March 26, 2014
grieving with friends.
People don't know how to handle pain and suffering (especially in someone they love).
My suffering was hardest on my mother and my closest friends.
I noticed their coping mechanisms and watched as some pulled away and some got angry or over-critical of doctors and nurses.
Before I was sick, I never knew what to do for people with big problems.
I would analyze for hours and never end up doing anything because everything seemed so insignificant.
As I laid in bed, so many people cared in different ways.
I learned that it doesn't matter what you do, just doing something means much.
Visits, silly gifts, phone calls, flowers (I loved flowers), notes, caring for my family, rubbing my feet, blog comments, anything someone did with a heart full of love, touched my soul.
Honestly, I loved when friends trusted me enough to complain to me about their own life. Ha! I needed to remember that I wasn't the only person in the world who was struggling.
I could feel the love people had for me and that love, even as I suffered, was the balm to my broken heart.
Love kept me healing.
Love reminded me that suffering was temporary.
Love gave me strength and faith.
I have loved these videos the past week.
I love this quote "I wanted to be another instrument in her healing orchestra."
I believe pain and suffering is a beautiful, sanctifying part of life.
Didn't you love how that first video said grief was like joy?
What a beautiful concept.
I feel honored to have endured the trials I've endured this past year.
Difficult times are meant to teach the one enduring, and the ones who love them.
I have often felt it is easier to be the one enduring pain then it would be to have to watch.
My sweet, sweet husband has indeed been sanctified as he has watched me suffer.
Our souls have been sealed together.
His love has soothed my pain, even when there was no physical relief.
My favorite memory was the evening that we laid near each other, I was in my hospital bed, he was next to me in our regular bed. I had nueropathy (however you spell it) in my leg so bad that there was no relief. My legs were on fire. I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep. My abdomen hurt, my kidney was extremely infected (though we didn't know it at the time). I was tired and down.
Todd held my hand, wiped my brow, and sang sweet songs to me from the hymnbook. As he sang, tears trickled down his cheeks. I remembering falling asleep to his sweet tenor voice. I woke in the night to see him sleeping, with his hymnbook on his chest. The next day his voice was scratchy from singing so long.
We will all have a time in our life when we suffer, or watch someone we love suffer. We will all say, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup. Nevertheless, not my will but thine be done."
Suffering is a beautiful, refining part of life.
It is an honor to endure and behold.
If you or someone you love is in the midst of hard times.
Take off your shoes and feel honored to share this holy ground with them.
I love this account... [From the article, Five Scriptures That Will Help You Get Through Almost Anything, by John Bytheway]
"The scriptures contain many examples of righteous people who suffered: Abraham, Abinadi, Joseph of Egypt, Joseph Smith, and even Jesus Christ. The fact is, bad things happen to good people. Brother Truman G. Madsen once asked President Hugh B. Brown of the First Presidency (1883–1975) why the Lord would put Abraham through the experience of being asked to sacrifice his own son. Obviously God knew that Abraham would be willing to do anything God commanded, and if that was so, why did the Lord put him through such a test? President Brown answered, “Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham” (, 93).
Oh friends, I know that you are enduring much in this world. I know that life can be dang hard sometimes.
A friend of mine shared a blog I wrote with the description that I had "gone to Hell and back this year." I commented that I prefer to think I "went to Heaven and back."
Don't you love that quote in the first video- "Sometimes we need to be burned to learn what about us is indestructible."
I had no idea that I was so innately optimistic, until I began enduring this year.
I didn't know that humor was my anchoring coping mechanism.
I didn't know that my faith was a solid rock, that even if I wanted to doubt, I could not.
I didn't know how loved I was, until I felt the outpouring of love from family members I hadn't spoken to in years, friends, and strangers.
I didn't realize how easy it is for me to love people, until I had the opportunity to know so many people and have felt my soul love them deeply.
I didn't know I was brave and strong, until I had to be brave and strong.
I've learned so much this year.
The path to Heaven is uphill.
If you are climbing, you are headed in the right direction.
I have long loved this quote by Martin Luther-
"The kingdom of God is like a besieged city surrounded on all sides by death. Each man (and woman) has a place on the wall to defend, and no one can stand where another stands, but nothing prevents us from calling encouragement to one another."
Let us continue to encourage each other.
Love heals all wounds- even the wounds that medicine can't reach.
I love you. And, surprisingly, I love this life plan.
Today is a great day to be alive.
Thanks for reading this blog of mine.
You keep me alive and smiling.
Life, even as it hurts, is good.