Oh, it is good to be home.
Last night the little girls were sleeping so the big kids ushered me home.
They cocooned baby Ben with older sibling love. 60cc's of milk was split 4 ways so each had a chance to feed him.
Anna and Ellie rubbed my sore feet as they poured out their lives to me. Friends, recent activities, a new tv series they know I'll love that only occasionally uses the H-word or A-word (like Psyche). They told me all about their sheep and how Ellie's has a nice bum (as far as sheep go) and how Anna's has a long shank. Ellie is voice training her lamb and how Anna wondered if her lamb had short-term memory loss because she would teach it and by the next day it would forget again. They told me about a friend who has a bikini and goes tanning...
How I adore the chatter of little girls.
A mother's heart swells to watch our big kids love our little ones.
Ben is adored-- for who he is, because of the fight it was to get him here, because he is my last ever, and because as my last, he symbolizes all that I have loved with all my other babies. I love him so much my eyes often brim with tears as I'm rocking or burping with him.
Being a mother is a holy, sacred gift.
My boys are more quiet, but just as aware and present. They are so nurturing of me, gently touching my arm or back, quick to get things I drop, fast to offer drinks. They are darling with their little brother. The boy factor pulls them a little closer. Adorable!
Around 6 am this morning, I heard Eve awake and happily calling for Grandma. She used to call for me, in a much younger sounding voice. I wasn't sad to hear the change-- my whole soul was grateful for loving grandmas who have nurtured in my absence.
My kids have been calling me Grandma since I've been home and each time I smile gratefully.
Eve woke first, then Leah, then baby Ben, then Lily.
Yes, my girls are happy to see me. They have so many questions and are so careful of my tender tummy. But, I pale in comparison to a tiny baby.
Can I even describe my beautiful first morning home?
Sunshine pouring in my windows, my home is clean and so MINE with little touches of grandmas and things friends have dropped off. I am a bit of a mess physically as we figure out this new catheter I have that is a big mess (I feel like I smell like pee all the time).
Seriously, it's a big adjustment...
Bags of pills, shots, dressing changes, etc., etc.. Trying to sleep on a flat bed. Getting to sleep near my husband! Nursing, pottying, eating, getting from place to place with my walker...
Even though I feel like a mess, my little girls gather near my recliner. Eve snuggles carefully next to me, Leah on one side, Lily on the other. They are also constant chatters- full of tales to tell and questions to ask.
They are entranced with Ben as he nurses and they wait for their turn to help feed him.
The girls notice every wonder- tiny toes and fingers, sweet baby ears, cute baby faces. They measure the baby's finger against their own and the ooh and aah over each cute movement. They take gentle turns, they are quick to bring me the pretty cloth you are supposed to put on your shoulder when your burping babies. My babies loving my baby.
My mother's soul overflows.
I do laugh that the girls keep asking to borrow my walker so they can play old lady.
Leah wanted me to do her hair and brought me a brush and pony. Afterwards when grandma told her that her hair looked nice she said, "Mom did it. She remembered!"
I am HOME!!!
Pee issues will work themselves out.
Today I'm home and I can't even tell you how sweet it is to be home.
Rachel died giving birth to her Benjamin in the Bible. She named him son of my sorrow. Her husband changed his name a bit to mean son of my strength. In sorrow, we are made strong. In our yearning, we are filled.
Today my heart is so grateful it runs over!
You may never know the full beauty of a morning at home until you have faced the possibility of never coming home.
Home is wonderful!!!!