when children are scarred.

anna's miracle hands 2-16-11

My oldest daughter (now 8) severely burned her hands when she was 16 months old.

It was tragic.

Both hands were 3rd degree burns.  One required a skin graft.  The skin grafted hand is pretty scarred.

Recently a friend of mine sent me a message on facebook.  Her daughter burned her arm a few years ago and is embarrassed by her scar.  It seems that some parents say rude things about it, and the kids make comments.  For Christmas this year she asked Santa to make her arm all better.  My friend wondered if we had any advice on dealing with scars.

Dealing with tragedy is HARD.  But, watching a child of yours suffer is heart wrenching.  As I have watched Anna healing from her burns I have continually thought of my Savior.  In a second I would have traded places with her-- suffered so she wouldn't have to.  But, watching Anna grow up with her scars, I have seen her blossom into a beautiful, mature young women.  Last night at dinner, I told Anna about my friend's question and asked her if she was ever embarrassed about her hand.  I asked her what she did when people asked her about it... 
this is what she said.

From Anna--
Well, I'm not ever really embarrassed about my hand.  I read stories to kindergarten kids sometimes and I can tell that they are looking at my hand.  So, I show it to them and ask them if they have ever burned themselves.  I say, "It hurts huh?"  They usually say yes, and I tell them that I burned my hand when I was little.  After that they stop staring at it all the time. 

Most of the kids in my grade already know about my hand so it isn't a big deal.  One girl has a burn mark on top of her hand and she always pulls her shirt down to cover it.  I don't do that.  I just tell people, it's a scar from when I was little, and they are fine.  I think just talking about it makes people understand better.

Isn't she cute?
I love that girl.

This is the response that I wrote to my friend...  and to you, if any of you have little kids that are dealing with scars or imperfections in their life.

Oh, i'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. Burns are horrible. Anna still has a pretty scarred left hand (i'm sure she'll have more surgeries as she's finished growing). People ask her about it sometimes, and some kids at school have told her it was gross. Once, a mother asked her "Why didn't your mother protect you from the fire?" Ughh.



Anna has never been embarrassed by her hand... as far as i know. We call it her miracle hand. When she was in the hospital there was another little girl, Amy, who was the same age as anna. She got burned all over her body, except for her diaper area. I have always told Anna how blessed she was. That Angels held her out of the fire so only her hands got burned. That Heavenly Father loves other little girls, like Amy, as much as He loved her, but that Anna was protected for some reason and only burned her hands.

Anna has seen other severely burned people-- like nienie from the blog nieniedialogs. I also show her youtube videos of kids with cancer, or kids with no arms... (Yes, I'm a bit morbid with my kids...) We always talk about her hand and how her burns could be a blessing to her later in life. Like, maybe she'll grow up and be a nurse and she can help other little girls who are burned. I guess the attitude we have always had with her is, it's so sad that her hands were burned, but hard things happen to many people. This is her hard thing. And really, she is VERY blessed.

I'm sure that as she gets older we'll have many more conversations about her hand... and therapy in her teen years for everything that we've done wrong. :)

Before Anna left for school this morning I asked if I could take a picture of her hands for my blog (see above)...
It is still painful for me to see her scars.  It was harder than I thought to write this blog and I'm sure it will be even harder to push post. 

from anna's baptism april 2010

I believe each of us have hard things in life.  Life is about learning and growth.  Although my recollections of that night long ago are tainted from continual replaying in my brain, I can say, I was VERY concerned about my little kids and the fire.  I was diligent in watching... until the moment that I turned away to serve our peach cobbler... and turned back to see my baby doing a push-up in the coals.  She didn't cry- she went into shock.  I remember moaning "Oh My God.... Oh My God..."  It was my most heartfelt prayer ever...  I cry just remembering that horrible time.

I'm grateful that I had changed Anna into her flame resistant pjs- so her arms/face/body didn't burn.
There were MANY miracles that we experienced during that time (someday I'll write about the whole experience). Yes, we were blessed.  But, we were not spared the HARD.
I'm still sick that this tragedy happened at all... and eternally grateful for the lessons i've learned.

I know that no matter how careful we are, we can not protect our children from hard things.
They may struggle with injury, sickness. learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, pride, etc...
But, they ALL will struggle with something.
Our role as parents is NOT to protect our children from HARD things... but to help guide them through.
To help them make their journey the best it can be... whatever their journey may entail.

Anna, is a gift.  She has always been a strong, beautiful child.  She has taught me much over the years and I am so grateful for her.  Today, I am a bit paranoid about burns and fires and camping (especially with young kids-- stupid).  But, I am also CERTAIN that God loves me and loves my children even more.  I'm certain that He cries when we cry and that he carries us when we can't walk.  I know that he can turn heartache into strength... and I'm grateful for the lessons we have learned.

How do you help your children with their hard things?
Don't you sometimes just want to make all their hard things go away?

Have you seen the power that comes to them when they learn something hard to learn?

Yup... it's a good plan- even when it's hard sometimes!

i sure LOVE this kid.