summer ideas- chore charts and NON-consistency.

i have had MANY chore charts in my day.
this is our latest and greatest.

actually, the rule is only mom can mark off a job, but i let ellie pose for this picture.  :)


when i was younger, my friend heidi always had the coolest jobs.
i remember writing in my journal... "when i'm a mom, i want to have job lists like hers..."
she would have to bake something, read a book, play the piano and the usual, clean a bathroom, etc....


this is our list.
breakfast
get dressed
teeth and hair
bed and room
prayers/scriptures
chores- dishes or trash
practice music
laundry
ask mom
read
create
practice
play
i have this quote on the bottom "I learned the value of hard work by working hard." by Margaret Mead


i just printed out a chart from microsoft word and stuck it in a $3 Michael's frame, that i had.
(remember, i'm not buying stuff...) 

it is a wonderful start to our day.
and, it makes me happy, everyday.


-- the order is important...
i always teach them to, start with your body, move to your environment.
Chores before fun.


--i like that this chart wipes clean everyday.


--i like that i can personalize it for certain days.


--i use white board markers, and they work great...
BUT if i were buying them, i would get the overhead projector wash with water thin markers... i think they would be PERFECT.


Some THOUGHTS on Being Consistent With Chores.
actually, this may surprise you, but i don't believe in CONSISTENCY as a parent.
i hate consistency.  {i KNOW... can you believe i'm writing this???}
i think that being consistent often gives parents an excuse to be contentious.
if i have a morning where i don't have the energy to do chores and keep it light and joyful.
we don't do them.
and life still goes on.
some days, we leave the beds unmade and the breakfast dishes on the counter and head to the park.
these days are my favorite days.
being consistent-- blah!
i'm always changing things, coming up with new systems...
a new season, a new theory...
It also helps that i am married to Mr. DEPENDABLE, non-deviating...
we must have oatmeal on mondays, eggs on tuesday, cream of wheat on wednesday...
the professor is consistent, and i am the wind that keeps everyone happy and flowing in his general direction.
i really don't care if we eat oatmeal on monday.


BUT... i am REALLY good at getting my kids to do their chores, most days, and they are SELF MOTIVATED and HAPPY while they are doing them.


my kids don't have a tv rule like "only 30 minutes a day" or "you can earn hours" because i don't want to be consistent in that.
if i think they're watching too much tv on a given day, i just turn it off and say "go play"
if they complain... i just smile and say something like,
"i'm your sweet mother, it is my job to protect your brain... and today, it is shrinking from too much tv.  GO PLAY, and someday, when you have children, you can choose to let them have tiny brains..."
but, we do have patterns... MOST days our life is ordered.
really... i think one of my greatest assets as a mother is that i am flexible.
but, i don't hear this much from really good families, so maybe don't listen to this advice.
{here is a WONDERFUL talk, More Diligent and Concerned at Home... suggestion 3-- is be consistent.
i really am conflicted about this... because, i have found, CONSISTENT is what makes me a cranky momma.}

To LOVE is better than to TEACH- a principle.

This is one of the profound moments on my journey to LEARN mothering.
it is a moment that i often reflect on.
a moment where God taught me so i could teach them.

i was a young mother.  

i had a 2 year old, a 1 year old and i was pregnant with Anna.

i had just finished folding baskets and baskets of laundry.

they were ready to be put away, sitting in a line at the top of my upstairs balcony.

the next thing i knew, my boys were laughing and throwing all my laundry off the balcony.

like 6 loads.

in a heap on my entryway floor.

i was devestated and SO MAD.

i was convinced that they knew better.

that they had to be taught.

i remember wanting to throw them off the balcony.

{i know, horrible mommy... they were BABIES!}

right when i was about to YELL... 
to TEACH them not to make MESSES... 
to TEACH them to respect their mother and all MY hard work...  
when i was just about to give it to them and feel completely justified in all my rage because what they had done was WRONG!!!

right at that moment, i felt a still, small voice that asked me...

what is more important?  teaching them to be clean, or teaching them to be kind?

i wondered if my children went off to college and had no idea how to clean a bathroom, or fold their laundry, could they still be good, functioning adults?

i remembered my college room-mates.

they were good girls.

one had a father who was a general authority.

they were messy.

they once cleaned the bathroom with windex and toilet paper.

i remember being surprised that they didn't really know how to clean.

{i'm certain this was just my impression...}

i KNEW at that moment, that it was NOT important to teach my kids to be clean.

i NEEDED to teach them to be KIND even when they were ANGRY.

i NEEDED to teach MYSELF to BE KIND, even when i'm ANGRY.

and...  LOVE is more important.

i will always remember that moment.  sitting at the steps, with my boys in my lap and the mountain of laundry strewn below us.

i hugged them and i cried.

for my weakness and their purity.

i learned that day to tell myself... love them today, you can teach them that tomorrow.

and today, my boys are wonderful!

they don't ever throw clean, folded clothes around the house.

ever.

they have learned.

and... i have learned.

be consistent.  yes.

consistently LOVING.  

and, if you cannot teach cleanliness and kindness, pick kindness...

they can learn cleanliness another day.

if you cannot teach potty training and kindness.

pick kindness...

they can learn potty training another day.

if you cannot teach your grand scriptural insights and be kind.

pick kindness... they can learn scriptural wisdom another day.

because if you can't teach with love, you aren't really teaching at all.

you're just enforcing.  

so, i guess i am for consistency... just depends on what your trying to be consistent in.

when it comes to most of life's tasks... i am consistently inconsistent.

when it comes to teaching my kids, loving my kids, keeping calm and carrying on... 

i'm pretty dang consistent.

and surprisingly, when i choose kindness... the other things happen more consistently than you would expect.

it's the loose yourself and you shall find yourself principle.

give up control and you'll find control.

ahhh... the lessons i'm learning...

NOTHING teaches you more than being a mom.

"He taketh the barren woman and maketh her a joyful mother of children.  Praise ye the Lord."  

{psalms something...}

 
An Example of our Daily Routine.
I LOVE MORNINGS WITH MY KIDS.
so, i'm sharing what we do...


--CARTOONS- my kids watch tv when they get up, until i get up and at it...


--MORNING DEVOTIONAL- we start with morning devotional, i turn off the tv, we sing, talk about the scripture chapter that they read the day before, and say family prayers


--SCRIPTURE TIME- part of their chores is prayer and scripture...
so, after scripture time, we just sit for 5 more minutes and silently read the next chapter...
some days, i read the chapter out loud to the kids who aren't fast readers, but we don't talk about it yet...
my husband and i have really studied "Watching with all Perseverance" by David Bedner.  It is so good.
He asks, "Are we as parents primarily giving our children the equivalent of spiritual fish to eat, or are we consistently helping them to at, to learn for themselves, and to stand steadfast and immovable?  Are we helping our children become anxiously engaged in asking, seeking, and knocking?" 


My kids have begun looking for 3 questions while they read...
they either mark them with a ? on the side of their scriptures, or they write them on a piece of paper...
the NEXT day, during morning devotional, we just say, "So, what did you learn yesterday in your scripture study?"  and then wait for THEM to tell US.
"Does anyone have any questions?"
When they ask a question, i say, "Ohh, great question.  What do you think?"
i HARDLY EVER answer any of their questions.
We have them look in the scriptures for the answer and occasionally we ask the other kids, "What do you think?"
interactive scripture times are SO MUCH more effective then the sit and listen to me preach scripture times...  love it.


--WORKING TOGETHER- my kids do chores in pairs.
first and third-- do trash, gather it from around the house and take it to the dumpster.
second and fourth-- do dishes, empty the dishwasher and set the table.
i really like seeing them learn to work together.


-- PRACTICING MUSIC-
my bigger kids are each taking piano or violin lessons.
i encourage them to practice each song 3 times every day.
i don't correct them if they mess up.
for me, music is teaching daily discipline.
i want it to be something they love.
i let their teachers correct them at their lesson and i focus on practicing with a smile.


--LAUNDRY- i like that they have a LAUNDRY job everyday...
some days they gather and sort, some days they fold, some days they put away, and some days it's a FREE spot.


-- FLEXIBLE JOBS- i LOVE the ASK MOM job.
during the day, i keep a running list of little jobs that i never do...
like, pair the mismatched socks, vacuum around the edges of the carpet, wash windows, toilets, mop, wash counters, organize the craft cupboard, gather all the shoes in the house and put them in the right closet, vacuum the bedrooms, etc.
Because i'm not consistent, i LOVE the flexibility of this job.
I also LOVE that this job lightens my load as a mother.
I don't have that heavy burden when i see another job that needs to be done around the house that i never get to.


Yesterday, i heard the kids talking...
jakob- "i HATE mopping."
anna- "i LOVE mopping, it's fun".
jakob- "what's your ask mom job, i'll trade you."
anna- "i have toilets.  i LOVE toilets."
jakob- "man, toilets are fun.  please trade."
mom- "what don't you like about mopping?  mopping is fun."
jakob- "i hate sweeping."
mom- "i don't mind sweeping for you."
jakob-  "fine.  but tomorrow can i clean the toilets?"


HA!!  i love it!
seriously, my kids are great workers, i'm afraid that i am lazier than they are.

--READ is a great chore.
some kids take longer to read a scripture chapter,
so they count 20 minutes of scripture study as their read chore.
i LOVE it when they set the timer and curl up on the couch.
i especially love it when the timer rings and they keep on reading.
i don't care if they read for an hour, because i don't care if their chores ever get done...
i mainly use chores as stuff to do BEFORE tv or BEFORE friends...
so, if they spend all day reading and never turn on the tv... i'm ok with that.


when i was a young mom, i worried that forcing my kids to do something would make them resent it.
nope.
some of my kids may complain for a minute when they get to read... and i just smile and encourage.
after they start, they are hooked.
i'm all about requiring them to do what i choose.
and in time, they choose it on their own.
{same with tv... we don't have television, just Netflix.  i hate disney channel so i say they can watch tv only if they watch leave it to beaver, or brady bunch, or national geographic or father knows best type shows... at first, they won't choose what i like, but after knowing that they have to, they actually like to.)

i even encourage my little kids do their chores.
my 3 year old will ask, what's next, and i'll tell her she has to read.
she says, "Fine!!" and gets a pile of books.
it's lovely.


--CREATE- this is another great one.
They just have to make something.
Many days, this just expands into our afternoon.
Some kids write songs on the piano,
some play with Play-doh,
some draw,
some make cookies,
some paint.
yes.  create can be messy.  but it is wonderful.
and, i love this job.

--PRACTICE-
we don't always get to this job, but the kids like planning what they are going to practice.
sometimes origami, sometimes it's bike riding, sometimes it's typing.
Create, practice and play are where the kids get to do their summer goals... they choose, i encourage.

--PLAY- another favorite.
this is play not screens.
i love when they play with stuff like legos, barbies, blocks, puzzles, games, outside, etc.


With this job list, my days are lovely.
i have no guilt if we stay home all day, because my kids have done great things.
We are usually done with our list by noon... or at least onto Create, Practice and Play...
so, i have my afternoons free to organize while the little girls sleep.
on the days we go to the pool, we just do the first part of the list, go play by 10 and Create, Practice and Play after lunch while the little girls take naps.
Many days, we don't go on our field trip till 3.
i LOVE going to the park and pool from 3-5pm after naps and before dinner.


NOTE-- this is the other post i wrote this summer on JOBS and letting kids pick their own jobs.
i LOVE this idea...
and i think i will do at the start of EVERY SUMMER or even EVERY MONDAY.
but, it's not the best for every DAY.
it seemed like we were spending A LOT of time writing down our goals each day.
this new chart is flexible enough for them to take ownership of their day...
and, still gives them structure for the things that don't change.


so, once again.  a LONG post, just when i was showing you our new chore chart.
such it is.
and now, time for me to turn off the tv and start my kids on their morning journey.
me-- i'll be making enchiladas for 100... i finished the salsa and mexican rice last night.
wish me luck!!!
fun, fun!!