Love, Caitlyn Jenner, and Same-Sex Marriage

This weekend the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal in the United States AND my four year old taught my two year old to climb out of his crib.  My life will never be the same.  :)

I have been thinking a lot about love and family lately.  If I could pick two things that I have worked my hardest to build in this life, I would choose a loving heart and a strong family. 

The desire for love and family is universal.  Our soul inherently craves connection.  Our greatest joys and our greatest heartache surround our families.  

We all desire love and family.

I grew up in a family with a single mother.  I felt my mother's deep yearning for family.  As a little girl, I remember singing the song from An American Tale, with tears in my eyes and my father in my heart, "Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light, someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight."  

We all want, even need, to be loved.  We crave families.  Young children instinctively play "family".  Children with dysfunctional families create surrogate gang families.  Pets are treated like children.  People spend vast amounts of money at infertility doctors enduring much for the opportunity to create a family.  And, same-sex couples have fought hard for their rights to marriage and family.

I believe our desires for love and family spring from our own creation.  We are children of God.  We were created by a loving Father in Heaven and our bodies and souls are designed to become like him.  "Family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children." (The Family, A Proclamation to the World.)

Love grows and gets better with time and life experience.

In a recent talk by President Boyd K Packer, The Plan of Happiness, he said, "Romantic love is incomplete; it is a prelude. Love is nourished by the coming of children, who spring from that fountain of life entrusted to couples in marriage. Conception takes place in a wedded embrace between husband and wife. A tiny body begins to form after a pattern of magnificent complexity. A child comes forth in the miracle of birth, created in the image of its earthly father and mother. Within its mortal body is a spirit able to feel and perceive spiritual things. Dormant in that mortal body of this child is the power to beget offspring in its own image."

Those who trade eternal families for romantic love are trading their eternal birthright for a bowl of porridge. 

"The power of procreation is not an incidental part of the plan; it is the plan of happiness; it is the key to happiness."

In the trailer to a new reality tv show called, I am Cait, Caitlyn, formerly Bruce Jenner, describes his transgender transformation.  (I will refer to him as Caitlyn, because that is his new name, but I will continue to use the pronoun he because I don't believe plastic surgery can change gender.)  

He says, "This is about getting to be who you really are."  Who you really are.

Oh, how those words have echoed in my soul.  How do we get to be who we really are?  Aren't we all trying to do this?

I don't believe that it takes extreme plastic surgery, shopping sprees, or a malibu mansion for anyone to find themselves.  In fact, just the opposite.  I believe in a God who teaches, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." Matthew 10:39

But, our whole nation has felt something as we've watched the Jenner family respond to Caitlyn Jenner's transformation.  We have.  What is it?  

What is it that we feel and respond to?  

It is FAMILY, it is love.  Caitlyn Jenner is a father to a family of step-children and children that he could not have fathered as a woman.  I wonder how much of "finding himself" came as he wore a dress publically for the first time, and how much came as he felt the love and support his family and our nation continued to give him even if he was wearing a dress.  

Yes, love and family are two basic desires of our human souls.  It is SAD that some feel the need to shave their facial bones to feel this love and to find who they really are.  We are all intrinsically loved more than we know.  

Honestly, Kendall Jenner's tweet for Father's Day made me tear up.  "My whole life this soul was my daddy," she tweeted, "and just because your appearance is different now doesn't mean you were any less of a father to me my entire life.  Happy Father's Day to the person who raised me, and taught me everything I know."

She loves her father.  THAT is beautiful.  

I know it is a bit ridiculous for me to combine family, the Jenners, and same-sex marriage in one blog.  But, I had to do it to sort through my feelings.  Writing a blog in support of family following the SCOTUS decision to legalize same-sex marriage has been SO hard for me.  This is honestly one of the hardest blogs that I have ever written.

And, I think I have finally figured out why.  It is because I GET IT.  

I think I know WHY same-sex couples want to marry.  

I know why they want their children to feel legitimate and accepted and normal.  

I want that too, for my children and theirs.

I wanted to feel that acceptance as a young girl at back to school night with my single mother.

Families in general are so messed-up these days and it hurts my soul.

I can preach anti-abortion (how about we introduce one more hot topic) but what am I willing to do about single mothers or families that don't know how to care for their children?

Families ARE disintegrating.  How can we help?  

It's not just same-sex couples that become legitimate with this ruling, as they are accepted into society, I can feel all types of mixed up families becoming accepted.  Some people are scared of this, I get that.  But, I can see good that can come from this too.  People need to feel loved and accepted not ostracized.  Individual choices already lead to guilt and regret that we can never change, but we can be a friend, we can reach out in small ways to help imperfect individuals on their own journey.

In a wise moment of understanding, a friend of mine said, "We always focus on being perfect when we talk of becoming like Christ.  Maybe we should focus more on LOVING IMPERFECT PEOPLE like He did."  

We live in a society of orphaned children and dysfunctional homes, we have so many single mothers and so many pieced together quilt-y families where step parents, extended family members, even strangers have stepped in to love children they did not give birth to-- this is sad and absolutely beautiful all at the same time.  

Because family is so important to me and so central to happiness in this life and in eternity, I want this for everyone.  I want LOVE to win.  I believe with all my soul that "Charity (the pure love of Christ) never faileth."    

And yet, I see with clarity the lies hidden in perhaps the greatest of all truth, that love wins.

The law of chastity is an eternal law.  God has set bounds for our sexual relationships.  True love and strong families are built upon eternal marriage covenants.  Covenants that bind a husband and wife and covenants that harness procreative power within this eternal union.  Satan does not have a body and he cannot procreate.  He is doing all in his power to take from us our families and to pervert sexuality.  Satan wants our children.

Happiness and love are the result of bridling our passions and serving another. 

Happiness and love can not be bought or legislated.  No plastic surgery, no legal terminology, no amount of public support can compensate for or replace a hole left in one's soul by sexual immorality, broken families, depression, mental illness, physical disabilities, loneliness, despair, or any of the other trials of life that leave us feeling lost and empty.  

Only God holds the key to healing our broken hearts, only God can help us to be who we really are.  

"For now I offer this comfort: God is our Father! All the love and generosity manifest in the ideal earthly father is magnified in Him who is our Father and our God beyond the capacity of the mortal mind to comprehend. His judgments are just; His mercy without limit; His power to compensate beyond any earthly comparison." (Packer, The Plan of Happiness.)  

This weekend we felt a bit of the joy and celebration that some felt when SCOTUS ruled in favor of same-sex family.  Can you imagine the absolute JOY that we will feel in a future day, when we kneel at the feet of our God and watch him literally HEAL and fix our broken families.  HIS POWER TO COMPENSATE IS BEYOND ANY EARTHLY COMPARISON.  I know this is true.  I look forward to this day.   

Today, I am absolutely inadequate to articulate the great emotion in my soul.

I do not believe same-sex marriage is the order of eternity.  I believe that we were created to mate with a member of the opposite sex and I know that procreation, love, and family life is the key to eternal happiness. I believe with all of my soul the truths taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.  Which says in part that, 

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. ...

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

I find it interesting that this last paragraph does NOT blame national legislature for the disintegration of the family.  Instead, it is INDIVIDUALS who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities that will one day stand accountable before God.   

Individual irresponsibility has caused our families to disintegrate and only individual responsibility can heal families.

Let us each start TODAY to be more responsible.

Let us love one another.

Let us cleave unto the covenants that we have made. 

Let us be so very careful with our divine power to procreate.

Let us be virtuous and responsible as we choose our eternal companions.

Let us all, men and women, work together to be homemakers and family builders.  

Let us be better mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, neighbors and friends.

Love wins!! Always.

God is love.

We are children of a Heavenly Father.

We were created to be mothers and fathers.

No amount of legislation or plastic surgery will ever fill our yearning for love and family.

God can heal us all.  He forgives.  

He can fill us with His love, and only He can make us who we really are.

Happily Ever After does not END with marriage.

It begins with marriage.

There is no happily ever after without the PROMISE of a blessed, healing resurrection and eternal families.

I believe in love and I believe in families.

And today, I give thanks for both.

Because This Land Is Our Land

I wish you could really SEE and KNOW the people in this picture.  They are leaders in their churches and communities.  They are good, good people who try to make our world a better place.

The past couple of weeks have been busy, good busy.  I am serving in Public Affairs for my Church and this is a great opportunity to rub shoulders with some inspiring community leaders.  This is my favorite non-paid part-time job ever.  :)

We planned a community-wide blood drive, a luncheon with community leaders, a day at the lake for 6th graders, and are helping with 6th grade graduation.  I spoke at Church, High School pre-prom party, at a Red Cross event, at a faculty meeting, sat on a few planning boards, did TV and radio interviews, and cared for 8 kids.  We had track, lacrosse, soccer, music and academic award ceremonies, two birthdays, PTO, Hope For Accreta, Public Affairs, InterFaith, Father's Day, weddings and graduation parties, meetings galore, taking care of animals, laundry, meals, yard, and two toddlers.  Wow.

I have not finished weeding my gardens, planting my garden, or spreading our mulch.  Also, my laundry is calling to me.

It is interesting to me that it's very hard for me to blog about the things I do in my community.  On one hand, I don't want to sound braggy or over-emphasize the small role I play in the greater whole.  And, on the other hand, I don't want a list of extra-curriculars to outshine the greatest work I do within my home.

I am a "stay-at-home" mother who "doesn't work" and yet I devote large amounts of time and energy serving in my Church, my community, and our schools.  I always have.  When I am healthy and my home is in order, I feel compelled to serve.  

My home and family are the center of my life.  I really try to give them my BEST.  I have learned, that part of being the best mother I can be, means that often they help me serve others.  They see me serve and they learn to be confidant and capable.  I'm not trying to raise good kids, I'm trying to raise children who are good for something.  :)

I spoke at Church on Sunday and a man commented to Todd that he could see where Anna got her great teaching skills from.  I have never actually taught Anna how to teach a class, I've never helped her with a lesson.  But, she has learned because she watches me.

I know they are learning to serve in the communities where we live, and I love that.

When I look back over my busy weeks, I see photos of my children interacting with good people of all religions and ethnic backgrounds.  They are confidant, kind, and quick to lend a hand.

Every interaction I've had with media, I've involved my children.  Every event I plan, my kids are involved.  They are there with me unloading the van, setting up chairs, or singing me the ABCs while I hurry to count out fliers for each class.  Teachers, secretaries, and store clerks know my children.  They see four and two year olds who don't always want to sit quietly while I make copies, and they hear my noble attempts to entertain with paper airplanes, paper clips or lollipops that I have hidden in my purse.  They are amazed that my teenagers help so willingly.  I often remind others that my teenagers grew up following me around while I served in the school.  It is natural for them to help.

The older kids have come with me as I've spoken to the Red Cross, or sat with Eve and Ben as I've spoken in their schools.

They've passed out fliers, helped set-up events, typed name tags, babysat children whose parents were donating blood, run craft or face painting booths when other organizations have needed a hand.  My kids help organize school t-shirts and clean up after school events.

Our family isn't the most musical or the most athletic in any community that we live in, but we are well known because we're involved.  We serve where we are needed.  We love our neighbors and they love us.

I am VERY careful to evaluate the motives behind my activities.  I don't do much for money or recognition (although our finances are always tight).  I've blogged for many years.  Everytime I think "I should try to make money for all the time I've put into this blog", I've personally felt the weight of blogging shift.  I don't feel as free to do good when I'm feeling pressure to earn.  I think I'm very guarded of my time-- I feel it is a priceless gift to be able to be home raising my children and I won't trade that gift for the few dollars I might earn.  

Similarly, I do almost nothing in life to gain more followers.  (I'm almost the opposite by nature.)  I don't want the added stewardship that comes with a life in the lime-light.  I am grateful, however, when I have the opportunity to use my experience to help another person.  I love that.  

In my life, money and pride have always been warning signs that my priorities might not be in order.  But, I've always admired those who seem to so naturally combine what they love with how they earn an income.

I am not quick to volunteer to do things.  Does that surprise you?  I don't run for office with PTO if there is someone else willing to help.  I'm very protective of my calendar.  I don't volunteer regularly at the school.  Every person is different.  I personally like to keep my schedule open and serve where and when I feel compelled to serve.  This year I stepped in and helped with 6th grade.  My Ellie was in 6th grade and I wanted to know the kids and the teachers.  It worked.

Next year, I volunteered to create a position called teacher appreciation on the PTO board.  We need to appreciate our teachers here in Tully.

I offer specific help in the classrooms-- I like to do holiday crafts or help with parties.  If they are teaching a unit and need a project to go along with that unit, I offer to help.  I like to be involved in the events my kids are involved in-- drama, band, sports, etc..  But, I'm not always involved.  I let others do what they can and I fill in where I sense a need.

I always devote large amounts of time to serving in my Church.  I currently have the best opportunity to serve in InterFaith circles and work with the most amazing people.  

You might be interested to know that many of my dear friends are as liberal as I am conservative.  I actually feel more comfortable around open-minded liberals than I do around raving conservatives.  My soul is InterFaith.  I was actually just invited to sit at an NAACP table at the New York State Fair to promote a Afro-American Geneological Project (www.discoverfreedmen.org) that we are working with.  Isn't that beautiful?!!!  

I can't tell you how much I love and respect those who devote their lives to serving in our community.  There are SO many good people in this world.  I feel blessed to rub shoulders with them.

There are seasons in our life when we are more involved and seasons where we are not involved.  There are normal weeks and busy weeks.

Can I just tell you that serving in my community has been a great blessing to me and my family?  We love our neighbors because we know them and we serve them.  My family is SO blessed because we have taught them to reach out and create friendships!  

I've had people tell me that I am a really good missionary.  But, I've learned it really isn't "missionary" that I'm good at, it's public affairs.  Public affairs just means building relationships.  People know me, they know I'm Mormon.  I speak openly about our standards and our quirks.  I'm good at loving them and they feel that.  

I hope when people think "I know a Mormon family", they remember us and they remember our smiles, our service, our love.  People who know our family will never say we are not Christian, they will say the light of Christ shined through our eyes.

When we are busy serving, we are not playing stupid games on the computer, or fighting with each other, or laying around complaining that we're bored.  Serving (like daily piano practicing) fills our days with goodness so there isn't room for the Bleh parts of life.

I'm grateful we are anxiously engaged in a good cause.

I love this scripture--

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; 

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, D&C 58)

The rewards of serving are great.

You cannot give a crust without gaining a loaf.

One last story.

We were cleaning up from a school picnic when a boy quietly asked, "Do you got any extra food I could have?"  He explained that they didn't have much food and his mom would be real happy if he could bring some home.

Teachers were aware of his need and told me they've sent things home with him throughout the year.  We filled a few bags for him and kids helped him carry them on the bus.  "Do you think I could have that broccoli and cauliflower?" he asked, "My sister loves that stuff."

My heart was full of love, not only for that boy, but for the community of teachers and parent volunteers that I work with.  These are good, good people.  We are all brothers and sisters.  We feed one another, we love one another, we're trying to make this a better world one small act of service at a time.

This might not be Bible thumping missionary work, but it is the best work I could ever do.

Life is good.

I know it.

2015 Heart 2 Heart Blood Drive

We did it!  We collected 105 units of blood here in our little town of Tully.

We told our story on a TV and radio, and felt priviliged to share our miracle to inspire others to donate blood.

I'm still recovering from this event and I don't have much to say other than WOW!

We have lived from coast to coast and can absolutely testify that there are really, really great people everywhere.

I was SO grateful for my sweet friends and strangers who came out, spent time and physically gave of themselves in honor of our story.

I honestly got teary-eyed multiple times watching how difficult it was for some of them to donate.  Thank you!!!!  

I was never able to thank the 200 strangers whose blood saved my life.  It was healing for me to feed and encourage and thank so many who have given of themselves for someone else.

I love this community.  

I love the Red Cross.

I believe that the goodness in this world is quieter but stronger than the evil.

People are good.

Life is good.

And today I feel darn lucky to be alive.

Even if I'm still too anemic to donate blood.

Please pray for my good friend Brianna Evans. She went in for some reconstruction surgery and ended up back in the ICU with more damage.  She really needs our prayers.

Weekend Whirl!

We celebrated Drew's 15th birthday with a house full of teenage boys and little sisters.

They played games, ate food, and watched the Disney movie about the cross country team from CA.  

Look at that cute little boy who is all grown up.

Honestly, I feel SO grateful for the friends my kids have.  Drew's friends are the most adorable boys.  They are great kids from great families.  These kids have kind hearts and glowing eyes.

I'm on a mother mission to encourage my children to interact with people not just video games.  This is particularly hard in this day and age.  My boys insist that kids in Tully do not get together, unless they have girl friends.  

I arranged a few games-- finding gummy bears in whipped cream pies, a tournament where two people each had a ball on a serving spoon and they had to try and knock each other's ball off the spoon, they played with a giant paper airplane made out of a poster board, filled punching balloons with water, and they played with a plastic ball and bat.  In the basement they played some kind of dodge ball/ping pong.  

They really had fun together.

King Triton's daughters made an appearance.

And, Drew got a remote control helicopter that takes video imaging.  We call it his drone.  I love that it keeps him busy outside!  The drone supervised our garden planting and even made a fly by as we washed Sunday dishes.

On Saturday we volunteered at the Syracuse Duck Race to end Racism.

It is never convenient to volunteer or reach out of your comfort zone.

But afterwards we are always so grateful we did.

Anna got a henna tattoo which leaves an orange stain on her skin for a week.  It was a mess.

I should have taken more pictures, but I was busy chasing Ben around and making sure Eve didn't go swim with the ducks.

We set up a table and advertised for our upcoming blood drive.  We met so many good people.

I really love people.  I love that my kids are exposed to different cultures and experiences.  Ben bopped around and clapped his hands to the tribal drumming and dancing.  I was so grateful that my little ones know a life of diversity.  They are comfortable in a group and find friends quickly.  This was a Saturday well spent.

We got home in the late afternoon and planted some of our garden.  We still have some to go (maybe tonight for Family Night).  

Summer speeds up my life.  

I am tired but happy.

Life is good.

Ben Turns 2

I wish you could have been at our house yesterday.  We had a small group of Sophomore boys over to celebrate a Drew's birthday.  Like always, Ben didn't speak much, but he was the center of attention.

This little boy is LOVED by many.

I was a young mother when I had the opportunity to serve in a church calling with some amazing, older women.  Jane Covey, sister-in-law to Stephen Covey, was a mother of ten whom I admired.  She said once, "Nobody really wants ten children, but if I had got to Heaven and met these children and known that they could have been a part of my family but I didn't choose to have them, no one could quench my regret."  (This is my recollection of her quote 18 years after she said it.)

I always wanted 12 kids, until I had one.  Trust me, you don't get to 8 without knowing exactly how much work is required to raise a large family.  I don't want eight children most days.  Most days I want 4 kids of my own choosing.   I love my life!  But it's not relaxing or glamorous or gentle.  I often say, "Oh, to have eight and each an only child!"  

My "this is SO much laundry" moment is always followed up with a washing of gratitude for my bounty.  If I didn't have eight I wouldn't have HIM--

Please-- DO NOT read my blog and use me as the reason you have a large family.  Having eight children is practically impossible.  It is SO hard.  It is A LOT of work.  I'm a good mother that is spread very thin.  It is especially hard to raise a large family when you live far from family.

Many, many times a week, I look at my friends who have two or three children and I'm jealous of their neat and orderly lives.  Choosing to have eight is choosing to never, ever be able to do for your children what you wish you could do.  Choosing to have eight is choosing to spread your money and your time thinner.

And somehow, as you are forced to let go, you find that your children are better because you can't do more for them.  You find strong, responsible, grateful, hard-working, independent, confidant souls emerge from eggs they must crack themselves out of.

Two years ago, I was scared and full of faith as I prepared to risk my life to give Ben life.  I still am.

Having Ben was the hardest thing we have ever done.  It still is.

But oh the joy!!!  

What a gift these children are in my life!

What gifts they are to the world.

I believe I had two children when I knew Jane.  Even with two, I felt the tug of not being able to give my first all that I could before I had my second.  It literally hurts to not be able to give your children everything you wish you could.

Jane said that she would think, as she had another baby, that although she could give less, she was giving them a sibling and that sibling would give more than she would have ever been able to give.

Today, I celebrate Ben for all that he is.

This child is adorable, feisty, inquisitive, and full of life.

He's so good as I lug him around shopping or have him sit in his stroller through three highschool lunch periods while I handout Blood Drive fliers.  He's angelically good and absolutely rotten as he screams during sacrament and refuses to go to nursery.

He makes BIG messes.

He learned to help me water the plants, and the next day took the big cup from the bath tub, filled it, and helped me by "watering" the fake plants in my bedroom.

Today, I'm loving these toddler days because I know that they will end.  Thank goodness they will end.  :)

I can say one thing with complete conviction.

I never regret bringing eight children into this world.  I do sometimes wish my life were easier, more simple.  But, I can't possibly see the fruits of my labor and not celebrate!

If I didn't have eight, I wouldn't have HIM.

Oh Ben!!!

I feel SO blessed to be YOUR mother.

You were worth dying for and you are absolutely worth living for.

I celebrate today all that you are, all that you will be.

Our life is just full of wonder and joy because of your bright, happy spirit.

I love to look at this beautiful boy.

I love how he feels in my arms.

I love his innate infatuations with animals and how he can find them first wherever we are.

I love how smart he is, without saying words.

I love how he signs and points and speeds through a montage of "please-eat-more-outside-candy" with a big smile on his face when he's trying to tell me what he wants to eat.

I love watching him bring joy to his siblings, he teaches them patience and service and forgiveness and love.

I love how he fills all of our needs for physical touch and slobbery kisses.

I love that he loves me best.

I love that he tries to jump, says "BALL!" for every round object, and barely says momma but makes different noises for a tractor and a car.

I love how he cuddles into me when I sing songs to him before bed.

I love how he clumps around in shoes that are too big, with great skill.

I love the naughty grin he gives me when I point to nail polish he painted on my toilet.

I love how he can pet chickens without them running away.

Oh this baby of mine.

I love him with every fiber of my being.

I surrendered my life to God as He came into this world and everyday since then, God has magnified my joy and expanded my soul.

Thank You Ben!

Thank you for being two and thank you for being you.  You make me a better me.

I love you.

What a gift you are to me.

How blessed I am to be a mother of 8!

My life is good.