belly wounds:: healing from the inside out.

Warning:::  This post has very graphic pictures.  

Please be careful if you are reading this blog with young children around.

Really.

I'm showing you some pretty REAL pictures so be careful.

Sorry if I shouldn't be posting them.

I have skin that heals well.
7 kids and no stretch marks.
This major surgery has given me some pretty intense scars.
My closest friends and relatives are most interested in my tummy scar.
And, since you are my second closest friends... I'll share it with you.
It looks like I have a bum on my tummy.
Lovely.

The whole time I was preparing for my surgery I wanted to see someone else's scar so I knew what to expect.
I did have two c-sections prior to this surgery and one other surgery on my intestines.  All three of those were horizontal incisions and when they healed you couldn't even see them.
This scar is bad because they had to cut vertically and because I was open for three days and because they had to remove my wound vac and let me heal from the inside out (due to infection).
This is a pretty great looking, very intense scar.  I am scarred and ALIVE.

I remember the resident using a ruler to mark a straight line down my abdomen.

I'm grateful for them every time I see my scar.
It is so neat how the human body works to heal itself.
Don't look at this if it will gross you out... It's pretty tough to see.

I am humble.  I think my scar is awful.  Awful and amazing at the same time.  I feel humbled and so grateful and a little bit scared when I see it.  It is harder for me to see than it should be.  I hope that once things are cleaned out on the inside, I won't be so afraid of the outside.

Today, my scar is doing weird things around my belly button and I'm afraid I might have a hernia.
I don't really know what a hernia is.  :)

[update-- I really do have a hernia at my belly button.  Blah.  They are going to fix it when they fix my kidney.  So fun!]

Seriously, I know these are gross and getting grosser.

You really do not want to see these pictures, even if you think you do.
If you think of me as a turkey they are not as hard to look at.  :)
I honestly felt like a stuffed thanksgiving turkey.

My belly looks speckled around the edges of my scar.  That is from the big stitches they put in to pull my stomach as closed as they could get it while they were waiting to do more surgery.
You also should know that in these pictures, the inside layers of my abdomen are stitched up, just the outside layers are open.
They let me heal from the inside out (meaning they didn't stitch me closed) because they didn't want infection puss pockets to form.
I know it sounds odd... and it was pretty gross... but, I guess that is how they do it sometimes.

At the hospital.
With the wound vac, literally they filled me with sponges and attached a machine that vacuumed my wound closed-

see that TAPE?!!!
They had to change the sponges in my belly DAILY.
Tearing off that tape was TORTURE.
just saying.

In this picture you can see the drain they had in me to drain out the stuff in my abdomen.
I know you always wanted to see a belly drain.

In the hospital, when they had to remove the wound vac (because it kept getting infected)-

The first day my home health care nurse came (1 month after my surgery) and the last day she was with me (about 2 and a half months after my surgery)...

This is a before/after shot... the after on the left shows some stuff that isn't good.
The inside was healing too much (can you see the puffy red parts?) so they had to cauterize the red parts again to slow down that extra growth.

The black thing is a vein that they cauterized.
The yellowish stuff is dead skin that they would have to scrape off or use special ointment on.
blah.

About 3 months after my surgery...

 Lovely pictures for your day.
I am really grateful for my body.
Bodies are a gift from God.  They are amazing.
I don't love my scar, but I am grateful for it.
I'm proud of my scars and I'm proud of my life.
And... I would choose this again.
Because my littlest baby is worth a tummy scar.

 Have a great day!!
Perhaps now you are in the mood for a turkey sandwich?  :)

Conference Weekend

 

 

(sorry-- my time is up, so you just get random pictures from my phone dumped at the top of this post.)

This morning I recovered from my weekend with a smile on my face.
Little reminders of life lived well are sprinkled around my yard and home.
These are the days that I am so grateful to live.

My brother and sister in law, and their six kids (I still count their angel baby in their kid total, is that weird of me?) drove to our house for the weekend.
It was so fun to visit with them.

As my kids left for school this morning, I wiped sticky handprints off the wall in the downstairs bathroom.
I smiled at the growing pile of wet, muddy shoes on the back porch. 
I grabbed a fork off the picnic table out back, sitting next to an abandoned scoop of bean salsa.
I walked out front and threw a strategically gathered pile of sticks off the rocking chair, back into the yard.  I dumped sorted cups full of red blossoms, small yellow leaves, and some kind of green buds back into the garden (bringing the plastic bowls in to be washed).
I noticed that the grass under our swings is starting to wear thin as more and more kids play on our swing set.
In front of the barn, I smiled at the tarp covering the newly poured cement for our upcoming basketball standard. 

In the basement, we fixed the wire closet shelf that bent down as a growing cousin learned how not to get the Legos.
I moved the picture poster "Let what you love be what you do" that got stepped on and broken as my now teenage boys, who used to be little boys, played a pretty intense game of ping pong.

My fridge is full of leftovers.  Grandma's homemade chicken noodle soup that we serve over mashed potatoes, lots of taco salad stuff, chili chocolate, fun cheeses from Wegeman's, and a medley of fruits a vegetables from Aunt Rebekah's efforts to juice me into good health.

As Monday morning laundry commenced, Grandma called Grandpa to have him look up "grass stains" in her Queen of Clean book.  Rubbing alcohol, lemon juice and Zout may become a staple in our new house.

My children are active and it takes some effort to get them to sit and listen to church all weekend.  I smile at the taped picture of the general authorities still hanging from where Uncle David promised a tootsie roll to the first cousin to find the speaker.

Words are taped to my TV armoire from Saturday's bag of snacks that were only supposed to be eaten when one heard a key word- scriptures, friend, trials, Amen, mission, prayer or spaghetti.
Clipboards are piled on my counter with notes taken on Sunday for a between session game of "Stump the Unc".  Kids asked questions from conference and if their uncles couldn't answer them they got candy. 

I laugh again at Ellie's questions...
How was Elder Scott's hair parted?  Answer: Only about an inch over his ear and then combed way over.  And, Who was speaking when I ate a gogurt?  Elder Eyring.

I love conference weekend.
I am grateful to be alive for these days.

Every six months, Mormon's around the world listen to prophets, apostles, and church leaders who telecast talks for a General Conference.

Every six months I am reminded that I know God speaks to man.  I know God speaks to man, because as I listen to the words of inspired men and women, I am inspired.  God speaks to me and gives me hope and inspiration.  He teaches me how to teach my children, He fills my soul with love and peace, and He shows me how blessed I am.

I know that we have a prophet on the earth today.  The men and women who lead in my church, they are good people.  I hear them encouraging me and my family to do good, to be better, and to remember the Savior. 

I believe that the covenants that I have made as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints strengthen and protect me and my family.  I believe in holy covenants, like baptism and marriage.  There is power in lives blessed by holy commitments.

After conference, after dinner, after cousins were kissed and sent on their way and before bedtime, Todd and I escaped (amidst a crowd of anxious, waving and yelling of "Bye MOM! Bye Dad!") for a quiet stroll out back. 
I actually WALKED the whole way!! 
Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw my home from the distance (with a chorus of waving children on our porch).
I actually started out the walk whining to Todd about how awful things are.  My babies are sick.  Honestly, I am embarrassed at how rotten and sassy my kids have been lately.  And, considering they are my whole life's investment, I pretty much felt like a failure. 

Looking at my life from the distance, I was changed.
I could see how much God loves me.
He has blessed me with so much.
Walking hand in hand with my husband, I was reminded that there is POWER in parenting.  There is power in two people, united under God, who are trying to teach goodness. 
Todd and I prayed together in the woods for our family.
We claimed the power that is promised, through the covenants that we have made, to raise our family in goodness.
We felt the Spirit whisper to us JOY, PEACE and HOPE.
We set some personal goals for this week and we planned or family home evening for Monday night.

Bedtime went smoothly.  Children seemed a little less hopeless. 

As we sat down to play our end of the night card game with Todd's mom, she suggested we helped our kids set personal goals and have individual interviews with them.  That was the same thing we had just talked about on our walk.  God spoke to her and to us and inspired us both to do one simple thing to bless our family.  God is real.  He loves families. 

Before we went to bed, I unpacked our trusty family journal.
We wrote down a simple goal for each of our kids and wrote down a list of priorities that Todd and I need to remember and plan for.
We went to bed unified and hopeful.
We woke to a home alive and lived in.
Life is good.

Tonight, our family home evening will be on Self-Mastery.
As Todd meets one on one with each kid, we will eat cinnamon roll and play games at the kitchen table.

I love this talk from conference...
http://media2.ldscdn.org/assets/general-conference/october-2013-general-conference/2013-10-5070-elder-russell-m-nelson-720p-eng.mp4?download=true
and, we are memorizing this quote--

Developing the Spiritual Within Us.
"Man's existence is but a test as to whether he will concentrate his efforts, his mind, his soul upon things which contribute to the comfort and gratification of his physical instincts ad passions, or whether he will make his life's end and purpose the acquisition of spiritual qualities.

"Every noble impulse, every unselfish expression of love, every brave suffering for the right; every surrender of self to something higher than self; every loyalty to an ideal; every unselfish devotion to principle; every act of self-control; every fine courage of the soul, undefeated by pretense or policy, but by being, doing, and living of good for the very good's sake-- that is spirituality, and God has asked us to develop the spiritual within us."  President David O. McKay

Fall.

Can I tell you how much I love having a yard?!!!

I love watching my kids and my husband working hard outside.

Better than video games and man-made playgrounds...

(Little Eve is potty training... I love her pant-less romp through the leaves.)

Life is beautiful!!

Public Bathrooms.

I've spent too much time in nasty public restrooms.

I'm worried I'm going to catch some STD.  That might be impossible or unlikely, but I still think about it way too often.

What do you do?

I'm too uncoordinated to potty without sitting on the toilet.

Most places don't have the flushable covers, and when I do use them I end up wet.  Blah.

So, my favorite new thing is Antibacterial Spray that I got from the trial-sized section of Target.  I bought a few and stuck them in purses and diaper bags.

I love this stuff.

I just spray before I potty and imagine all the nasty germs disintegrating away.  Plus, it smells like vanilla so it makes public potties a little more appetizing.

Happy Friday!!

Best Compression Socks...

I think it's funny that wearing tight socks actually helps to push blood from your legs to your heart.

A lot of people wear compression socks. They're good for long trips, for diabetics, for older people, to help prevent blood clots or varicose veins, and for people who work on their feet all day.

My all-time favorites are Sockwell brand from Amazon.  They feel cottony and stay tight without bunching up at my ankles.  Plus, they're fun.

 Silly socks.

Make today a good day!!

giddy-up.

My mom went home this morning.  My mother-in-law is still with me.  They both have worked so hard cleaning, unpacking, cooking, folding laundry, caring for my children.

I'm pretty sick of writing a blog about ME and my surgery.
When I was on bed rest a friend of mine delivered her baby.  She had Percretta, like I did, and I remember just waiting and waiting for her to be healed and happy again.
It took so much longer than I expected it to and I was impatient for her.

My own recovery has been WAY slower than hers was.  I am even more impatient for me.
I really am going to start posting more non-medical stuff.
Because there are picturesque moments happening all around me-- I need to see them again.
I need to dust off my camera and just enjoy these moments.

But, I'm still going to write about my recovery.  Because I'm all bottled up inside and I need to think this stuff out.
Please stick with me as I sort through my brain.  I think that I need this space to digest my feelings so things can clean out a little.  You know?

I was desperately hoping that yesterday would fix me.
It is hard to hear details about my surgery.  It's hard to see pictures of my insides littered with purple stitching, rods or stents that shouldn't be there, staples-- lots of staples.
(My x-rays look like someone just took a stapler and stapled 100 staples in a big clump.  I was surprised they let me through airport security.)
I have the surgical notes from my surgeries and it describes some really scary things.
For one thing, I learned that my Iliac artery was cut. 
The Iliac comes down from your Aorta- the Aorta changes to the Iliac when it branches to two parts.  My right Iliac artery was cut and bleeding for two days.  They were able to repair it during my second surgery. 

When your placenta seeps out of your uterus, there are lots of things for it to get stuck to.
My right Iliac vein was cut and my left ureter got caught in a stitch.
blah.

If I had permanently lost blood flow to my Iliac, I would have lost blood flow to my legs and bum.
I'm not sure you can live like that... but I understand a little better why my legs took so long to wake up and why my right side is still giving me a hard time.

Thinking about my old surgery, anticipating my new surgery, and hearing the doctor describe the shape I am in now, makes me sad.
When I feel like a mess of a patient, I just want to read books all day and hide from my life.  Thinking I'm sick and fragile and in pain, actually makes me sicker and more painful.
I do let myself wallow for a time, but I don't feel better disengaged in my life.

Today, I want to post a few pictures I took this summer.
I was pretty sick but really wanted to watch my kids at their riding camp.
I love horses.
I love kids with horses.
Someday I am going to be strong and we are going to have horses.
For now, enjoy these pictures with me.

Life is good.

Blah. Blah. Bladders.

Sitting in a waiting room, waiting for another surgery.

My arms are still bruised from last week's IVs.

Today I hope they remove my stent (not a big fan of rods in my ureters) and fix everything else magically.

I'm also hoping that my doctor rocked Super Mario Brothers when he was younger.  Because, I think he'll be using those skills to maneuver inside of me.

Can I tell you something?

As scarred and tired as my little body is, I really love my body.

I'm amazed at how well it heals itself.

My body has born me eight beautiful children and it is really amazing at handling poking and prodding and human intervention.

We have a high pain tolerance, my body and I.

I sometimes feel sad that my body has been through so much, but mostly I feel amazed and grateful.

The human body is incredible.

Only a God could have designed something so intricate and resilient.

I feel confidant that I'm on my way to strong and healthy again.  

Kidneys and bladders and ureters and arteries and veins... They can be pretty messed up and still heal and function again.

Wow!  

I know that I am not my body.

And yet I am so grateful for my body.

It's a good one.

Pray for my sweet surgeon today.

Dr. Lam

Hope he's really great at rescuing princesses.  :)

Post surgery update--

Well, I still have a stent.  It looks like my left ureter got accidentally stitched during my big surgery.  I'm a mess inside.  They were sewing my insides while I was gushing blood and swollen to over 200lbs.  Can you imagine?  It must have been like trying to sew together wet tissue paper.  I can hardly sew a button on a dry, non-living shirt.  Surgeons amaze me.  

I may loose a kidney, but hopefully just a few inches of ureter.

I have pictures of the top of my vaginal opening that was stitched closed with purple stitches and there was a metal clamp left on.  It's messy and making it hard for my fistula to heal.  Probably explains my frequent infections.

They are looking for another really great and brave surgeon who can operate on me sometime this winter.  They will have to cut my tummy open again-- scary.  But hopefully they'll get things all fixed up.

As I see pictures of my insides, and have read the reports of what happened to me, my heart is full of love for those that operated on me that day.  What a hard, scary job they had.  I'm so thankful for brave doctors who were willing to fight in the trenches for me and my baby.

Everything is going to be ok.

Thank God for the miracles of modern medicine.

I'm going to go take a nap!!

seasons.

i'm sitting at my computer writing this post- not trying to type it from my phone.
progress.

As I was unpacking I came across this picture...


"Zion in her heart"
Clark Kelly Price

a happy pioneer mother, holding her baby with children around her as she walks west.  The hills are blooming around this sweet family, it seems like a spring or summer trek west.  This is one of my favorite pictures.  Years ago, perhaps a different life ago, I helped to plan a girl's camp with the theme, "Trust and Be Led".  I was given this picture at the end of the week.   I remember looking at that mother and feeling like her.  My life was normal and still hard.  Normal life should be hard.  I remember really looking at that picture and really relating to the picture. 

But today as I looked, that girl seemed so different from me.  I actually felt jealous of her, because she was strong enough to carry her baby and walk down a hill.  I felt jealous of her independence and sense of purpose as she cared for her family and even had some extra to serve others.  She looked so strong and capable.  A symbol of who I used to be.

I continued unpacking and came across another pioneer picture.  (Didn't even realize they were painted by the same painter.)  This picture still has black and white polka dot tape attached to it, from where I had hung it in my hospital room.  I smiled as I saw it.  These are pioneers that I can relate to.  In this picture it is winter.  The pioneers are tired and straining to push their handcarts through a storm.  They are surrounded by angels who are helping them push. 

"When the Angels Come"
Clark Kelley Price

I was struck by the contrast in both pictures.  I love the contrast and I love how completely I have related to both pictures during different seasons of my life.  I LOVE life's seasons.  Sometimes we have springy, summer days and sometimes we have winter storms. 

All around me FALL is coming, the leaves are turning and falling and the air is getting crisp.  But inside me, I'm hoping the air is warming and I'm preparing for Spring.  Somehow I missed Summer this year... I had a long winter.  Today I'm still weak and fragile physically, but my Spirit is strong. 

As I lay in the trauma ICU following my surgery, they warned Todd that I looked pretty bad.  I was swollen to over 200 lbs and my abdomen was still open and bleeding.  They were unsure they would be able to stop my internal bleeding, repair the internal damages and save my life.  They were unsure how the hours of hemorrhaging and hundreds of units of transfusion had affected my brain. 

I had tubes everywhere keeping me alive.  Todd was unsure what to expect, but he said that upon entering my room he felt my Spirit so strong and alive.  He felt that God had blessed him so that he didn't even see my body, he saw me.  The contrast between spirit and body was so extreme that it was my spirit he clung to.  He spoke to me and squeezed my hand.  I squeezed him back, much to his surprise.  He asked if I could hear him and I squeezed his hand again.  Although I was still too swollen to open my eyes, and had breathing tubes making it impossible to speak, I began finger spelling to him.  I asked questions and he answered.  Doctors and nurses were literally jumping for joy that I was still able to communicate. 

Today I still feel that gap.  My spirit is alive and ready to jump into life.  My body is still battling with infection.  I'm caught in a spiral... without meds, I feel good but continue to get bladder infections.  Antibiotics kill the infection, but wreak havoc on my intestines which leaves me feeling weak.  My hands are a bit raw from washing them so often- I'm in the bathroom frequently.  (Public bathrooms stink.)  My muscles are weak from being so inactive since last January and I still have nerve damage that is constant but, thankfully, bearable.  I had some pretty intense damage to my vascular system.  I will continue to wear compression socks to my knees to help keep my blood circulating. 

Aside from my silly socks, I LOOK normal.  With clothes on, my scars are hidden.  There was an older lady helping us set up accounts at the bank.  She reminded me of my grandmother with her manicured nails and smoker's cough.  She looked into my eyes and asked,  "Honey, are you just tired today?"  I laughed.  I'm sure people don't know what to think about me... I feel odd.  I'm a young, cute mom who moves like an 80 year old woman.   My brother in law thought I seemed sick and fragile.  I AM SO SICK OF BEING SICK AND FRAGILE!  I'm so sick of having to sit by the elderly men, on the bench, by the grocery store check out.  I miss my strong body... and yet I am grateful for the strength I do have.  I'm grateful and impatient at the same time.

Before my surgery I was brave and strong.  I knew things could be hard and I was willing to accept the consequences, whatever they may be.  I was willing to accept death, paralysis, a colostomy.  Shouldn't I be more willing to accept weakness and infection now?  Truthfully, as my body is pushing my handcart up this mountain, it is my own spirit that is pushing beside my body. 

I refused to sit in a motorized cart at the grocery store last trip.  I'm weak and my legs started to ache halfway through.  Each step is a battle... I want to get stronger so I push myself.  My eyes are open to the struggle of others.  I see the ladies pushing walkers, I see them differently now.  I feel them.  I notice those struggling because of their weight.  I smile at the tired mothers being trailed by their children.  I wish that were me.  I noticed one cute college student who had a special shoe- one of her legs was significantly shorter than the other.  As she talked happily on her cell phone I thought-- Why not me?  Why should I be perfectly healthy when so many other people in the world are dealing with physical trials?  I can handle this trial.  Everyone has something... and this is my mountain right now.  I'm going to keep pushing this handcart and I'm going to be grateful for it.

Todd asked me to read Ether 12:27 for scripture time this morning.  Only, I couldn't read it because I was blinded by tears as I read...

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

Today I am still very weak.
I am humble.
I am trying to be patient and faithful.
I'm grateful for the angels in my life, on both sides of the veil.
I'm grateful for my body and my spirit.
I'm grateful for life's seasons.
I trust God and I know that my life has purpose and direction.
Soon, I hope He will make my weak things strong.
Until then, I'm going to enjoy the journey.
Life is good.

Schedules and Stuff

Wow.

I have a lot of stuff.

And, I have a lot of kids.

Moving is busy... I think we've figured out a spot for all the books and then we find another box.

We have a lot of books and shoes and clothes and art supplies and blankets and... Stuff.

Resuming life is grand.

Baby Benny, as Eve calls him, is giggling.

He is a darling, patient, funny little guy.

He feels more and more mine as I become more and more full time in his life.  

My kids are beginning to thaw.

Boy, I can feel everyone's tension has been tight and on edge.  As peace, security and routine returns, I can feel my children settling in.  I've missed them and they need me.

All is well here.

I still have angel in-laws and my mom here unpacking and cooking and caring for me.  What a blessing.

I still have lots of appointments as I continue to heal.

Todd was called into the Bishopric in our new ward, last Sunday.  This means he will be spending more time serving at church.  I feel so grateful that God thinks I can handle him being gone more... I know I will be strengthened as Todd serves.  And, I'm excited to feel the enabling power of grace working in our lives.  Heal on little body of mine!!

Every day I'm grateful to be alive and doing just what I want to be doing.

I feel honored to be a wife and mother.

Life is good.

(We get Internet installed today.  Pictures coming soon.)

Shining.

I am discharged from the hospital and the sun is shining!

My in-laws arrived last night and my husband is closing on our house as we speak.

(He made it so I didn't have to be there- in case I was still incarcerated.)

Tully, NY is so beautiful.

I walked through our new house just moments ago.  The house itself is bigger than I thought it would be.  It is spotlessly clean and everything is well cared for.  It isn't brand new (almost every home I've lived in so far has been brand new) and I'm excited to decorate and update over time.  I think this house will be perfect for us.

The barn makes me giddy with anticipation.  The yard and fields are picture perfect.  Eve played for 30 minutes, by herself, on the fenced in swing set.

Honestly, my heart is full of gratitude towards the sweet couple who cared for this land the past 20 years.  They created a beautiful home, they built a place that will shape and mold me and mine.  You can feel their touch throughout the whole property, and these people were good.  I'm so grateful for them.  I'm grateful to be here.  I'm grateful for the family that is taking such good care of us.

Yes, over the past three (!!) months I have lost much.  But, I'm beginning to see how much I've gained.  My baby is precious.  3 months is such a sweet age, he coos and smiles anytime you look at him.  He is darling.  Our life here will be good.  Good schools, good people, good land, a good job, we're closer to our east coast family... This is a great place to raise my children.   I am still healing, my doctors say I should wear compression socks the rest of my life, but I am alive and very blessed.

The end of my speech... And the beginning of my new life.

Life is good!

Weird and sick-ish.

I thought it would be fun to get to know some New York nurses.

They're adorable- love their accents.

You pay for tv here. $5/day.

I am back in the hospital and I really don't want anyone to know about it.

Seriously.

I don't want to be sick still, so let's just pretend that I'm not.  Ok?  I know I'm weird.

Really, I'm fine.

My aunt took me to her OB and he is great.  The funniest New Yorker ever.  He was thrilled to meet me at 5pm on a Friday afternoon.  Poor guy.  He's been a blessing- it's nice to have a dr I can trust while I'm desperately missing the doctors that I already trust.

I have another infection and some abdominal abscesses (pools of fluid they are not happy about). 

My nurse says if it were serious I would be in more pain.

Except last time I had a very serious kidney infection, that was septic, and I wasn't in excruciating pain.

I think I'm just really used to abdominal pain.

For the first day I was completely quarantine.  They thought I had c-diff (a pretty contagious bug).  They made everyone wear gowns and gloves around me.  I felt like a weirdo.  I knew I didn't have that anyway, because my Oregon dr just tested me.  My tests were negative, both times.

Really, I'm just bored laying here watching tv for a few days.  It's not too bad.  They pump me full of saline, antibiotics, and ct scan dye.  So, I potty often.

My mom, my husband, my aunt and uncle are all caring for my kids.  I'm afraid they are all exhausted and I think my mom is getting sick.  It is great laying here watching stupid tv while they are all juggling my life.

Guess what else?

We have two cars- and Todd's is broken.  It has been in the shop since we've been here.  We finally got it back and it's still dumping antifreeze.  Lovely.

Then, on Thursday night Jakob pushed our van window closed and it shattered.  

So, two cars were down to none and I was being sent to the hospital.  

Our house closing was supposed to be Friday but got moved to Monday.

AND, the hotel we were staying at was overbooked for the weekend, so we packed everything up and moved in with my aunt.

Crazy, crazy!!

I'm grateful to be alive.

Grateful we caught this infection earlier than the last one.

I know I'll be fine, but it will just take some more time.

Next year, this year will be a really crazy story to tell.

Today, I just want to pretend I'm normal.

So, although I'm very thankful for your prayers, please leave me comments about, um, some cute quilt I made in a former life.  Or, pretend my blog shows some fun thing I'm doing with my kids.  Ok?  We're pretending I'm fine. 

Miss you!

Hope you were grateful that YOU got to put your kids to bed tonight.

Life is good!

"Oh, the ordinary day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me be grateful while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall fall upon my knees, or bury my face in the pillow, or lie among the sick, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." 
Mary Jean Iron

Normal-ish.

Guess what I did today?

I cooked dinner,

almost by myself, 

at my aunt's house.

It was the first dinner I have made in almost eight months!!

(Best ever BBQ chicken salad from iheartnaptime.net)

I felt normal-ish and it was so good!

It's coming...

LIFE is good!!