I have felt peace and stillness.
Rest does not come automatically when one is doing nothing.
Rest is not escape.
In fact, I see myself escaping more the further I get from rest.
Rest is being here, now.
Rest is being content and happy as we travel- not constantly running to catch a dangling carrot or alluring worm on a hook.
You can feel peace while doing.
You can feel rest while climbing.
I wish I could zap each of you the feeling I've learned.
This morning, I lost it.
I began to look around me and see insurmountable waves...
I have laundry to do (again).
My little girls unloaded their whole bookshelf of books onto their floor last night.
My basement toy room is dump-the-toys messy.
I need groceries (again).
My baby was fussy and needing a nap.
I needed a shower.
Eve was "washing her hands" and playing with water while I was rocking Ben. And then she was naked (her clothes soaking wet) and carrying dripping sippy cups of water around the house in a basket.
I was too cranky with my husband last night and feel burdened with remorse (even after I apologized).
Getting my kids dressed every morning reminds me they NEED long sleeve shirts and pants. We are not prepared for these cooler temperatures yet.
I see piles of pictures leaning against my wall and wonder if I will ever get to them.
Dinner, family night, treat. Today is our first piano lessons-- I have a lot of kids to shuffle through.
Tomorrow Todd goes out of town for the week.
I meet with another surgeon on Wednesday and need to make some tough decisions.
I have friends and family that I'm concerned for.
Letters and a blog I wish I could write.
I felt the pressure weighing down on me... And then I stopped.
I went to my closet and prayed out loud.
I sought that peace that I have learned to feel.
I heard Heaven whisper... "We've got this Jen. You can do this and you can do it well! Go slow. Be kind and grateful. Plan your week. Remember to take life in bite-sized pieces."
I took a moment, laid down on my bed with my journal and picked one thing a day. Straighten today, laundry tomorrow, doctors and shopping on Wednesday.
My life became manageable as I decided on a smaller, simple list.
My to do's didn't change or magically get checked off. I just remembered to take one step at a time. I can only walk forward step by step.
My resentment at not being able to fly, evaporated into confidence in my ability to step forward. I felt excited and grateful to do these more manageable tasks.
I literally felt my worry and doubt fade away. It's a physical feeling.
I felt REST and peace return.
I remembered that it is an honor to be alive, to be home with my children, to have the strength to gather laundry and clean up toys.
My life is chewable in bite-sized chunks.
Eve is sweetly playing with toys in the basement.
She is still naked.
Ben is sleeping upstairs.
I'm here in the kitchen typing quickly on my phone.
I'm grateful I have this blog that helps me remember. And, I'm excited for my day.
I told you last week about a Lorenzo Snow lesson I loved (number 18).
Here is another quote from it that keeps echoing through my brain--
“If a presiding elder will only seek to become as he may be and ought to be, ridding himself of selfish principles, and always act for the good of his people, and be humble, and not seek to do too much in a little time, or be too great until grown, he will never be at a loss how to magnify his office properly, nor will ever lack the power of God to bring about His wise purposes.”
Not seek to do too much in a little time...
This is the KEY to finding peace and rest at home.
It is also the trial of our generation!!
We have too much stuff.
We try to do too many things.
Our To Do lists are too long!!
We are too capable and we aren't learning that life is not about doing everything.
Life is about choosing and learning to hear through the veil of distractions.
When we are not seeking to do too much, we will always have the POWER of God to bring about His wise purposes.
Only ONE thing is needful.
What do you need to do now?
Me, I have a sweet, nudey little girl that needs some loving right now.
And that is one thing that I can totally do.
Life is a gift.