A Time to Look

Dear Lily,

Tonight it was just you and me.  We left with Eve and Ben crying, and Ellie and Leah begging to come with us.  I can't remember the last time we've been alone together.  It was so fun.

I hope you know how much I love you. 

You had big plans for the night- buy socks and maybe two little toys. We stopped at BK for dinner and you were slightly disappointed to find pickles and uncooked cheese on your cheeseburger.

You told me about your friends at school (you basically have "none" because when you were playing gingerbread men at recess, you were the Ninjabread man and they said "Stop!" when you karate chopped them at the bottom of the slide).  You think you're good at singing the tunes to songs but are bad at remembering the words.

You think I'm a good mom because I read to you, and not a good mom because I "never let you look at things."  I'm always telling you to hurry up!  I NEVER play with you.  I'm usually cleaning, taking care of kids, going on a date with dad, or shopping.

Did you notice that tonight I let you look at things?  I noticed.  First grade is a good year for looking.

I was surprised that your favorite color is blue.  (Where has my pink little girl gone?)  And, surprised that you DREAM for this year was to get your ears pierced.  

I thought- why not?  So we went off to find a place in the mall that pierces.  

What a nightmare.  The lady who first pierced your ears was in a rush and a huff.  I didn't feel good about it, but brushed aside my feelings as nervousness.  

You were so brave and so excited as you watched another girl get hers done.  I asked if you really wanted earrings and you said, "Yes!  Just a clip and then BEAUTIFUL!"

Twice the earring machine got stuck on your ears.  The earrings were different sizes!  And, although I made her change the dot three times, your earrings were VERY uneven.  I cried.  You cried.  I thought our date night would be a horrible failure.

We bought socks and went back to the earring place.  The manager helped me take out the worst earring and you really wanted her to pierce it again.  I was surprised at how brave you were even though you were really scared.

The second earring ended up being a different color!  Ugh.  One blue birthstone and one small diamond.

After leaving the jewlery store, we went back a third time to ask for a refund.  Two holes and two different earrings-- they finally gave us our money back.

We decided to go see Annie with some of our refund money.  We stopped at Claire's on the way to the movies and I let you LOOK.  I don't think we've ever spent time just looking together.  You picked a pair of kitty earrings.  They're cute.  You're cute.  

You held my hand as we walked and as we watched the show.

You fell asleep in the car on the way home.  As we pulled in to the garage you said, "I LOVE THAT PLACE."  

I asked, "The Mall?"

You said sleepily, "Yes!  It's the best."

I'm not sure you'll remember this night as you grow.  I hope you know that you are loved. That you are brave.  That your mom is so very grateful for your gentle, happy presence in our home.

I hope I always remember to give you time to LOOK.  I want to play more.  

Lily Grace-- I'm SO grateful to be YOUR mom.  You are my gift.  I thought tonight was for you, but it wasn't.  Tonight was for me.  As I parent many, may I always love the one.

2015- I think I'm gonna like this year!!