happy birthday chad!

these are two of our favorite people in Lubbock. chad is a REAL, bull riding (maybe calf roping), belt buckle winning, cowboy at least he USED to be. (now he's OLD- the big 3-0.)

Mills, Partingtons and McCombs... good times with GOOD people

today, i'm grateful for friends. we REALLY need to do things like this more often.

what's for dinner? nachos!!

Everything Nachos!

Mmmmm. This is one of our favorite Saturday dinners. (Especially when we're watching football!!) All you need is chips and cheese... I like to add the stuff (even if it does end up in a pile on their plate-- i'm totally ok with them picking out the stuff they don't like IF they do it quietly). Extras I add... tomatoes, avacado, olives, cooked chicken, shredded zucchini, salsa, re-fried beans, etc. Cook at 350 till the cheese is melted, about 10-15 min. Put a tablecloth on the floor in the living room, and ENJOY!!

Under Construction

This is a song that Carrie Maxwell Wrigley wrote that inspired my last post about Construction times... it's called Under Construction.

We had planned a quiet and romantic getaway,
Leave the kids with grandma, be alone for just a day,
But as we arrived for check-in at our local hotel,
And looked around the lobby, how our eager faces fell:
The sound of pounding hammers echoed through unpainted walls
Scaffolding and drop-cloth littered up unfinished halls
The restaurant was closed, room service "limited," it said,
And a scribbled cardboard sign next to the front desk read:

"Please excuse our mess, we're under construction;
We know it's awful inconvenient, but it's true.
The builders are working hard each day,
To make things better in every way,
And when all of this remodeling is through,
We'll be even better set for serving you."

Lately I've been thinking back a lot to that hotel,
Because, you see, for awhile I've not been doing very well.
Everything seems unfamiliar, everything seems strange;
Everything inside me seems to be getting rearranged;
Old walls I prized and thought I needed now have been knocked down;
New sections have been added, my whole floor plan has been turned around;
And through the dust and disarray, the thought has crossed my mind,
That maybe I should start to wear a little cardboard sign, saying:

"Please excuse my mess, I'm under construction;
I know it's awful inconvenient, but it's true.
The Builder is working hard each day,
To make things better in every way,
And when all of this remodeling is through,
I'll be even better set for serving you."

There's a certain Carpenter, a master in His skill;
Day by day, he does his work, you see.
I'd be perfectly content to stay a little cottage forever.
But He's got plans to make a shining palace out of me.
That He can live in...

So, please excuse my mess: I'm under construction.
It's not really of my choosing, but it's true;
The Builder is working hard each day,
To make things better in every way,
And when all of this remodeling is through,
I'll be even better set for serving Him... and you.
when this place of reconstruction work is through.

C.S Lewis said,
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
[C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, 174; book 4, chapter 9, paragraph 10]

Love it. Because it's true... we all need a sign!!

Seriously, I want to make this sign for my girl's room...
wouldn't that be cute?
"Please excuse my mess, I'm UNDER CONSTRUCTION!"

the construction phases... NORMAL.
the estimated completion date... ETERNITY.
people who don't struggle... IMAGINARY.
the attitude we have during remodeling... OUR CHOICE!!

Today...
I'm washing lots and lots of laundry...
cleaning my carpets (I hope)...
nursing a feverish husband and toddler...
and...
I'm choosing Happily Ever After.

Depression- edited

One of my FAVORITE speakers at the conference I attended this summer was, Carrie Maxwell Wrigley (read this article). She is a marriage and family therapist, and she spoke a lot about depression.

Her perspective is, depression is real. It happens because life is hard and WE CAN OVERCOME IT... with exercise, healthy eating, proper sleep habits, teaching ourselves NOT to listen to the negative comments that come into our head, etc. She attributes MUCH of depression to Satan's influence on good people. This day and age depression is so accepted-- which is good. But, for me, it was a breath of fresh air to hear someone give tips on being happy that were more than just 'take a pill.' Not that pills aren't helpful... but I have learned that we CAN control our mood by controlling our thoughts and our behavior.

She quoted a Duke study (read about it here) where they took 3 groups of clinically depressed people.

Group One got Zoloft only.

Group Two got Zoloft and Exercise.

Group Three got Exercise only.

After 3 months all of the groups had equal percentages of depression relief.

After 6 months Group One had 38% depression relapse, Group Two had 31% depression relapse, and Group Three had 8% depression relapse.

The results were surprising because everyone thought that Group Two, Zoloft and exercise, would have the best results. The conclusion was made that the reason Group Three did the best was that they felt like they alone had control over their moods. The medication groups felt like they had an illness, something that they had no control over, affecting them. "Simply taking a pill is very passive," one Duke professor said. "Patients who exercised may have felt a greater sense of mastery over their condition and gained a greater sense of accomplishment. They may have felt more self-confident and competent because they were able to do it themselves, and attributed their improvement to their ability to exercise."

I took Prozac or Cymbalta for many years (starting after Anna burnt her hands), and I loved it. It gave me just a little bit of numbing that helped me be a more calm and patient mother. Because my family has a history of mental illness, I always felt like it was my duty to take medication. This summer I stopped medicine and started exercising, eating healthy, taking VITAMINS (i love THESE multi-vitamins, you can get a free sample here) and getting more sleep. I feel powerful and happy. Without medicine, I FEEL more and I love it. I'm crying again... at sweet commercials. And, sometimes I yell (I rarely lost my temper on medication). But, I am an emotional person... sometimes I get angry or frustrated or hurt or sad. I LOVE knowing that I can control my mood with my CHOICES. Yes, some days I feel depressed. And when I feel down, I fight it... by DOING good stuff, eating good food, taking a nap, PUTTING AWAY MY LAUNDRY, taking some time for myself, planning out my life, etc. Even on medication I felt depressed some days. But then, I was more likely to label it "depression" and feel like a victim of my chemicals.

I think the harm in current 'depression thinking' is that it makes us feel dependent on an outward chemical for our happiness instead of teaching us, or reminding us, that we can control our thoughts and our behavior. When we learn to control our thoughts and behavior, our emotions WILL follow. This reminder has given me back POWER in my life.

I did NOT plan on writing this blog today, although I did plan on writing it someday. I'm not an anti-medicine person, that would be hypocritical. BUT, I thought I had a chemical imbalance, that it was genetic, and that I would just need to accept the fact and take medication for the rest of my life. It was refreshing and life changing for me to hear one voice tell me something different. I love feeling powerful. And, I love being ME... passionate, spiritual, loving, excited, EMOTIONAL me.

 

Here are some things I remember when I feel the cloud approaching...

1. Care for your Spirit

-Be CLEAN... repent, monitor your imput (books, tv, thoughts, friends, etc.), be morally pure and live according to your value system

-EXERCISE... pray, study, ponder, plan... take time to study and learn and set goals to progress your spirituality...  don't just go through the motions, stretch yourself and put priority on your study.  Start a new system for scripture study, mark different or use a study guide... really exercise your spirituality.

-Nourish your SPIRIT... listen to good music, count your blessings, allow yourself to feel the Spirit, feel the love of your family and your God...

-REST... take time to just BE, ponder, write in your journal, look outside and consider your blessings... at night before you sleep find the JOY in your life and focus on that.  BREATHE out your weakness and breathe in the grace.

2.  Care for you BODY

-Be CLEAN... shower, wear nice clothes, (if you don't have clothes that you feel comfortable in, buy something new), do your hair (you may need a haircut if you don't feel comfortable with your appearance)... how you feel about your body physically REALLY affects your mood.

-EXERCISE... move, push yourself, get ACTIVE...  I can't say enough about the positive power of exercise and movement and pushing yourself physically.  Even if you are not able to really work-out, just go for a walk, do jumping jacks, put on music and dance with your kids, stretch... you feel better when you exercise your body.

-Nourish your body... don't just eat, NOURISH, concentrate on the FUEL you are choosing for your brain, eat REAL, FRESH foods, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, drink water, take vitamins.  Buy healthy, fast snacks (almonds, edimame, fruit, yogurt, V8, etc.) that you can grab to fuel on the go.

-REST... early to bed and early to rise.  I say bed by 10pm up at 5am.  To do this, I try to be in my bedroom by 9pm to start winding down. 

When I focus on Spirit first, Body second, I have a strong foundation that I can build on.

Next I focus on my family... helping them with their Spirits first and Body second.

Then my home... Spirit (or PLANNING) first, Body (or physical) second.

Then I can focus on my extended family, service at school or church or community, and friends.

This changed my life.  I have seen my emotional stability, physical health, family and home completely change as I focused on this order.

Sometimes I'm scared of going back to the hard places that I have been, but I have hope that even if I have a bad day, or a bad week, I can always start again by focusing on the basics; SPIRIT first BODY second.

family night... taffy

Old Fashioned Taffy Pull

Just because.

We used this recipe.

I spent $1.75 on cherry flavoring.

Everything else we had.

A bit of a mess… but SO FUN.

what's for dinner? Pot Pie!

Chicken Pot Pie

I put a little oil in a pan and fry up some chicken chunks,

and some fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, zucchini, celery, etc.)

Then I dump in a bag of mixed veggies that I pre-cook in the microwave.

And, my own special, labor intensive sauce.

I like Newman’s All Natural Alfredo Sauce in a jar.

I use my own home-made pie crust.

And, I cook it at 350 till the crust is lovely.

Actually, I think that this usually makes enough for 2 pies, so buy an extra pie crust!!

TAH DAH!! Chicken Pot Pie… and the kids eat it.

Again, they may leave a little pile of things they don’t like on the side of their bowl…

But, overall it’s a quick, easy, delicious fall meal.

got candy? Halloween Banner!

yesterday, my friend kim and i finished up our halloween banner... it says "Got Candy?" isn't it cute? today, lily has decided that she is hot stuff when she climbs into the fireplace. then she's stuck and cries...

until her sister saves her. or tries to save her. anyway. just thought i'd share our today with you. i knew you'd enjoy our halloween decor with christmas pjs.

what's for dinner? Curly Fries!!

Curly Fries…

Oh so good.

We just stuck some potatoes in our apple peeler/corer/slicer and got the curls.

Then, we fried them.

Put salt on them.

And ate them.

mmmmmm

what's for dinner? a picnic!!

Wednesday Picnics!! Last year wednesdays were my worst days... We have music from 5-6, and church from 7-8:15. Todd tries to go to the temple from 6-8pm, so i'm often flying SOLO. and, sometimes Drew has soccer practice from 6-7pm. I used to hate it, NOW, it's my favorite!! Because, I plan a picnic dinner. We usually have Sub Sandwiches. (On hoagie rolls, with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato... the kids sometimes pick stuff off.) I buy individual drinks (usually gatorade) and a big bag of chips. Some fruit thing- like a piece of fruit, a fruit salad or a fruit roll-up. And dessert. Cookies, sweet breads, or a trip to the ice cream shop. We keep a quilt in the trunk. It's so fun. Why don't we picnic more often? The kids like the drinks and the after-dinner entertainment the best. I love the easy clean up. So fun!

what's for dinner? roast and potatoes!

Roast and Potatoes…

Simple and so good.

Especially when you don’t even have to make it!!

Thanks Amanda for the delicious dinner!

please excuse the mess... we're under construction

one of the greatest lessons i'm learning with parenting is... love the construction phase. my sweet michigan neighbor, Maria, and pro-mother of raising confidant, independent children, taught me this lesson... sydney, maria's daughter, got on the bus everyday with Jakob. Jakob was in kindergarten, and he looked perfect. My perfect. He didn't care. His hair was combed and gelled, he had the backpack that he bought because he asked me if i thought it was a good one, and he matched. everyday. i picked his clothes, tied his shoes, had him wear a white shirt and tie for his kindergarten pictures. he was adorable. my adorable. sydney. she was adorable too. and, completely her own person, at age 8. she wore flip flops every day, except when she was wearing high heels or boots. she had cute, trendy skirts and funky hair that she did herself. she bopped onto the bus everyday and was 100% sydney. i never looked at her and thought her mom dressed her... and, even then, i admired her mom for letting her be herself. i was so tight, i didn't think i could ever let go of the control that i LOVED and needed. maria coached me through my first few years of raising highly opinionated girls. she taught me the rules. --pick your battles. --stick sneakers in the backpack for gym so you don't have to fight that battle. --NEVER apologize for how your child looks. --at first you will inwardly cringe, but in time, you will come to LOVE your child's style and independence. it wasn't just clothes and hair... those were the outward symbols of AGENCY that i was fighting. HOPEFULLY, learning to allow my children to choose little things at age 3, will help us communicate at age 13... about big, eternal choices. as my kids are growing, i've grown. and, most of the time, i can look at them and enjoy their STYLE, enjoy their ability to CHOOSE and BE, and GROW. ellie can do a really good ponytail now. and oh the hairstyles she wore in the learning stages. my boys can cook a whole dinner. like a whole chicken and baked potatoes and homemade cookies. and when they were little, i let them crack the eggs. they're growing and learning and becoming... and, i'm ok with them in the construction phases of life. i think i have kids that show maria's skill... spunky, smart, creative, independent, individual kids. we talk well. they know my opinion and they choose. they learn and laugh and grow. and, some Sundays i put my foot down and fight and make them wear what i choose, but most of the time, i smile and try really hard not to make any apologies for their 'creative' attire, and life is good.behavior-- harder but the same lesson... smile, don't apologize, and teach principles later. let them be kids... remember they aren't perfect, they are under construction. everyone can see that they are young and that they are learning. people can see the cute hidden under the dust. in fact, most people prefer the kids that aren't perfect. they're real and endearing. in order to stay calm during the moments where i wanted to loose it, i started a mental and physical list "Things I Still Need to Teach my Kids..." When they do things that are horrible, I take their hand and guide them to a place of safety. I write down on my list what lesson they obviously missed amidst my years of teaching, and I plan our next family night together. Honesty, obedience, obedience, respect, personal hygiene, modesty, modesty, modesty, [our younger children were taught, "Modesty means we wear clothes." My mother-in-law thought we'd have to home-school them because they were always stripping down.] hard work, kindness, etc. This list reminds me that they aren't finished yet. I still have YEARS to teach them everything they need to know... and, we have Sunday afternoons, car rides, morning devotionals, family night, and bedtime cuddle time, to teach them. with kids, i'm ok with the construction phase.ok... here is the kicker. my house. i can't STAND it. i have spent the past 12 years trying to achieve some ideal that is just out of grasp. it makes me sick to my stomach and keeps me up at night. i'm constantly saying to myself... tomorrow, i'll clean the carpets, re-paint the walls, de-trash-ify my backyard, de-clutter my garage entry way, decorate better, organize more, get rid of the crap... and THEN, my life will be good. it's a constant, unreachable, overwhelming goal. and, i know. the truth is... i'm under construction. and, it's a long-term project. it's never going to be finished. at least not while my kids are young. and, it's ok. people can see the cute under the dust. people understand that we are busy and life is fast and my home isn't going to be on the parade of homes list this year. they understand. but it's so hard for me. it's all mental i just need to switch this button in my brain from "stress about it" to "enjoy it" i think it's the same button that i figured out with kids. you see, i gave them to god. but my house, i still feel responsible and powerful and "if i can just get this last closet cleaned then..." but, it's a lie. it's the forever trap of the grass is always greener on the other side. my children won't be "finished" tomorrow. and, neither will my home. it's a journey, not a destination.When the professor and i were married, with two little boys and a large, new home, we invited over his boss from work. This was pre-professor... it was just Todd who made good money and worked for Ford doing what he didn't love. Anyway, i planned a lovely dinner (eggplant Parmesan) and wanted to put the boys to bed early but Todd assured me that his boss LOVED children. (Who cooks eggplant for company? I mean who even cooks eggplant?) This couple showed up, the wife was wearing suede pants and when she picked up our chunky Drew, he really threw-up ALL over her pants. It was bad. And, it just got worse. When the wife asked me about my education and i told her that Jakob was born two months after I graduated from college, she gasped out loud, "What about your career!" When I brought out the pot of home-made sauce I made I tripped and spilled the whole pot of RED spaghetti sauce all of the table AND our carpeted dining room. And, after dinner when we brought them into our BEAUTIFUL and spacious family room that we had recently decorated for their visit, the wife said, "Oh, I see you must have great plans for this room." Hmmm. I smiled as I showed them out that night. They promised to invite us to their home sometime. And, I'm sorry to say, that was the last time we ever invited one of Todd's bosses to our home. I should have learned my lesson that day. I do have great plans for my family room. Just like I have great plans for my children, and great plans for my career. I didn't choose to go to work right out of college. I choose to have babies young. and, perhaps, I will choose to have a career later. I choose to fill my family room with labeled Tupperware of toys, plastic slides, and Train tables then... and, perhaps someday i will have the beautiful, white, clean, clutter-free, home i dream of. I have babies that poop and puke and write on the walls. I have backpacks that don't always land in the basket, and socks. Lots and lots of random socks on my floor. I have school papers and art projects and piles and piles of books that they are reading... i haven't given up yet. i'm still teaching, and cleaning, and planning, and building. but. i'm not done yet. and, i'm not sure that i'll ever be done. so. please excuse my mess. i'm under construction. and, i do have great plans for my home and my family. today, i'm going to enjoy the sawdust. i'm going to try REALLY hard to enjoy the construction phase of my home. and, although i might inwardly cringe when someone stops by, HOPEFULLY, i'll get to the point that i love the finger and nose and tongue prints on my glass door. This just reminded me of one of my FAVORITE quotes... by one of my favorite women... Sister Marjorie Hinckley.She said, "I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived." Oh... I want to be more like her. So Jen, Remember!!-- ENJOY THE CONSTRUCTION PHASE!! with your family, with your husband, with your home, and with YOURSELF. today we're living and growing and becoming. and, there is a lot of good shining through the sawdust.

virtual shopping again...

today i'm bumming it around my house... i REALLY wish i was wearing this... or this...or a shirt like this...or this... (everyone in our family needs this shirt... matching)or this...my friend valerie showed me this website... it's fun. check it out. next year, when the professor is paid what he's worth, i'm totally wearing this!! when i clean house. (unless by then we have a maid) then, i'll wear it when i work out... cause you can't pay someone to get skinny for you.

tonight.

tonight, i feel good. oreo dippin', ice cream eatin' good. i don't care what Oprah says, when the last of my blessings are nestled for the night, i NEED a treat. usually oreos and milk. sometimes a peach with cream. or ice cream. or a bowl of cereal. life is good. rachel-- if you paint me this sign, i'll... give you a kid. :) or some cute little girl clothes... it's a cute sign huh?!

death.

ok. i know, it's morbid. but, as i tucked my kids in tonight, i hugged them extra tight. i've been pondering death lately and i just wondered what my kids would remember about me if i died. i know. i shouldn't have, but i couldn't help but ask them. jakob. as he was trying to convince me (for the 100th time) to let him drop piano and take Brazillian Ji zit tsu... "You're persistent." I probed, "Is that a good or a bad thing." His response. "Depends who you ask." Drew. as he was inspecting dinner, "Most of the things you cook have only one gross thing in them." and later, as he was hugging me and stroking my hair, "I would miss all the Mom things you do." Anna. "I would miss how loving and kind you are. And, how you are always home when we come here." Ellie. "That you let me do stuff, like play." And later as I was turning the lights off at bedtime when she wasn't finished reading. "Oh, I forgot. Nothing. I would miss nothing about you... but, I would remember that you are MEAN! I WOULD remember that." Leah. "I love you, cause I like you. And, I stay in my bed. And, please, you leave the door open?" Lily. from Jakob. "It depends. She probably wouldn't remember anything about you mom. She's too young." Todd. as i'm pondering death on the the computer... "Honey, please go put girls back to bed." Love these guys. All the time. Even when I'm MEAN. (and, even when they are brats.) Life is good. I'm SO grateful for the moments. death... it's good to ponder every now and then. but, not too long. or, we miss living. now, time to cuddle little girls to sleep. again.

grateful.

today i'm grateful for the family i have. we for sure lost the baby i was carrying. it is sad, but today we are grateful and hopeful. thanks for all your sweet prayers and concern. life is good. and, we are very blessed.

back to my roots...

do you write lists? since school started this year, i've become an obsessive planner... and list writer... this is my try at the MASTER grocery list. i liked it because i bought everything on my list (for the next 2 weeks of meals) but, i spend a lot more with a list... like $500. yes, yesterday i spent $500 at wal-mart... 3 carts full of groceries and two toddlers VERY high on fruit snacks because. when i write lists... i get creative and i print out recipes for things like... real New York Cheescake... and Tiny Pumpkin Bites... and the world's best lasagna with fennel seeds... and chicken spaghetti with pimentos, and lotsa stuff like that... so, my list is expensive but, my cup runneth over. isn't this a lovely sight?? we're all full and ready for the famine. yeah... the end of the month there may be a famine since i spent so much at the beginning... lists... and... i made granola. Homemade. it is SOOOO yummy and took only 8 minutes. here is a link to the recipe i used... seriously... try some. mmmmm. and, i took a trip to the salon and i've returned to the dark side. i like my hair better dark. it's me. this is all me... and these are my moments. hope you enjoy!

just fyi...

Motherhood is NOT for wimps! it's hard. I mean... REALLY hard.

you get organizational muscles... planning muscles... patient muscles... endurance muscles... kindness muscles... cooking muscles... cleaning muscles... teaching muscles... praying muscles... prioritizing muscles... relationship muscles... endurance muscles... endurance muscles... endurance muscles... seriously. we're ripped. see you later... i'm off to the GROCERY store... with two lists full of groceries and 2 cranky toddlers... because, I AM STRONG! (roar!)