July 24, 2015

The Disease of Love

My 35 year old sister in law, and mother of six young children, was diagnosed with breast cancer just as we were preparing to travel West.  She went quickly through initial diagnosis and mastectomy and is now healing up to start chemo while we are still here in Idaho.

Todd's Aunt Marilyn has lived with his parents for many years with MS.  She was recently hospitalized with a UTI and pneumonia.  She seems to me to be hovering weakly between life and death.

As part of a Hope for Accreta support group, my heart is continually wracked as new members share their shock at initial diagnosis and older members suffer through relentless reconstruction and repair surgeries.  Oh, my soul.  I FEEL these mothers.

We just spent one week touring historical sights of early Mormon pioneers who sacrificed so much, too much.

The last time we were here, at my in-laws, I was pregnant and bleeding.  I had not yet been diagnosed with Placenta Accreta.  

I am swimming in my emotions.  My eyes are quick to tear up and my heart is just about to burst.  

Oh, life!!  Life is so precious.   

I have been taught that this life is a time for trial and testing.  

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. 
23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. 
24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. 
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi, 2 Nephi 2)

My sister-in-law was told that breast cancer is the disease of love.  She has already felt the love of so many.

Yes!!  I know it.  I have tasted death and I know that suffering carves a place in your soul that makes your capacity to see and feel joy so much stronger.  When you taste death, you are SO grateful for life.  You love and you know you are loved.

But, when you suffer, you know suffering.  

Sometimes my bleeding heart cries to the Heavens-- "Is there no other way?"

I'm so sorry if you are hurting and afraid.  I'm sorry if you're weighed down with worries about health, finances, children, or your future.  I'm sorry if death is near you or one you love.  My kids like to tease that our mortality rate is 100%.  This Earth life is a temporary gift.

We all come to a point in life where we learn to surrender.  

Surrender to your Father in Heaven, He is near, He will give you peace and comfort.

He will consecrate every sacrifice for your gain.  Your family will be blessed.  God is good and His plan for you IS a plan of happiness.

This morning my husband held me as I sobbed for so many.  I'm embarrassed by my emotion.  But, I'm also grateful that I'm feeling this and that I'm not numb to it.  I have great love and with that love comes great sorrow and great joy.

Today, I'm praying for you.
I know He walks near you.
Take His hand!  Feel hope in Christ.
Life is eternal and life is good.
All these things shall be for thy good and shall give thee experience.
I know it.

Today is Pioneer Day.
I'm sad for the Pioneers and also so grateful for them.
They sang-

  1. 1. Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
    But with joy wend your way.
    Though hard to you this journey may appear,
    Grace shall be as your day.
    'Tis better far for us to strive
    Our useless cares from us to drive;
    Do this, and joy your hearts will swell--
    All is well! All is well!
  2. 2. Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
    'Tis not so; all is right.
    Why should we think to earn a great reward
    If we now shun the fight?
    Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
    Our God will never us forsake;
    And soon we'll have this tale to tell--
    All is well! All is well!
  3. 3. We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
    Far away in the West,
    Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
    There the Saints will be blessed.
    We'll make the air with music ring,
    Shout praises to our God and King;
    Above the rest these words we'll tell--
    All is well! All is well!
  4. 4. And should we die before our journey's through,
    Happy day! All is well!
    We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
    With the just we shall dwell!
    But if our lives are spared again
    To see the Saints their rest obtain,
    Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell--
    All is well! All is well!
  5. Text: William Clayton, 1814-1879
    Music: English folk song

    My life was spared to see the Saints their rest obtain.

    And now my soul makes this chorus swell--
    All is well!!  All is well!
    Thank you for sharing your life with me.

    Life is good!!

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