I'm a miracle!

Dear Kristen--

I hope this is the last picture I will post of my scarred belly.  Haha!  Maybe I'll post a belly picture again when Ben turns 40.  

My scar looks great as far as scars go.  If you want to feel good about yourself, just have eight kids.  Everyone will tell you how great you look "for having eight kids".

Physically I feel normal.  I don't ever, ever even leak urine.  (Not even when I sneeze or jump on a trampoline.)  My sex-life is fully functional and fun!  My bowels work.  My stomach doesn't hurt.  I know this is TMI-- but we're friends.  ;)

I'm NOT exhausted.  I don't take ANY medication aside from Fatigue to Fantastic Energy Revitilization System vitamins that I drink daily (when I remember).  I love them.  

People who see me, who know about my surgery, are pretty much amazed.  Everyone is always asking "How are you really?"  And really-- I'm NORMAL!!!!  I'm good!  I'm healed and happy.  I could die tomorrow (so could you), and I would die HAPPY!

Ahhhh!!  NORMAL feels amazing when you don't ever think normal will return.

Ben CLIMBED ONTO THE KITCHEN TABLE today.  He started running/walking this weekend and he is going to give me a run for my money.  I know toddlers and this little guy is one BIG spirit.  I LOVE it.  I'm SO grateful.

Mentally, I think I miss my old friends in Oregon and Texas sometimes.  I didn't get out a lot last year and I feel lonely for adults at times.  But, I'm not depressed.  I'm excited, grateful, and hopeful.

I am nervous to exercise or do anything physically strenuous.  But, I'm not nervous I might die.  I went on some pretty intense roller coasters this summer and I thought "if I was going to die, I would already be dead."  Ha!  

I believe in our ability to heal.  We can heal from intense physical challenges, we can heal from intense emotional challenges, and we can heal from mental and physical illness.  I didn't curse God when my healing took time, but I also never stopped believing that I could be healed.  

Our bodies are AMAZINGLY resilient.  I cannot go through the temple without knowing the reality of temple blessings in my life.  

My body is a quilt-- a beloved, well-used quilt.  And, I love my body.  

I know that prayers are answered.  I felt your prayers pulling me back to life, literally.  

Honestly, I would do this again if I had to choose tomorrow knowing what I know now.  I would still choose Ben.  I would choose LIFE, even when it's hard.  I KNOW that suffering is holy and sanctifying.  It is an honor to endure.  

I call Ben my grand finale' and he is.  My magnum opus (Charlotte's Web).  He is a gift.  

Really-- I'm great.  I try to wear my compression socks.  My feet ache when I do a lot, and my fingers tingle.  I think my circulation is slower.  I actually LOVE when my feet ache.  Todd is so sweet to rub them for me and it ALWAYS reminds me of the months my legs were on fire!! I am SO grateful for the reminder of how far I've come.

My actual stomach is still numb around my scar.  I haven't had a yeast or urine infection since my last surgery!!!!  A-MA-ZING!!  My 6 month check-up is coming up in November.

Thank you!! Thank you all for walking this journey with me.  My family has been blessed by many.  

I believe in miracles.

I believe in God.

I believe our life (and our trials) have meaning and purpose.

Life is an absolute gift-- and my tummy reminds me of that every single day.

All is well!!