i have the power!!! {insert evil laugh here}

oh, i feel good!!

i think i'm going through a mid-life crisis. (hah!)

a few weeks ago i was whining to my SIL and she said, "Jen, why don't you have clothes you like?  Your husband makes enough money."

and those words sunk deep into my soul.

another friend of mine was talking about finishing her basement.  she explained that she just had to make a decision, even if it wasn't the best one, just because she couldn't invest the amount of time or effort needed to evaluate every single possibility.

and i realized, i had inadvertently been living the martyr.

again.

why is it so easy to slip into martyrdom...

i can't do it because...
we don't have money, i have too many kids, i don't have enough time, i don't know how.

spinning circles trying to figure out the BEST way... instead of just choosing a well-informed way and moving on.

BLAH!!

i'm sick of feeling helpless.

i'm sick of feeling paralyzed by indecision.

and so... i'm done thinking "poor".

i'm done over analyzing everything.

(did you just laugh?  yeah, me too.)

todd LOVES my new transformation.

hah!  it's actually funny, because i originally just had to yell {sweetly}at him to stop being my babysitter.

to trust me.

the truth is, he didn't have to change-- I did.

now that i am more confidant in what i need to manage my home, he is happy to help me figure out how we're going to pay for it.

{i hate even typing that because it makes me seem so materialistic and irresponsible.  but the truth is-- i am VERY frugal and i would rather starve then not save A LOT.  so, this shift isn't quite as extreme as it might seem written out... we're not talking about new cars here- just around $100 things that change my life.  like an iphone, a costco membership, and bunk beds...  i need some bunk beds.}

he LOVES that i am HAPPY and BUSY and POWERFUL.

i'm surprised at how FREE i feel.

i keep telling those closest to me-- please tell me if you think i'm going off the deep end.

Here are some example of my new found POWER...

1. Passwords!!

my kids are bad these days with sneaking tv or screens.

this is a real-life picture...  the kids had just gotten home from school and were busily doing chores and practicing piano and then life got quiet.

i found them surrounding leah on the ipad.

ARGHHH!!!

 insert Tiger Momma!!
todd and i figured out how to put a password on my ipad and on the computer.
leah is the worst offender.
and the big kids goad her into it because they think they won't get into trouble if they weren't the ones to actually turn ON the device.
all day yesterday, leah kept coming to me with a look of defeat saying, "Mom, please can you tell me the numbers so i can play a LEARNING game on the computer."
i sang to her with a smile, "VICTORY!! VICTORY!! VIC-TO-RY!!!"

2. i bought an iphone.
i lost my cell phone.
i REALLY think an iphone will change my life.
really.
my husband and i have talked about it for a LONG time and he was totally on board, but he just knew he could get me a great deal on ebay (or something.)
i was filling up gas and saw a Verizon store.
i brought my 3 little ones in with me and asked about iphones.
they had a 4 and a 4s... and 100 other phones that the guy tried to tell me about.
i asked how much the 4 was.
$70 and $30 extra a month for the data plan.
SOLD!!  i called todd using the verizon office phone and he gave me the green light...
10 minutes later i had a fully functioning iphone.
complete with a headset that i can use in the car-- so no more cell phone tickets or hiding while i try to make calls (which incidently is MORE dangerous than just using my phone.)

20 minutes later i was in Albany trying to find Costco (yes, i bit the bullet and BOUGHT a membership... my life is changed again).
anyway, i can't find ANYTHING in oregon.
and, i usually have to call Todd at work while he describes directions to me and laughs at me because i'm always lost.
NOT THIS TIME!!
i just googled "Costco, Albany"
and TAH DAH!!!!!!!  {insert the sound of hallelujah chorus!}
i had a map at my fingertips.
i wasn't far.  i knew just where to go.
no embarrassment.
no wasting time driving around.
my life was changed because of an iphone.
you can laugh at me if you want to.
i'm laughing too...

and... i bought a purse.
it was a painful decision.
i just went to kohls (right next to Costco).
i am 34 years old, i have 7 children and i don't carry a purse.
(just a little wristlet wallet that i attach to my keys... and, i keep a diaper bag in my car.)
change that-- i didn't carry a purse.
i'm going to try AGAIN.
todd's only worry about me having an iphone is that i might loose it.
i'm pretty determined that i'm going to become a purse carrying expert.

3. i bought HEALTHY FOOD.
yes i did.
ONLY healthy stuff.
everything that i put in my cart was something that i WANT my kids to eat.
Costco has a lot of great, healthy things.
i put sprouted beans in our dinner stir-fry last night.
and my kids ate them without complaint.
(i think my excitement is contagious!)
i bought lots of fresh veggies... my kids are pretty excited to bring veggies and dip every day in their lunch.
(a bag full of cut up broccoli because they LOVE fresh broccoli, baby carrots, celery that i keep cut up in the fridge and miniature seedless cucumbers- they love em.  and so do i!!)
i bought lots of nuts, jerky, veggie chips, and dried fruit snacks.
healthy bread.
and NO boxed cereal... just homemade granola, smoothies and hot breakfasts!
i LOVE when we eat healthy.
it makes me feel so powerful.

4. I ORGANIZED!!!

 since i was shopping most of the day, i just started the organizing in my laundry room.
so far i think i'm going to have 40 bags of trash not 40 bags of Goodwill.
but, i KNOW it's going to happen.
i can feel it in my bones.

on the left, is my basket of holiday decorations to put away...
don't you hate the lingering Christmas things that you find AFTER you put the Christmas boxes away?
and, on the right, is my ever-filling basket of papers to sort...
it feels so good to just put my piles in one place.
i may tackle the office today.

 5. it snowed!!
this is just another tender-mercy.
i was supposed to do my preschool at a nursing home this morning, but had to cancel due to snow and a 2 hour school delay.
although i love "Grandma's Party"... i'm pretty glad i can stay in my jammies and tackle this house.

i hope you have a good day.
i hope you feel powerful- to do whatever it is that you think you need to do.
trust yourself!!

and, i still need two sets of white bunk beds.
do any of you have suggestions??
life is good!!
have a great day!