March 06, 2010

because someday, i'll be a grandma.

i bought some yarn today.

it's in my blood.
my grandma crocheted.
and so, i am compelled.
my grandparents adored me.
i was their first granddaughter.
and, even though my parents split when i was three, i always felt loved by many.


one way i can still feel my grandma's love, is through the things she made.
yes, i have an afghan... i wish i had understood when she gave it to me the hours and hours she spent crocheting, thinking about me, loving me.
i understand now, and i'm so grateful.
i think she knows.

today, my babies wear the sweaters that i used to wear.
when i see them, i feel her love. 
when i hold my babies in her stitches, i feel that she loves them too.

and so, i begin my afghan.
as i stitch i think that life is short, but family is forever.
someday, when i'm gone my blanket may comfort those i love... a physical reminder of the love i will still feel.

because... granny squares they are real, touchable, and see-able.

my grandma's love for me, it's real too. 
i can remember it, i can touch it through the memories she has left, and yet, i feel it still. 
i know she knows me now.  she knows my children.  she knows the children who are waiting to come to my family. 
a grandmother's love is more real than afghans, but somehow, being able to touch the button she sewed on just for me, that helps me to remember.
and so, today i begin...
because tomorrow i want you to know, that i lived, i loved and i will love you still.

6 comments:

Taneil said...

OHHH Jen -
I think you should start a home business too! With all your extra time it would be booming by 2030!!!

beckyjune said...

So, did you decide to make some granny squares, lol.

Those are gorgeous bright colors, too.

Shelley Gee said...

Jen, thanks for sharing that!! I don't know if I told you or not, but I have been trying to figure out something to do 'in memory' of my dad and the things you said really helped. I am going to start volunteering at my dad's school. I talked to the principal (who just happens to be my visiting teacher) and she said that whenever I feel ready to take that on she would love to have me, for as little or as much as I feel comfortable. We've gotta keep those traditions alive right!

Pugwash NPT Forum said...

I have several afghans here that my mom made, and every time I wrap my kids up in them, I tell them they are wrapped in pure love. It is such a physical connection, one of the times I feel her closest to the grandchildren she never knew. She did love you Jen, and she loved you in those sweaters, and she'd be proud of the mom you are. It's funny that you wrote that now. I have been thinking about her all weekend. With love from across the miles....Sandra (ignore the weird login...if it shows up...was thinking about making a new work blog and wires got crossed)

Rebekah said...

So real, and so very very sweet.

Loved the white crocheted blanket--perfect. white sweater #5--tears.
Thanks for sharing your love!

Blake and Heidi Fausett said...

Awesome post.... your posts are always so fun and you are so poetic an awesome read! Like yours... my grandma still crochets blankets for EVERYONE! Someday I will get there!

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