sat in a physical therapist chair on Monday, he softly rubbed my face and touched my shoulders and tears dripped down my cheeks. My physical reflexes wanted to push him away even as my soul reached toward him for help. Weird!
I was shocked at the depth of emotion his gentle touch illicited from me. I can handle physical healing so much better than I can handle the idea that my nervous system needs to heal.
Often on our road to peace and happiness we feel potholes or encounter road construction in ourselves. I feel grateful to recognize these spaces in myself-- it's like I finally see an infected splinter and can just squeeze out that infection. My nervous system is still in protective mode and I'm ready to tell myself- I'm safe now.
Can I tell you how healing it was for me to have someone assure me that he could help me with this very normal transition? The hyena has left, I am safe, time to enjoy the afternoon sunshine.
My PT asked me to slowly breathe in through my nose and completely expand my stomach. Imagine a hot air balloon filling up, he explained. Don't be afraid if your breath hits a bumpy patch, keep breathing in past that part until you reach the very fullest point.
What a beautiful analogy for life.
Sometimes our healing breaths are a bit bumpy, but we keep breathing in, past the bumpy spots, and our souls expand.
We are designed to heal, we are designed to feel joy!
I was asked to read a list of traumatic experiences and count how many I have had. They were things like car accidents and near-death experiences. I counted 27. Wow. Is it odd that today I feel so lucky? I feel full of gratitude and hope and healing.
When I was younger I felt proud that I couldn't think of one thing I needed to repent of. As I matured I learned that the closer I got to God, the more He showed me sins and blessed me with the ability to repent, change, and be strengthened.
I think healing is like repentance. The more I recognize healing in my life, the more I see great healers who have been sent into my path to teach me. My scars are symbols of my strength NOT my tragedy.
Yes, I'm STILL dealing with emotions buried from Ben's birth. But, aren't we all dealing with something all the time? Maybe healing is like repenting. Maybe it is more of a holy refining process than a symbol of weakness.
One thing we can do, I was taught, is fill our senses with new positive experiences so that our trauma finds a place in our past not present emotions. I smiled to myself. Ahh yes! Family vacations ARE what my soul is craving. See how wise we are?
I'm off to fill my day with safety, beauty, family, and love! Being a happy mother is just what the doctor ordered!