growing calves, we learn to ride bull. it is a gift and a talent... and, if i have to choose, i would choose bull-riding. but. my kids are getting older. and. they're gone during the day. and. i THINK i can learn to ride the trail a little better. we're all riding trails and bulls. and, i don't care how old i get or how many trails i ride, when it comes time to saddle up, i want a horse (and a life) with a little bit of spunk. i LIKE life with some buck. trust me. nothing teaches you how ride life better than a little buck. grey- you're a true, ride 'em, cowgirl... living in a tejas siesta... and when i get OLDer, i hope my family is as amazing as yours is.]