July 02, 2014

For This Child I Prayed

Ben has been a fairly immobile, content little guy.
He's one now and recently qualified for some Early Intervention physical therapy to help strengthen his muscles.  He barely qualifies, if one counts the age he should be (had he not been born 3 months premature).
We're not dealing with any major development issues, just minor strength training.  (The physical therapy hasn't started yet, just the testing and registration parts.)

Honestly, I believe his delay was more for me, not him.  I've been healing and I know it would have been so much harder with an active baby.

The other day, I held him and I prayed.  I told God that I was ready.  I asked Him to bless Ben with the desire and ability to move, to explore, to go!  This is not my first time around the block- I knew exactly what I was asking for.

Ben started crawling that afternoon.
Yesterday, he pulled himself up and stood holding his crib railing for the first time!
My life has changed.
This boy is all boy.  He's going to be fast and active.
And- I am grateful.

As Todd and I were contemplating an eighth pregnancy, I was exhausted.  I felt overwhelmed with seven and although I knew my family was not complete, I absolutely dreaded another pregnancy.
For over a month we pondered, prayed, and talked and talked and talked, about trying for our last baby.

One evening I left the house exhausted and struggling with the feeling I had that there was a baby (BOY) ready to come to our family and the feeling that I had, that I couldn't handle one more thing.  I drove around sobbing with this choice, unable to find peace.  

When I got home, Todd had bathed and bedded the kids.  My home was clean and peaceful, and Todd was shining.  He told me how cute the girls had been in their bath and with tears in his eyes asked, "Why would we not want another one?"

I felt his peace deep into my soul.  I borrowed his desire and faith when mine was weak.

That evening we knelt side by side and took turns pouring our heart out to our Father in Heaven.  We prayed for Him to send us the baby that we knew was waiting to come.  We prayed for strength, courage and grace.

Shortly thereafter I became pregnant with Ben.  It has always been interesting and unquestionably non-coincidental that my decision to get pregnant with Ben was harder and more deliberate than my decision to get pregnant with any of my seven other children.  God knew that this pregnancy needed to be my choice.
I think a wise Father in Heaven waited for me to ask, so that I would ALWAYS remember that my (crazy, difficult, life-changing) pregnancy and my eight children are GIFTS, answers to my prayers.

Yes, an active child is hard-- but not nearly as hard as yearning with your soul that he could be active.
Yes, my eighth pregnancy was difficult-- but I wouldn't trade the peace I have knowing my family is complete for one easy year.  

God answers prayers, especially prayers that He inspires you to pray, the words that are hard to speak because you know they are twisting your will to His.

Today I am grateful and I'm still praying.
God bless me with patience to deal with my blessings.
Life is good!
We're off and we're loving it!!


grammyDonna said...

Jen, Ben will be just fine and you will be chasing him around the house before you know it. You and I are FB friends. My granddaughter was physically delayed as a baby, toddler. She is 16 now, check out some of her photos on my timeline. She is an award winning dancer! xoxo gramma Donna

Anonymous said...

Go Ben!

With Love and Smiles, Aunt Sandra

Diana said...

Thank you for this post. I am struggling with this same decision, and knowing that I must also ask. It's hard to get past the fear. After 5 c sections, and being high risk, I'm not sure I wanna go there again.

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