|this is me, in my new coat, next year.|
"I have heard a great many tell about what they have suffered for Christ's sake. I am happy to say I never had occasion to. I have enjoyed a great deal, but so far as suffering goes I have compared it a great many times, in my feelings and before congregations, to a man wearing an old, worn-out, tattered and dirty coat, and somebody comes along and gives him one that is new, whole and beautiful. This is the comparison that I draw when I think of what I have suffered for the Gospel's sake-- I have thrown away an old coat and have put on a new one." (DBY, 348)
Today I don't feel well, probably the worst I've felt in a long time. I'm very low on blood and will be getting more soon. I'm trying to finish up all the commitments that I have made previously and trying not to take on many more. I'm certain I'll feel better after my hunt :), but I feel my capacity to do is dwindling.
It has been so nice to have my dad visit. He is Mr. Mom, cooking and taking care of my little ones. As an observer, I realize just how hard it is to care for seven children, cook meals, drive all over dropping off and picking up, clean the house and do the laundry. This doesn't even count the amazing patience and REPETITION that leading seven little wiggle worms requires. It's pretty much impossible for both my father and Todd to do what I try to do by myself most days. Ha! It IS pretty amazing all I can accomplish when I'm feeling better. (If I do say so myself.)
This trial is refining me. It is hard. I hate needing help. I'm awful at accepting help and I'm learning to do this more graciously. People are so good and kind. I'm thankful for kind nurses and doctors and friends and family. Thank you for your prayers and your hope!
Today, I am getting measured for my new, shiny coat. I can feel my soul stretching and I am grateful for this experience. I can't help but listen to the many horrible things that people have to endure in life. My trials are GOOD trials, good trials that come from good things. I'm making a baby. I have a hard time accepting the sweet service that is being offered to me. My home is cluttered with projects and toys and books and reminders of fun. Oh, how grateful I am for the trials I am NOT dealing with.
Life is a bit blurry and slower these days-- but so good.