June 09, 2012

it's NOT YOUR AGE- it's your commitment.

The oldest married couple in Britain
Have you read the Huffington Post article, Why I Believe Marriage Shouldn't Be Allowed Before Age 25.  This article suggests government should outlaw young marriage.

The author, Jennifer Nagy, says,
"Who knows? Maybe there are 20-year-olds that get married and stay madly in love for their whole lives… Maybe there is such thing as fairies and unicorns too.”

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/06/09/get-real-getting-married-before-age-25-is-not-too-young/?intcmp=features#ixzz1xKL7mlXr

A 24 year old engaged man rebutted this article in his own Fox News article, Get Real, Getting Married Before Age 25 is Not Too Young.
read it here:  http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/06/09/get-real-getting-married-before-age-25-is-not-too-young/?intcmp=features

you should read the second article.  it's good.
and, this guy is NOT Mormon.  i have Mo-dar.  (clue- drinking a cold one on the beach.)
i agree with good people of any faith (and have MANY friends who drink cold ones on the beach.)

actually, i agree with the first author too-- she did get married WRONG.  
SHE was too young.  
Her marriage was not founded on principle.  
I don't agree with her conclusions though- that it should be illegal to marry young.  
She has made the wrong conclusions from her life journey.  
It is like saying, "I crashed my car when I was 23 and so nobody else should be allowed to drive that young."

Should government dictate morality?  Yes.
Government has to dictate morality.  
Every law has a moral component to it.
Our society is desperately LOOSING it's morality and thus the foundation of our society is crumbling.
Changing the LAWS will not change the CONSEQUENCES of sin and immorality.
EVEN IF SHE WAS NOT MARRIED, she would still be feeling the heartache of this failed relationship.
why does she have an issue with this failed marriage?  
is it because she's embarrassed at the small string of stigma that is still attached to a divorce?
why is she writing about making young marriage illegal instead of writing to teach other young girls what they can do to avoid the mistakes that she made...  marriage was not the mistake.
just be clear here.
read the article... marriage was just the only PUBLIC part of her 9 year journey.
she made many mistakes.

Should government create a "drivers license" for marriage? 
a test before you can earn your license? 
ha!  that would be funny, wouldn't it?  it might work.
You can get married only after you have proved you are old enough and responsible enough for this sacred covenant.
I suppose Mormon's have a 'marriage driver's license'.  
We call it a temple recommend.  
When you are showing that you are LIVING the covenants that you have already made, you are allowed to make greater covenants in the temple.
Maybe that is what was missing in Miss Nagy's life?
She signed up for Marriage 500 before she had completed Appropriate Dating 400 or What Future Do I Want 300 or What Do I Believe 200 or Who Am I 100.
She didn't finish her prerequisite courses.

my opinion--
This is a sad article.
It is a story about a woman who married too young, or too immature and obviously too irresponsibly.
She married a man because she had "been with him" (slept with him?) for five years and felt like marriage was the thing to do.
She didn't know who she was or what she wanted.
it is sad.
i also think it's sad that she blames her AGE.
she quotes a statistic (from here) that says 50% of all marriages end in divorce.
60% of marriages (if you marry between the age of 20-25) end in divorce.
she thus concludes that government should outlaw young marriage.
she FAILS to understand that she would NOT have avoided ANY of the heartache she felt from her failed 9 year relationship if she hadn't been married.
the same study says that "The dissolution rate for women who live with their future spouse before getting married is nearly 80 percent higher than the rate of those who do not."
hmmm.  maybe we should outlaw cohabitation?!
maybe we should say you shouldn't SLEEP with a boy until you know who you are?
maybe it is not your age... maybe it is your maturity... your sense of commitment... your values?

yes, i was married young, one month after i turned 20.  
Todd was 23.
i was YOUNG.  We were both SO young.  
But, i knew who I was and what i wanted for eternity and I found someone who shared my goals.
i am SO glad that we have had the past 15 years to grow together.  
to become together.

i would NOT make it a law that everyone should marry young.
but, there is a law.  a law that brings HAPPINESS. 
it is from a government that is higher than politicians and public opinion. 
we teach this law to our children.
we call it, the LAW OF CHASTITY.
you should not have any sexual relationships except within the bounds of marriage.
husbands and wives should be completely faithful to each other within the bounds of marriage.
Here is what i believe-- The Proclamation to the WORLD, on the Family.  
These principles, if followed, will bring happiness.
The younger you are when you learn this, the better!
VALUES and MORALS are essential to happiness.
No matter what the law says, you can not do wrong and feel happy.
You cannot escape the consequence of an irresponsible life.
i will say it again... changing the age of the law would not have helped this woman.
TEACHING her correct principles would have.

i wonder what really went wrong in Miss Nagy's marriage?
i wonder if they lived the law of chastity before or after their marriage?
i wonder if she falls more easily into the 80% of failed marriages?
what principle, if understood, could have saved her this 9 year heartache?
the problem was NOT her age.
there are women who are 50 who don't have the skills necessary for a happy marriage.
perhaps we should make marriage illegal until you are 51? 80? 
are there any divorced 90 year olds?

i hope that Miss Nagy someday knows who she is and what she believes.
I hope she finds a man that she can raise a family with and create a life with.
it takes commitment and faith and work.
because a happy marriage, no matter how old you are, CAN BE one of life's greatest joys!


Rebekah said...

As a married-just-after-turning-20 friend, I loved your comment about being young (we really were SO young), but knowing who we were and what we ultimately wanted.
I just finished reading "The Tenant of Wildfell Hall" by Anne Bronte. It is the story of a failed marriage--failed because the couple wasn't looking in the same direction, with similar goals and aspirations.
I feel so blessed and grateful for the choices I made that led me to my husband.
People have asked me if my parents flipped out when I told them I wanted to get married so young. I always say, "Have you MET my husband?" What parents can say no to that (level of character, direction, and devotion to his Heavenly Father--not to mention his adoration for me!)?
My parents approved from the start.
It's been a great and crazy 14 1/2 years for us!

Rebekah said...

by-the-way, that book is about so much more than just a failed marriage--it is an amazing story about our duty to husband, children, and ultimately to God.
A very interesting read--published in 1848, it was a daring subject matter for the time.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog! Just celebrated 21 years with my hubby. We were both 22 and knew each other for 6 months before we married. What's interesting is that I asked if the 21 years met his expectations. His answer, he really didn't have any, neither did I. It was an adventure, a journey into the unknown by two people in love and commited to be loyal and follow God.

Joseph and Ivy Waite said...

I love this! You have such great thoughts! I love where you said, "She signed up for Marriage 500 before she had completed Appropriate Dating 400 or What Future Do I Want 300 or What Do I Believe 200 or Who Am I 100."
I'm gonna have to remember this quote! It's funny and true!

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