I establish order.

Routine and order.

Of all the responsibilities I cherish as a wife, mother, and homemaker, creating a house of order is perhaps my hardest and most important.  

Parents universally feel the stewardship to provide for their children.  Home is our very own deliberate environment and we are agents to create a home that reflects our priorities.  Creating a house of routine and order, in my opinion, is more emotional than physical.

As I look at society today, as I look at my own children, I feel strongly my responsibility to safeguard the MENTAL health of my children.  Our home routine, the feel of transitions, the general stress level of our home-- is shaping my children's mental wiring.  Oh parents-- let us learn the art of peace and order!!

I have spent a lot of time in different classrooms at many different schools.  You can feel classrooms.  You know how a teacher teaches when parents aren't visiting by the way their classroom feels.  

Children are children.  I am not impressed by a classroom of robots obviously ruled by a strong, fear-inducing teacher.  Kids should be free to ask questions, have personality, and be happy.  On the other extreme, a classroom without order is NOT a happy environment.  Kids prefer structure, they crave routine, they want to please their teachers, they want to succeed.

I was most impressed yesterday, by a particular first grade Halloween party I helped with.  18 first graders, dressed in costumes, just returning from the school costume parade, sat quietly and content as their teacher went through morning calendar on the rug.  

We sang songs, read Halloween stories together, made a craft with yarn, and decorated a sugar cookie with icing.  The class stayed quiet, on task, and orderly.  The teacher masterfully orchestrated transitions in almost whispered tones.  The most needy children (and she had a few) were positioned closest to her desk and gently directed and praised.  

This teacher was very aware of the time.  She chose to save one snack for later in the day, as she wanted to be sure the class was ready in time for gym.  When the kids were changed out of their costumes and sitting quietly ten minutes prior to the time they needed to leave, she had them pull out their handwriting books to do a page.  

I was impressed at the order in this room.  I was most impressed at how the classroom felt, the spirit of the room. I felt grateful that my little first grader spends her days in this environment.

I love asking the question, "What does Ms ... do if someone doesn't listen?"

Of this one teacher, my kids responded, "I don't know.  Nothing really.  Sometimes if we're sitting on the rug while she reads stories, she might move one student who is talking."

I asked about another teacher and they said, "She yells, she gives us a warning, she gives us a mark, we have to fill out a behavior sheet.  Mostly she just screams at us."

Out of the mouths of babes.

Please don't ask my children what I do if they don't listen.  Oh how I wish I were better at this!!

Parents-- what does your home feel like?   Think of the transition times.  Mornings, naps, after school, practicing, leaving to go somewhere, dinner, baths and teeth brushing, and bed.  Order and routine during the transition times of life are essential.

I am almost ALWAYS mulling over one particular process in my home.  Personally, I get overwhelmed if I try to improve too many aspects of my home life.  So, after a particularly contentious or unruly dinner, I might make dinner my area to improve.

I have found it is helpful for me or Todd to lead the conversation at the dinner table. I come prepared with topics or current events to discuss.  I have specific questions to ask.  We teach the art of conversation, manners, taking turns, etc. Conversation spirals quickly downhill and silly if I am not purposeful with it.  I love dinner time when I am deliberate and purposeful.

We sing church songs together on the way to church.  It helps us to prepare our spirits AND takes the time so the kids don't squabs in the backseat.

We all have strengths and weaknesses.  I think I'm pretty good at transition times and having a peaceful spirit in my home, and trust me-- I still have far to go.  

I often hear parents complaining about how busy they are.  I complain.  We almost yearn for simpler "Little House on the Prairie" days.  We FEEL how hard our active schedule is on our young children and yet, we feel victim to it.

Do we realize the power and responsibility we have?!!  We are agents with the ability to CREATE a house of order, not victims forced to push forward at a harried pace beyond our control.

Choose wisely wise parents!!  Choose what you do.  Choose where you go.  Choose what you don't do.  It's fun to create a home.

15 choose you this day whom ye will serve; ... but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Old Testament, Joshua, Joshua 24)

I love the talk by my friend Sister Julie Beck, Mothers Who Know.  She says both "Mothers who know do less" and "Mothers who know do more."  Interesting.  We know and so we must choose what we will do less of and what we will do more of.

"Mothers Who Know Do Less

Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

What a wise, inspired woman.

What about your family?  Families who know do more...  And less...

We establish the flow of our home.  We set the schedule.  We mold our environment.  

"We shape our dwellings, and afterwards, our dwellings shape us." ~ Winston Churchill

I don't believe that we need to have a rich home to have a house of order.  I've said this before.  My sister-in-law is from Mexico City and now lives outside of Detroit.  We were talking once and she mentioned the "poverty in Detroit" and then she stopped herself.  She said something like, "Detroit isn't poverty, Detroit is corruption.  I've seen poverty and even in very poor homes, the children are clean and the houses are in order."  Isn't that interesting?

In the Old Testament, I think it's Samson's father who asks The Lord,

"How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?"(Old Testament, Judges, Judges 13)

Don't we all ask that?!

How shall we order the child?

Here are some things I focus on.

:: Watch your tone of voice.

Speak softly and mean what you say.

Touch a child and look them right in the eyes as you speak.  

I have found that whispering is SO much more effective than yelling.  When I'm "inviting" my children or "testifying" to my children, I have learned to put "all the energy of my soul" behind my whisper.  I speak to them with the same feeling and emotion that I have when I pray.  

"Be kind to your sister."  I will say this quietly, but almost with tears in my eyes. Speak from your soul.  Invite!!!  Invite them to do good!!

Testify to your kids.  I like to invite them to obey and promise them afterwards.  "Will you clear these dishes quickly and happily?  I promise that if you do this, you will feel so happy inside!  The whole house will feel brighter and more beautiful when you serve happily.  And, the faster we get the work done, the more time we will have to read together later."

No, I don't talk like that all the time.  Just on my best days.

::Teach!!!  

Teach them again, don't ever be angry at something they haven't already learned.  

Kids are kids-- there job is to learn and YOUR job is to teach.  It's fun to try to figure out HOW to teach one particular child the behavior your trying to teach.  

(Don't you roll your eyes at sports coaches who scream at their team, scream at the bad ref, or scream at the parents?  I want to say, "Um-- you are the coach, stop whining and coach them!!") 

Parents, teach your children.  Coach your team.  You can do this!!  Children might not come with a manual, but they do come with a Heavenly Father that knows how they learn best!! He will help you to SEE them as He sees them at teach them as they need to be taught.  ASK HIM FOR HELP!! Parents are always willing to help their children.

Skilled teachers are BLESSED with children who learn differently!!  Your children have YOU because you are the one who loves them enough to figure out how to teach them what they need to know. Gentle, repetitive teaching works!!! It takes time.  

Time and experience teaches.  I believe in a God with a consistent still small voice.  He whispers to us, "Love your children, be patient, be kind."  Sometimes we listen.  Sometimes we freak out and mess up.  We learn that freaking out isn't the most effective way of parenting.  He continues to love and teach us.  Can you see?!  We are learning to be like Him as we teach.  

Put your shoes and your backpack right on the shelf when you get home from school we whisper.  They listen sometimes, until they forget.  The next morning it's time to go and they can't find their shoes anywhere.  They learn that throwing their things around isn't the most effective way.  This is a lesson they will learn as it is taught repeatedly.  We whisper again and again and again... Hopefully they begin to feel comfortable with order.

A parent or teacher is less effective when they are ticked off that a second grader hasn't already learned a skill they "should" have learned in first grade.  Sometimes my sweet husband is like that.  He'll get so mad when a kid whines about dishes.  Whining kids don't bother me much-- because I am 36 and I whine about dishes.  Inspiring kids to work happily is a hard lesson to teach.  Instead of getting mad, I analyze.  How can we make the after-dinner dishes time better?  That's a hard one for us.

I love happy music while we clean up.  I try to do most of the dishes while I'm preparing dinner so it's not too overwhelming for the loader.  And, I ask everyone to stay in the kitchen helping until it's cleaned up.  We're getting better, but it's not perfect.

"The Savior was the Master Teacher. ... We would see most of His ministry being teaching.  And yet almost none of that teaching was done in a church building.  His teaching was out where the people were.  It was in highways and byways and hillsides and seashores and in homes."  Elder Jeffrey R Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in "Learning and Teaching in the Home and the Church- the Home" (2014 auxiliary training video), annualtraining.lds.org.

I would add-- CHRIST TAUGHT AT THE DINNER TABLE!! He taught as they worked together.  He taught in the transition times.  He taught the SAME lessons over and over and over, in different ways, in repetitive ways, in gentle ways, in loving ways, in quiet ways.  I want to be more like Him.

::Don't do too much!!

Choose your activities wisely so they don't strangle out essential family routines.

Meals and sleep are ESSENTIAL for happy homes.  Want to choose a battle to fight?  Choose healthy eating and ample sleep.  Oh my, how I could write for days about these two routines.  

With a large family, we are busy.  I try not to schedule my afternoons so my youngests gets consistent naps, I always start cooking dinner right after school.  My kids gather in the kitchen doing homework while I'm cooking.  And, Todd and I plan and tag team so that one of us is always home with our younger kids for early bedtimes.  Often, I am home and he is attending sporting events.  If I do go, I don't go for the whole time.  Having order at home is so important.

::Teach Sleep!

Healthy sleep and eating habits depend upon ROUTINE.  First, establish a routine, and then learn to be flexible at times.  

Parents, eat things you don't love to eat to teach your children to eat things they don't love to eat.  Teach them to nourish their bodies not just to eat what tastes good to them.  

Sit down to eat meals. There is order in a set table (yes, fold the napkins and use placemats or a tablecloth).

Most nights we have a 15 minute window for family dinner.  Kids are picked up at 5 and need to be somewhere at 6.  We eat together a meal that is ready and waiting.  We clean up together, and then they're off.  Family dinner IS possible.

Sleep requires a calm mind.  Contention or excitement at bedtime just stirs everybody up.  A gentle routine leads to healthy sleep.  Personally, I think TV is awful right before bed.  It is SO stimulating.  

Reading is a natural quieter.  Bathing is calming.  I would be careful with music.  Even some classical music tends to excite rather than relax.  I don't think you can get a good night sleep when you have music or tv playing in the background.  Help your children learn to go to sleep, don't just wait for them to get so tired they can't stay awake.

Kids might not be able to choose sleep, but they can choose to stay in bed, close their eyes, and lay quietly.  I even teach my children to go to sleep in the car when I say "OK, it's nap time.  Close your  eyes and go to sleep."  It's lovely.

I have spent SO many hours and hours of my life teaching my children to sleep.  I've lost my temper with tired children too many times.  And, we learned.  My kids are really great sleepers.  They go to bed early, on their own.  And, they wake up early (for seminary that is 30 minutes away and starts at 6am) on their own.  Healthy sleep habits are one of the best things I have ever taught my kids.  I believe in sleep.  Amen.

I think your mind needs to rest.  I also think a tidy bedroom and a neat bed contribute to a restful sleep.

::Give them more control when you are fighting for control.

When you're in a battle of wills with your child, give them some power.  Either give them a choice, or give them a distraction.

We need to get our coats on, do you want red or blue?  We're better at choices than we are at distraction.

We don't have to expect firm obedience, just help them to choose obedience.  If you want them to lay for a diaper change, keep a favorite book by the diapers.  If you want them to wash dishes, offer help.  If you want them to eat a bite of food, offer juice to wash it down with or a quarter.  If you want them to stay in bed, find them a good book to look at (so they are laying in bed calmly before lights out.)  If you want them to clean up, ask them to just pick up just the cars.  If they want your attention while you're busy tell them they must wait, but can get themselves a snack.  Give in without giving up.

Pick the thing you want them to do (leave you alone while you're talking to another adult) and be flexible on something else (suggest they grab a bag of treats to eat in another room).

I love a good distraction!

How do you get your kids to stay in bed?  Repetition.  

Routine.  

Calm instruction.  

Expectations.

We all go to bed early in our house.

Putting kids to bed, when they're tired and cranky and we're tired and cranky is hard when you do not have a routine.

I do give my kids a book their bed (mostly for naptimes and before I turn their lights out).  I give them a water bottle, they have a box fan in their rooms for white noise, and I prop the door a little bit open.  If they have a hard time staying in bed, I may give them a stuffed animal that I take away when they get up.  At naptime, I may promise a treat to a child who stays in bed and promise to eat that treat myself if they get out of bed.  

At naptime, I may lay in a bed nearby and whisper, "Go to sleep" or "close your eyes."  I love to read or sleep a little while my youngest are falling asleep.  

::Establish calm, happy sleep routines and protect them!!

The key to good nappers and sleepers (and I've had eight) is routine!!!  I should admit that I had to learn this the hard way!!  Our bedtimes were supernanny bad!  Routine is NOT something that comes natural to me!!  I learned it because I was forced to.

We are home by 11:30 am almost every day.  We eat a lunch, sitting nicely in our chairs.  We clean up lunch together.  Naptime starts when we begin making lunch because they know the routine.  We head up to our bedrooms.  Eve chooses whether we race, or I give her a piggy back ride.  She comes happily so she picks out a book.  We read.  I say one or two, but it may be three or four.  

We talk about the fun things we will do after her nap so she can "just take a little nap so that we can make cookies or go see Jakob's soccer game" when she wakes up.  I hug her and kiss her and tuck her in and turn on the fan.  Usually I just lay in Lily's bed and read or close my eyes for a few minutes.  I love naptime.  It is a lot of work, but teaches healthy sleep habits.  My children nap until kindergarten.  

Many may disagree with me, but I believe nap-times, quiet-times, and early bedtimes are essential for happy, healthy children.

::Be On Time.  Plan Ahead.

Watch the Dog Whisperer to see how the emotion of an owner is translated to their dog.  Calm and confident is the state of being we are trying to achieve.

The dumbest thing we ever do as parents is get all excited when we're trying to get our kids where we need them to be.

Saying "Hurry up!!  We're late!!  Get your shoes!!"  Yelling, stressing, hurrying, etc., just makes things worse!!  We get stressed and so we stress our kids out and then we are even later.  It's SO dumb parents.  Don't stress about being late!!

I try to plan to be early and I'm often late.  But-- I know how to do it.  It IS absolutely possible to get a family of eight to church and school on time even when my husband is out of town.  Sometimes, emergencies or tantrums happen.  That's life.  But, most of the time, we're on time.

Set your internal timer 15 minutes earlier than you think you need to leave.  Our church starts at 10, it is 30 minutes away, I say we need to leave at 9.  We usually leave between 9:15 and 9:30.  

It always takes 15 minutes longer than I think it will.  So, if I need 30 minutes to drive somewhere, I enter my appointment 45 minutes earlier in my phone calendar.  

Let your kids know at the beginning of the day what is happening that day and when.  Have them pack a ziplock bag of snacks or a small toy to bring with them. Start acting like you're leaving earlier.  Get your shoes on, get your coat on, grab your keys.  Gently tell your children to stop what they're doing, clean up, and get ready to go.  

Even if you're late-- don't stress.  Just keep trying, keep smiling, gentle reminders.  Don't be mad, be cheerful or direct.  Simple instructions.  Whisper instead of yell.  How you arrive is just as important as when you arrive.

Instead of being mad when things fall apart, I love to say "NEXT TIME LET'S..."

::Be a thermostat not a thermometer!

Set the temperature, don't measure it.  We are SO blessed to have our own little home country to manage.  We have created our Garden of Eden.  We choose what influences we invite into our home and we choose how we spend our time.  Obviously, we don't choose our challenges and we all have them.  Isn't it great that we have so many amazing resources to help us figure out how to respond to our individual challenges?

43 And now a commandment I give unto you—if you will be delivered you shall set in order your own house, for there are many things that are not right in your house. 

44 Verily, I say unto my servant Sidney Rigdon, that in some things he hath not kept the commandments concerning his children; therefore, first set in order thy house. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, D&C 93)

OK-- my time us up and my thumb is tired from typing this on my phone.  Ha!

I must say that I do not believe we will ever be finished setting our house in order.  There will ALWAYS be something we can work on!  Always.  What's that law of science that says things always go towards disorder unless acted upon?  You know what I'm talking about.  The Law of Entropy?

We shouldn't let the fact that we never "arrive" distract us from trying!!  Order is a great goal.  Order and creation is a daily process of rebirth and death.  Order is cyclical and ever transforming.  

Enjoy the process.  

Feel the power you have to set the tone.  

The Grand Canyon was carved with layers upon layers of gently flowing water.  Let's direct the flow of our family.  Let's shape the tone of our home.  Let's establish systems and routines in our home.  As we do this, these systems will shape us.

8 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; 

9 That your incomings may be in the name of the Lord, that your outgoings may be in the name of The Lord. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, D&C 109)

I absolutely feel privileged to be able to shape my home.

So much of my heart, my mind, and my energy is spent trying to figure out systems and routines for my family.

As my house is in order, I am able to invite people into my space and they feel that peace.  

My sister had never visited my home and she came for Eve's birth.  She said, "I have never been in a home like yours before Jen.  I don't know what it is?  I feel so at peace here.  I feel more myself in your home than I have ever felt before."

I loved that compliment.

My house is FAR from ordered and far from perfect.  

But, I love being home.

My home is a holy place.

I hope people feel peace in my home.

I care about how my children behave and how my house looks.  But, I care most about how happy my children seem and how my house FEELS.

This, my friends, is a great work!

The greatest of all skills that no college course can teach.

The great University of Life teaches us.  God teaches us by the divine art of REPETITIVE REPENTENCE!!

May God help us all to teach, love, and order our home like His.

An ordered life is a good life.

Clean and kind.  

My two goals.

(Now, let me go calmly practice what I preach so we aren't late for church.  Haha!)

When you wake up cranky

Eve rinsed the breakfast dishes yesterday.

She spent an hour scrubbing and rinsing while I picked up around the house.

My house was a mess and I was avoiding it like the plague.  We don't have a good chore system these days (just dishes) and I have two little ones who make a big mess in a minute if I'm not careful.  So, this morning the mess fell on me and it felt overwhelming.  (Revised chore system coming soon...)

I started my day by deleting Facebook and Instagram off my phone (too tempting).

Then, I decided I needed inspiration and uplift, so I set my phone to read The Book of Mormon to me.  Even if I wasn't completely focused on the words I just kept the audio on in the background.  I was amazed at how often words from scripture would match the random thoughts my mind was mulling over while I cleaned.  

I always start with laundry and while that is washing I go room to room.

I took a break somewhere in the midst of my morning to pull out my journal and write down some goals.  It felt SO good to think and plan and hope!  I hardly ever do all the things I hope to do, but hoping and trying is one of my greatest talents. 

What started out as a cranky day, ended up a beautifully productive day.

As I saw things that needed to be done, I wrote a list of random jobs on the whiteboard.  When the kids came home I had them choose one large or two small jobs.  It's so nice to get help with those random jobs.

In the afternoon, I baked.

Eve, Ben and I made granola, bread, and the most amazing cinnamon rolls ever.  While I was finishing the rolls, Anna fried pork chops and Drew made couscous and green beans for dinner.  

Everyday I put a pitcher to fill with water under the faucet while I'm making last minute dinner prep.  And, everyday my kids tease me when it overflows.

Drew was filling the pitcher last night and it overflowed.  I teased him and he said it was because he was trying to do so many things at once.  I laughed, "Yes, it's called multi-tasking."  I could see his brain working-- maybe Mom isn't just forgetful, maybe she's just doing a lot of different things at once also.  

We ended the night with a family trip to a haunted house, and then the big kids put the little kids to bed while Todd and I went on a date to an interesting, inspiring lecture.

Life can be good, even on cranky Thursdays.

This Kind

Eve and Ben are playing together more these days.

They are double trouble, those two.

They both have big personalities, they are happy, active, and smart.

This morning Ben threw his sippy cup off his highchair tray and it hit Eve.

She cried, hugged me tight, and pronounced emphatically-- "See, that's why I don't want that kind of baby!"

Haha!  

Oh, the joy of having a little brother.

Unfortunately for Eve, this is my favorite kind of baby.

I happen to love the strong, Captain Moroni, Peter type babies.

If I can survive the messy toddler years, I prefer raising leaders to raising followers.  I somehow ended up with a whole houseful of that kind of babies.  

You know immediately that these kinds of babies are going to be something.

I hope they turn out something good!

Now, better go find that little mess maker, he's fast!!

Life is good!

(If I actually took time to go onto my computer, I'd link to the cutest books.  I love them.  Little Dinos Don't Bite and Little Dinos Don't Hit...  They're cute-- and so are little Dinos.  Look them up.)

I clean.

I clean.

My good friend was unhappy at work and struggling to decide her future.  She said, "I am not going to quit my job so I can stay home and clean my house all day."

Her words have haunted me.

Do I stay home to clean all day every day?  

I will admit that my house is clean, although it is never as clean as I wish it was.  I'm too busy doing good things to clean all day, although I often wish I could spend my hours cleaning.  I could have a clean home if that was all I did.  I don't feel my life would be best spent cleaning all day, but unlike many of the voices in society today, this is not because I don't find purpose and value in menial tasks.

There are times I would feel wrong spending all day studying scriptures, serving others, writing blogs, or even praying.  The need for balance and order should not diminish the value of foundational tasks.  Creating a home of order is a GREAT and NOBLE work. 

When my home is orderly, my mind is at peace.  

I have rules about my home.

1- I welcome people into my home whatever state it is in.  Allowing people to see me in my less than perfect state, endears them to me, opens me to service, and shows them I can love them in an imperfect state.  Friendships are formed with honesty-- and honestly, my house is usually one or two hours away from "clean."

2-  I try not to apologize for messy kitchens, fingerprint windows, or laundry piles in my living room.  (I'm not great at this.)  I post messy house pictures on my blog.  I am not one who stages my house for pictures because I think the idea that our house should be model-home perfect is unhealthy.  Unrealistic home expectations lead to debt, depression, and even divorce.  

3-  I believe learning to keep an orderly home is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn in this life.  I believe clean, organized homes eminate peace and health.  I believe we cannot teach our children to clean without helping them to be accustomed to a clean home.  Order begins with me!!

4- I do NOT think clean trumps kindness or relationships.

The attitude by which I clean teaches MORE than the skill by which I clean.  I am very aware of the mental energy I eminate when I clean or as I organize chores.  I cannot expect my family to clean happily when I do not.

I believe in cleaning.

I find great symbolism as I clean.

For years I have organized (or picked up) my home on Mondays, cleaned on Tuesdays, laundered (separating the light from dark) on Wednesday, etc..  My cleaning schedule mirrors the creation (I think there is a link to creation cleaning on my sidebar) and so as I clean, my thoughts turn to the Creation story.  Running water illicits images of great oceans.  

Cleaning is transformative and beautiful.  Of all the repetitive tasks I perform as a mother, cleaning is my favorite.  There is just something rewarding for me as I see a toothpaste-y sink wiped to a clean, shiny surface.  I find freshly bathed children and husbands equally irresistible.  I feel natural joy in a clean kitchen, wiped counters, mopped kitchen floor.  Vacuum lines in the carpet are my love language.

My home is my Garden of Eden, this is my small part of the world.  I get to create a place for my family to dwell.  As the Queen of my castle I take full responsibility for the state of my home.  

Sure, those who live with me will all have differing levels of cleanliness and skill.  But, I am the manager of the home.  My job description includes the great skills of motivator, teacher, and scheduler.  

It is so very common for parents to complain about their messy children, messy home, lazy teenagers, or unhelpful spouse.  I wonder if they understand their role is to INSPIRE, teach, facilitate.  

WE are the coaches!!  Complaining about our team just makes us look bad.  Good coaches take the team that they have and make them better.

My children are messy.  I am not the Queen of Clean or the Queen of Consistent.  

Different children are wired messier and neater.  I'm so grateful for the chance I get to teach my children to be clean.  Cleanliness and order are not skills that can be taught in one family night lesson.  These are habits taught over and over and over again.  My messiest young children have become amazingly tidy teens.  I'm so impressed.  

My creative, messiest child was in school with an overflowing desk.  Her teacher made a comment and my daughter replied, "I know I'm messy.  My mom says THIS is the year I'm going to learn to be organized."  I loved that story-- she notices her current weakness, but she also knows that I know she can learn new skills.  I really believe this is true-- we can learn beyond our natural tendencies.

I am still learning to overcome my natural laziness.  (The best part of being a mother to many is that I can literally feel my selfishness and laziness being melted off my soul.)

I choose to love the process as much as I love the result.

It makes me sad when people say "Nobody likes changing dirty diapers."

I do.  

I feel it is a privilege to be alive and able to change dirty diapers.  

I feel grateful that my babies are alive and healthy enough to potty.

I have never lost a child.  But, often as I change diapers, I imagine that THIS diaper could be my last.

Would he know how much I love him?

If my baby died- my soul would ache to change one more of his dirty diapers.

Can I tell you a thing or two about changing dirty diapers?

It is a privilege!!

It is a skill!

It is an act of service that is healthy, bonding, and crucial.

I do not bask in poo, but I cherish the opportunity that I have to serve my baby often during the day.

Keeping his bottom clean and healthy is important to me.

I teach so much as I clean him.

I teach him to trust me.

I teach him to lay still and be calm.

I teach him to find his eyes, his hair, his ears, his nose, his tongue, his toes.

I teach him animal sounds.

This is the game of responding-- I ask, he answers.  What an essential skill for him to learn.

As I change his diaper, his eyes are close to mine.  

We connect, we sing, we bond!!

I choose to love changing diapers!!!

I want my child to feel loved, not dirty and annoying.

I CHOOSE to love changing diapers because I love the child I am cleansing.

I love cleaning dirty toilets.

For almost one year, I laid in bed unable to lift, clean, or even potty.

I watched people I love serve me.

I watched people I love clean my toilets.

My body ached to work, my soul yearned to serve.

I wanted desperately to clean my own toilets-- and today I can!!!

The ability to clean my home is a gift.

As I read holy scripture, I find a God who cleans.  

2 And, behold, there came a leper and worshipped him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. 

3 And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. (New Testament, Matthew, Matthew 8)

If thou wilt, thou canst make me clean.

Don't you love those words?

Can you hear them from your child, your kitchen, your car, your toilet?

I will.

I clean because I love.

21 Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us? ...

23 Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also. (Book of Mormon, Alma, Alma 60)

I believe a house of order is the desire of almost every person.  We might not ever achieve the level of order we hope to have, but we are unified in our desire.

In a recent General meeting of our church, Elder Jorge Klebingat, of the seventy, gave a talk "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence"

He said, "Establish an attitude of ongoing, happy, joyful repentance by making it your lifestyle of choice. In doing so, beware of the temptation to procrastinate..."

He was obviously NOT talking about house cleaning-- but oh the divine analogy.  Cleaning is like repenting.  Cleaning, like repenting, is repetitive and renewing.  

Establish an attitude of ongoing, happy, joyful CLEANING by making it your lifestyle of choice.  Beware of the temptation to procrastinate!!

Joyful repentance...

Joyful cleaning...

Beautiful concepts to ponder as you cleanse.

The beauty of Christ's teaching was that He taught about menial tasks.  He compared menial tasks to Godly things.  Homemakers everywhere can relate to the parable of the lost silver.

8 ¶Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 

9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. 

10 Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth. (New Testament, Luke, Luke 15)

This IS a holy work.

A friend gave me a framed quote once that said,

"Treasure those humdrum tasks that keep your body occupied and your mind unfettered."

Oh, don't you LOVE talking to a wise friend while you mindlessly clean?  Don't you love listening to a book on tape, an inspirational talk, or cheerful music while you clean?!!  Cleaning can be calming anti-anxiety and anti-depressant.  Cleaning signals endorphins and burns calories.  Don't you love to clean?

I do!!

My whole house is happy if I put on the Happy Little Working Song from Enchanted while we clean.

One of the best things my husband can do to help when I'm cranky is to take the kids to the park so I can spend a few uninterrupted hours cleaning my temple. Love it!!

When we're helping we're happy!!

Happy is a direct result of cleaning.  

It's a scientific law.

(We need to pause a second and really FOCUS on that which we've cleaned or that which still needs to be cleaned will rob us of those natural and good feelings.)

Children naturally LOVE to clean!!

They really do!!

Give any child under five the choice of a sink full of sudsy water with dishes to clean or the coolest toy alive-- they will CHOOSE to wash dishes.  I know it.

Teach them to feel proud of clean dishes before you make them mop the flooded floor!

We teach them to dread work by the weight and negativity WE place on work.

I certainly haven't mastered the art of teaching children to keep a home clean, so take my advice for what it's worth.  I

believe inorder to properly teach work to children you must separate your desire for a clean home with your need to teach your children to clean.  Both of these are YOUR responsibility to teach.  

I cannot be mad at my kids for my messy house, because my house is my job.  I am the teacher, the Queen, the Master-- they are my students.  Messes are an inevitable and healthy part of life!!  My job is to deal with them and teach my children how to deal with them.  Clean is the goal-- but dribbling back and forth is an essential part of the game.  

Usually, the big messes comes from ME being distracted or busy and not following through.  Accept the mess.  Embrace the process.  Joyfully and willfully clean and teach those around you to joyfully join you.

I cannot be angry at a child for being cranky, overwhelmed, or unmotivated to clean.  If I still (at age 36) feel cranky, overwhelmed, and unmotivated, then those are absolutely natural and expected behaviors from a younger child.  Getting angry at a child who is acting like a child is, frankly, childish.

When you are teaching your children to clean you must separate yourself from every single guilty feeling you have that your house needs cleaning.  Don't blame them for the mess, don't blame yourself for the mess.  Separate two lessons; how to clean up and how to keep it clean.

One- you will joyfully teach a child to clean overwhelming messes.

There are lots of skills for them to learn.  Where to begin, how not to get distracted, how music lifts your spirits, sorting, purging, working quickly, working with others, breaking a large task into smaller tasks.  Pretend you are on TV, that you are cleaning somebody else's house for an extreme home makeover.  Cleaning is fun!

Two- you will joyfully teach your child how to be more organized, more neat, and more self-disciplined.  This is not a lesson you teach while you're cleaning big messes.  Did you hear that?!!  Do not yell at your kids for making a mess the whole time you are cleaning up messes!!  If you do this, you will be teaching them that having to clean means they have done something WRONG.  No wonder nobody likes to clean.

Do you feel that moms?  Do you feel that cleaning equals failure?  Tis not so!!  Can you see that having to clean means you are doing everything right?!! We have mess because we are living and loving, eating, playing, and creating!!  Be grateful for your beloved mess!  You are great because you clean not a failure because you have to clean!  

Likewise, you repent because you are good becoming better!  Repenting means growing and becoming NOT condemning and failure.  Oh, let us teach our children to run towards God when they err, not away from Him.  

Let us teach our children they are the most amazing cleaning crew ever!!  Let's praise them for their ability to transform a Hiroshima House into a Heavenly Home with the same skill as the Cat in the Hat with Things A to Z (sometimes we clean in rhyme).  Do not teach your children that cleaning equals failure.  

Be grateful you have ANOTHER mess to clean.  See the excess of money, gifts and blessings in every single mess.

Please, next time you are complaining about a messy toddler or an overwhelming house, take a trip to the pediatric hospital near you.  Find a mother sitting near her toddler hooked up to chemo and ask her what she would rather be doing.  Ten bucks says she would tell you that a messy toddler is a happy, healthy toddler.  She would trade you in a heartbeat.  

Yes, teaching your children to be neat and disciplined is so, so important.  We teach this as we move slowly, plan ahead, establish routines.  Morning routines, sleep routines, bedtime and mealtime routines.  When we keep our bedroom clean, our children learn to keep their bedrooms clean.  

Oh the hypocrisy of parents who feel so justified in being angry at their lazy children without seeing the beam in their own eye.  First, put on your own oxygen mask!  Find joy in cleaning.

My time is up and my house is waiting to be joyfully cleansed.

I wish I could tell you exactly how to keep your home clean and tidy while inspiring your family to do the same.

I have tried, perhaps harder to figure out homemaking than I have tried to do anything else in my life.  And, I still have so much to learn.

Cleaning my house, cleaning my car, cleaning my kitchen, cleaning my children is still hard for me.

I don't know how to have a large family and have a clean home.

My floor, although regularly mopped, is always sticky.

My sliding glass doors have tongue and fingerprints smeared across them.

Despite notes, repeated training, and two Saturdays devoted to washing, ironing and rehanging lessons, I have a child who still picks her nose and strategically places boogies on her shower curtain.  Lovely.

I try to be neat and disciplined, but it still takes daily grit and determination.

I try to keep my van tidy, but it is not.

I have designed and created hundreds of chore charts and designated spots for hundreds of shoes and still I have shoes in my entry ways and Saturday morning negotiations.

My favorite advice is-- never stop starting.

I really hate putting my clothes away at the end of the day.  Oh, I have a procrastinating soul.  But, I think THIS is the year I will stop procrastinating.

God doesn't ask us to repent because He expects us not to sin.

We repent because we are mortal and sin is part of the plan.

Repenting is a joyful gift, an opportunity for cleansing and growth.

Cleaning is like repenting.

We clean because mess is inevitable.

We clean because work is worship.

We clean because we are hopeful and grateful.

We clean because cleansing is holy.

We clean because it is a service and a sacrifice.

44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. 

45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. 

46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. 

47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. 

48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven (New Testament, Luke, Luke 7)

I believe I clean because I love much.

I believe that as I serve I am sanctified and cleansed myself.

Yes, I find cleaning to be a holy sacrament.

I feel privileged to be able to serve my family.

I love to clean.

In the repetition of cleansing I am purified.

Life, with clean diapers, wiped counters, shining toilets and vacuum lines is good.

Life, even with stinky diapers, sticky counters, ringed toilet bowls, and crumby carpets, is an absolute gift.

Time to stop preaching and keep practicing.  :)

Let me leave you with one final thought.

My Savior-- He cleans.

He cleans my soul, He wipes my tears, He walks with me as I clean my home.

How can I ever despise the menial tasks of caring for my home and family when each task drips of holy symbolism, incomparable love and eternal grace?

5 After that he poureth water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. 

6 Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? 

7 Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. 

8 Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. 

9 Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. (New Testament, John, John 13)

I believe we do not know now the significance of the daily acts of service we perform.  But, we will know hereafter.

Perhaps it is the act of changing diapers, washing feet, cleaning together, that creates eternal family connections.

Lord, dost thou wash me?

What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know hereafter.

If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.

If I wash thee-- thou hast part with me!

I am like Him.

As I wash them, they have part with me and Him.

Today, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!

Not my dishes only, but my clothes and my floor and my boogered shower curtain.

I clean and I am cleansed.

I feel honored that I get to clean my home, clean my family, and clean my soul.

As I wash, I am healed.

9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord. (Old Testament, Psalms, Psalm 113)

I cook.

Ellie made me breakfast in bed this morning, sliced apples, pancakes from scratch, and pure maple syrup.

She used eggs from our chickens (I smiled as I crunched a few shell pieces), apples from a nearby orchard, flour from a local Mennonite store, and even went out in the rain to cut a rose to decorate the plate.  I'm absolutely certain that my kitchen is a whirlwind of a mess.

I felt loved.  I felt fed.  

I loved her more for serving me.

Oh, food-- food!

I really love beautiful, colorful, delicious, healthy food.  I have often said that produce is my antidepressant of choice.  

As much as I intrinsically love food, in all it's variety, I have had to learn to appreciate the repetitive act of feeding myself and others.

Anyone who has been pregnant can attest to the  direct correlation between hunger and emotions.  As one who was pregnant for six full years of my life, I testify that a good nap and a good meal changes things.

My sweet husband learned to feed me or send me to my room for a nap when my emotions would pour out.  He always asks, "What have you eaten?  What can I get you?"  

We need to stop fighting with each other and start feeding each other more!  Believe me- it works.  Make more cookies and your children will squabble less.  Ha!  Do not argue or fight with a cranky child!! Feed them or help them to sleep.  

The stupidest advice we ever give newlywed couples is "Never go to bed angry."  No!!  Go. To. Bed!!!  You are probably not even angry, you're just tired.  (Please excuse my random rant.  Sleep and food are so related in my mind and my role as a wife, mother, and homemaker.)

Regular, healthy, beautiful meals in your home will change things.  

Don't you love John 21:15-17?

15 ¶So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. 

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. 

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep. 

How many times did Christ teach that loving and feeding went hand in hand?

Don't you love the parallel between nourishing physical bodies and nourishing souls?  We hunger for both physical and spiritual nourishment.

How many times did Christ TEACH and FEED?  Almost every single time.  Spirits are receptive when bellies are full.

Feeding is divinely repetitive.  I believe our life has purpose and as such, I find purpose and holiness in performing the menial tasks of life.  I believe Naaman was cured from leprosy by washing and washing and washing and washing and washing and washing and washing, seven times in the river Jordan.  (2 Kings 2:5). I also believe that we are bonded together as friends and family, parent and child, as we cook and eat together.  The act of feeding creates loving bonds.  

I struggle to DO what I KNOW to be good.  My meals are not perfectly planned and prepared.  Feeding takes effort and work.  I learned this weekend that work and worship are the same word in Hebrew.  I feel that I worship as I work.  I might not DO things as well as I wish I could, but I firmly BELIEVE that feeding others is a holy act.

We hunger, our children hunger, our neighbors hunger.  Hunger is a gift that helps us to take time to feast upon that which is good.  Hunger draws us together.  Hunger pulls us back to our Heavenly Father as it pulls our children back to us.  Let's kill the fatted calf!  Let's rejoice when our children come to us for food!  Feeding others is a privilege that we would yearn for if our children were lost or wandering.  I hope Heaven feels like a Thanksgiving family dinner.

23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 

24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. (New Testament, Luke 15)

My relationships are strengthened as I feed others.  

From the moment I first bring my newborn baby to my breast to eat, I am bonding that baby to me.  Children learn early that mother and father equals food, warmth, protection, comfort and love.  I am teaching my children over and over and over again as I nourish them.  I am blessing them with a secure foundation as I consistently feed and serve them.  

As we feed bodies we are loving souls.  Feeding bonds.  It is beautiful.  God must have known this when he created bodies and children that required food.  

We are teaching as we feed.  Lessons of peace and security taught during the first years of our children's lives while they eat hourly are lessons that we will want them to remember into their adult years.  

It is natural for children to learn to feed themselves and in time to learn to feed others.  What a privilege it is to be able to teach our families the joy of feeding others.  I hope my children feel the value of feeding those they love.  I hope they always find joy in nourishing.

My wise cousin adopted a baby.  During the early months with him, SHE fed him.  She wasn't able to nurse, but she created that bond by being the one with the food.  What a smart mother.  What a lucky little boy.

Oh how my mother soul aches for mothers all over the world who cannot feed their children.  We are SO lucky.  We can feed those we love and we have excess to share.  Let us reach out to help others feed their lambs.

My morning time is up although I could testify of the art of nourishing all day long.  

Feeding my husband and children bonds them to me and the act of serving them transforms my soul.  It is an honor to serve.  It is an honor to feed.  It is an honor to be fed.  I feel loved and cared for when I am fed, and I love feeding.

One of the best things I can do as I strive to create a peaceful home, is try to have the kitchen table set and dinner at least planned before my husband comes home for work.  He might not admit it, or even notice it, but he feels peace when he sees the table set.  Our evenings run smoother when I create a healthy meal for our family.  

I try to have dinner cooked before Todd comes home, and my favorite nights I see him pull up the driveway and call to my children, "Come quickly!  Dad's home!  Let's all sit down before he comes inside."  Food cooking on the stove and a table carefully set, symbolizes to my family that all is well.  It just does.

A healthy breakfast starts our days off right.

Holidays are happier with traditions that focus on food.

There is beauty all around when there's FOOD at home!!

A hungry family is a cranky family.

Oh, how wise the plan that makes teenage boys excessively hungry during those transformative years!!  What a gift it is to FEED them.  

We cook!  We serve!  We feed His lambs.

We feed over and over and over again.

Don't you love it?!

Many times I feel like my whole life revolves around planning, buying, preparing and serving food.  I absolutely feel this is a great work!  Yes, feeding and washing dishes is work-- but it is good work. I feel feeding others is perhaps the greatest of all work.  If feeding is not the greatest work-- it is certainly the most foundational of all good works.

I NOURISH!!!  

I am proud to nourish.

How I cherish the opportunity to feed those I love.  I hope those in my home feel fed, both physically and spiritually.

Let us STOP focusing on the drudgery of dirty dishes and start focusing on the divine opportunity we are blessed with to serve and comfort.  The art of nourishing is a skill and an honor.  

I'm not the best cook-- but I do believe with my whole soul that cooking for those I love is doing something great.

I am thankful I can cook!!

Life is a little better with a full stomach.