March 23, 2015

A freshly fallen silent shroud of Spring

As our yoga teacher often reminds us, when we're straining to hold our downward-dog pose, "There are two kinds of pain.  The pain of doing yoga.  And the pain of not doing yoga."
(From A Wedding in Haiti by Julia Alvarez,  p 159)

Life is going fast.  I can't believe it is almost the end of March.  I think I'm feeling both the pain of not doing yoga AND the pain of doing yoga.  Haha.

We're still driving through blizzards and having to snowplow our driveway.  It is getting old.

Tully HS had a trivia night.  Drew was on a team with some friends and came in third.  Jakob was on a team with one other boy in his grade and they won!!  There were questions like "What ship did Darwin ride on?"  And, "How long is a bowling lane?"  Jakob attributes much of his win to his partner, but was pretty thrilled to win $75.

I took the girls to see Cinderella on Friday.  Loved it.  Love them.

We are having a war over screen-time here at our house.  Shall I say, another battle in the on-going war.  I actually think it is more the fact that we are all going stir-crazy as winter drags on and we're all a bit edgy.  

Todd was gone Saturday morning while I was trying to assign and inspire chores... There was so much contention that I dropped to my knees mid-discussion and silently prayed for strength.  Haha!  My kids got all quiet and just sat there until I stood again and resumed our conversation.  

Todd might be taking two kids with him to China for 6 weeks this summer.  We're deep in negotiations and planning for this summer and next.  (I want to bring the whole family to China next year and he'd rather never go anywhere with 8 kids ever.  I'm simplifying our discussion a bit. Todd, if you're reading this, I may have accidentally agreed to adopt two baby rabbits in time for Easter.  I'm certain that two little bunnies would be no problem for someone who is already willing to care for our dog, chickens, and pregnant cows while we're in China.  I stuck with you for more years of schooling than any pregnant wife should ever have to endure and all I want in return is an opportunity for us to experience the world as a family, and two bunnies.  You may call me crazy, I prefer the term BRAVE, optimistic, and fun.)

Monday morning is always tough for me, but this is a great day, a great week!

My house needs my love and attention and so do my toddlers.  I believe I can kill both those birds with one productive morning.

A dear friend of mine is a physical therapist and she is helping me strengthen my core AND is coming to watch my littles for me while I go to another physical therapist who is going to help me reset my sympathetic nervous system.  After trauma, many people get stuck in a flight or fight mentality.  So interesting!

My friend also showed me some cool massage techniques (soft massage, vibrating taps, and then deep massage) that I've been using on Ben to help us develop an attachment that might have been difficult during my surgery recovery months.  Cool stuff.  So grateful for wise people in my life.

Another friend who is knowledgable about emotional healing said my lingering digestive issues maybe related to an extreme obsession for creating order.  Ha!  You think?!  Not me... I WOULD NOT HAVE ISSUES WITH ORDER IF I COULD JUST GET MY HOUSE, MY LIFE, AND MY TIME IN ORDER.  Ahem.  I believe those digestive issues might be sticking around for a few more months.  Thank goodness she didn't mention a compulsion to get pets when my husband leaves the country.

We just placed an order for a flock of heritage turkeys and meat chickens.  Yes, the little kids and I will be processing meat chickens while Todd is in China.  Brave, optimistic, and fun...

I'm also going to the most wonderful Women Transcending Boundaries book group tonight to discuss Haiti.  Oh, let's all take a trip to Haiti next week, shall we?!

I bought fabric on Friday with Anna and Ellie for some new duvet covers and pillows for their bedrooms.  SO FUN!!  I am dying to immerse myself in creating with tweenage girls.

Anna and Eve both have birthdays and parties this week... Another fun thing!  We have an upcoming spring break trip and EASTER, one of my favorite holidays.  I have green luck in a pile on my counter and pastel grace in a Tupperware waiting to deck the halls.

[One thing that still makes me smile-- after those pesky leprechauns came to visit, Eve told everyone that leprechauns peed in our toilet, our milk, and on our breakfast eggs.  "It was disgusting!" she insisted.  So much for the festive green milk.  Gross!]

Can't you just feel the goodness seeping through my days?  It is there-- right next to the very real effort that is required to endure.

I alternate between emotional gratitude and fatigue.  Today I'm tired trying to get my body into gear, and hopeful.  

As I look out across my winter wonderland, Simon and Garfunkl serenade my life...

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
(March is worse)
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
(Does my front yard look like a shroud?)

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Haha...  I'm not sure this is the most inspirational song to sing as I try to ignore my freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.



  1. A cloth used to wrap a body for burial; a winding sheet.
  2. Something that conceals, protects, or screens.
Turning on a new serenade...
  1. (It still looks dark, but the sun IS shining!!)

    1. Today, while the sun shines, work with a will;
    Today all your duties with patience fulfill.
    Today, while the birds sing, harbor no care;
    Call life a good gift; call the world fair.
  2. (Chorus)
    Today, today, work with a will;
    Today, today, your duties fulfill.
    Today, today, work while you may;
    Prepare for tomorrow by working today.
  3. 2. Today seek the treasure better than gold,
    The peace and the joy that are found in the fold.
    Today seek the gems that shine in the heart;
    While here we labor, choose the better part.
  4. 3. Today seek for goodness, virtue, and truth,
    As crown of your life and the grace of your youth.
    Today, while the heart beats, live to be true,
    Constant and faithful all the way through.
  5. Text: L. Clark, ca. 1880, alt.
    Music: Evan Stephens, 1854-1930

    I am a rock.
    I am an island.
    I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain,
    It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
    Today! Today!  Work with a will!
    Today! Today!  Your duties fulfill.
    And a rock feels no pain.
    And an island never cries.
    Today seek the treasure better than gold,
    The peace and the joy that are found in the fold.
    Today seek the gems that shine in the heart;
    While here we labor, choose the better part.

    Yes- this is my brain.
    This is my brain on winter.
    (I can't believe I actually publish posts like this.)

    Oh my!  Spring!!!!  I need you!!!
    Sunshine!!!  My soul needs you!
    Let's all go to China!
    Happy Monday.

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