one week.

eve is one week old today.

this morning i looked at her little face and thought her cheeks seemed a bit chunkier.

i wish i could freeze each moment.

there is nothing more precious than a newborn.

how i love this little one.

this week has been beautiful and difficult.

i feel like i'm a newborn all over again.

my mom left Thursday morning, and the professor has been back at school working feverishly on his dissertation.

so, i was alone with a 3 day old baby, 2 year old and 4 year old.

on Friday eve had a doctor's appointment- at 11:30 am.

even though a friend of mine offered to watch leah and lily, i was still a mess.

it took me all morning to shower and dress and dress the kids and feed the baby and pack the diaper bag, and arrange the car seats in the Suburban...

by the time i got everyone in the car i felt like i had run a marathon.

and, i left my house a mess.

i had tears in my eyes as i wondered if i would ever be able to handle my life again.

my breasts hurt.

bloody, blistery, sore.

yes, i know that is too much information, but it's true.

on Friday night i cried as i nursed.

i didn't cry delivering eve without an epidural.

for sure, breast feeding has been MORE painful than natural childbirth.

HOPEFULLY i'm on the up hill...  this morning i nursed and it wasn't too bad.

i have nursed all my kids, and the first week is always the hardest on my poor chest.

breastfeeding wise-- i am not sorry to see this week end.

and, i'm huge.

i can't find anything to wear.

my kids keep rubbing my belly and asking, "do you have another baby in there mom?"

the professor is kind, he says, "Yes, you're big.  But think of Queen Latifa, she's big and still beautiful."

hah!  he's so funny with his well intended, not really helpful compliments.

i'm used to being small-- so i don't have fat clothes.

and, i'm small chested, so NONE of my shirts fit.

it takes me a long time to dress each morning, and it's a battle.

i know this too shall pass... but it's not so fun in the mean time.

hard moments this first week... yup.

but there have been MANY, MANY beautiful moments.

my eyes tear up just remembering.

i am so in love with this baby.

completely smitten.

she is DARLING.

holding her, listening to her sweet newborn noises, feeling her soft skin against my cheek...

oh my gosh, complete joy.

my kids are really great with babies.

the BEST thing about having a large family is watching your kids interact with each other.

and there is something magical about having a baby in the house.

magic.

just watching my oldest with my youngest makes my heart swell-- God has been so good to me.

i also love watching my husband with my baby.

do you know, i have trained him well?

really.

he is like me... how he swaddles and coos and bounces our newborns--

i see me in him, and i realize how far we've come these past 14 years.

i love watching him with the older kids.

i love sitting in my chair at night, nursing my baby, listening to my sweet husband reading Dr. Seuss to the little girls with his funny voices.

the best decision i ever made was marrying Todd... every day i thank God for him.

every day.

we have eaten well this week.

sweet, sweet friends have been bringing us meals--

and seriously, people are so kind.

thank you.

there have been moments this past week where my house has been tidy, my children are all playing happily in the bedroom, and i am snuggled with a newborn in my arms... i have felt heaven.

even in the middle of the night when i'm cringing as my baby latches on one more time... i still feel heaven.

it's in the miracle of birth.  the stillness of a home full of sleeping children.  the pink cowboy boots abandoned at the foot of my bed.  a sweet newborn milk mustache.  bending over the crib to kiss lily good night when she realizes, "Hey, you can reach me.  Baby eve came out!"  eve's little feet that she always wiggles out of her blankets.  ellie's toothless grin.  "Can I hold her?"  again and again.  fuzzy hair, tiny ears, long skinny fingers.  newborn blow out diapers.  tiny preemie pampers and very wet size 5 huggies.  family prayer that is never reverent, but always sacred.  sleeping smiles.

i have felt the eternal truth-- children are a gift from God.

happy is he who has a quiver full of them.

i am so happy.

i have LOVED this first week.

i'm sad to see it end.

i'm excited for week two.

and, i think i have seven of the cutest babies ever made--

yes.  this is the life i always wanted.

there is NOTHING better than a newborn.