discerning.

me in real life.

i am naturally a spiritual person.
i think deeply and i learn easily from things around me.
i feel God talking to me often-- we have conversations.
i heard someone explain revelation this way...
"I know God is talking to me when i learn something that i didn't know before."
and, i love that description.
it is true.
God teaches me many things as we converse throughout my life.

And, He recently taught me something else...
I NEED TO BE MORE DISCERNING with the voices in my head.
Yes, it is good to think deeply about things, good to learn.
But, it is not good to become blogged down in negative.
i know for sure that God is real.  i also know for sure that Satan is real.
i didn't realize how careful i need to be to DISCERN right from wrong.
to CHOOSE what i focus on.

Examples--

Combating Contention--
Satan's Lie--  My children needed to learn to WORK.
God's Truth-- Love one another as I have loved you.
Wow!!  Can I tell you the HUGE difference i feel in my home since i BANNED chores (you can read about it here)?  Chores, although a good thing, had become an area of contention in our home.  I'm not one to yell often, i am not one to spank, i am not one to get in fights with my kids often.  Our home wasn't horrible, but there was much underlying contention.  Even if i spent considerable effort "controlling" my temper-- it was the FEELING of my home that was WRONG.   We felt justified in our wrong because we were "supposed to" teach our children responsibility.  The way i saw my kids was wrong.  I noticed that i was saying 10 negative comments to 1 positive comment... and, even as i noticed the negative i couldn't think of any positives.  I really thought my kids were just plain bad.  I'm not usually like this, we have just slipped into a bad habit of contention.  And, my kids were quarreling with themselves all the time.  It was driving me crazy.  I identified chores as one of the variables in the equation that i could change.

In my mind i picture a woman and a horse.  The women is trying to bring the horse to water, the horse is yanking against the reigns... back and forth, with the attitude, "Come on you stupid horse, drink this water."  To really get the horse to drink the water you MUST let go-- give them their head, and then gently coax them, by showing them "Look, this is good stuff!!"  After one week of letting go of my kids' reigns, they are ALL happily serving in my home.  It feels SO right.

YOU CAN NOT DO THE LORD'S WORK IN THE DEVIL'S WAY.

I know another thing FOR SURE-- we can't expect our kids to be better at their young age than we are at our old age.
It is SO MUCH easier to think we can fix our kids or teach our kids then it is to BE good ourselves.
Yes, teaching children to work hard is important.
My children are VERY hard workers, honestly.
Having a happy home is MORE important.
Sometimes, you have to let go of the reigns and mimic a behavior, in order to really teach it.

Figuring out Exercise-- 
Satan's Lie-- It is just TOO hard to do the things we need to do.
God's Truth--  Men are that they might have JOY.
I know what i need to do to be happy.  I need to go to bed early.  I need to exercise.  I need to make good meals for my family.  I need to work hard and keep my home in order.  I need to spend time each day praying and studying my scriptures.  And, I need to BE KIND if it kills me.
It was just too hard to do all those things... my life was overwhelming... i just didn't know how...
For me, i was stuck on the exercise part.  I had 100 excuses why i couldn't do it.  And, they were real.  I decided i was done making excuses.  For me, i knew buying a treadmill was the answer.  So, i just announced to my dear husband that we were going to head to Play It Again Sports and buy a used tread mill.  Without researching the best kind... without buying the best kind... without weeks of budgeting and planning... we just bought it.  We did pay cash.  It cost us $299.  We didn't get the cheapest kind or the most expensive kind.  If we use it so much that it breaks that will make me happy.  And, we will buy a more expensive one knowing that we need it.  Oh, our life is changed just because of one silly decision.  Why has it taken me so long to do this??

I've been reading the biography of Russel M. Nelson- Father, Surgeon, Apostle.  He said this describing his wife (mother of 10), "I've seen her pick up her children after injury or amidst a convulsion resulting from a high fever, and she was not beyond control.  She was always composed, calm, and in command, as if having been given a special dimension of strength when needed for the benefit and welfare of those depending on her.  How grateful I am that not one of our beautiful children has ever been, even for a moment, disrespectful or disobedient to her.  They, too, know of her saintly nature and sense almost continuously that their being is a result of her willingness and eagerness to give them life and quality of life."  This is just one of many quotes about this angelic wife and mother...  it has stuck in my mind.  Not because her children were so perfect-- but because she worked SO hard at being angelic that they were good as a result.

Reading about this family just renewed my hope that it IS possible.  I can do this.  We can do this, Todd and I and God.
It is completely possible to have a clean, happy, functional home-- even with many children.
And, it is completely possible for me to be a happy, healthy, functional mother.

This line of a primary song echoes in my thoughts, "It shouldn't be hard, even though I am small, to think about Jesus, not hard at all."

I downloaded this app of my IPhone-- My Wonderful Goals and My Wonderful Days.
I can record and keep track of my goals and I write a little daily journal with smiley faces or frowning faces.
i love it.

it has only been 5 days, but I feel 100% different.
Not really different, just RIGHT.  100% right.
This is a familiar feeling.  I've figured it out before... and forgotten.
This isn't a story about buying a treadmill.
This is a story about KNOWING what you need to do and DOING it.
It isn't that hard.
Isn't there something that you know you should be doing?  Honestly, the time and energy that you take making excuses why you can't do it is WAY heavier than just doing it.
Just do it and stop whining.
That's my lesson to myself.
Please remind me of this.
Thanks.  

It's just SO hard--
If you've read my blog, you know that i struggle with the idea that i'm "different" from everybody.
It's what Satan whispers in my ear.  I feel alone and I sometimes feel that my lot in life is so hard.
I think Satan whispers this same thing to all of us.  When i really stop and look at my life-- it is SO good.  I have nothing to complain about at all.  Just tell me, "Stand up and keep walking Jen, it's not that hard."

My splash of cold water came this weekend in a religion class I attended.  I was listening to a lesson on the early Christian saints, around the time of Constantine.  These early saints were persecuted much like the Jews have been in modern times.  Unless they denied their beliefs, they were burned, skinned alive, hung upside down on crosses and left to starve to death... they watched their families and friends killed, they had to go into hiding.  Yeah, they had it rough.  They must have felt pretty lonely.  They must have felt pretty different from everyone around them.  Their life was hard.

My life is NOT hard.  I have a great family.  Not a perfect family, but a good family.  I have many friends.  I'm not getting skinned alive.  I certainly can handle the little bit of trial that I have been dished out in life.  How blessed I am to be living in this day and age!  Really, we have it so good!

Oh how my heart yearns to be more discerning!!
Can you imagine how much better it would be if i could just spot Satan's lies the moment it enters my mind?
i know his voice.
God whispers- you are so good!  you can do better!
Satan whispers- you are so bad... you can't do it...  look at your failure...  it's too hard...
i don't want to spend one more moment mulling over a thought that brings me down.

Conclusion--
When i am better at discerning the thoughts in my mind, when i recognize the good and recognize the lies, i am able to focus on what is real and true.

I know that in this life we can have joy.
Our homes can be places of peace and order and love.
There is a God... and there is a devil.
In all of our thinking-- let us DISCERN good from evil.
let us focus on goodness.
and JUST DO IT.

I am torn between wishing i was more concise and wishing i could write on this topic FOREVER.
This is one of those things that i wish i could yell to the world--  DISCERN!!
It is one of those lessons i wish i could have tattooed to my forehead-- don't just think more-- discern more!
Areas of contention are for me sign posts that I am not doing something that i should be doing...

This week i have been reminded to--
Love More!
Work More!
Rejoice More!

Life is good.
Joy is possible.
God is great!

 this picture makes me laugh.
leah is trying to convince me to let her go somewhere i told here she couldn't go.
don't you love my mother face?!  hah.