A Kid and A Marker

She went to bed clean.

She woke up 'marked'.

Sometime during the process of bedtime, she woke up, found a marker in the bigger girls' room, and tattooed herself.

Then, she climbed back into bed.

Really.

I love her.

Age three is short and never dull!

Life is good.

The day Toothpaste died.

(This was a picture of him alive yesterday- a bit tilted...)

Toothpaste died this morning.

He was a duck that had been dropped off at our house after his family got run over while crossing the street.

He was a bit paralyzed on one side, so I believe he had some internal injuries.

Sweet baby.

He had a happy, loved, too short life.

Yes, we cried.

His burial is scheduled for tonight after school.  (Just to give enough time to be sure he doesn't resurrect- we've had two "dead" chickens pop-up fine after a little rest.  Ha!  Oh, my life.  You can't make this stuff up.)

The world around me is blooming and beautiful.

My yard smells like late-blooming lilacs, azeleas, and magnolias.  (At least I think that's what we have... I need to learn up on these flowers.)

It is beautiful here.

My kids swam yesterday, they played, they mowed happily, they cared for animals and I was overwhelmed again by the simple elegance of my ordinarily extraordinary life.

Anna had me look out my bathroom balcony as I was getting Ben ready for bed.

You could see the chicken in the barn yard, two cows in the pasture, and the dog in the yard.

What a fun life we have.

My kids are still in school!! (Till June 25th?!)

I am finally ready and very excited for them to be HOME.

How grateful I am for a life and home that  is full and good.

I loved this quote I read this morning from a book, "Covenant Motherhood" by Stephanie Dibb Sorenson. (4)

Elder Maxwell taught,

"The divine delight in what seems to us to be mere repetition is one clue to the sublime character of God.  Since we must, at times, accept what appears to us to be routine, repeated experiences, we too, if we try, can find fresh meaning and fresh joy in the repeated experiences.  God's course is one eternal round but it is not one monotonous round.  God is never bored, for one who has perfect love is never bored.  There is always so much to notice, so much to do, so many ways to help, so many possibilities to pursue."

Repetition is a divine pattern of molding and creating, even evolving.

I am become a new, refined, holy person as I endure and enjoy my days.

I LOVE this life!

I love being a mother.

I don't physically "exercise" yet, but I absolutely love the physical and spiritual fulfillment I feel at the end of a holy, beautiful day.

There is joy is loosing yourself.

There is peace and growth in the repetitive tasks of life.

Today- I'm grateful for one more meal, one more grocery list, one more pile of shoes to sort, one more emotional tween to listen to.  

(Oh, the joy of 5th grade love notes from a silly boy hidden in the locker "Meet me in the kissing tower tomorrow at recess.  Should I go?" And, the next night "I decided to go and he never showed up."  Sigh.  Sing with me- "Growing up is hard to do..." Silly girl- I'm afraid we've all sat alone in the kissing tower a time or two, unfortunately.  And NO!  I did not tell her to go, but some must learn by sitting alone.)

Let us make a beautiful life for our children.

A house of peace and order is more powerful in shaping generations than any drug, weapon, curriculum, or government.

"We live in a world of uncertainty.  Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers-- mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary.  Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. 

Sheri Dew, Covenant Motherhood (24)

Mothers are powerful!

Happy Wednesday!

Home- a great work.

(My dear friends who just got sealed in the temple on Saturday to four of their adopted children.  I hope they don't mind me using this picture I snapped.  What a beautiful family.)

In the book, Daughters in my Kingdom, we read about Nehemiah.  When his enemies tried to tempt him away from his duty to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, he replied,

"I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?"  (Nehemiah 6:3)

Today I'm on a quest for more kindness at home.  I recognize contention and I want a home that is full of peace and love- not bickering and frustration.

I believe this kind of home is absolutely possible only through the grace and protection of God.  I believe we all have access to divine help as we seek towards goodness.  As we try to live right, keep God's commandments, and make and keep sacred covenants, we will have access to the power of a God that will be a shield and a protection in our home.  I want to feel this power.

There is much I can do to make my home more like Heaven.  

Here is what I'm working on...

-Limit distractions!  It's me and them.  Oh, social media is our current drug of choice.  We are very limited and still struggle.  I honestly don't know how you survive with televisions in each room?

"It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks."  Julie Beck, April 2010

-Connect!  Take moments to stop what I'm doing, look them in the eyes and just SEE and HEAR them.  (Love the book, Hand's Free Mama.)

"A child needs a mother more than all things money can buy.  Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all."  Ezra Taft Benson (1988)

-Ask for their help.  I've been reading them quotes and talks during dinner.  I will not allow them to sit at the table to eat the nice meal I have prepared for them if they are fighting or teasing.  I loved the talk Glimpses of Heaven, by President Spencer W Kimball, Dec 1971. We read this last night over dinner.

-When my kids are being unkind to each other it spirals quickly, because there are so many.  I try to say "Please stop!" or "Be Kind."  This seems to escalate things.  I like the sorry seat, where I send both offenders.  They sit until they apologize, admit what they did that was wrong, and hug.  I need to use this more with my older kids because they love to argue with me that "It's not me- It's them."

-We started a grateful wall last night... With markers and post-it notes how could we go wrong?  We need to show more love!

-It's me!!  I realized a few things I do to create a climate of contention.  

First, I procrastinate.  

I think I can do one more thing before I start getting the kids ready for church on Sunday.  Then, we're in a hurry and I'm upset.  Even though my kids are helping and working together, I'm stressed because we're late so instead of them feeling appreciated, they feel my frustration.  I need to realize that when I'm choosing to procrastinate, I'm setting them up for failure.

Don't procrastinate!  Get it done early and then enjoy your restful wait.

Second, I zone out.  

Yes- when I'm stressed out, I zone out.  I hate loosing my temper or feeling anxious so I start thinking or reading or talking on the phone.  My kids know that I'm not connected so they entertain themselves. The good thing about this is- I don't beat them or freak out on them because I'm overwhelmed.  The bad thing is, they feel the disconnect.  They also disengage.  Later, I get upset because they are ignoring me or not listening quickly to what I ask then to do.  The problem is, that they are disconnected not disobedient.  

Stay connected!  Just do one thing at a time.  Plan in rest.  Assign activities for your kids when you need a break-- have them color or play outside or read.  Don't ignore them-- gently assign them.

Third, I coast.  

This sort of goes along with procrastinating and zoning.  When my life is fairly good, I coast.  I take a break and just let things roll.  I especially do this when I'm tired or after a big activity.

What happens when mom coasts?  Everyone coasts.  When you have 8 children and you coast, your garage becomes a mountainous ruin of coats, lost lunch bags, millions of shoes, outdoor toys, etc..  It is insane!  Your kitchen counter collects misc. junk, the dog chews your favorite high heels that somehow ended up under the swing set and you find library books in the garden.  And, your van may or may not adopt a particular smell from moldy sandwiches, cow urine, unwashed but waiting to be washed sleeping bags, or a combination of things.

Climbing back from a time of coasting is exhausting.  By the time your house is back in order, you might be tempted to coast again.  You might be tempted to read the next young adult series your kids are starting on which might tempt you to coast through some transition times.  DON'T DO IT!!

Slow and steady wins the race!!  Be a tortoise, not a hare!  Let your family feel the gentle journey of a tortoise.  Teach them to feel comfort in self discipline and order!  Don't fall into the deceptive trap of under-doing followed by over-doing.  This will rob your whole home of the peace and joy that comes from a gentle, disciplined, well-ordered life.

Sister Beck said, "Families mean work, but they are our great work—and we are not afraid of work. This is what we do best; no one does families better than the sisters of this Relief Society. We uphold, nourish, and protect them."

I know that self-discipline is the key for my contribution in my home.  I know that as I continually hold tight to the principles I believe to be true, as I ignore distraction, as I pray for strength, as I loose myself-- I will find a house of peace, joy, order, and love.

A family that is reared in such a home will have the strength and power to serve as a light to others.  This type of home provides the best environment to nurture children and support learning and growth.  My marriage is happier when my home is calm.  When my home is in order, I am fulfilled and happy.  I can love more and do good when our foundation is secure. This is the measure of my creation.  What an awesome job I have!

"You are now placed in a situation where you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms.  If you live up to these principles how great and how great glorious!-- if you live up to your privilege, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates. . . . If you will be pure, nothing can hinder."

Joseph Smith

"Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness.⁵ To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing ishomemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women."

Julie Beck, Mothers Who Know

Today I am going to walk towards a happy home.  I'm going to pray, I'm going to try, and I'm going to SEE the beauty of my life.

In this selfless journey I am molding eternal beings and becoming all that I was created to be.

Home is an incredible school-- I love to feel His power as I lead in my home.

Life is beautiful.

I love this work.

A better life.

"I believe when we determine within our hearts that by and with the blessings of God our Heavenly Father we will accomplish a certain labor, God gives the ability to accomplish that labor; but when we lay down, when we become discouraged, when we look at the top of the mountain and say it is impossible to climb to the summit, while we never make an effort it will never be accomished." 

Heber J. Grant

(Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant 2002, 37.)

I don't want to lay down- I want to climb!

Can you feel God blessing you with His power?  I can.

A happy home and a life full of peace and joy, is possible!!

Today my list of "To Be" is longer than my list of "Is Currently".

Somehow, God hears my gentle pleadings and He makes me enough,  he expands me.  He forgives me.  He strengthens my feeble knees.

I feel the power of God in my life.

He saves and inspires me.

There is a part of me that yearns for nicer clothes, more money, new furniture, a little vacation getaway.

I wish I didn't yearn for worldly things.

Sometimes, I get caught in the rut of numb avoidance that robs me of restful completion.

I want to be better.

I want to have an eye single to the glory of God.

What does this look like?

I think it looks like a family that teaches with love, patience and long-suffering.

I think it looks like a week focused on loving and serving, where my home is gently cared for and my children don't have to knock on the locked bathroom door while my bathroom break morphs into a Facebook chat.  

I think it looks less like 'finding myself' and more like 'loosing myself'.

I believe my focus should be on children who are clean, orderly, kind and obedient more than having children dressed in the latest fashions.  My focus would be more on my ability to serve others, than how my eyebrows are tinted or plucked.  

Anyone can spend time, effort and money to make their outside beautiful.  It takes what money cannot buy to make your inside shine.

I want my home to be a holy place.

I want my family to feel loved, taught, cherished, nurtured, and protected.

I want to do and say things that are kind and good.

I believe these things are possible only with divine grace, daily effort, and a cycle of repentance and forgiveness.

"I have been quoted as saying 'Do the best you can.'  But I want to emphasize that it be the very best.  We are too prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance.  We are capable of doing so much better."

Gordon B. Hinckley

Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting

Jan 10, 2004, 2

Make your life good today!

Let us love more.

Let us serve more.

Let us do good.

We can do more than we think we can, and we can do it with wisdom and order.

Our lives can be full of good.

I know it.

When parenting is tough.

I talk to a lot of mothers.

Mothers of really great kids with good families.

In the back of my mind, I always have this idea that good kids are just good- all the time.

But, my own experience coupled with what I've seen and heard, suggests otherwise.

I believe that every single one of us has a list of things we've learned, things we're great at-- and a list of things we need to improve on.

Every single mother feels like she isn't good enough or has "failed" in some regard.

Because, truthfully, we have all fallen short in many regards.

God doesn't wait to make only ideal people parents- he lets normal folks mess things up.

Every single child, is a child with strengths, weakness, discipline, and areas of complete immaturity.  

There is no line in the sand that seperates real problems from parents with expectations that are too high.  We feel the same frustration with a sassy, disrespectful child that we do with an excessively slow, neat, particular child.

It's our nature to see that next thing they need to learn and to gloss over the thing they finally learned.  It's our nature to quickly zoom in on the incomplete task and miss the completed task.

I have a gift.  I am an optimist.  I see things half-full.  I'm not a ridiculous blind lady who thinks her glass is full, when it's not.  I am well aware that my glass is only half-full.  But, I'm content, happy, even impressed by a half-full glass.  Content deep inside my soul.

This quality is so important when parenting.  It gives perspective and strengthens hope.  

My dearest friend said she sobbed reading about my weekend.  She sometimes wonders what she's done wrong because her children don't love to work hard or get along.

Sometimes I read other people's blogs and their lives SEEM so idealic and foreign to me.

I really, really, really believe in family.  I believe in good parenting and the idea that our homes CAN be places of peace, joy, cleanliness, service, order, and refuge.  I believe this with my whole soul!

But, I am not there yet.

I just keep hearing my funny, blunt extended family members who alternate between telling me what a great mother I am, to telling me with concern- "You think your kids are so great- they're not great, Jen.  You've got to open your eyes."

And guess what?  My eyes ARE open.  I SEE really great kids who still have a bunch of things to learn.  I see two parents who try hard and fall short.  I see a great family- that sometimes feels two steps away from the edge.  I feel complete joy and gratitude in the midst of absolute exhaustion and frustration.

In my humble opinion- we are all pretty awful, and pretty amazing.  

My kids get good grades, behave well at school, seem to get along well with others, are fairly reverent at church, are willing to work hard on occasion (especially when bribed with screen time).   My kids are confident and generally happy.  But EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T- I would still advocate the same parenting tactic.  

Love them where they're at!!  See the good they ARE.  Know THEM, connect with the best inside them, and patiently teach-- over and over and over again, the next thing they are working on.

That FEELING is so powerful.  The feeling that you are loved today, in your imperfect state. I want my kids to know I SEE them, I see what they do well, I can laugh at their blaring weaknesses and I can have empathy in their journey.  Because I'm right here with them.

My gift is-- that I'm naturally lazy and sassy and I procrastinate.  I loose my temper (or want to), I get distracted by social media, I don't always want to serve others or listen to my parents.  I tend to rebel against dumb rules and I am never, ever able to be as good at as disciplined as I wish I were.  I get bored at church.  I hate waking up early.  I'm mean sometimes.  I'm messy sometimes.  I get hungry and tired and hormonal.  

And so-- I UNDERSTAND.  Really, when my kids whine about dishes or putting away their laundry, I get it.  When my kids fight with an annoying sibling, I get it.  When my kids forget about needing black pants for a concert until 30 minutes before the concert starts, I get it.  When their room is as disordered as their over-flowing To Do list, I get it.  When they're upset because of friend drama, issues with clothes, or issues with body type, I get that.

My whole life, I've wished that I was better.  Today, I'm grateful that I'm not.  Because my weakness really, really  helps me SEE their weakness with empathy and HOPE.  I think they will figure things out.  I think they'll work through these hard things.  By the time they figure this stuff out, they'll be working on something else.

I will never, ever, ever stop teaching my kids OR stop expecting that they WILL keep their rooms clean, talk respectfully to me and each other, work hard and contribute in the home, brush their teeth, wipe their bottoms, shower, NOT wipe boogers on the wall, take their shoes off outside, keep the van clean, help happily, do their dish job promptly, avoid meltdowns before bedtime, eat their vegetables, stop sneaking on the TV, etc., etc!!!  I won't stop hoping or teaching or believing in them.

But, I have stopped worrying that I'm failing, that they're failing, or that we aren't good enough.  I've stopped seeing "issues" as "issues" and started seeing them as "normal life".

No matter how attentive you are, or how careful you are, no matter how strict or kind or wise or safe you are-- you will never be able to avoid that next hard thing.  Sometimes, our hard things are pretty dang heart-wrenchingly hard.

And don't you for a minute look at that family and think they have it easy-- because they don't.  Hard is equally distributed.  No matter how anxious you want to become trying to avoid it, it is unavoidable.  Our children will struggle.  We will struggle.  Pain and heartbreak are beautifully refining and absolutely unavoidable.  

If you want to do something, you can whine about your brand of hard.  You can tell yourself that your hard is the worst, most unfair hard.  You can also beat yourself up, convinced that if you were a better parent your child would never have this particular struggle.

Perhaps you are right, perhaps having a child who is failing school is harder than having a child with leukemia.  Perhaps infertility is harder than trying to parent five children.  Perhaps having a mother who died too young is harder than having a father who sexually abused you. Perhaps being a single mother is harder than living with an abusive spouse or having a difficult stepson is harder than living with a child with Aspergers.  Perhaps health trials are harder than financial issues.  Perhaps cranky teens are harder to deal with than a husband addicted to porn.  Or, perhaps you are the real-live embodiment of Job with every single hard thing.

I love comparing hard things-- it is comical to me.  

I also know that even IF your child kept his room clean you would still feel frustrated that he didn't practice his piano.  If he did practice his piano and keep his room clean, you'd want him to tease his little sisters less.  If he teased less, you'd want him to proactively help more... It never ends.  Trust me.  I'm married to Mr. Mary Poppins and I can still find something irritable about him each day.

I'm taking way too long to say-- hang on!  Hope on!  You're doing better than you think you are and we're not finished yet.  In the realm of eternity we are young, our spouses are young, and we're not done yet!!  (We're also not ruined yet!)

Hard is unavoidable.

So, what do we do?

How do we do it?

One step at a time. 

We just keep swimming, we just keep loving, we just keep trying and we trust that our cup is just as full as we need it to be!  

Oh friend-- you are loved!! 

You are a lousy, inadequate, normal, absolutely beloved mother!  You are married to a regular guy and you are raising completely extraordinary average children.

The key is "long-suffering"!

Doctrine and Covenants 118:3

Let the residue continue to preach from that hour, and if they will do this in all lowliness of heart, in meekness and humility, and long-suffering, I, the Lord, give unto them a promise that I will provide for their families; and an effectual door shall be opened for them, from this time henceforth.

I quote this to myself hourly...

"by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;" (D&C 121:41)

Please, don't use me as your model of a perfect mother or my children as the images of what your kids are not.  Because we're all deceptively normal, flawed and enduring.

We are all in this together and it is a good, good journey!

Pain, heartache and struggle are refining and ennobling.

The journey is smoothing our rough edges and purifying our souls.

It's hard for all of us!

Press forward friends!!

Life is so good!

(I'm pushing post- I don't even have time to read back over this once.  I'm certain it's rambled and repetitive.  I could say it better, but that will always be true.  My time is up!! Enjoy your today- it can be lovely even as it's tough!)

Random pictures of me with friends at the Cortland Dairy Parade.

Bringing home a cow- introducing a bottle

I wish you could have tagged along with us yesterday.

What an adventure!

Bringing home a baby cow is pretty fun.

We got our cow from a local dairy farmer.  He is so nice.  He actually just gave us the calf and we're still waiting for another bull calf to be born.  Dairy farmers don't usually keep the bulls.  A truck comes and picks them up once a week to raise them for veal or beef, depending on their size.  T-bone is pretty big, he may have been beef.

We have a rope halter and thought little T-bone would just follow us out to our van.  Ha!  He was a bit more bull-headed.  We had to push and pull and finally lift him into the van.

At home he was nervous and didn't want to enter his stall.

We tried tempting him with food, but couldn't get him to eat either.

Cute little cow.

He is still a bit scarey to me.

We left for a time to attend a picnic on the lawn, band concert.  We got ice cream afterwards and then came home to cow and bed.  Drew and I did cow, Todd did little girls, Jakob did Benny boy.

Little T had a hard time latching on.  Our bottle nipple is too new and so are we.  It took a few calls to experienced cow mothers and the farmer we adopted him from to realize we needed to cut the nipple bigger and poke open the air release hole.  Once the bottle was fixed, he gulped down his dinner.

He wags his tail while he slurps.

Drew woke up early this morning to fix a warm bottle-- he reported another successful feeding.  (We feed him twice a day.)

Drew's going to care for this guy well.  T-bone's lucky to be here, he is loved by many.

We have a cow!

Life is good.

A Successful Saturday

(Lily's Jobs. 1-Clean basement.  2-help mom.  3-shoes.  4-color ten pictures. 5-make 9 cookies. 6-plant zinnias. 7-paint a picture.)

Just the right mix of fun and work- that's what I think makes a successful Saturday.

For me, that means we happily accomplish tasks on my list.

For some, it means we have friends over.

For others, it means we leave the house.

For him, it means we have time alone.

Oh, what a balance.

I have a history of major Saturday fails.

But, this past Saturday was a great, albeit exhausting, productive day.

Todd and the boys were at a father/son camp out until past 1pm.

The girls, Ben, and I spruced up the inside.

We found this is our basement-

(My goal is to stay charming and inspiring no matter the resistance.  It is never easy.  My kids do work hard, but it's hard work getting them to work hard.  Sometimes.  Once I get over the initial resistance, they feel good working.)

I often get trapped inside, but a knock from the neighbor pulled us outside.

Oh, it was a beautiful day in New York.

Yes, my ambitions were (are always) too large, yet tempered by experience.  I KNOW that I'm not successful if I'm a Slave driver- true success involves children choosing to help happily (semi-happily counts).  My younger kids spent the day half dressed, wet (from the hose), climbing trees, playing tennis, or eating grass.  

Anna was awesome with the push mower!

The bigger kids mowed the lawn, cleaned out the barn, played with friends, helped with Ben, and cooked dinner.

Jakob was meticulous on the riding mower.

Ellie had a friend over and was really cute entertaining the little girls.

(I have 20 such pictures.)

(Isn't she a doll?)

My garden needed to get planted.

(I hope it grows!)

Our barn needed to get cleaned out- for cows that are coming.

I took before pictures of our garage, but never quite got to the after pictures.

It was late and I knew our productivity had ended.  

(Before-- the after is still coming!)

We saved barely enough energy for a netflix movie together before bed.

It feels SO amazing to be outside, digging in the dirt, organizing a barn, watching our cute chicken free range.  My kids would agree with me, they love working outside-- once they are completely convinced that there is no possible way I will allow them to watch tv or play video games all day.

It's so fun having a large family that is busily engaged doing good things.  Working together, playing together, just plain being together.

Eve went to feed the chickens our watermelon rinds and was gone for too long.  We found her locked in the chicken coop.  Ha!  Those poor chickens.

I am happy, so very happy.

I don't feel like I always do things right, but I feel like I know when I'm wrong or cranky or unkind.  

My family still has too much contention, complaining and strife-- but there are beautiful glimmers of light where I think- we're getting it!

We aren't perfect- but we're moving in the right direction!

Our family functions in part just because we are immensely blessed.

But also, because Todd and I work really hard to be unified.

We really love each other.

We both try hard to be kind to each other and serve each other.

This means we talk a lot.  It means he smiles when I tell him I want to move a few plants in our garden so the lines are straighter, and I smile when he wants to watch Star Trek even though we are both so tired.

Together, unified, working and playing, we can accomplish great things.

Sure- I got a lovely garden planted, a garage sorted, a home straightened, a teenage boy hot dog dinner made, and a barn cow ready.  But, all those things were extras.  

Here at Mossimo Farms, we harvested a family.

I felt it.

Sun kissed my arms as happy family kissed my soul.

That feeling-- that is what makes a successful Saturday.

I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am to be able to work.  

I can't tell you how much I love this Earth.

I love being a mom.

I am so grateful to be alive.

Oh how I missed busy Saturdays when I was in the hospital-- I missed Saturdays most.  I remember Todd calling me in the hospital one evening to tell me how exhausted and frustrated he was after one particularly busy and trying Saturday-- and I listened with tears running down my cheeks.  I remember he didn't appreciate my lack of empathy when I told him I'd give anything to trade him places for the day.  How I yearned to be DOing.

Oh friends, life IS good.

A long list of 'To Do' means your life is full of goodness!

If it doesn't feel good today-- keep looking, the good is near.

God is near.

Saturdays are a gift.

What-e'er thou art

What e'er thou art, act well thy part.

These words echo strongly in my ears this morning.

I think it's funny that sometimes I look at my 20 children, 10 acres, professor husband, scarred tummy, silly puppy, etc., and I wonder what my life would be like with one or two children.

Sometimes, I just don't want to mother or clean.  I don't want to learn.  I look at others with their shiny lives and my life, in comparison, looks pb and j sticky.

I probably shouldn't still wonder if we made the "right" choices- to have a super-sized family, a super-sized education and a super-sized yard (with upcoming super-sized animals).  Ha!

When I yearn for old friends and comfortable relationships, I wonder if we were crazy to move across the country so often.  And, New York?!  How on earth did we end up here?

When Ben wakes up at 5:30 am, Todd sends me texts from his pre-breakfast fishing trip and I'm sending Facebook messages about sex after surgery to other Accreta patients-- I sometime wonder at my life.  Am I missing something?  I spend my money at Tractor Supply, not Crate and Barrel or Anthropology.  (In fact, I can't even remember ever going into either of these stores.)  

Often, I wish I didn't analyze and wonder quite so much.  Don't you think by the time you actually have eight children you should be pretty convinced that is the life you want?  Haha.

Of course.  Of course I love this super-sized life of mine.  I do.  Ben's spirit called to my soul for years-- if I didn't have him, I would have eternally missed him.  I feel joy here in my crazy, busy beautiful life.

I'm glad my blog is a just plain mommy blog.  Not a fashion blog or a house decorating blog or a craft blog or a photography blog or even a place for beautiful English prose.

Today- I am a mom.

My Saturday list is organize the playroom and garage (I know this is too hopeful), plant a garden and prepare our barn for calves.

This is what I am.

This is my part-- and, I'm happy when I act it well.

Summer is coming.

My kids get out of school late.

I'm excited and nervous to have them home all day.

I haven't developed a great summer plan, yet.  

I'll try to link to some past year ideas soon.

But- I know what I'm going to do this summer...

I'm going to ROCK my life.

I'm going to be Boss (as mine would say).

I'm going to love my yard, our pool, the animals we have.  I'm going to embrace my opportunity to weed, launder and straighten, bathe and play.

I'm going to anticipate trips to the library, days at the lake, and McD's soft serve ice cream cones.

My house will have flip flops and dirty socks scattered throughout it and fingerprints on every sliding glass door, and I'm going to be grateful for these.

At night, I'm going to read Anne of Green Gables and Charlotte's Web again, to my little ones-- because I get to.

I'm here.  This is my space and my part, and I'm going to perform it with my whole soul.

What e'er thou art, act well thy part.

Can I tell you how much I want to do this?

I want to be a performer who just performs my part without being self conscious of those who are watching.  

I want to be a mom who never, ever dreads the mothering part.

Perhaps this is possible.

But, maybe it isn't.

Maybe all of us yearn, every now and then, for a more glamorous life.

And maybe, those with glamour look at our simple lives and wish for a little more simplicity.

Today-- life is beautiful.

I love my life.

I love my family.

I'm about to morph into the best, most inspirational, Saturday-morning-jobs mother ever.  

Because- this is my part and it IS good.