Cutest Board Books Ever

Need a cute, last minute Christmas gift?

Try Pinhole Press.

Honestly, this little board book is one of my favorite things ever.

It was easy to make and is darling.

I made a simple word book for Ben with words from just our home and family and I made a book for my niece, to help her learn our names.  I called it Everybody Loves Emma and each page I put a picture of her with someone in our family.

I wrote "Aunt Jen Loves Emma", "Rocco loves Emma", etc.  it's adorable.

I had a 15% off code and my total with shipping was around $34.  That's pricey for me, but it is SO worth it.

I want to make a feelings book using pictures of my babies "sad", "happy", "silly", etc.

I also want to make Ben a favorite words book, "blankie", "bed", "cheese", "puzzles", eat.

For Ben, I used the names of the animals we call by name.  But, I wish I had just said Horse.  It would have been more timeless.  I also like the fun pictures better than the normal, smiling pictures.

I love these books.

Be sure you add pages.  There is no additional cost if you have the most you can (I think you can have 20-35 or something like that).

You could also do a book with all pictures and no words.  That would be cute if you used another program to add words right onto the picture.

Also, regular IPhone pictures work just fine.  There was one picture (of our home) that they told me was too small resolution and it was downloaded off the internet.  It is fuzzy.  But, normal Instagram pictures look great.  I used professional pics and IPhone pics interchangeably and I love the results.

Cute, cute, cute!

Seasons

My oldest child graduates this year.  He has already received one college acceptance letter and is hoping to be accepted at BYU-Provo soon.  He is graduating 3rd in his class (two girls are ahead of him).  He has taken as many AP or college credit courses as our little school offers- maybe 7?  He played Varsity Soccer, got his Eagle, sang in select choir, designs robots, serves at school, church, and home.  Jakob is showered with awards and is well-loved.  He hugs me at least once a day and is adorable with Ben. 

This little boy diagnosed years ago with dyslexia has grown into quite a young man.  I have no doubt that he will continue to succeed.  I will miss him dearly.

Last week I noticed one of Jakob's soccer jackets hanging on the chair in my dining room.  I had recently placed two other hoodies or jackets in a pile for him to hang up or take to his room.  As I was huffing to myself, wondering when he would ever learn to put his coats away, tears came to my eyes.  This time next year I will miss his presence.  Yes.  I'm getting misty eyed just writing about this. I will miss him.

It's not just Jakob, everyone is growing up and they are all doing well.  Our life is smooth.  

My youngest child goes to kindergarten Fall 2018.  This is also the year my husband applies for tenure.  Drew is only a year behind Jakob, so in Fall 2018 we should have two missionaries serving somewhere in the world, and kids in 11th, 10th, 6th, 5th, 2nd, and K. 

I really think I will begin a full-time masters program that year.  The thought makes me almost giddy with excitement and I wonder why I am not more scared. 

For nearly 20 years I've been a stay at home mother.  I've struggled through and cherished my time at home.  For 20 years I've learned patience and organization and kindness and love.  Oh the education I've received here.  I have actually never spent all my time focused on my own family.  I think children are blessed as they see us learn, create, and serve others outside of our home.  Children learn independence and altruism when they are supported but not smothered.  I have no regrets about how I've spent my years from age 20 to 40.  I believe I did my greatest work.

If I felt called to remain in my home for the next 20 years I would do it.  But I feel something compelling me onward.  

This comes after a few years of seriously feeling finished with my life's mission.  It's almost like a girl might feel on her wedding day who spent years hoping and trying to marry.  Bringing Ben into this world was something that compelled me forward.  I have felt my family calling to me since I was a very young girl.  My children are here.  My uterus and ovaries are removed.  My baby is going to kindergarten and my kids are starting to leave the house... Yes, I realize I still have years of child raising and nurturing left in me.  There is so much good to do in the world without a job or paycheck.  Trust me-- I know that.  

What I never fully imagined is that I could or ever would choose to work.  Can a mother of eight really go to work without negative consequences on her home and family?

I sent a desperate note to a dear friend of mine who is the mother of a similarly large family.  Her oldest is just leaving on a mission and her youngest is in kindergarten.  It was a plea for help in my midlife crisis.  This was her refreshing but surprising response to me...

Hey, you're talking to the wrong person!  I spent the summer studying to be a financial planner and I am now licensed in securities and life insurance!  I work from 9-3 every day. I absolutely love it and feel completely energized every day.  It has made a huge difference for me and for our family.  So of course I say GO FOR IT! Times and seasons, baby! Your time to be pregnant is over. Your brain is craving a bit of a stretch!

Times and seasons, baby!

I have placed a GRE Study Guide on my Christmas Wish List.

I have started to write a list of things I want to do if I only have one more year as a stay at home mother.

I've been talking to friends and family about possible jobs and have been researching graduate programs.  I feel drawn towards Psychology, perhaps School Psychology.

Honestly, I started this week feeling bored, tired, and finished.  I felt I had finished my life mission.  Today, I feel like I've barely started.  I feel how I've been led and prepared for this next season.  And, I'm excited.

Today, I am still home, full time.

I LOVE being home.

What would you do if you felt you might only have one more year at home full time?  

I should add that my situation is pretty unique.  I have a husband who, as a professor, has a very flexible schedule.  He has always wanted me to go back to school.  He thinks I'd be a great professor someday.  When I asked him what scares him about me going back to school or working someday he said, "Honestly, nothing."  

My kids all think it would be fun to study with me.  Anna said, "You always tell us you were smart in school but you can't even help us with our math.  It would be fun to see how you do."  When I laughed she said, "Don't worry Mom, Drew can help you study math for your GRE."  

Ahhhh!!!  

I never, ever imagined when I was a mom at home with kids age 4, 3, 1, and newborn that I would LOVE the teenage years as much as I do.

I never, ever really believed that I would have a career someday.  I'm not sure that I believe it now.

Life is pretty great!

Maybe I'm like Upstate NY-- fully immersed in each season.

As snow falls around me I feel seasons changing again, and I love it.

Finished Cross-Stitch Sampler

My family Sampler is finished!  

I still need to order an updated picture of my family to hang beside it, but what a sense of completion I feel every time I catch a glimpse of this hanging in my foyer on top of the time-out bench all of my sweet children have counted to 10 on.

I picked this pattern while on hospital bedrest pregnant with Ben.  I really had no idea how much work this project involved and similarly I never imagined I would still be in surgery for repair work three years after Ben's traumatic birth.  

I do remember vividly my brave, determined decision to stitch Ben there under that tree.  Light brown hair, blue eyes, and ALIVE- even when I didn't know for certain what our future held.

Yes, Ben has light brown hair and bright blue eyes.

This project sat on my lap through hours of waiting in appropriately named waiting rooms.  It sat scrunched on my nightstand while I spent way too many hours in bed.  I have oft admired birthstone rings, and other various symbols of family-- but until this Sampler I could never say, "This is my family."  I knew my family wasn't complete.  Stitching Ben in was so symbolic to me.  He is here.  I am finished.  THREE YEARS OF STITCHING.

This project came with me to Germany, France, and Switzerland.  I stitched as we drove up the Romantic Road.  It moved with me from Oregon to New York.  

I remember stitching those first four leaves.  It took me all day and was so daunting.  (I'll come back and add the link- here.)  I endured little stitch by stitch.  I'm surprised I finished it.  Perhaps I did it more out of spite than enjoyment, although I really do enjoy cross-stitching.

I messed up often, sometimes small sometimes big.  I ended up stitching at the bottom the years I stitched and I'm afraid that really takes away from the overall design.  But-- I'm finished!!  Looking back, three years really isn't that long!  

The end of an era.

I'm done getting pregnant.

I'm done having babies.

This is my greatest work and my family will continue to expand in new ways.

Today I added a GRE study guide to my Amazon shopping cart.  Interestingly, the Master's program I'm considering is a three year program.

I'm excited to see what my future holds.

I'm excited for the future, and so grateful for my past.

Life is good.

Hope Returned

Isn't it so good that bad days are followed by better days?

All behind-the-scenes issues were resolved and Ben did so well at his Speech Therapy today.  

Todd and I went out to lunch at a MEXICAN restaurant.  The first Mexican food we've eaten since moving to the North East.  We've missed it.  

While we were talking after the session, I mentioned that Jakob was diagnosed with dyslexia as a child.  Ben's therapist wondered if I felt there were any similarities between Ben and Jakob, and there are.  Many similarities!  I took a very deep breath.  DYSLEXIA-- I can do dyslexia.  Mind-mouth connections.  Yes.  Really smart, just learns differently.  Yes.  Early intervention is super helpful and a sign that I'm a good mother not a sign that I've failed.  Yes.  

Did you feel ten pounds of weight just lift off my shoulders?  Yes.  My baby is going to be fine. 

I had the most interesting conversation with the Superintendent about the county wide need for School Psychologists.  School Psychologists perform the tests and create plans for children requiring Special  Education.  They work with teachers to develop strategies to help students.  

This conversation peaked my interest and Todd and I spent the rest of the day researching and discussing the possibility of my returning to get my Masters in School Psychology when Ben goes to Kindergarten.  

Could I really have 8 children and work outside the home and do both jobs well?

Todd thinks I can.  He has always wanted me to go back to school and he knows how much I would love a job like this.  My family and home life really does run pretty smoothly.  Anna said she would love to see me in school and that we could do homework together.  Todd has a very flexible schedule.  We really might be able to do this.  Am I selling my birthright for a bowl of porridge?

Anyway-- I have some time to think and pray about this.  It's fun to have a few things to think about.  

My kids are doing an online Seminary class and last night they were supposed to wear Santa hats for Skype.  Drew was so creative and used a scarf and a face mask to create--

I love him.

Life is good.

Hope you had a great day also.

Midlife Momma

 

Hello!  Anybody here?

I miss this little space.

I feel the need to make an appearance and come clean.

I'm just ok.  

C- or D+ or Needs Improvement

I've lost that loving feeling.

I've hit menopause (surgically induced) and maybe hit my mid-life crisis.

I'm ready to sell my dream for a bowl of porridge.  (Really- Todd just gave me permission last week to put our house on the market if I want to.  "But this is your dream," he reminds me.  I try to explain to him that in my dreams horses don't poo, weeds don't grow, big families don't feel so overwhelming, and I can FLY!)

I'm almost ready to sell my house, sell my kids, leave my religion, and head off into a year sabbatical.  

I'm somewhat bipolar without an official psychiatric evaluation-- gung-ho and no-go heavy on the no-go.  

I feel like I've pushed through pregnancy and health issues for so long that I'm just tired of pushing.

Excuse my language but I'm afraid I've lost my give-a-damn.

I've lost almost all of my good habits (scripture reading, blogging, exercising, being kind to my husband, etc.)

I'm apathetic towards motherhood, general sanity, religion, holidays, and  God.  I know He's there I'm just ignoring Him for a moment.

Sigh.

So- what does a mother of eight with no mojo do?  

Good question!

First-- my mom came out for Thanksgiving.  She ended up staying for a few weeks to organize and take over a bit so I could do some things I've been wanting to do.  SOOO NICE!

We started stitching...

Making things is so good for my soul!

I really enjoyed watching old episodes of West Wing, Madame Secretary, and Poldark.

I paid a huge fine (actually I begged my way out of it) and started taking Ben to the library each week again.  (I haven't been in months!). 

This book cracks me up!!

I wonder if my mom wants to stay for a year?  Just so I can take a sabbatical.

Last Monday I got in the car to go do some service for women at Church who are struggling.  I sat in the parking lot calling and couldn't catch anyone at home.  I should have just tried anyway but speed bumps are hard for me these days.

Who am I?

I'm a big hunk of MOTHER.  

I should be writing blog posts inspiring young women to have large families and stay-at-home to raise them.  What an inspiration I could be.

But, right now I really want a job.  I think about it too much.  Not really for now, but a few years from now when Ben is in school.  I want to work because I want to be around people.  I want more money.  I want to do something besides clean my house.  

I know.  I could do something now, like sell books or make-up or clothes.  But, the job I'd want would probably require a masters degree and some more confidence than I have now.

And- I have eight kids.

For two years I've been wanting to exercise-- and I still don't have a plan.  If I do exercise I'm wiped out.  I keep analyzing and never actualizing.

I'm all confused with food.  My bowels are so messed up.  If I do an extreme paleo diet I'm HANGRY.  If I just eat normal-healthy, my stomach is bloated and sick.  So, I pout and eat crap.

I held two babies this past month and I really loved holding them.  That was huge for me.  I pretty much thought my love for babies was forever gone.  Feeling that feeling again gave me hope that this is also a stage that will pass. 

This weekend we worked in the barn and I FELT all the feels.  Sweet cows, warm eggs, LIFE.  My life.  I built this life.  I wanted this life.  I'm LIVING my dream.

And, I can't figure out where to put the poop.  Literally.

It snows A LOT here.

We don't have a tractor.  

If we clean out the stalls every day, we have a large wheelbarrow of manure and no place to dump it.  Many people tell us to just keep adding straw to the stalls and let the manure build through the winter.  But, I like clean stalls.

I can't figure out what to do.

Instead of pushing onward, I feel overwhelmed and frustrated.  

Small problems make me zone out and avoid the barn.

Nice.

Ben is beginning Special Ed speech therapy.

I'm hopeful and emotional-- I'm crying as I type this.  Maybe because I'm weird guilty/scared/hormonal?

His speech is difficult to classify.  It's not a delay- it's not even a true speech issue, it's mind-mouth issue.  

That scares me.

The therapist says he talks in his throat not his mouth.  

Mouths are easy to retrain, his thing is harder.

He's very smart.

He's very social.

He doesn't have autism.

Our therapist said he's really hard to understand and she works with speech issues all day. 

It might be apraxia but he doesn't talk enough to classify it yet.

He will be fine.  I know it.  

As far as difficulties go, this is mild.  

He can do this.

We can do this.  

He is my job.

I'm his therapist.  

We need each other.  

And, I'm crying again.

I just gave a small attitude to our Special Ed department.  I LOVE them.  Really I do.  And for your sakes I erased the eight paragraph rant I just wrote about issues getting Ben approved for speech.  You're welcome.

Anna just had some thumb surgery.

She's fine.  I'm fine.  Surgery is tough.

Burned hands are sad.

I love her.

I love him.

I love them.

Love hurts sometimes.

Can I tell you something?  

My life is pretty darn good and I know it.  I feel fine.  My children are pretty ideal.  My husband is charming.  My home is dreamy.  We have high-mediocre amounts of money.  I have a supportive network of family and friends.  I'm pretty good at maintaining, cooking, cleaning, etc.  And yet, here I am just battling my own mind.  

Depression?  Perhaps.  

PTSD?  Maybe.  

Anxiety?  Sure.  

Hormonal ups and downs?  To be expected.  

I think this is just my midlife crisis and I thank God for a family that pulls me through.  They need to eat, they need to bathe occasionally, we have a barn full of animals, and I have a little boy that needs a full-time mother.  

I think I'm on the up swing.

I think writing this blog is a good nod back to something I have loved before.

Really-- I'm doing much better than this blog makes me sound.  

Life is good.  I'm good.  

Report cards are out and I'm ready for a new semester.

Physical trials are tough.

Mental trials are harder.

I know what to do-- 

Clean my body and soul.

Nourish my body and soul.

Exercise my body and soul.

Look for the miracles and be grateful.

If that doesn't work, buy season 3 of Madame Secretary from Amazon Prime for $35.

If I leave, look for me in a red sports car driving through Switzerland.  Or I'll be the old mom in nursing school.  

It's a shame I can't just write that book I've always wanted to write, because I always thought I'd write about parenting and now I'm a D+ C- midlife crisis momma. Want my advice?

Yes, life is good.

Living the dream is just stinkier than dreaming the dream.

It always is, right?  Even in Australia.

Worshipping in Weeds

We have had a summer filled to the brim with activities, family, and inspiration.  I'm just returning from a week with my brother at BYU Education Week where they offer thousands of classes on everything from cooking healthy to organizing your home to the Constitution and New Testament symbolism.  This week is always such a wonderful opportunity for me to fill my mind with healing and inspiration.  I come home ready to put into action every dream I ever had for my home and family.  

And...

I come home to a house and barn that has missed me terribly.

How do we live in a world that is far below our expectations or desires?  We all have to do this in one way or another.

For me, I'm drowning in unfolded laundry and weeds.  The cows got into our barn a few times and caused havoc mixed with poo.  Our chicken coop needs the love of a mother hen and honestly, I'm afraid that cleaning out a dirty chicken coop will trigger in me another round of Sarcoidosis (a lung reaction triggered by breathing in fumes).  We have a pool that is so much work.  We didn't open it last summer and have never gotten it quite right this summer.  And- I refuse to spend my whole life pushing my kids to work.  We need some time for play.  I need some time for rest.

I need to feel the easy yoke.

I've been trying to WORSHIP more in addition to STUDYING.

For me, worship is gratefully and humbly walking in the Spirit of the Lord.  Just being outside in nature helps me worship.  Looking at holy art, hearing or singing holy music is worship for me.

When I worship, I feel like I've been bathed or cleansed of all my fears and allowed the seasons and strength of the wind remind my soul that all is well.  I feel Him whispering "Peace, Be Still."  

I see His gifts, flowers amidst the weeds.

My barn is a mess!!  But, I have a barn.

My children and my animals are content and even happy.

Drew works hard out here in the fields.  He feeds the animals and even keeps the bird feeders full with alternating bird food.

I went to bed last night careful and troubled about many things.  I told Todd I was ready to move to a smaller home on less land.  He reminded me that THIS was my dream.  I told him I dream too big.  

This morning I studied about Christ's first miracle- changing the water into fine wine.  I heard promise in that miracle.  I thought that He was promising me that He could turn my water offering into wine.  I heard a whisper of faith and hope, but those drops fell hollow in my troubled mind.  I knew it, but I didn't feel it.

It wasn't until I took time to walk and feel God in my life that I could SEE Him.

I saw Him here, in my weedy gardens and stinky barn.  

I felt the love of my father...

And my Creator...

I'm trying not to create a long To Do List.

Today-- I'm SO grateful for the chance to feel.

I'm posting on Instagram @mossmoments the short video I took of the stinkiest place in my yard.  I think you can feel the same peace I felt there.

Today- I'm going to fold laundry while seeking gratitude and peace.  I'm going to send my boys out to make peace in the barn.

And, even if nothing improves, I will feel blessed in this mess.

Flowers grow beside weeds.

God loves us even as He lets us stretch and grow.

There is beauty all around when there is GOD at home.

This is my front porch.  Birds are cawing in front of me and my little kids are watching morning cartoons behind me.  The professor is professoring, my teenage boys are soccering, my teenage girls are visiting in Connecticut, and I am here- worshipping.

Life is good.

Living Happily Ever After!

We've been married almost 20 years, and since I was married just after turning 20 we are quickly approaching my "I've been married half my life" anniversary.  

During these past 20 years we've endured extensive health trials, the tragic injury of a child, financial hardship, marriage and personal counseling, we've moved to a new state 6 times, we've earned numerous degrees and been poor students, we've managed frequent travel for work, and I spent most of the past 20 years pregnant or nursing our eight children.  

My marriage today is better than I could have ever imagined it to be and I know this is partly because I chose a good  egg, but also because we both really work on keeping our marriage.

Oh friends, choose your spouse wisely!  Do not marry someone you love (it's so easy to love people).  Marry someone you respect and admire.  Marry someone who loves you so much that he will spend his whole life learning to love you better.  Marry someone who will pull you up and inspire you with his conversation and work ethic.  Marry someone who treats his mother well and who treats strangers well.

Then, after you have chosen, LOVE HIM! Stop wondering IF you chose right and focus all of your efforts on helping this young man become the best that he can be by LOVING the best inside him.  A good woman knows that she is not just a partner, she is a gardener.

It's hard to love if you are insecure.  Do you know what is so attractive to a man, to everyone really? A woman who is comfortable in her own skin.  I'm not sure when I reached the age that I accepted myself and gave myself fully to my husband and my God.  

Obviously, I am always trying to improve. I want to lose weight and be better at so many things.  But, I often tell myself-- this is the body I have.  I will love Todd with this body and let him love me.  These are the gifts and talents that I have.  I will serve others with what I have.  There is peace that comes from humility.  As I humbly accept I am just a normal (not the hottest, not the nicest, not the most organized, not the most talented) wife and mother, I feel peace in my skin.  

Letting go of my pride allows me to genuinely love the gifts of others without defensiveness.  

I also think it's SO important to date your husband.  In my opinion, double dates are the best.  It's easier to be your fun-loving self when you are with another couple.  I don't think dates are a good time to talk extensively about your children or your problems.  You need time away from the rigors of life to just flirt and laugh and be two adults who love each other.  

I love that even at the beginning of my religion, Mormons sang and danced together.  Wholesome recreational activities are healing and rejuvenating.  TV or movie watching dates are my least favorite dates.  If you do end up watching a play or movie together, be sure you go out to eat and drive with another fun couple so you have time to talk and laugh.  Laughing is so good for relationships!  

Honestly, I NEVER feel like going on a date.  It's tough to arrange things at home.  I worry about my kids' bedtime routine.  It takes time and effort to look a little nicer and change out of my comfy yoga pants.  If I think about the money we spend on nice dinners I could probably think of ten ways I'd rather spend my money.  BUT, like everything good in life, dating is worth the effort.

We went out last night, driving in our huge 15 passenger van (because Todd's little car has no air conditioning).  Our kids called us 15 times.  Lily had a tooth hanging on by a string.  We convinced her to let Jakob pull it.  We got 3 scared calls and one call of jubilant victory, followed by three calls of concern that the tooth fairy won't come because she ALWAYS forgets.  One call to insure the promise that if the tooth fairy did forget (again) that we would give her money in the morning.  And, two calls from sisters asking us not to forget to give them a hug and kiss when we got home.

We stopped at Target and Walmart to return things and buy things.  The woman at Walmart customer service said  she wasn't used to being treated with kindness and thanked us for our patience.  I just held on to Todd's arm, grateful again for the nice man that I'm married to.

We hold hands as we walk and drive.  I noticed how, even after 20 years, I still feel tingles when he brushes the top of my hand with his thumb.

I laughed when I noticed his painted pinky nail.  He took all 5 girls on a father-daughter Campout last night and they begged him to let them paint his nails.  He relented to one nail for one day.  He's a good dad.

You know that I'm a natural optimist.  And, obviously Todd and I don't have a perfect marriage.  We have a regular marriage.  We struggle daily with our own special blend of frustrations, trials, weaknesses, even sins that we try hard to let go of.  I'm good but very real and so is Todd.  He's a jerk sometimes (and I'm sassy).  

But, I never could have imagined, as I was preparing to marry this kid, that after 20 years together I could be so much more in love with this man than ever before.  EVERY aspect of our life is better today than it was twenty years ago.  I would never want to re-live twenty because almost forty is better.  

If I could give every one of you a gift, I would give you a man that loves you like Todd loves me.  But, like the oil in the lamp of the ten virgins, love cannot be transferred.  What I can tell you with my whole soul, is that if you have this kind of love, you are SO rich.  And, if you don't have it yet, never ever forget that it IS possible!  

Practice loving every day.  

Love  is how you serve others, love is how you talk about others, love is how you see yourself with grace and extend that grace to others.  Love is physical touch.  Love is seeing the best.  Love is spending time and money.  Love takes effort.  Love is not merely a flutter in your stomach the first time your eyes meet.  Love is really seeing a naked, imperfect man and letting your heart flutter at the best that is in him.  Love more!

I wish someone could have told me twenty years ago that it IS possible to be happy in marriage.  And so, that is my shout to you this morning.

My name is Jenifer Moss.

I have been married 20 years and I am still absolutely in love with my husband.  

Two very normal and imperfect people CAN live happily ever after even without balls and fairy godmothers.

I know it.