June 12- alive!

My legs are swollen like two smoked sausage links.

I have dried boogers and earwax of deep red blood.

I have held my baby twice and have been shown pictures of him, but today was the first time I actual was able to see him.  (My eyes were so blurry that I couldn't focus on small details.)

Today. As I was climbing into bed, I caught a glimpse of his picture and I was in awe-- he is beautiful.

Beautiful and ours.

Todd and I make beauty together.

No man should ever have to do what Todd has done the past few days.

My nurse said that she only knows a few times in her years of working in trauma ICU that a patient was admitted with two nurses treating her.  I had two nurses.

She said this morning that other nurses went down the list.  They were all surprised when they saw my name saying, "Wow, she's still alive."

Yes, yes I am still alive!!

(you know it's not good when a trauma intensive care nurse is surprised.)

And it is going to be a long, LONG, hard road to health and healing.

But, I'm going to get better.  Do you know how I know?

Today-- I pooped!

Yes. Last night was my most panicked pain-filled experience...

This morning I awoke without pain.

I got out of bed, I pumped (as in breast feeding pumping) and I ran my first shuffle around the bed shaking leg marathon.  (Next lap around the bed will be my "lengthen my stride" marathon shuffle.)

Then, the nurse flushed my catheter and was helping to position me back into bed.

I got really bad gas pains (my bowels are still in shock and so we're waiting for them to wake up.)

As they were lifting me I passed the loudest gas ever.  I was so embarrassed. But very excited.  

It smelled horrible.

Then, my eyes got huge with surprise as poop spilled out of me-- right there on the bed-- onto the pillow.

(Good thing those pillows have plastic wrappers- next time you might be laying on my poop pillow- lovely.)

I felt diarrhea ooze out of my bottom again. I said with alarm, "I'm pooping!"

She said, "you're not pooping?  It's gas."

I said, "it is poop!"

We both smiled and I knew, sitting there in my own diarrhea that everything was going to be ok.

Todd had been up with me all night- he finally left my room to sleep once I woke up and convinced him I would be ok without him.

He was sleeping- but all I wanted was to tell him that I did it-- I pooped!!

I knew he would say-

He isn't surprised that I'm still alive.

He has never doubted we could do this.

And today I believe him.

Life is so good.