west texas.

i wouldn't call lubbock beautiful.
i'm from new jersey. ocean... and virginia.  trees... and utah. mountains...
lubbock has sky and desert beauty.

this is the windy season.
it is so funny and blustery.
have you ever experienced tumble weed?

they are big balls of thorns that roll in the wind... fast.
you can't let them hit you or your car because they hurt.
sometimes, if i'm heading west, i feel like i'm in a video game... dodge the tumble weed.
most of the time they are smallish... but i have seen them larger than me.
before houses got built in front of ours, we would have them stuck against our fence, or FILLING our fenced in back yard.

(can you see the tumbleweed on that fence?  one neighbor cleans his, the other doesn't.)
tumbleweed is a fun part of texas.

and dirt.  our wind is dusty.  so, beware of gritty lip gloss.  and, wear sunglasses.
and, laugh when you clean dirt out of your nose and ears.
and... hold on to your door when you open your car.
because the wind DOES break doors.
and... don't do what i did the first spring i lived here.
DON'T try to clean your windows when it's windy.
i had a whole hispanic construction crew laughing hysterically at me as i tried to wipe away the grime. 
finally one kind soul came over and explained, "we don't wash windows today.  you just make mud.  wait till summer and no wind."
lesson learned.
really, the wind is strong enough to knock you over some days-- or at least blow down your kids.

on our blustery walk yesterday leah was excited to pick me a "flower"

and, she wondered, "Is this jail?"  (Her siblings horribly threaten her with jail time when she won't let them buckle her carseat.)  She kept asking me, "Are people in here?

life is good... and perhaps there is a little beauty in lubbock.

a start.

starting anything is always tricky.
i doubt myself and my choices.
with this granny afghan i keep worrying about my pattern, my colors, my choice of yarn.
IF...
i had more money i would have ordered some beautiful yarn online.
but, i'm poor and joanne's yarn was on sale.
and so i choose vanna, 2 for $5.
this is the pattern i'm using and i'm joining them as i go with the instructions that she links to...

so far, i LOVE it.
but, i'm usually a listen and clean and i'm becoming a watch and crotchet.
my house is missing me.
so, now i must give her some attention.
have a great day!!

pictures from my day... haircuts.

hmmm.  why did i put off haircuts for so long??

i sure love these blue eyed girls...

and, they are so cute (and so big) in their new hair cuts.

i realized the other day, that if i have my last baby next year, i only have 6 years left of babies in my home.

6 years!

i've started compiling my goals, everything i want to say i've learned and become and ENJOYED during this short (well, 17 year) period of my life.

i'm certain that my life will feel different with no babies in my home.

for, that is when i'm going to start saving the WORLD.

but... i want to be sure that i LEARN all i can learn from this amazing training time...

and who better to teach me, than these precious, bright, active babies?

where else will i learn TRUE patience?  to enjoy the little things?  to recite every single mother goose rhyme, even the ones that i hate and try to skip over before leah reminds me, "you forgot this one!"

how will i learn order and self discipline and balance and the ability to work hard and play hard?

how will i learn to really listen and really laugh?  

to cherish every moment and enjoy seasons and live in the moment while preparing for the future.

i have learned much over the past 11 years of mothering... but i have oh so much more to learn.

and, i think, only 6 years left to soak it all in.

(not 6 years of mothering, just 6 years of completely intense, all day training...)

wish me luck!!

(and, LAUNDRY is TOTALLY one of my goals.  in the next six years i'm going to figure out how to be the laundry QUEEN.  i know this isn't eternal, but seriously... laundry sucks.  and i've got 6 years to conquer that beast!!  feel free to teach me if you are already a laundry queen...)

because someday, i'll be a grandma.

i bought some yarn today.

it's in my blood.
my grandma crocheted.
and so, i am compelled.

my grandparents adored me.
i was their first granddaughter.
and, even though my parents split when i was three, i always felt loved by many.


one way i can still feel my grandma's love, is through the things she made.
yes, i have an afghan... i wish i had understood when she gave it to me the hours and hours she spent crocheting, thinking about me, loving me.
i understand now, and i'm so grateful.
i think she knows.

today, my babies wear the sweaters that i used to wear.
when i see them, i feel her love. 
when i hold my babies in her stitches, i feel that she loves them too.

and so, i begin my afghan.
as i stitch i think that life is short, but family is forever.
someday, when i'm gone my blanket may comfort those i love... a physical reminder of the love i will still feel.

because... granny squares they are real, touchable, and see-able.

my grandma's love for me, it's real too. 
i can remember it, i can touch it through the memories she has left, and yet, i feel it still. 
i know she knows me now.  she knows my children.  she knows the children who are waiting to come to my family. 
a grandmother's love is more real than afghans, but somehow, being able to touch the button she sewed on just for me, that helps me to remember.

and so, today i begin...
because tomorrow i want you to know, that i lived, i loved and i will love you still.

i quilt.

isn't this lovely?
i found it here...
and the directions to make it are here...

i quilt.
i'm a quilter.
i have lots of fabric and lots of unfinished quilts.
i don't crotchet.
only little hats, occassionally, and one leper bandage that i never finished.
actually, i just finished my first ever crochet blanket to send to my newest nephew... i started it for another nephew long ago... he's in kindergarten now.

so, why am i dreaming of granny squares? and bright yarn.
why did i get excited to see that yarn is on sale next week at joann's.
no.  i already told myself.
i am not starting a new project until my other unfinished quilts are finished.
final answer.
i'm too busy.  and, it isn't practical.
UNLESS i a load or two of laundry every morning and crocheted two blocks while i'm waiting for the laundry to dry.
then... it would help me stick to my laundry AND finish a project.
seriously... i said that to myself.
then i laughed at myself and said, except that you have 200 other things you could be doing while you're waiting for your loads to dry.
no.
no bright colored, fun granny squares for me.
but... i did print out the instructions just in case.

cookies... all by themselves.

i love watching sisters together.
my girls are always creating.
this afternoon it was cookies.
Sunday it was a puppet play about Jesus and Satan.
Saturday it was a musical starring Ellie as the good sister and Anna as the bad sister.
with a full Barbie-musical worthy chorus, both girls singing at the same time, one good, one bad.

i love sisters.
and i'm sure glad my girls have some.
and... considering it has taken me 13 years to learn to make cookies without a HUGE mess, i didn't even mind helping them with the dishes.

happy?

profound.

this moment is life.

love this.

found it here... 

i love play doh.

yes.
i love play doh.
love it.
everyday, all day.
the professor does not love play doh.
that's why I'm the mommy.
i always say yes.
in all fairness, the professor does not like play doh because he is the one that cleans it out of the carpet.
i say yes, but i don't always clean it out of the carpet.
step one...

step two...

step three... 
(lily's picture is accompanied with straining grunts... she always acts like it is SO hard for her to stick her finger in the play doh...)

love it!!

yup.  i REALLY love play doh.