August 23, 2012

levels of lazy.

I am not lazy.
I work hard.
I strive.
I have a large family that forces me forward... 
breakfast, lunch, dinner, chores, friends, fun, bath time, bedtime.
I’m up early and to bed late.

i have a great plan...
3 days of housework/order/discipline/laundry and then the end of the week for field trips, friends and fun.
my plan works well... IF i do it.

IF i actually fix breakfast and clean it up, my kitchen is clean and lovely all day.
IF i let my kids graze for themselves all day-- i spend the whole day with a messy kitchen.
my kids are great workers... IF i remind them and encourage them.
Work before Play is GRAND.
some days i just HATE being the adult enforcer of this adage.
some days i wish i had a boss that was holding me accountable.

i used to feel like my life was a BULL RIDE.
i used to crave the gentle trail ride.
i THINK i'm riding a trail ride these days.
i don't feel the fast, frenzied bucking bronco days that i used to feel.
BUT-- i feel like there are days when i am walking the trail or lounging on the side of the trail, instead of keeping a nice, even lope.  
(lope?  is that the right word?  it's not a gallop, and not a bouncy trot?)

I can FEEL the battle that I have with my own laziness.
And, it bothers me.
I’m ready to move to the next level—conquer the laziness.
Stop the mental whining.

Do you know anyone that is a really hard worker?
A great athlete?
I have a few people that I see and want to be more like...
Todd’s grandmother, my friend Ines, and basically anyone who can exercise regularly without dreading it.

I remember as we were experiencing one of our greatest trials, when anna fell into a campfire and severely burnt her hands, I read a scripture that said, “it will begin to be delicious to you.”
I had in my mind that someday, although this trial would always be a terrible tragedy, it would be a great lesson that we would cherish—instead of a recurring nightmare that would wake me up in the night crying.
That happened.
Today, I am so grateful for all we’ve learned from that experience.
Both for me and for Anna.

Today I am BURNING up my laziness.
I want it to be delicious to me.
Instead of craving time on the couch to read and sit... I want to crave a RUN.
I want to enjoy a late night house straightening like I enjoy a late night OREO dipping.

I LOVE to sit and visit.
I want to LOVE to serve so others can sit and visit.
Or, to visit and serve at the same time.

I am disciplined. 
Sort of.
I want to be so disciplined that I get my CHORES done FIRST and THEN read the end of my book.
(hypothetically speaking, of course.)
I have NO DISCIPLINE when it comes to reading. 
I just can’t read a few chapters... once the book hooks me in, i find myself hiding in the bathroom ALL MORNING LONG, trying to finish it.
Or, I just “choose” to read with a feeling of guilt.
I have told myself for years—it’s ok, just read, you’re not doing anything wrong...
But, I can’t ignore the feeling I get.
The feeling that says, do what you need to do FIRST and then take the afternoon to really enjoy your book.
I am the one that determines my to do list for the day... I CAN be the one that actually follows through on it.

Today I have 20 lbs of baby weight AND 20 lbs of laziness that is still holding on.
I am not LAZY.  But, I am lazy.
There are levels to laziness.
And—I’m ready to move up a grade.

trying again today.
i signed myself up for piano lessons and i'm recommitting myself to regular exercise.
i plan the night before what i want to do the next day.
and... school starting.
school makes it easier for me to stay scheduled.
(not to mention the fact that having my kids out of the house makes it 100 times easier for me to accomplish my personal goals.)

i'm certain that once i figure out this next level of laziness-- i'll find another one to conquer.

1 comment:

CTR Mama said...

Ah, a kindred spirit! It is SO HARD to stop reading something fun (so never ever read Melanie Jacobson--it's impossible to stop; I read all 3 of her books in 3 days; home disasters ensued). But discipline and hard work and overcoming each level of laziness is important. At least that's what I remind myself every day when I tire of being the grown-up. Just like I tell my kids, I have to tell myself that knowing what to do is not even close to the same thing as doing it. But it is a first step. And September is such a better time of year to make resolutions than New Year's! Have you ever read "Influencer"? Great ideas about making change and overcoming obstacles (especially those within ourselves).
Good luck with your recommitment to greatness. We're are inspired by you and cheering you on.

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