January 18, 2013
in a moment.
Sitting, or should I say, laying with my belly exposed and gooey in the office of genetics and fetal medicine, my life changed.
It was one moment, one sentence, one understanding and EVERYTHING looked different.
Do you have a moment like that?
After hearing that the baby looked perfect and active and that they were fairly certain of it's sex, the sonogramist (I think that was her title) said she needed to call in the doctor because my placenta didn't look quite right.
Dr. Balderstron is a really tall, very happy and fun, doctor that I immediately trusted. He looked and scanned and then began to explain-- they are fairly certain that I have central/complete placenta praevia with placenta accreta/increta. I have an extra large placenta (common with multiples) that is covering my cervix and resting on the front of my uterus, right on top of my two previous C-section scars. It looks like my placenta is actually growing into the wall of my uterus, not just attaching to the lining. Which means, when I deliver, they will not be able to remove my placenta without removing my whole uterus. There is a high risk of hemorrhaging and excessive blood loss throughout pregnancy.
In all likelihood, my doctor told me to expect modified activity the whole time, hospitalization starting at 25 week, a C-section/hysterectomy at 34 weeks, and a long recovery in the hospital afterword (for both me and the baby).
The main issue with these conditions is maternal bleeding. My main issued during pregnancy, even without additional bleeding, is low blood levels. So, I'm planning that this will be quite a journey. It is daunting, but I am not afraid. Surprisingly, I am FULL of gratitude.
I have EIGHT children. EIGHT! And, that is if you don't count some angel children that I may or may not have up in heaven. My uterus has served me well. I feel SOO blessed. I'm certain that this diagnosis would have been much more traumatic earlier in my life, although I would choose to keep my body intact, I feel so grateful to have made it this far.
The MOMENT I heard this news, my heart swelled with LOVE for the family I already have. This is IT. I will NEVER, NEVER again carry a baby in my womb. I will never feel little kicking flutters, I will never have another baby girl diaper to change. Immediately, my perspective was long-term and I became more aware and grateful.
I remember hearing the story of a woman caring for her ill mother. Suddenly, her mother passed away. The daughter said that she didn't know if she'd be caring for her aged mother for years or months or weeks. She said, "If I had known that I would only have to do it for one more week, it would have been different."
We don't always get that glimpse in life. But, I have. Laying there in that hospital room, God showed me the end... and it made THESE middle moments so much more precious.
Yes, having a large family is HARD. It takes endurance and work. This pregnancy is going to be pretty tough. But, how blessed am I to have the BEST reason to do hard things. I'm not fighting cancer (how my heart goes out to those of you who are or who are helping someone else through it), I am fighting for a BABY. I can do that. Somehow, I think anyone enduring health challenges is fighting to live for someone else.
I've told you on other pregnancies, but I'll say it again. Hematology (blood doctors), where I spent a lot of time, is combined with Oncology (cancer doctors). So, the whole time I am whining and pregnant at my appointments, I'm surrounded by bald, kind-eyed patients who are coming for chemo and radiation treatments. They usually look at me with great concern, thinking I'm pregnant with cancer, and I usually look at them and thank God that I just need a little blood. I'm just blood doping. Ha! I should have broke the story years ago about Lance. He always sat next to me in the hospital.
I'm so grateful that my quiver is full. I have no regrets. Thank goodness I had children while I was young (wow, I can't believe all the health risks that come with turning 35!).
I'm not one to bore you with all my medical details... but, I thought you'd like to know what we're looking at here. All is not rosy, this is hard. Just saying, I feel grateful amidst my hard- eight times grateful. Choosing to marry my dear husband and have eight children with him is the best decision I ever made. I have no regrets.
Everything seemed quite manageable-- 10 more weeks at home, then 10 weeks in the hospital, then baby and recovery. Until, I counted 10 weeks... that two and a half months. That's like from now to last HALLOWEEN!! Ahh! Can you imagine being away for your family that long? My baby will be all grown up. My kids will be ruined without me that long. Ha! Yeah, we'll see what happens and cross that bridge when and if it comes to that.
TODAY I'm going to straighten up my basement toy room while sitting/laying down (I think I can). I'm going to read my little girls lots of books. I'm going to TALK to my big girls about every elementary school drama they want to tell me about. I'm going to hug my boys and make sure they know how much I appreciate all they do for our family every day. I'm going to kiss my husband for a long time... because I can't imagine the next 6 months with only kissing?!!! And, because he is Superman. He wants to take me to see the Hobbit. I think he needs to get out of the house. Oh, and I'm going to drink my green smoothies...
What are you going to do?
Thanks for listening.
ps. i'm having a BOY!!!!! Can you believe it?!!!!
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