colic.

I feel like i'm saying the C-word.

Colic.

The strict medical definition of colic is a condition of a healthy baby in which it shows periods of intense, unexplained fussing/crying lasting more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for more than 3 weeks.

Before this baby was born, if you would have asked me what my "talent" was, I would have told you-- babies.
I do babies.
I'm good at babies.

Babies are my favorite.

I love fussy babies, and happy babies, and tired babies, and sick babies.

I have had many, and borrowed many, and babies are my thing.

giving eve a pacifier in the hospital...

I have never used a pacifier, because my theory has always been "if a baby is fussy, give them what they need and they will be happy."

With all my kids, crying meant they were hungry or tired or wet or burpy... I would fix their need and they would be happy, content and peaceful.
I'm very good at "baby whispering", I could talk baby talk and my babies are VERY content, happy babies.

But, this baby is giving me a run for my money.
I laughed when I read the definition of colic-- fussing or crying for 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week...  um, try 10 hours a day, every day.
This sweet baby is very rarely content. 
CONTENTMENT is the difference between this baby and every other baby I've given birth to. 
She's just sad.
Not crying all the time, because I'm pretty good at bouncing and swaddling and distracting her... but, if I slow down for one minute, she's fussy.
She wakes up sad, and she goes to bed sad. 
The only time I can lay her down in her bed is if she is in a deep sleep.
She only sleeps if she doesn't hear any loud noises or have any burps or toots.
This baby is a lot of work.

The hardest thing about having a fussy baby is that when she cries all the time, I feel like a failure.

I pray and pray for WISDOM in mothering this baby, and I just don't know what to do to help her be happier.

And, I don't get much sleep... I'm so tired.

Honestly, babies are still my thing. 
And, I can DO a fussy baby. 
But, that is ALL I can do.
It is VERY hard for me to do anything besides this baby. 

And, I'm really sick of my husband or kids having to pick up my slack. 

The first night Eve was alive, the professor and I were both up all night in the hospital with her.  She was fussy all night long.  I remember laughing with Todd as we swaddled and bounced and sang and burped her.  We had never experienced an inconsolable baby before.

The nurse gave us one of those hospital baby brushes and we brushed her hair-- she loved it and was just happy for a few minutes while we brushed.  We were both like, Quick!  Take a picture, she's happy.

For the first four weeks, the only time Eve was content was when she was nursing... and nursing was excruciatingly painful for me.

Now, I thank God EVERY TIME I nurse-- because it isn't painful anymore.

I really think that God let me experience Very Hard so that I would be very grateful for just a little bit hard.

My baby doesn't CRY all the time.

She's little and she needs sleep.  Because she isn't great at sleeping for long periods of time, I can often nurse her and then hold her like I'm nursing her with a pacifier in her mouth and she will sleep.

It's not a restful sleep, she's still squirmy and gassy, but she will sleep when I'm holding her.
So, at church or activities, I usually have her fed and resting in my arms. 
She seems content. 
But people don't realize that I have been HOLDING her for the past 24 hours.

She screams in the car. 

She screams in a sling or carrier or car seat or swing. 
She's particularly fussy between 6pm and 1am.

And, she is SO CUTE!

She smiles and tries to coo sometimes-- oh how I love her happy moments.

How I cherish the times when I can just hold her and she's calm.

I HATE admitting to people that I'm having a hard time with this baby.
I hate it.
Babies are my thing.
But, I can't not tell the truth. 
When people ask me how it's going I try to say "great!" But, I have to add, "She's a fussy little thing and it's hard."

I would pick this trial.

Sometimes I laugh because really there is NOTHING I would rather do in the world than bounce a baby.

Need an excuse not to fold the laundry, I've got one.
But, I keep thinking I should be better at this by now.

Yesterday, I had gotten no sleep, so after the kids went to school, the professor took the baby and told me to lay down. 

I can't sleep when I hear the baby fussing in the family room-- that's part of the colic-curse.

She's my baby and I'm connected to her.  If she's sad, I'm sad too.

Then someone called and asked to go through our house at 12:30.

Todd and I both worked for a few hours to get the house straightened up, the lawn mowed, and the little girls dressed.
(I cleaned one handed, holding the baby in my other hand.)

I had to find a home for my dog and I took to little girls to McDonald's from 12:30 to 2pm.
The baby was pretty good, because I fed her before we left and held her when we got there. 
(She screamed the whole time in the car so she was pretty tired.)
Leah and Lily missed naps and were pretty fussy.
We got home and then I had to pack everybody into the car again at 3pm to pick the bigger kids up from school.
Poor eve was not so happy in the car the second time either.
By the time I got home, my toddlers were tired and cranky, my baby was over-tired and very fussy AND I told my big kids no TV because we had decided this weekend they were watching too much.
It was CRAZY.

Since the professor didn't get up to school till noon, he was planning on staying up there till 11pm to work on his dissertation. 

I called him around 5:30pm saying that I just couldn't get dinner on the table.
I HATE admitting defeat. 
He came home and cooked dinner.
I comforted the baby and directed the big kids into baths and pj's and bed.
I finally was able to lay the baby down at 11pm and she slept till 3am!! 
It was nice.  I fed her and she went back to sleep till 6:30 am.

(Most nights I feed her at 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am... etc. and, she's fussy in between.)

She was up and fussy all morning-- but finally she zonked out around 10 and that's when I took a minute to write this blog.
I can hear her squirming now.

So, this is my life.

I don't think it will be this hard for long. 

Already it is getting better-- the days are pretty good.

And, I got a 4 hour block of sleep last night!!

I just want you to know that I have learned...

Colic is real.

And, it's hard. 

And I still really, really love this little stink.

This is one of those posts that I hate pushing publish post on.
I feel compelled to be REAL, but I wish I could always be ROSY.