November 03, 2011

drinking in today.

at our house, we have lots of craft projects that look like trash.
i love them.
if i could have a cup of today, i'd drink it every morning.
today was full, and busy, and fast, and slow, and... perfect.
at our house, we play LOTS of peek a boo.

my husband is out of town, for a week.
something changes in me when he is not here.
it makes me sad.  it makes me feel like i have a dysfunctional marriage.
when my husband is out of town, my life is so GOOD.
better.  kind of.
yes, i miss him.  but, i love who i am when he's not here.
it's not him.  he's great.
i'm afraid he's too great.  so great, that i'm lazy.
i depend on him too much and i don't reach my full potential each day.
when he is out of the state, i know it's me or nothing.
and i always rise to meet the challenge.
i get so much done.  i'm a better mother, all day and all night.
i feel powerful and capable and my home is peaceful and orderly.
at our house, we memorize scriptures.  someone is always erasing a part or adding messages on the white board. 
anna has written this particularly long scripture many times over.  she has it memorized the best.  i LOVE it!
why do i function better when i'm alone? 
it's just not right.
at our house, my girls love to decorate.  i LOVE it.  anna's self portrait... she said, "we are painting portraits at school, and i really think mine is the best."  ellie's glitter pumpkin.  anna and ellie collect leaves and pine cones on the way home from school, i loved their excitement "i know!  we can just decorate with these things."  they add to our display daily. 
i need to drink a cup of today, when he's here.
he deserved a few sips of today, too.

at our house, the counters have rattles and diaper bags and our theme scripture for the year and more reminders-- 
Be Kind.  i need reminders everywhere.  i think i'm a words person.  words and rattles.  i need them.
i was putting away baby clothes last night, and i cried.
my baby is wearing 6 month clothes.
no more 0-3 months, no more 3-6 months... 6 month plus.
i love watching her grow. 
but, i might not ever have another 0-3 month little girl.
i might.  but, i might not.
it makes me sad. 
sad in a reminiscent way.
i LOVE 0-3 month little girls.  LOVE THEM.
it reminds me to FEEL this moment.
this 6-9 month moment.
to hold her, to love her, to appreciate this time.
how i wish i was better at loving my children where they are.
loving them now, not two sizes from now...
at our house, there is always a 'to do'... to do- clean up breakfast and lunch packing.

lily pulled a towel into the bathtub this evening and i bonked her head while she was laughing.
i said, "No.  That is not funny.  That is a wrong choice."
she said, "Sorry Momma."
all of my kids were horrid in the bath, when they were toddlers.
and, it IS funny. 
i should have laughed and let her feel the heavy, wet towel in the bathtub. 
i should have wrapped her up in it and pretended it was her blankie. 
but, she's in bed now.  that moment is past, and i missed it.  really, missed it.
at our house, i have reminders EVERYWHERE.

i called the middle school band teacher, who i love, and told her that i couldn't come in on Wednesday mornings anymore.
i've been volunteering one morning a week, while lily went to a friend's house, leah was at preschool and todd worked from home with baby eve.
i love being involved at the kids school.
i tell myself it is so important.
but really, i was just alphabetizing music. 
sometimes I would try to help a kid who didn't know how to play the french horn, but i don't know how to play the french horn either, so i wasn't much help.
this isn't my year for volunteering on a regular basis.
i still have too many young kids at home.  i'm needed here.
i felt SO good after making that call.
especially since she wasn't in her office and i could just leave a stuttering, apologetic, 'call me if you ever need anything', message.
pathetic, i know. 
such is life. 
at our house, laundry is consistent.
i'm starting to love my home here.
it's starting to show our fingerprints.
after i sent leah to preschool, i just snapped pictures of my life, and loved this day.
i'm home with a cute, feisty, opinionated, darling #7.
a sweet, quiet, opinionated "pink", friendly #6.
and, a very consuming, full of life, active, happy, independent #5.
Three little girls and me, all day long.
i get to make dog houses and bake bread and do laundry and go to the store and take pictures and study and plan and read stories and play play dough and ... it is so fun.
at our house, the oregon fog is just beginning.

then, school let's out and our life is bustling.
Busy with funny, funny older girls who tell me every detail of every thing that happened at school.
And busy with organized, flourishing boys who are so independent and mature and yet still silly, teasing brothers.
We get to see soccer games and track meets and award assemblies and play-dates.
at our house, we take naps.  both eve and lily were asleep minutes after these pictures were taken.

I get to pack lunches and make dinners and find the crisco so they can make cookies after school.
We write current events and i define random words that they don't know yet, like oh, i can't think of one right now, but i always smile at their cute language choices.
this is my master bathroom.  our house has lots of toothbrushes, we have hundreds of toothbrushes. 
is this a sign of my disorganization or of our good hygiene?
i LOVE being a mother.
i LOVE it.
i love it more tonight, because we cleaned the whole house today.
and, i did the laundry.
and, i unpacked some stray boxes that have been on my to do list for months.
and, i did feed my kids homemade wheat bread as an afternoon snack, and brought blondies to the cross country award assembly... but, we went out to dinner at LosRoquitos for burritos take-out which are probably still spilled in the back seat of my car.
my kitchen is cleaned.
my kids took baths and showers.  
i even sent my boys to bed a bit earlier than usual, and i went in and laid by each of them.
i rubbed my hands through there hair and just loved them like i used to when they were little, and not so independent.
how i love those boys.
they are really growing up.
my babies.
my babies are still under there, by the way. 
their skin is still the same soft, their hair still the same spiky, they still smile through their eyes at me when i kiss their cheeks and tell them that i love them soo much. 
that they are good boys. 
that i am so blessed to be their mother.  
that they are little brats sometime...  
we started with one dog house, as each kid entered the picture, they needed a new house.  when my big kids got home from school they really wanted to make the houses that they designed- multibox houses.  today, we cleaned up.  tomorrow, we are building!
oh, how i love them.

today wasn't an easy day.
i yelled at kids who didn't love cleaning the house.
{but i did tell jakob he was the cat in the hat, with the vacuum.  anna and ellie were thing 1 and thing 2.  their job was to pick up everything so jakob could vacuum.  i told jakob that he had to tell them what they had to pick up in RHYME.  it was so funny!}
i had an older child pee in her pants?!!  what?
i had kids sneak candy and lie about it.
i had kids turn on the tv when i told them no tv.  
{leah had to write 10 times  NO TV.  NO TV.  NO TV. - it was cute.}
at our house, leah and lily play together all day long.  lily is lost when she has no sisters at home.  leah kept telling lily to bang on her house and try to hurt her.  she was inside saying, "Nope, still doesn't hurt."  funny kids.
i thought i burned my house down, because i left my soup on the stove when i went to the award assembly and then i was gone over two hours.
todd called right when i got home from running around with all the kids and he heard royal chaos in the background... i'm not sure that i expressed to him how much i was enjoying my day.  :)
it's 11 o'clock and i'm still awake... not smart for a mom whose baby will still be up four times tonight.

at our house, we don't teach how to write S's the right way or how to say "my name is lily" because we like backwards S's and "my name is Willy" better.
And, we forgot to write the dog's name on the house.   "Him".  that's his name, the dog, Him.
today wasn't easy.
but, it was good.
every day should be this good.
at our house, ponies stand in line.  someday, we won't have any more ponies standing in line...
 every day IS this good... i just need to drink it in.  


CTR Mama said...

I have similar experiences when my husband travels! I love and miss him, but it must be true that we try harder than normal or something. And, though strange and probably wrong, I actually stress less when he is gone than when he is home. It can be a nice break once in a while to just do everything myself and not have to consult another person. That, and I don't cook when he's gone! Way to be the better mom today!

Teachinfourth said...

A lot of people seem to be in the doghouse in your home. LOL.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...