blessed by clearance.

Warning- this post is about Being Blessed in the Clearance Section.  If you think this sounds silly-- do NOT read it!

I once heard my cousin talking about his wife.  He said something like, "She never spends money.  I have to force her to go to the store to buy something new."  My husband chuckled.  And, my heart YEARNED to be like that.  I'm not.  I'm frugal.  I spend cash.  And, I really like nice, new things. 

When I see mothers at the mall with one young child who is surrounded by mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, darling clothes, hair, diaper bag, stroller, etc... (you know who i'm talking about), i'm jealous.
NOT of the one child, of all that parents/grandparents are able to give to an only child.
I can feel myself trying to give each of my kids what I could give them if they were only children.
It is not possible.  And, I'm not even sure it is BEST.  But, nonetheless, I would like to have 7 children who look and act and feel like only children.  And, I would like to have a home so orderly that people are shocked to learn that we have a large family. 

This is my life struggle- and, it's one that I will gladly keep.  Ultimately, I KNOW that things aren't the most important.  I grew up with a single mother and not much money... I always envied the kids who brought lunch from home (we had free school lunch) and bought books at the book fair.  So, now I compensate.  I have friends who grew up with money who had parents that were frugal and taught them that book fairs were too over-priced.  We laugh at our difference.  I WISH I was someone who felt remorse for buying, not remorse for NOT buying.  :)  I wish I was someone who didn't look at clothes or care when my kids looked like orphans.  But alas, that is not my lot in life.  I do care.  I do want.  AND often, I see God's love for me because he blesses me with my desires.

Often I wonder WHY God lets me WANT.  I pray that if we don't have the means, he will take away my desire.  I know that I always feel full when I'm grateful for what I have, when I count my blessings, when I stop LOOKING at worldly things and love instead of compare.  And, really, I do try to do those things.  We stick to a strict budget.  I cook at home.  I make gifts because I can't afford to buy them.  I sew for my kids.  I don't have excess.  For everything that really counts in life, I am very content and grateful.  But, in my heart of hearts, in the back, I love nice things.  And, God knows it.  And, He ALWAYS blesses me with the desires of my heart.  ALWAYS. 
I think of the scripture in Malachi 3:10

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not OPEN YOU THE WINDOWS OF HEAVEN, and POUR YOU OUT A BLESSING, THAT THERE SHALL NOT BE ROOM ENOUGH TO RECEIVE IT."

Today, my house is overflowing with baby goodness.
I already told you about my shower...
but, listen to this...
My husband got a call from a business journal that he did some work for-- it was just a service he did.
They told him as a thank you they were going to give him a reprint of Galileo's first edition book published in 1656 (he LOVES old books) AND a $300 gift card to Amazon.  He said if I bought him the extended version DVD of Lord of the Rings, I could spend the rest of the money on baby stuff.  !!!  seriously?!  I can get EVERYTHING I wanted, a diaper bag, nursing bras, new pjs, a baby swing, even the silly giraffe teether.  Isn't that fun?!

And, it gets better.
My mother- and father-in-law sent me some money to get a blessing dress for this baby.
I ran to Dillards and the dress that I wanted was still there!!!  When I went to buy it, it was marked down from $56 to $26 or something like that (it was originally $250).  All the clearance items in the store were an additional 40% off, Friday only.  I was not only able to buy the blessing dress, but I got a DARLING Ralph Lauren baby outfit for $6 AND...  AND... matching Strasburg Dresses for my girls (all 5 of them!!)  Now I have Easter/Summer dresses for all my girls (from my shower) and Fall dresses (from this sale).  Isn't that fun?!
You may think that it was just coincidence.  But, I will tell you, IT IS NO COINCIDENCE.  I had no idea that Dillards was having that sale.  My mother-in-law just happened to call that day and tell me she was transferring money to my account that day.  AND, hanging on the rack are the EXACT sizes of dresses that I LOVE, for 5 girls-- do you know how hard it is to find the right sizes in clearance... AND the dresses are $100 marked down to $20...  Yeah, that is not a coincidence.  It was a blessing.  And, I'm grateful. 

I feel stupid writing this post, because I know how shallow I sound.  But, I just wanted to share with you my small testimony.  God knows ME.  He loves me.  He sees my sacrifices and my desires and even though I'm not perfect, I am enough.  And, I am so blessed.  We ALL are so blessed.  Ultimately, I'm grateful that He lets me want for a time so that I can see His hand in my life.  And yes, often I see God's hand in the clearance section of Dillards.  :)

Does God talk to you in the store? 
One of my FAVORITE shopping-angel stories was when I was pregnant with Ellie.  I REALLY wanted a pink-checkered pottery barn bed set for anna (she was moving into a big bed and Ellie was sharing a room with her in a crib).   One day I was driving down the road and I felt a distinct impression to stop at Home Goods.  I had NEVER been to that store in my life.  I pulled over, parked and walked in wondering why I was there.  I remember walking down the main isle and turning right, to the very corner of the store.  I looked down and saw pink and white checkered bedding on clearance, sticking out from the bottom shelf.  When I pulled the bag out it was a twin quilt and sham, behind it was a matching crib set.  Seriously.  I laughed out loud, and prayed my gratitude.  God is soo good!  [Maybe not so important to note- but, it was shortly after this that Anna was burned.  I spent my 9th month of pregnancy in the hospital with Anna.  Ellie was born 4 days after Anna was released from the trauma burn unit.  We had a daily visiting nurse and made daily trips to the occupational therapist.  No, God did not bless me with an EASY life... but he did bless me with a darling bedroom to come home to. ]

i LOVE this scripture...

"For I, the Lord, have put forth my hand to exert the powers of heaven, ye cannot see it now, yet a little while and ye shall see it, and know that I am"  (Doctrine and Covenants 84:119)

There are times in ALL of our lives when we WANT.  I believe wanting is good.  Asking is good.  I believe that God wants to bless us, because He loves us.  And, if we LOOK we will see His hand in our lives.  Not instantly.  But, eventually. 

Today, I am blessed and very grateful.